O/T: Pet Rules

[Sassy]

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door – nose height.

Dear Dogs & Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I will not sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs & cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is to kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

_____________

LOL... received this today and had to laugh... just thought I'd pass it along.

 

[tonka2]

My parents have that on there frig ha ha i love it

 

[Ivan]

lol

That is just GREAT!!! I have a cat that damn near fits all those things, also the stairway is a racetrack I totally understand lol!

Another one:

Little sneak attacks do not work, I see you coming, my slippers never did you wrong, and when I go outside to water the flowers, it is not neccesary to wander right into the muddy part so you can investigate the areas being watered.

 

[mars1960]

Nice post sassy, couldnt stop laughing. Thats my dog.

 

[oldfella]

Somehow a chihuahua manges to occupy the same amont of space a great dane does on a King Size bed. It defys the laws of physicis I tell you! And a three seater sofa is just not big enough for a Chihuahua either!

Good post. It's funny!

 

[AWN2004]

Also....

The vacuum cleaner is not your enemy. It does not want to attack you so why do you insist on attacking it? It is not going to eat you or hurt you. If it were not for you, I would not be using the vacuum nearly as much as I do to clean up your hair that seems to gather everywhere. There is no need to bark, act aggressively, hide, and or growl when the vacuum is working.

 

[Sassy]

Great additions, guys. Ya'll had me snickering... trying not to let my boss hear me laugh.

It was the Indy 500 last night before we went to bed. I thought maybe it was a full moon or something because the kitties were wild. (They are both full grown and well past the kitten stage.)

There is no need to get right under foot while I'm cooking dinner. You dinner is in your bowls. I make sure that you are feed before I start cooking.

Ivan, the sneak attacks are so true. My oldest is 16 pounds and he makes the upstairs floors creak. When he was younger, he thought he was being so sneaky but the floors usually gave him away.

Oldfella, that is so true. How is it a 6 pound dog can take up so much room? Everlast has one, and I have two cats that are bigger than her. Last night they were all in bed with us. It's a good thing I have a King size bed.

AWN2004, what is it with the vacuum cleaner? One of my cat is afraid of it and the other isn't...

 

[Sassy]

Dogs and cats are better than kids...

because they:

• Eat less (well, except for Everlast's chihuahua... how can such a small dog eat so much... where does she put it?)
• Don't ask for money all the time
• Are easier to train
• Normally come when called
• Never ask to drive the car
• Don't hang out with drug-using friends
• Don't smoke or drink
• Don't have to buy the latest fashions
• Don't want to wear your clothes
• Don't need a money for college
• If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

 

[Pekkerwood]

Chihuahuas' at work...

That was great stuff. I have one that sleeps under the covers "in the cave" and one that sleeps up top. Occasionnally I have to contort to go to sleep or roll over. Mind you this is with a "California King" and two small dogs. One sleeps balled up, one totally and I mean totally stretched out. He is 9 inches tall but 7 feet long when stretched out in bed!

I have been bringing my two chihuahuas to work for a couple of weeks while gf is out of the country. One is fine with everyone and the other is six pounds of Fury. One of my staff put a "Warning Vicious ATTACK Dog" sign on the door. I am thinking of letting that dog help me collect past due accounts. Everytime I leave the office someone has stolen them and put them in their office.

ONe thing is for sure, it is very hard to get me stressed out at work with these to guys here!

Pekkerwood

 

[oldfella]

That was great stuff. I have one that sleeps under the covers "in the cave" and one that sleeps up top. Occasionnally I have to contort to go to sleep or roll over. Mind you this is with a "California King" and two small dogs. One sleeps balled up, one totally and I mean totally stretched out. He is 9 inches tall but 7 feet long when stretched out in bed!

I have been bringing my two chihuahuas to work for a couple of weeks while gf is out of the country. One is fine with everyone and the other is six pounds of Fury. One of my staff put a "Warning Vicious ATTACK Dog" sign on the door. I am thinking of letting that dog help me collect past due accounts. Everytime I leave the office someone has stolen them and put them in their office.

ONe thing is for sure, it is very hard to get me stressed out at work with these to guys here!

Pekkerwood

I hear ya! I have my two boys with me eveyday. They love it in the gym. They both are heavy lifters, as evidenced by pics in the pets pic thread. I refuse to train with them as they usually make me look bad in front of my customers........Show offs! For cardio they run laps around all the machines. They don't like treadmills! GEEZ, it's a dog's life......eat, sleep and train. That's why there badass dogs!

 

[6.8SPC]

My cat likes to sleep in my computer room where I have a big black leather office chair. She is mostly black(tortoise shell) and sometimes when I come in there at night and it's dark I accidentally sit on her cuz she blends right in with the black chair,lol. She also refuses to drink stagnant water from a dish and I must always remember to leave the bathroom sink on a low trickle for her. A few days ago she caught a black racer, which is a non-venomous snake native to where I live, and left it writhing half dead on the floor of my bedroom for me so I could have a freakin heart attack. Cats are funny.

 

[buffbabeca]

awesome post.. and OMG maddie my cocker spaniel does the nascar thing every so often.. its great and makes me laugh to tears every time she does it. i can be on the phone and start busting up and people think i am nuts. she races around all the furniture and just barely misses walls , corners , and legs of couches/chairs.

6.8 are u serious u have to leave the sink on a trickle?? u know u can buy one of those things that filters and the water and keeps it moving through the flow thing.. i have one of my dog i got at petsmart or petco.

 

[6.8SPC]

6.8 are u serious u have to leave the sink on a trickle?? u know u can buy one of those things that filters and the water and keeps it moving through the flow thing.. i have one of my dog i got at petsmart or petco.

Wow I feel dumb I have been living in the stone age. I did a search and found literally hundreds of them,lol. I just ordered one, my cat and I thank you for the info!

 

[buffbabeca]

yea your water bill will thank me too....

 

[Sassy]

Wow I feel dumb I have been living in the stone age. I did a search and found literally hundreds of them,lol. I just ordered one, my cat and I thank you for the info!

My oldest cat is the same way. He only wants to drink trickling water out of the sink. I bought one of the pet fountains for them, and the other one is fine drinking out of it. Everlast's dog seems to like it too, but oh no, not my other cat. He only wants the water from the faucet. I'll turn it on for him, but I don't leave it dripping all day or night. When I'm not home, he has to drink from the fountain like the others.

 

[Sassy]

awesome post.. and OMG maddie my cocker spaniel does the nascar thing every so often.. its great and makes me laugh to tears every time she does it. i can be on the phone and start busting up and people think i am nuts. she races around all the furniture and just barely misses walls , corners , and legs of couches/chairs.

My youngest cat races me down the stairs every time we go down them. She has to be the first to reach the bottom. I don't get it... I yet to understand what the be hurry is.

Everlast's dog does the nascar thing too. It cracks me up every time. She also does this little spin around-kind-of-flip thing and then bows. It's something you just have to see for yourself. LOL! HAHAHA!

 

[Sassy]

To Non-Pet Owners

TO: All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

• They live here... You don't
• If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture
• I like my pets a lot better than I like most people
• To you, it's an animal... to me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter... who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly

 

[oldfella]

TO: All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

• They live here... You don't
• If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture
• I like my pets a lot better than I like most people
• To you, it's an animal... to me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter... who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly

You forgot and if you don't like them you can get the fuck out!!!

 

[RFIG]

You forgot and if you don't like them you can get the fuck out!!![/QUOT

i couldnt agree more.i have people come over and all they do is complane about my cat that does nothing but avoid everyone,but yet they still bitch about the cat.

 

[thebrick]

• I like my pets a lot better than I like most people

Yes!!!! And I have to include all animals in general on thatl!!!