I too fall into the
dirtiest of the dirtbag club. I lost my virginity in 6th or 7th grade a friend of mine who was a year older talked me into pulling a train on a female and after that it was all down hill. I lost count back in highschool so a # is not relevant. By the end of my junior year i was over 70 woman. Most of them were poor innocent souls that I corrupted. Yes, at that time most of em were virgins. I would have to say by the time I hit the # 70 i had slept with probably 60 virgins. I always went for the innocent ones for some reason. Till my later years in college when you could'nt find many more of them.
Now Im 28 years old this is about 10-11 years after my highschool endeavors and i have no idea how many woman I have slept with. Too many to keep track of. As I mentioned previously I lost count after my junior year in highschool or so. I would have to say in the past couple years though..(maybe last 2-3 years) I have taken a much better approach in using better judgement with what I do where my sexual life is concerned.
I ended up meeting a girl when i was 19, I was with her for over two years before she got pregnant. This was my first long relationship. She is till this day my wife. I am married but, we are living separately do to my whoring around on her and some other issues we had. We have not decided whether or not to get a divorce. Pretty much avoid the subject but we get a long much better then we did when we were together previously mostly because i am a much better person now. The changes I made did not happen over night.
I used to work at a bar while I was married and I got caught up in that lifestyle. Drinking, drugging, xtc, coke, etc. I cheated on my wife several times after being caught up in the drug and alchohol scene. Im not blaming alchohol or drugs for what I did, for it was simply my own stupidity and selfishness for doing these things as well. I know I was wrong, and I was the one who told my wife a llot what I did when she didnt hear from others. She did not have to find out by anyone else besides me and i think a friend. We since then have been separated from one another for almost 2 years now.
We have a 6 year old daughter and I feel like a piece of shit till this day for breaking up our marriage and putting my daughter through this separation. I try every day to put my daughter first now and not myself. I continuously work on becoming a better person not only for her but for myself as well. The life I used to live may have seemed fun then but now has taken its toll on me. I am remember things i did in the past each day that I did not even think about when i did them.
I have always said I never regret anything I have done in the past. However, breaking up my marriage is one thing I can not say this about. I made one of the biggest mistakes in my life. I dont think getting married to my wife was one for she is a wonderful woman. However, mistreating her and being a selfish unthoughtful drug addict and alchoholic was. Till this day I continuously apologize to her for the things I put her through. I try my hardest to understand why we are still apart. I was so caught up in drugs, alchohol, other woman etc. I didnt even realize what I was doing till it was too late. I was in a different state of mind and it may be hard for some to understand. I dont even remeber doing a lot of the things I did.
Now I have to take this as a learning lesson. However, now I can not be with any other woman do the fact that I come to realize its not all about me. I have already missed out on so much of my daughters life it makes me break down into tears at times. It was my daughters 6th birthday on Oct. 7th and I did not even get to see her. I missed her first day of school this year as well. I missing her learning to read and write and learn arithmetic etc. I miss more and more as each day goes by that we are not together as a family and that is something I will regret for the rest of my life. Or for as long as we are apart. Don't get me wrong i see my daughter probaly 3-4 times a week as much as i possibly get the chance to anyway. My wife and I get a long fairly well now for the most part. I pretty much did a 360 with my life after about 6 moths into our separation.
I drink very rarely now and drugs are not a concern not even a/s since my arrest 1.5 years ago. Some of you who know me know all about this some do not. I was arrested in March of 2003 for possession with intent to deliver a/s and failure to provide a drug stamp tax id. Shortly before this arrest is when my wife and I separated. I was working with 2 very large a/s manufactures and had 2 packages seized with over 10k of dbol in each pack. After the 2 houses were raided they found probably another 20k in anadrol and several other vials ampuoles etc. My wifes home was raided and a friend of mines home was raided where I had been staying since our separation. My computer was seized along with many other things including a large sum of cash.
Now I can only pray I can be a much better father to my duaghter and live my life in a more respectful manner in hopes she does not get mistreated by a guy just like me when she gets to that age
So for those of you who belong to this douchbag club as I do. Theres a bit to think about and I too never thought this would be me. Someday most of you will be fathers and you may be faced with what I am facing today. I hope noone has to go through these things for i wish this upon noone. My parents were separted when i was young and i too remeber the thing i wanted most was for my parents to get back together. Look at how I turned out i been in and out of trouble all throughout my life. Not sure if thats why but, Im sure it has a bit to do with it.
Mr.Huge
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