OT - The TRUTH About Domestic Violence

[Performance Based]

Ok guys as some of you may know this is a topic thats very sensitive to me. A friend of mine is currently in the ER from his girlfriend. I am starting to realize this is a far more wide spread issue than what any of us realize so I have been doing some research.

My boy was hit in the back of the head with a frying pan, he was knocked out... she then proceded to hit him repeatedly in the face with it. His entire face for the most part is broken and swollen beyond recognition. She has not been arrested as she claims he "pushed" her... she does not have a bruise or mark on her.

He is a big guy as well, around 5'10 220 pounds.

Some statistics for you... (from AP)

In cohabitation residences or marriage
9% of couples reported acts of EXTREME violence in regards to the female spouse (female causing)
3.5% of couples reported acts of EXTREME violence in regards to the male spouse

In 71% of cases of domestic violence the woman is the aggressor
86% of domestic violence calls/reporting are made by women
88% of all DV arrests the man is arrested (even calls the man makes...)

40% of serious injuries are on the male. 60% on the female as usually the male endures DV incidents for extended periods of time before eventually lashing out.

It is also estimated that as far as mental and emotional abuse women are the aggressors with the same rates of frequency.


Guys if your having issues please get help. Please leave whomever. She does not love you no matter what you may think. I am sure there are alot of members here that have to endure behavior like this. I did for nearly 2.5 years.... I was embarrassed to get the help I needed. I wound up spending over a month in a hospital bed, 7 trips to the ER, and over 200 stitches.

Please end the abuse before its too late...

Sorry sort of long I know but if this can open at least one members' eyes here its worth it to me.

 

[Elvia1023]

Great advice... the same goes for female members who are being physically/mentally abused by their male partners. As this is a male dominated board I hope this also makes any males who are currently doing this in their relationship really think hard and try and get help and well stop doing it.

 

[TNH]

It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I had a girlfriend that was aggressive towards me. Because she was a pretty girl that weighed 100lbs, she always thought she could do whatever she wanted....so she did.
I never laid a hand on her even though I probably needed to in self defense, I always took a beating and just walked away.
It was so odd because she was constantly threatening me that I better not touch her, while she was swinging away at me or throwing stuff at me.
Most of these incidents I didn't even raise my voice.
The American legal system is so busted it is not even funny. I have always been afraid to defend myself, not just in domestic situations but in any other situation as well.

 

[Performance Based]

It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I had a girlfriend that was aggressive towards me. Because she was a pretty girl that weighed 100lbs, she always thought she could do whatever she wanted....so she did.
I never laid a hand on her even though I probably needed to in self defense, I always took a beating and just walked away.
It was so odd because she was constantly threatening me that I better not touch her, while she was swinging away at me or throwing stuff at me.
Most of these incidents I didn't even raise my voice.
The American legal system is so busted it is not even funny. I have always been afraid to defend myself, not just in domestic situations but in any other situation as well.

Theres nothing embarrassing about it my friend. It happened its a part of life, I just hope you learned your lesson as I did! Same thing here, I outweighed my girl by over 120 pounds...

I completely agree with you in regards to defense, I can pretty much get away with whatever stateside through work but even defending myself against a woman... something I am terrified of and have had to do.

I hope you recovered a-ok man! If you need anyone to talk to let me know. Just started going back to therapy last friday! Already helping me out alot!

 

[kinglewy]

My youngest daughter's mom is extremely voilent. One time she had to do a little jail time and I had sex with one of her freinds while she was in jail, well she found out and slashed my tires and took a bat to my windsheild. I told her I wasn't going to have anything to do with the other girl so things were cool for a awhile. Then one night I was sleeping because I had to get up early for work and she found another girls number that I had tried to hide by putting it under "tom" on my cell phone, she called the number and found out it was another girl, so while I am sleeping she cracks me right above the eye with the bottom of an unopened bottle of Budweiser, it didn't really hurt but the blood was literally shooting out of my eyebrow. Well I went out on the balcony to get away from her and the cops show up because a neighbor heard the yelling, they asked what happened and I told them and they all kind of laughed and asked me why I couldn't "handle my woman". They told her to "chill out" had a few more laughs at my expence and told me to clean all the blood off of myself.

If the gender roles would have been reversed they would have stomped a mud hole in the dude and dragged him to jail.

 

[cal]

Why do these men stay in these relationships? Are they afraid to leave?

I can see why women might be afraid to leave a cobtrolling psycho ...same reason for the men?

 

[Performance Based]

Why do these men stay in these relationships? Are they afraid to leave?

I can see why women might be afraid to leave a cobtrolling psycho ...same reason for the men?

For me it was a self esteem issue... get told your a piece of shit over and over and that you can't ever get another woman of that calibur again and you wind up believing it...

I loved my ex more than I've ever loved anything, I didnt want to leave her. Thought if I stayed with her and helped her with her issues she would eventually take responsibility and change...

I have a feeling alot of other guys out there have a "White knight" syndrome as well

 

[kinglewy]

Why do these men stay in these relationships? Are they afraid to leave?

I can see why women might be afraid to leave a cobtrolling psycho ...same reason for the men?

I have found that the crazy bitches are usually better in bed(wilder and less inhibitions), so for me I was kind of turned on by her wild ways. Never again though, I learned my lesson! Nothing but down-home country girls with morals and values for me from now on

 

[norm1220]

My ex-wife was and probably still is very violent. She had no problem with beating me with a telephone, shoe or a rock or whatever was handy and if nothing was handy she still threw a pretty mean punch. Physco-bitch even took a butcher knife to a tent I was sleeping in once.

She was a cop when we first got married, but decided to quit and have babies when she figured out it wasn't all Starsky & Hutch like you see on TV. For a while she held a North American bench record for her weightclass, she has hit me harder than a lot guys have. So for those of you who say they would never hit a woman, I say you have never been attacked by my ex.

I always tried to leave and avoid any confrontation when things got heated, but she was quite expert at blocking my exit. In order to leave I had to become physical and if I stayed I had to get physical to defend myself. We had cops involved in our domestic disputes many times but they never gave me too much hassle since it was always very evident I had been forced to defend myself. I even had one female officer explain to me(and my ex) that I needed to press charges and have her locked up. But locking up the mother of your three small daughters and of your step-son isn't an easy thing to do. In hind site it would have been the right thing to do.

After 7 years I finally decided I didn't want my kids to think this is the sort of thing couples do, so I filed for divorce. Unfortunately I lost the custody battle and the kids had to deal with her violent, abusive behavior for many years. All four of the kids are grown now and not one of them has anything to do with her.

One thing I have learned from this life - NO ONE has the right to physically attack you, even if they are smaller and weaker than you. It's wrong and that is why it is against the law.

 

[builtbeast]

No one should ever tolerate an abusive relationship. And never under estimate the damage a women can inflict. She might be a 100lb weakling and those punches are laughable but wait till she gets a weapon and maims or kills you.

 

[norm1220]

.... so while I am sleeping she cracks me right above the eye with the bottom of an unopened bottle of Budweiser, it didn't really hurt but the blood was literally shooting out of my eyebrow.

Damn that sounds familiar! My ex nailed me with a high heeled shoe while I was sleeping and closed my eye for a week. Lucky for me she didn't drink or it might have been a bottle instead. Pretty surprising way to come out of a deep sleep. I had destroyed three doors and a large section of sheetrock before I realized who had attacked me.

Bad memories.

 

[Presacanario]

My ex would slap my face all the time really hard sometimes make my nose bleed. I told her next time she touch me I call the police. Well I called her a bitch and she took a kitchen hammer and smashed my head so hard wood handle broke. I smiled with blood run into my eyes and mouth and call police. She got charged with battery and arrested. Easy way to get the bitch out my life. I never touch her ever. In fact one night she took my gloc threaten suicide and stuck into her mouth. She didn't know it was hot and I lunged at her knocked it out of her hand and took her to looney bin. Turns out she was bipolar addict to coke and love ghb. She long gone lesson learn. Again I never even raise hand in self defense. Here I am 250 at time and she 120. Could have snapped her neck like a chicken. I don't have a temper and I would make her more mad by not reacting to her violence. Lesson learned. Never again I was 21 she 28. Later I didn't press charges but it was mandatory she have psych evaluation and anger mngmt classes. The sex was good lol.

 

[TankAbbott]

Sad thing is nothing will probably happen to her . Now if the roles were reversed you best believe his ass would get jail time. Such a double standard.

 

[718si]

Why do these men stay in these relationships? Are they afraid to leave?

I can see why women might be afraid to leave a cobtrolling psycho ...same reason for the men?

Excerpt from Battered person syndrome - Wikipedia

Additionally, repeated cycles of violence and reconciliation

can result in the following beliefs and attitudes: [6]

The abused believes that the violence was his or her fault.
The abused has an inability to place the responsibility for the violence elsewhere.
The abused fears for his/her life and/or the lives of his/her children (if present).
The abused has an irrational belief that the abuser is omnipresent and omniscient.

 

[-b-]

I had no idea this was happening.. me and my wife have a great relationship. I can't imagine what you guys have been through.. Very sad hearing this

 

[cell911]

Telling you from experience...legal fees bail 1 year later gets droped for some minor shit that didnt happen cause the inlaw called the cops...even to the point where I couldnt see my children for the first 2 months....not worth it

 

[massmonster32]

The man will always go to jail if the cops become involved. Sucks but its the way it goes. Not much you can do to fight the system good luck..The State makes lots of money off of a case just by calling it domestic violence the new term now day...MM

 

[Presacanario]

Funny thing here I am 250 low fat and cops are trying to literally find a reason to arrest me but she manned up and didn't have a scratch or lie. It saved her life as she got off drugs, mental eval diagnosed her w bipolar and years later she normal and we friends. So something good came out. We were young early 20. So live and learn. She lucky I don't have temper tho. Only scar on body.

 

[NPCS FINEST]

I am thankfull that I never dated a crazy bitch...well not one that hit me or anything like that. But I have had friends in the past with GF's/wives like this...and most of them just put up with it. The one guy would laugh and make jokes as his girlfriend would throw punch after punch at him and didnt care who was around...we could be out somewhere....she didnt care...we could be at their home..or someone elses home...she didnt care. One night we were all at a first house down stairs in his game room. She throw a glass at my buddsy and missed him....put a hole in the dry wall. Well the owner of the houses wife went after her and gave her a beat down I'll never forget. If it would of went on for another 2-3 min she might of killed this girl. I knew all the past shit that this chick has cause so when I saw her getting her ass beat I turned my back and minded my own bizz lol

I never could understand how ppl can "love" each other one min...then be beating the shit out of each other the next min. My friend would laugh and make jokes about it but deep down I know it really bothered him. It's been years since I spoke to him or have even heard anything about him....I hope he is not with her anymore and doing well. And it would not surprise me if his crazy bitch was locked up in jail.

 

[Flex2019]

A few years ago I dated a psycho loser that punched me in the mouth a couple of times, always over stupid little arguments. I never did anything in retaliation but looking back on the situation I should have left immediately. Nothing can ever be gained from violence in a relationship, and if it happens once it's definitely going to happen again and again.