OT Question regarding female friends...

[cal]

long story short. used to be friends with girl that had obsessive attraction to me, told her in future i could see us together but not now, ...told her this for almost a year, ...eventually it got so bad, we parted ways and she told me i broke her heart more than she ever thought could happen, and would never forget...

well she eventually got married to guy that was always on backburner...despite being like 2 years afterwards we see each other nearly every day, and ignore each other, but she always tells ppl that she is not in love with her husband and still thinks about me way more than she knows she should, etc...and still think about it ED (yes, a bit melodramatic perhaps)

i cared alot about her as a close friend that really understood mebut not as a BF or husband, is it possible for me to re-establish friendship, or not? is it possible to be friends, since now she is married etc...and could then view me as just a friend? ...we shared alot about our common experiences...etc...sounds gay as hell...but...

 

[Jrflex10er]

I wish I could find a girl that was attracted to me! you're a lucky man! But anyways back to your problem....I'm not really sure you could become friends with her if she feels like this about you. I guess it all depends on her. But all you can do is try and just be up front to her that you don't want a relationship with her you just want to be friends because you injoyed talking to her and what not. If she can not deal with just being friends then I guess it couldn't work out. But just be up front about it with her and hold nothing back and if she can't deal with that maybe you guys being friends wasn't meant to me. I mean you can't force friendship....usually it's just natural.

 

[cal]

she is married so i guess i thought it would in theory be ok because of it...

...it was my mistake to let the "friendship" become a quasi relationship...i let things get bad, by sleeping in the same bed, and spending nearly every day together...fighting about GF BF types issues for hours,...guess i was sort of vain...though, most guys would think she was hot, ...for me the sexual attraction not there...sex would have been mostly to accomodate her ...etc...

i clearly stated no sex etc...thought that would keep things at the friends level...and would prevent her from becoming emotionally attatched...

 

[Jrflex10er]

All I can say is put yourself in her shoes....Imagine if a girl that you were attracted to let you sleep in the same bed with her and you got emotional attached to her but she didn't feel the connection with you. Why couldn't you guys just talk when you walk by each other or maybe even go out to lunch. That isn't going to hurt anything.....I think it's kind of childish to just walk passed someone you know and not atleast say hi. If that was me I'd take it personal because I really don't like people that see you and just keep walking. lol Really pisses me off...I hate it when someone thinks they are better than someone else. I know that isn't your case but I'm just saying. I know that your case is totally different then thinking you are better than her. But it wouldn't hurt to just say "hey what's up" how have you been....

 

[Viviana]

Imo

Do you think now that she's married, she needs more male friends?
Do you really need this woman in your life?

I think you need to move on...and let this girl move on

She has a husband, and other friends, no offense but why does she need you in her life?
And...especially since at one point at least on her end, their were feelings there, and a desire to be together.

I'm not sure if u just like the attention or the fact she has/had a crush on you
But you two being friends, would probably cause more problems then it's worth, in my opinion

 

[cal]

i dont want to date her or anything...

...i thought maybe the fact that she has talked about this so much so long afterward and such that maybe she wants to be friends...i pretty much in retrospect, probably lead her on

not something ...i have harped on...if that is impression i gave...

 

[cal]

i think that you might be right, ...when you mentioned that it might cause drama,...

just not sure what impression i was supposed to have when, she has told several ppl ...how strong her feelings still are, etc...and more feelings than her husband, ....and im assuming that she knew it was gonna get back to me...thats all,...not sure if it was simply airing out her feelings/emotions etc...