O/T need some help

[manly327]

ok guys dont know if this is the right forum if not i know the mods will move it but here it goes....since about april my mind has been in a stae of chaos let me begin....this might get long...i took care of an elderly mother from oct 2007 uuntil about january of this year when i said enough is enough...my mother has never had any love in heart for any of her kids i lived by the fist and fear of my mother....my father passed away in 1977 when i was 12 years old and my mother was never mentaly the same after that. the minute i turned 18 i moved out got a steady job at 22. in oct 2007 she threw a stroke so i moved closer to her to take care of her...and it was a living nightmare. 2 out of my 3 sibling live 15 minutes away my sister told me straight out i aint helping i have a life and my one brother basically told me the same but would come over one day a week for 2 hrs take her to mcdonalds drop her off and leave the rest to me the other brother lives 14 hours away......so everything fell on my shoulders i kept telling her to get my other brothers and sisiters involved she refused because she knew i would do everything so what i started to do over the last year was pull back learn to say no tell her call your other son call your daughter stop calling me....i also told her not once in her life did she ever invite me over for coffee or tea whenever that phone rang it was because she needed something done do this do that i need this i need that....and let me tell you this is a very wealthy woman she can afford to have people do things for her but rather use me as her personal slave....so i had the opportunity to move to a place i always wanted to live and in may of this year packed my bags and left...the last words she said to me were....and i quote "you make me sick" well the year before i left so that would be 2012 i met this girl she had no job no car no nothing i paid her phone bill her kids phone bill lived with me and didnt pay a dime christmas week of 2012 between giving her money to bu her kids gifts and paying phone bills and lending her money just for that week was a 1000 bucks......spent christmas with her and her sister and the next damn day didnt hear from her for four weeks tell me to come see her and when i was on my way would call and say she is doing something else...fucking pissed me off and believe me their is more that i did for her but this story would get too long...well anyway when i start to realize people start taking advantage of me or taking my kindness for weakness i pretty much develop a sort of mild hatred for them and thats what started with her so i was like damn i am lucky she is gone know how much money i am going to save...and that was that and right before i moved my phone started to ring the texts started from her but i moved...she would call me when i was down here was just waiting for a simple....i miss you and i would of packed my bags and came back butthose words never happened....now since i have moved i am having a hard time adjusting. i know no one where i moved and its not easy going out by yourself and not looking like a douche. i am older 48 years old...i have played the game thing and am well passed that stage in my life looking for a real relationship and what i am meeting is the same old crap...i went to a labor day party and i wasnt there 5 minutes and some girl grabs and complimenting me on my physique starts telling me how her clit is tingling when she is looking at me and want to run her clit up and down my body....i swear to you this is true....i almost spit up my beer...but man i am so passed that type of woman that it was a complete turn off...like keeping yourself in shape is a curse and the only thing i attract is these type of woman...now mind you my head is fucked up because of my mother my head is fucked up because of the ex and i am feeling quite lonely and the only saviorr is the gym which is where i am heading when i am done with this...but i noticed within the last month or so the texts and phone calls from the ex stopped...hmmm so i did something stupid today because my head is fucked up right now and i asked her if she is single still because i wanted to come home and i missed her...so i get the i am kinda seeing someone and its not fair to him if you keep texting...i am like, fair, fuck i supported your ass for over a year and you treated me like a dog and now your worried about fair....well i just needed to get this off my chest...i know i am better without this woman in my life but i let her crawl back into my head....what i am trying to say is i am a bit depressed right now looking for some direction...if i go to the beach i swear to you a gay guy will hit on me and the woman in the bikini is afraid of me i guess because i keep myself in shape. i dont need to work but i choose to work 3 days a week but i am going to leave the job because its not what it was described to me as...i am lucky that way that i dont need to work and i realize how lucky i am...just kind of depressed feel a little kicked in the nuts my mother fucked up my head and i let this woman who i know is no good for me to crawl back in my head.....i feel alone and cant seem to get my groove going right now...i am attracting the wrong type of people know matter where i go...my head is twisted a bit a need some guidance from you brothers her on the forum....by the way my mother is 83 and has all functions after the stroke...any help fellas.

 

[gogotren]

At least you don`t have to work and appreciate the fact. Now, in your head list some other personality traits, behaviors, etc that would attract the RIGHT woman to you. Does a sad, depressed, mentally messed up man complaining about your mother on first meeting, attract the right type of woman? Sorry to be rough but, probably not. Are you acting as a pack leader or somebody that needs to latch on? I have not talked to my mother since I was 16 y/o, I`m now 35. I decided a long time ago she was a negative caustic cancer and cut it off. No regrets but I do wish I had a normal mom in my life, but so it is, no hard feelings or ill will to her. I encourage you to cut off any negative energy/people in your life. Ever hear "where your focus goes, your energy flows"? If you all you see/feel/hear is negative bs... how you gonna feel? All that other shit is old news, stand up, put your super man cape on and go let the world know who you are....(from the list of things you wrote down to attract the right girl)

 

[manly327]

i hear ya brother but i do not tell any woman about my mother i dont meet a girl and tell them anything about that but i will say that it has fucked up my head so much i might be projecting that in subliminal cues...which is not me...i have always been a strong person pac leader the first one to help people out and help them out of the problems they are going through....this is the first time i had to deal with this head game that i am playing on myself....i have cut my mother off she is a big negative in my life just trying to get over that hump that i have done all that i can do to help her and that her guilt trip is a fucked up way of dealing with someone who was there for here even though she never showed an ounce of love....why i attract nutty woman that one i have try to figure out my whole life...to tell you the truth this is the first time that i walked away from someone who basically said lets just go fuck.....i am trying to change me for years looking for a loving relationship but it seems that i am destined for woman who look at a guy in great shape as a physical entity...again tonight i had some dude ask me to take a picture with me to show his wife how good of shape i was in...i was like dude really he wanted to show her that he met someone from his home town and i was sitting there chatting up a woman when he did it....i am like people c'mon i am no different than a joe scmoe walking down the street i have been working out since i was 16 32 years of lifting and dieting and 6 years of gear use....the girl was digging it but it kind of gets weird after a while....i will post a pic this is a yearr old but basically in the same shape right now

 

[manly327]

cant make the picture bigger dont know how

 

[saudades]

To the OP - Not sure if this will help, but here goes:

First off, I get the impression that you feel guilty that you aren't taking care of your mother. Even if she treated you how she did, she is still your mother, right? Don't feel bad that you are saying 'no.' There is nothing wrong with saying 'no.' You know that deep down, but you just have to believe it a little harder. Secondly, forgive your mother and your ex wholeheartedly and move on, don't look back. Undoubtedly, this is much easier to say than to do because it involves you choosing to do so, but I can guarantee that once you do, you will feel much better. Forgiveness releases all the pain, guilt, and anger.

Not sure if I can answer the rest, but usually the ones we end up with come out of the circle of who we know and who we are acquainted with. If you are looking for someone good with a particular value set, where do you think this person would be? You sound like the kind of person who helps people out at the drop of a hat. To find a woman with similar values, I would bet you wouldn't find her at a bar. Try volunteering to serve the community somehow, get to know the people who do this regularly. In getting to know them, there could be a good woman there who gets to know you and your values and also appreciates a good physique.

My .02 cents.

 

[Green_Fjord]

Loneliness, no matter how old you are, is the worst thing that can happen to any human being. But looking for a relationship at all costs is certainly NOT the way to find the right woman... the more pressure you put on your shoulders, the more expectations you have, the less you'll meet that soul mate for you'll either scare her or be disappointed yourself... just like with this chick you helped for a whole year.

Most of the time, love hits you when you weren't prepared for it at all... so don't think about it anymore, just try to live life to its fullest, meet as many people as you can, go out in places where you've never been before... and let yourself be surprised, cause you never know the good people can hide inside: behind a superficial bimbo only attracted by your looks at first glance, you may find a smart and kind loving girl... so give everyone a chance.

And of course, while you do that, as Gogotren outlined, please be SHINY... as if you never had a single worry in your existence.