NOT MY FINEST HOUR...KEEPS A GUY HUMBLE THOUGH.

[JETHRO TULL]

LYNX AND I WENT DID OUR WEEKEND LONG DRIVE SO WE COULD TRAIN AT GOLD'S GYM. WE HAD A GREAT TRAINING SESSION...SERIOUSLY SMOKED LEGS....ATE WELL...RENTED A HOTEL ROOM...HAD FUN! THE NEXT DAY WE GOT UP AT 6AM....HIT THE GYM AGAIN....WE NEEDED TO GET BACK EARLY SO SHE COULD HELP HER DAD OUT AT THE RANCH....EAR TAG COWS....FEED, ETC...LOTS OF WORK TO BE DONE. WE GET DONE....DON'T EVEN SHOWER...HIT THE ROAD SWEATY.....[I HAD TO SET THE STORY UP A LITTLE]

SO....MEREDITH SAYS...DO WE NEED TO GET DIESEL? I TAKE A QUICK LOOK AT THE GAUGE AND USING MY INCREDIBLE INTELLECT DECIDE THAT ...NO...WE CAN MAKE IT TO THE NEXT TOWN. WELL, WE LIVE ALONG THE MOUNTAIN FRONT...RIGHT UP CLOSE TO THE ROCKIES AND GLACIER PARK AND THE WIND BLOWS LIKE A BASTARD MOST OF THE TIME.....

AH, BUT AGAIN, I AM MAKING EXCUSES! THE WIND MAY HAVE AFFECTED MY GAS MILEAGE....BUT, REGARDLESS....WE RAN OUT OF FUEL ABOUT 1/2 MILE FROM THE TOWN HALF WAY UP THE OVERPASS. NOT COOL.

DID I MENTION WE TRAINED LEGS HARD THE DAY BEFORE? WELL MINE WERE BEGINING TO HURT AT THIS POINT AND THEY FELT LIKE LEAD. WE DECIDE TO ATTEMP TO PUSH THE TRUCK THE REST OF THE WAY UP THE OVERPASS AND LET IT COAST ON DOWN TO THE GAS STATION. I HAVE A 3/4 TON CHEVY DURAMAX DIESEL....IT'S HEAVY. THE WIND IS BLOWING HARD..WE ARE SWEATY.....AND DID I MENTION...THAT I'VE HAD A SINUS INFECTION FOR THE LAST 3 WEEKS....BARELY SLEEP AT NIGHT....RUN DOWN...DIETING....HUGE ASSED HEADACHE. OKAY!

PUSH, PUSH, PUSH....LEGS ON FIRE....IN SHORTS....COLD WIND BLOWING....HEADACHE.....LOTS OF WORK. THE OVERPASS GETS TOO STEEP AND WE CAN'T GET THE TRUCK UP ALL THE WAY. THIS PISSES ME OFF BECAUSE NOW MY MANHOOD IS IN QUESTION. I WAS DOING MY BEST WORLDS STRONGEST MAN SHIT TOO! KEEP LOW...KEEP THE FEET MOVING..YEAH....I KNOW MY SHIT. I HAD THE TECHNIQUE....JUST NOT THE STRENGTH I GUESS. ALSO, SINCE MY SINUSES KEEP FILLING UP I TENDED TO NOT BE ABLE TO BREATH REAL WELL. EVERY 30 SECONDS OR SO I WAS HOCKING UP ABOUT 4 POUNDS OF FLEM....HOWEVER, IN A WIND AIDED SPIT..I WAS ABLE TO CLEAR BOTH LANES AND LAND THIS GREEN MASS IN THE DITCH. REALLY IMPRESSIVE.

DID I MENTION THAT WE WERE IN A HURRY AND MEREDITHS' DAD IS ON OXYGEN, IS 72YEARS OLD AND NEEDS HELP OUT AT THE RANCH? YEAH, I AM FEELING LIKE A HUGE DUMBASS AT THIS POINT. TURNS OUT MY SCREW UP IS NOT ONLY A HASSLE FOR BOTH OF US, PROVES ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT I AM STUPID AS HELL, BUT COULD BE A SAFETY ISSUE FOR HER DAD. BRILLIANT.

DID I ALSO MENTION THAT MY RIGHT LEG IS BEGINNING TO THROB WITH EACH BEAT OF MY HEART? WELL, SOME OF YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THE GLORIOUS BLOOD SPRAYING PICS WE TOOK WHEN I TORE A CHUNK OUT OF MY SHIN DEADLIFTING.....WHAT I HAVEN'T SAID IS ALTHOUGH THAT HEALED....I HAD A BIG LUMP FOR QUITE SOME TIME....THIS NEVER DID QUIT HURTING. WORSE YET....IT HAS NOW TRAVELED UP NEAR MY GROIN....SO IT MUST BE A CLOT. NOT GOOD.

ANYWAY, WE WALK TO THE GAS STATION....IT'S MONTANA...NO ONE ON THE ROAD....BUY A GAS JUG....FILL IT WITH DIESEL....WALK BACK TO THE TRUCK...FILL IT....GET DIESEL ALL OVER MY HANDS....SMELLS GREAT. NOW WE OPEN THE HOOD....ANYONE THAT OWNS ONE OF THESE DIESEL PICKUPS CAN ATTEST TO THE FACT THAT ITS A BIG NO NO TO RUN OUT OF FUEL. WE FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS...FIND THE FUEL PUMP....LOOSEN A SCREW...HAND PUMP THE FILTER UNTIL SOME FUEL LEAKS OUT OF THIS VALVE/ SCREW THING....I TELL MEREDITH TO GO AHEAD AND MAKE SURE THAT SCREW IS TIGHT. WELL, I'VE POSTED ENOUGH PICS OF HER HUGE PIPES....YOU KNOW SHE'S A MUTANT! OUR GAL MEREDITH TIGHTENS IT UNTIL THE SCREW BREAKS OFF. NOW WE'VE GOT FUEL RUNNING ALL OVER HELL.

KEEP IN MIND....WE ARE BOTH NOT DRESSED FOR OUTDOOR ACTIVITY..SWEATY, THEN COLD....IN A HURRY...TIRED....I AM SICK AND PROBABLY HAVE A HUGE BLOOD CLOT IN MY THIGH THAT I AM IGNORING [CAUSE I AM SUCH A BRILLIANT DUDE] AND NOW WE ARE TRULY SCREWED....

WE CALL A RANCH FELLA MEREDITH KNOWS...HE TOWS US IN....FINDS A SCREW/BOLT THAT WILL FIT...CUTS IT TO THE RIGHT SIZE....AND FINALLY WE GET THE TRUCK RUNNING AGAIN! YEAH!!! AT THIS POINT WE'VE EATEN NOTHING.....AT ALL. BOTH WICKEDLY TIRED ....AND MEREDITH HAS TO GO OUT AND WORK ON THE RANCH ONCE WE FINALLY MAKE THE DRIVE HOME.

I AM SO SICK AT THIS POINT THAT I CAN'T EVEN TURN MY HEAD WITHOUT PAIN....I HEAR EVERY HEART BEAT. NASTY SHIT.

SO....WE GET HOME AFTER ALL THAT ....AND MEREDITH HAS TO DRIVE ANOTHER HOUR TO GET TO THE RANCH AND WORK UNTIL DARK.

THIS ALL DUE TO THE FACT THAT I THOUGH WE'D MAKE IT.....DURING ALL THIS....MEREDITH DID NOT COMPLAIN ONCE....NOT ONE CROSS WORD....NO NEGATIVE LOOKS OR REMARKS. [WHICH MADE ME FEEL EVEN WORSE....BUT WAS PROBABLY VITAL FOR HER PERSONAL SAFETY! LOL] I AM VERY LUCKY TO HAVE FOUND SUCH A WONDERFUL WOMAN. STUPIDLY LUCKY......THAT'S ALL I CAN FIGURE.

ANY OF YOU FOLKS HAVE A STORY THAT MATCHES THE PERSONAL STUPIDITY OF THE ONE I JUST POSTED ABOVE? I'LL BET NOT.

 

[flexmaster]

you dumbass!LOL

naw, just playing with you bro...everyone makes mistakes...just be thankful that meredith is such a sweet woman to not say anything about it to you...can you imagine how much more that would have got to you given the situation you were in? im glad everything turned out alright for you two in the end.

 

[massmonster32]

You must be a real lucky man because your wife sounds so nice and understanding. I cannot even take a wrong exit for fear of being cussed out as my other half takes so long to get ready to go anywhere and any delays we will be late. Get that lump checked out can be very dangerous if you have a clot break off. MM

 

[Steak Helmet]

ahhhh good ole cold weahter of MT...it must have felt like -40 with taht wind blowing.

MERIDETH THE MUTANT hmmmm, most guys would get a shot to the nuts for that comment...what a wonderful woman.

 

[Jrflex10er]

Where the hell was phil when you needed him JT?!!!!! haha

 

[JETHRO TULL]

LOL...I THINK PHIL WAS BURYING VANDER V.

APPARANTLY HE ALSO SPENDS QUITE A BIT OF TIME HELPING BIGBALDBULLDOG WITH READING COMPREHENSION AS IS EVIDENCED BY THAT MGF THREAD! LOL.....

MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD SPEND SOME TIME TUTORING ME AS WELL.

 

[asim]

Thats endless bad luck dude. What did you do.... break a mirror.....walk under a ladder? Did a black cat cross you?

 

[TrainingHard]

I have done that. It's a man thing

 

[Crowler]

Well Jethro you made that shitty day sound pretty damn hilarious. You missed your calling as a comedy writer.

BTW I just loaded up every empty jar, jug and plastic bag I have in the house, into the car. I am going to go to the closest gas station and fill them all up. You REALLY have made me paranoid to run out of gas lol


CROWLER

 

[DOGMA]

Very funny story Bro, I hope you both can laugh about it now Meredith does seem like a great woman and wife, and quite beautifull too if you dont mind me saying so, be thankfull. We have all done silly stupid things before but for the life of me I dont think I can top that story.
Pushing a 3/4 ton truck up hill! damn, I bet your legs hurt now for sure. Please get that clot checked out. Quick.

 

[Jrflex10er]

APPARANTLY HE ALSO SPENDS QUITE A BIT OF TIME HELPING BIGBALDBULLDOG WITH READING COMPREHENSION AS IS EVIDENCED BY THAT MGF THREAD! LOL.....

MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD SPEND SOME TIME TUTORING ME AS WELL.

Even if phil was with you JT he'd be sitting in the car laughing at your ass lol....

 

[lynx]

HAHAHAHA! My, my the things you can find out on the internet!

I was actually mad, but at myself for breaking that stupid screw!

 

[bigbaldbulldog]

APPARANTLY HE ALSO SPENDS QUITE A BIT OF TIME HELPING BIGBALDBULLDOG WITH READING COMPREHENSION AS IS EVIDENCED BY THAT MGF THREAD! LOL.....

MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD SPEND SOME TIME TUTORING ME AS WELL.

LMAO..!!!! The fact that most of communicate on here shows weather we can spell or not and the fact that i can not spell either means i am stupid as shit, i can't spell or both right..?

What the hell kind of high school science teacher am i gonna make?

No spell check for black boards yet..is there?

 

[pumpputnam]

All I keep thinking is that Jess and I would have probably ended up tossing each other across the road... sorry to hear how dumb you were. J/K

You'll look back on this and laugh, if you haven't already!

 

[OuchThatHurts]

HAHA!!!

My oh my... that's a pretty ugly picture you painted there... God bless your find in M as your girl... HA! My girl would have been sitting in the passenger seat yelling "All that time in the gym and you can't push this truck!?! What kind of idiot runs out of gas in the middle of nowhere?! You KNOW I'm late!"

And I'd just have to suck it all up. And how the hell does someone break a screw? She must have fingers ike a bear! Probably gives great rub-downs. H has a hard time opening a jar of mayo! I need to get her in the gym.

Oh and BTW, JT I saw you really get the claws out there... someone need some carbs or what?? hehehe

 

[JETHRO TULL]

DOC! SHE HAD THIS LITTLE RATCHET AND JUST CRANKED ON IT TOO DAMB HARD! LOL...

My oh my... that's a pretty ugly picture you painted there... God bless your find in M as your girl... HA! My girl would have been sitting in the passenger seat yelling "All that time in the gym and you can't push this truck!?! What kind of idiot runs out of gas in the middle of nowhere?! You KNOW I'm late!"

And I'd just have to suck it all up. And how the hell does someone break a screw? She must have fingers ike a bear! Probably gives great rub-downs. H has a hard time opening a jar of mayo! I need to get her in the gym.

Oh and BTW, JT I saw you really get the claws out there... someone need some carbs or what?? hehehe

AND...I DID GET LUCKY! I WAS 32 AND WELL ON MY WAY INTO A LONG SATISFYING BACHELORHOOD WHEN HER AND I HOOKED UP! IT'S FUNNY...EVERY OTHER GIRL-FRIEND I'VE HAD WOULD NOT HAVE REFRAINED FROM SAYING OR DOING SOMETHING THAT WOULD HAVE RESULTED IN HER BEING QUIETLY, IRREVOCABLY,BEING CROSSED OFF THE LIST AS A KEEPER! LOL.....

I WORK REALLLY HARD AT THIS CHRISTIANITY DEAL..[ I AM A MUCH BETTER PERSON FOR IT, THANKFULLY...] BUT...I THINK I HAVE WHAT YOU AS A DOC MY DIAGNOSE AS "AN EXTREMELY LOW TOLERANCE FOR BULLSHIT"!
I'VE JUST NEVER BEEN THAT LONELY....HAHAHAHAA...

YOU SAW THAT POST I DELETED? YES! THAT WAS BITCHY AND I FEEL SORTA BITCHY RIGHT NOW....THOSE CLAWS DID UNSHEATHE MOMENTARILY...BUT I DID RETRACK THOSE BASTARDS PRETTY QUICKLY TOO!

SOMETHING HAPPENED YESTERDAY AT SCHOOL THAT WILL MAKE YOU SMILE...I HAD A NEW STUDENT [GANSTER WANNA-BE] WHO IS BEING 'MAINSTREAMED' A CATCHY PHRASE FOR BRINGING A MEAN KID INTO A CLASSROOM SETTING WHO INTIMIDATES OTHERS, KEEPS OTHERS FROM LEARNING, AND GENERALLY DETRACTS FROM THE LEARNING PROCESS. [WE'VE GOT TO SAVE THAT ONE...SCREW THE OTHER 26 KIDS WHO MIGHT BE HARMED OR HAVE THEIR EDUCATIONAL EXPERIENCE DIMINISHED..ARRGHHH!]

ANYWAY, I ASK THIS GENTLEMAN IF HE'D PLEASE GET TO WORK AND STOP BOTHERING THOSE AROUND HIM. HIS RESPONSE WAS..."HEY, IF YOU DON'T STOP BUGGING ME, I AM GONNA GET MAD!" YOU SEE I HAD ASKED HIM TO REMOVE HIS FRIGGING 'CRIP BANDANA' EARLIER...AGAINST SCHOOL RULES....BUT NOW I WAS 'BUGGING HIM'! DID I MENTION I HAVE A HEADACHE, A BLOOD CLOT, SORE BODY, AND I AM DIETING? LOL...

SO, I STAND THERE AT THE FRONT OF THE ROOM, AROUND A BUNCH OF KIDS I'VE HAD ALL SEMESTER, WHO LIKE ME A LOT BY THE WAY, AND AM BEING EXPECTED TO TAKE SHIT FROM MR. 'MAINSTREAMED'.....IT WAS QUIET IN THE ROOM FOR A WHILE AS I DIGESTED THE INFORMATION...'I' WAS GONNA MAKE 'HIM' MAD. WELL, FUUUUUCKING A!

I SAID, "LISTEN YOU LITTLE SHIT, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO SIT HERE AND BABYSIT YOUR ASS". "IF YOU AREN'T GONNA GET TO WORK... GET THE HELL OUT." DID THAT MAKE YOU MAD? WELL, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT TERRIFIES ME.

YEAH, HE'LL PROBABLY COME TO SCHOOL WITH HIS UNCLES AND KILL ME. BUT, HEY, THE SCHOOL CAN SAY THEY 'AREN'T LETTING ANYONE SLIP THROUGH THE CRACKS'....ANOTHER EDUCATIONAL CATCH-PHRASE.

YES, I AM HUNGRY. LOL.....

 

[OuchThatHurts]

AND...I DID GET LUCKY! I WAS 32 AND WELL ON MY WAY INTO A LONG SATISFYING BACHELORHOOD WHEN HER AND I HOOKED UP! IT'S FUNNY...EVERY OTHER GIRL-FRIEND I'VE HAD WOULD NOT HAVE REFRAINED FROM SAYING OR DOING SOMETHING THAT WOULD HAVE RESULTED IN HER BEING QUIETLY, IRREVOCABLY,BEING CROSSED OFF THE LIST AS A KEEPER! LOL.....

I WORK REALLLY HARD AT THIS CHRISTIANITY DEAL..[ I AM A MUCH BETTER PERSON FOR IT, THANKFULLY...] BUT...I THINK I HAVE WHAT YOU AS A DOC MY DIAGNOSE AS "AN EXTREMELY LOW TOLERANCE FOR BULLSHIT"!
I'VE JUST NEVER BEEN THAT LONELY....HAHAHAHAA...

YOU SAW THAT POST I DELETED? YES! THAT WAS BITCHY AND I FEEL SORTA BITCHY RIGHT NOW....THOSE CLAWS DID UNSHEATHE MOMENTARILY...BUT I DID RETRACK THOSE BASTARDS PRETTY QUICKLY TOO!

SOMETHING HAPPENED YESTERDAY AT SCHOOL THAT WILL MAKE YOU SMILE...I HAD A NEW STUDENT [GANSTER WANNA-BE] WHO IS BEING 'MAINSTREAMED' A CATCHY PHRASE FOR BRINGING A MEAN KID INTO A CLASSROOM SETTING WHO INTIMIDATES OTHERS, KEEPS OTHERS FROM LEARNING, AND GENERALLY DETRACTS FROM THE LEARNING PROCESS. [WE'VE GOT TO SAVE THAT ONE...SCREW THE OTHER 26 KIDS WHO MIGHT BE HARMED OR HAVE THEIR EDUCATIONAL EXPERIENCE DIMINISHED..ARRGHHH!

YEAH, HE'LL PROBABLY COME TO SCHOOL WITH HIS UNCLES AND KILL ME. BUT, HEY, THE SCHOOL CAN SAY THEY 'AREN'T LETTING ANYONE SLIP THROUGH THE CRACKS'....ANOTHER EDUCATIONAL CATCH-PHRASE.

YES, I AM HUNGRY. LOL.....

You poor, poor bastard. HAHA! Well you've pretty much killed any desire I had to possibly compete next year. Man, when someone as gentled natured as you starts to check himself, it makes me think. Does M mellow you out or what? She seems so level. Does she have any sisters? Plus you live in a place where I could really lose myself in the mountains. Where I'm at you never know whether or not a terrorist is going to fly a piper cub through the front window! Don't worry either that young man has already slipped through the cracks if he's still doing his banger thing at his age. Yeah, I saw it was deleted and why and I just HAD to peek! (sorry) lol... Now if the reason would have been "no reason to come clean about that night is jersey" I would have left it alone. Keep doin' the Christian thing. Just remember that even Christ whipped the money changers in the temple as it was written "Zeal for thy house will consume thee." You can use this as "Zeal for thy pasta will consume thee." And remember when it was said "If a man demandeth of you your cloak, do not withhold even your tunic"? You can use this as "If a man demandeth of you your cloak, do not withold even your foot from his ass."

Years ago I was involved in this urban initiative to teach under-priveledged kids how to use computers. It was thought that by giving these kids access to technology it would help close the gap between them and those who had home computers. This was in the day when every house DIDN'T have a computer. Some days I feel as though everything I taught them just enabled them to download even better ringtones for their phones. I guess what I'm saying is I've seen the type.

Take care bro... and helluva story BTW - you'll laugh about it soon enough as I am right now... and thank you lynx for keeping the brother here sane.

 

[luckyone]

see a doc

If you do have a BLOD CLOT, that is not something you want ignore. Please get it checked out.

your brother in Christ,

Lucky

 

[Kaiser]

MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD SPEND SOME TIME TUTORING ME AS WELL.

Hehe, first you have to stop typing in all caps so we can read it without going crosseyed!

PS: You do know typing in all caps is yelling in the computer world right?

 

[JETHRO TULL]

KAISER....LOL...YEAH, I KNOW. PEOPLE HAVE GIVEN ME SHIT ABOUT IT BEFORE.

Hehe, first you have to stop typing in all caps so we can read it without going crosseyed!

PS: You do know typing in all caps is yelling in the computer world right?

I'VE GOT TWO PROBLEMS...."I" HAVE PROBLEMS VIEWING THINGS CLOSE UP..EYESTRAIN LIKE A MOFO....AND I AM LAZY....SO ALL CAPS IT IS!

I UNDERSTAND IT MIGHT BE IRRITATING THOUGH.......TO THOSE WHO CAN SEE WELL! LOL..