Not a good year

[neverbigenuf]

This is a first for me but I have nowhere else to turn. This has really been a stellar year for me. Last year was a rocky one with my G/F and I. We had some pretty stressful times and even broke up in Oct. I had a whirlwind of financial troubles from the relationship. We got back together in Dec and she got pregnant in Dec. In Jan my aunt and grandfather were both diagnosed with terminal cancer. both died in the next couple of months and my other grandfather suffered a massive stroke. On top of that my relationship had obviously not improved and I was seeing somebody on the side. This girl ended up getting pregnant as well. We just had our baby last month and the other girl is expecting in Feb. My G/F doesn't know about the other. We are losing our free rent in Nov and having to move into an apt where it's $900 a month rent. My problem is the baby situation. I look into my son's eyes and can't imagine not being in the other baby's life, but I can't. It has really taken its toll on me. Tonight I made the mistake of drinking and I just want out. I just can't stand the thought of orpaning my son, baby on the way and 11yr old daughter. But if it weren't for them I'd take the easy way out, this is too much to bear. I don't know what to do or where to turn.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

So what are you going to do about all this? You seem intelligent and perfectly lucid so... What are your plans?

 

[Mackster]

Hold on a sec...neverbigenuf. You say you can't live with the thought of orphening a child, having another baby on the way, and having your 11 yr old daughter. Then you say they are the only things that are keeping you going? Huh?

I'm confused.

You know what ya' gotta do to make things right. You can't handle all of this on your own...and you shouldn't be expected to do so either. Tell both women about one another and their pregnancies. SHouldn't they be involved in the decision making process with you? Don't you wanna be honest with them and yourself? Man... it will sure lift a huge weight from your shoulders.

Then you need to do some serious soul searching buddy and delve into your inner workings. The first thing I noticed is your screen name. "neverbigenuf". Let's take out "big" now. "never enuf" Why is it never enough? Why do you feel driven by this? Getting these girls pregnant and having two women going on at the same time...is how you are acting out for a deep desire for happiness in my opinion. Never big enough. (Not being happy with yourself). See what I'm gettin' at? What do you think? You know you better than I do.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Before you attempt to crawl inside the guy's head, please at least wait to see how he plans to handle this first. It sounds as though he needs to get his thoughts and plans organized in his head first before we start laying the do's and don'ts on him wouldn't you agree?

At this point, I seriously doubt anyone can suggest anything to him that hasn't already been swirling around in his head.

 

[neverbigenuf]

Well no my screen name on a bodybuilding forum doesn't define me, not in this case anyways. Yes I'm never satisfied but who is? If you aren't rying to improve yourself you can never do better. As for my situation I'm at a loss for ideas. If I tell my G/F she will leave and take me for everything I have. I will have a weekend relationship with my son just like I have with my 1st daughter and I never want to do that again. And if my G/F was to find out I'd have to explain to my daughter why her dad can't seem to keep a g/f or wife and I'd rather not start off her very impressionable teenage years like that. If she weere to leave and stick me with child support I'd be paying support for two chiildren with another on the way. I would not be able to afford to be a father to any of them. I have played every situation out and there is NO best outcome for this. I don't think breaking her heart and destroying what family I DO have is the best option. Yes being deceitful isn't right but sometimes not knowing the truth is best.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

I have played every situation out and there is NO best outcome for this. I don't think breaking her heart and destroying what family I DO have is the best option. Yes being deceitful isn't right but sometimes not knowing the truth is best.

So I guess the question is: Is what you have now worth missing out on your child. That's really where all this coming down to huh?

I will tell you this though. You will have a difficult time keeping that hidden for long.

 

[neverbigenuf]

Yes, very tough. I just want whats best for everybody not just me

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Yes, very tough. I just want whats best for everybody not just me

I understand. That's a good start - wanting what's best for all involved. I'm not going to lie to you here. This is quite a mess you've gotten yourself into here. Your life is going to most likely get turned completely upside down no matter what you . How are you going to avoid it?

Now comes the problem: What it the best for EVERYONE involved?

Do you have any thoughts on this as of yet?

 

[neverbigenuf]

Shit man to be honest, I'm at a loss. I'm suffering from depression over the whole thing and it just seems to be consuming me. The only thing I guess is to hope the present G/F doesn't find out and I can try to be the best dad I can be to both. The stress will all be on me instead of the women or children and its best that way.

 

[neverbigenuf]

an update

My baby boy was born in September and is the love of my life. He woke me up and life was getting on track. My g/f and I were doing great, talking about marriage. But I still had the possibilty of the other girl having my child so I wouldn't marry her yet. The other girl had her baby and I went to see her in the hospital. I couldn't take the person I had become anymore. I went home and confessed everything to my entire family. I wanted to wait until the dna test to be sure but I couldn't live with the guilt anymore. Things aren't good to say the least. But its like having an 80lb cancerous tumor removed from my concience. I'm looking at going back into the military on reserve status. Things are good but there is hope now. Thanks to all of those who listened

 

[OuchThatHurts]

...but I couldn't live with the guilt anymore. Things aren't good to say the least. But its like having an 80lb cancerous tumor removed from my concience.

After I read a sentence like this, I can't help but think that everything will just fine in the end. Listen to your conscience. Sometimes it's the only guide you have.

...and a clear conscience is the path to a happy and peaceful life. What is a clear conscience worth? Priceless.

Good job and keep us posted! Nice update!