O/T: Your spouse/wife and alcohol

[hemipower]

When someone does not care how it effects the relationship or the person they love...that's a problem. "It's just how I am" is another solid sign that they are not able or willing to let it go. I've been there.

I'd try to find out her history with drinking/drug use in the past...there may be a dependence issue. It needs to be handled very carefully... for someone dependent, if alcohol is removed many times something else just gets put in its place...have to make that some kinda good hobby/pastime.

For some at that age it's the party girl/guy kinda winding down but for MOST as life gets more difficult the drinking gets worse with age...it's a coping mechanism and deters true connection with others which honestly is much of the reason for the drinking in the first place.

 

[rgrmedic]

She WONT magically get better.. she WILL get worse. Do not marry her

 

[graybass]

Look to the parents and siblings. Dependence is usually handed down. My parents never drank, I don't drink. My GF drinks like a fish so did her parents.

 

[Thaistick]

There's been some good advice given here already. I'll just agree with most of what has been said. I have extensive experience with this as well. Several exes including my ex-wife had drinking problems. It's one of the reasons that they are exes. It sounds like she is an alcoholic and has no interest in changing to improve your relationship. It is HELL dealing with an alcoholic. My ex-wife called me last night and was obviously drunk. She was calling asking about our son because he has the flu. I felt bad for her because there she is sitting at home by herself drunk. I know she is sad and lonely but there's nothing I can do for her. I think you should get out of the relationship honestly. She doesn't want to go to any effort to make life better for the two of you. There is no dealing with a person like that.

 

[Adr805]

My mom was a extreme alcoholic, drank mon-sun. Its bad seeing them get worse and worse, most girls ive been with are all alcoholics, and none of em lasted. Drinking on occasion is alright, but the majority of the week is a no go for me personally. I believe itd cause trouble in your marriage down the road. Possible dui’s, cheating possibly while drunk, emotional distress, etc...

 

[drewls]

One thing I've learned in my time kicking around this planet is that everyone has a journey they have to go on. Sometimes, a couple can meet and their journeys match and they can complete them together. Sometimes, their journeys don't match and they have to go their separate ways. The weird thing is that the timing matters too. Your journey may not be in sync with hers now, but in a few years, it might be.

It sounds to me like she needs to figure out this problem and isn't going to let you help her do that. Maybe for her, 'figuring it out' is being a soused lush for the rest of her life, in which case you've dodged the bullet of getting married to a future fat angry woman. Or maybe 'figuring it out' is going deeper and getting herself to a place where she finds a more productive outlet for her angst.

I would break up with her with the idea that maybe someday we'd be on the same page about the way we wanted life to be. If that never happens, hopefully you will both find someone else who is better matched to your personal journey.

 

[felixx]

Been in an almost the same situation before, but my wife was into both alcohol and amphetamines. The alcohol was not that great of an issue, but her drug use was a different thing altogether. She hid it from me, and for a time, I thought she totally quit. When I had suspicions, I purchased some drug test kit that uses saliva to get results... and actually found she was still on the drugs.

I still gave her another chance after that. But she didn't want the help anymore and we had to separate ways. Good thing we didn't have any kids yet when all of those happened. So like many commenters here, my advice is that if you think she's not gonna get better or she doesn't want help at all and she's beign a danger to the kids... better end it early before it messes up all of your lives.

 

[sora]

Do you have baby?you can just talk about the baby that if she keep drinking ,it would be a bad example for them,or if you don't have baby you can say that would be bad to you and your baby's health in the future.