PLEASE HELP ME

EndOfMyRope · Nov 3, 2006

Well, first off I am a longtime member here but this is too emabarrassing for me to talk about under my original handle. Basically it goes like this...my girlfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. I've always loved her so much, and tried to do so many nice things for her. But lately, in the last 2 months it doesnt seem like I am enough for her. We're both in school right now, and both pretty busy. But I try to do things with her all the time, like even just take her out to a movie or go somewhere fun, but she says no because she's got to study. So we just end up studying in her room for a few hours every night. We have not even made out in the last 2 months. I am seriously crying my eyes out right now. This hurts SO BAD. She doesnt have enough time to do anything other than study with me, but she can go out to a party tonight with her friends from a republican club shes in, and is going on a 4 day trip with them at the end of next week. I feel like a freaking chick right now complaining how we never do anything, but I can't help it. My heart literally hurts. It's felt like this for weeks, and when she asks whats wrong and i tell her i miss her she just justifies herself instead of trying to make some time. Even my buddy has said the last few months I havent seemed like myself lately, not happy anymore. And to be honest Im not, this hurts so bad. I dont know what to do. I dont even feel like i want to be here anymore, I just want this pain to go away. I hurt SO BAD! I would do anything to just feel like she loves me. Its just not going to happen though

Demo2 · Nov 3, 2006

"She doesnt have enough time to do anything other than study with me, but she can go out to a party tonight with her friends from a republican club shes in, and is going on a 4 day trip with them at the end of next week."

sounds like she's over you and just haven't gotten to breaking up yet

K1 · Nov 3, 2006

EndOfMyRope said:
Well, first off I am a longtime member here but this is too emabarrassing for me to talk about under my original handle. Basically it goes like this...my girlfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. I've always loved her so much, and tried to do so many nice things for her. But lately, in the last 2 months it doesnt seem like I am enough for her. We're both in school right now, and both pretty busy. But I try to do things with her all the time, like even just take her out to a movie or go somewhere fun, but she says no because she's got to study. So we just end up studying in her room for a few hours every night. We have not even made out in the last 2 months. I am seriously crying my eyes out right now. This hurts SO BAD. She doesnt have enough time to do anything other than study with me, but she can go out to a party tonight with her friends from a republican club shes in, and is going on a 4 day trip with them at the end of next week. I feel like a freaking chick right now complaining how we never do anything, but I can't help it. My heart literally hurts. It's felt like this for weeks, and when she asks whats wrong and i tell her i miss her she just justifies herself instead of trying to make some time. Even my buddy has said the last few months I havent seemed like myself lately, not happy anymore. And to be honest Im not, this hurts so bad. I dont know what to do. I dont even feel like i want to be here anymore, I just want this pain to go away. I hurt SO BAD! I would do anything to just feel like she loves me. Its just not going to happen though

Love hurts bro. Every single one of us have or will go through it atleast a couple of times in our lives, until we find that absolutely perfect match (which every woman we fall in love with we think this about), or until we give up and just have as they say "friends with benefits". I would suggest (no matter how painful it will be), that you give her space. If she truly loves you, she will come to you with concerns, if not it will end and if that happens then it would have happened eventually anyways so why prolong it and put yourself through more grief...This is a very common problem with people "falling in love" while at school together, that they eventually grow apart. You have to prepair yourself for the worst, which will suck, but may need to happen. Good luck to you bro.................

EndOfMyRope · Nov 3, 2006

Demo2 said:
"She doesnt have enough time to do anything other than study with me, but she can go out to a party tonight with her friends from a republican club shes in, and is going on a 4 day trip with them at the end of next week."

sounds like she's over you and just haven't gotten to breaking up yet

That's what Ive been afraid of...and in all honesty, I think she's going to do it soon.

EndOfMyRope · Nov 3, 2006

kawasaki1 said:
Love hurts bro. Every single one of us have or will go through it atleast a couple of times in our lives, until we find that absolutely perfect match (which every woman we fall in love with we think this about), or until we give up and just have as they say "friends with benefits". I would suggest (no matter how painful it will be), that you give her space. If she truly loves you, she will come to you with concerns, if not it will end and if that happens then it would have happened eventually anyways so why prolong it and put yourself through more grief...This is a very common problem with people "falling in love" while at school together, that they eventually grow apart. You have to prepair yourself for the worst, which will suck, but may need to happen. Good luck to you bro.................

Good advice, thank you.

allbeef · Nov 3, 2006

Bro, There's nothing to be embarrassed about here

Other than as the pointed out Demo2 tried to say " she doesn't love you " and who wants to acknowledge that!

The pain you are experiencing is proportional to the unmet expectation you have of her.

You can't make someone love you. You got bit, just don't become bitter. True love awaits you in life but you may not find it until you first understand what motivated you to put yourself in such a no-win situation. There's something in us that can compell us into relationships that looks more like a weakness than a strength. Some kind of dependency need, some kind of need to fill a void that we should have filled differently. I filled it with GOD.

You have the opportunity to really gain an understanding about you more so than her. Nobody should be given that much power by us. You have to grow up just like the rest of us do and did and it hurts really bad to do that. But if you are willing to honestly look at what motivates you and change just ever so slightly, you will look back someday from a position of strength and true love and laugh ( and still shed a tear ) at the position you once put yourself in.

Now I am willing to concede I could be way off and maybe she is just asexual or she has some other limiting pshychological problem, But you can't change that and if you are going to survive in the relationship you will still have to change You to have any chance of a healthy balance.

Unfortunately, no one can do what needs to be done for you. It is truely up to you. But be assured that most all can appreciate and accept where you are at because it really represents the development each of us have had to grow through.

Perfect love casts out all fear. We as imperfect human beings have a very hard time finding that. Like I said, I did find PERFECT LOVE! I remain as imperfect as ever!

Allbeef

Demo2 · Nov 3, 2006

EndOfMyRope said:
That's what Ive been afraid of...and in all honesty, I think she's going to do it soon.

I suggest you do it now instead of having this drag out. Don't give her an ultimatum (ie- "If you don't spend more time with me, I'm gonna leave") just break it off with something like "I'm not happy with how this relationship is going. You're not giving me the time and attention I deserve. So I'm going to find it elsewhere. If you're ever willing to put more effort in a relationship, we can talk. Until then, have a nice life." Break off all contact with her and don't accept the post-breakup "lets be friends" type calls just to shoot the shit. I've been in the same spot many times (twice actually with long term relationships ... but thats 2 too many), and I can tell you first hand, whatever advice you get, whatever your friends tell you about feeling better, etc won't mean shit. You're gonna feel like crap and the only thing that can solve that is time and moving on to another girl (or her comming crawling back ... which is unlikely as it seems she's already over it and just keeping you around until she finds someone better ... which is an insult to you).

gettnlarge01 · Nov 3, 2006

If she has time for her friends but not you then her feelings toward you have changed.Just tell her you need more than a study partner and its time to part ways. If she dosn't want to talk about it then then she already has someone in mind to take your place and you are better off without her.The pain will pass but at least you will have your dignity.

alan1973 · Nov 3, 2006

Demo2 said:
"She doesnt have enough time to do anything other than study with me, but she can go out to a party tonight with her friends from a republican club shes in, and is going on a 4 day trip with them at the end of next week."

sounds like she's over you and just haven't gotten to breaking up yet

personally, If I thought it was bound to happen, I would be the one doing the breaking up.
but there are always pros and cons for they, you just need to weigh them in.
and keep your eyes open for new prospects, but NOT her friends

tflexxin · Nov 3, 2006

My man, you're in college. Translation?? hundreds of single women looking for a nice guy. Life is short, far far to short to be stuck miserable with a girl in college. Move on, go out and find another girl who's interested in you and what you're like. Sorry, but this is something just about all of us have been through.
Move on bro, let her be the one who regrets not paying enough attention to you!!

Big Danny · Nov 3, 2006

To give a woman too much attention usualy lead to a situation you find yourself now on. Try not to give her much attention in the near future and in the mean time start enjoying your life , met other ladies, and see if she change her attitude. If yes that means that she still has feelings for you, if not that's the moment to move on with your life. My experience of life is telling me that the worst enemy in a relation is to give too much. Trust me. She feels that she has nothing more to fight for, eveything is coming for granted. I am living in Romania and believe me the romanian womans are no different that the once in your country. I hope that I am not insulting by that nobody from the opposite sex, but this is my theory. And I think the same is the case other way around, if we get too much attention, we may feel sufocated.
Good luck my friend.

strongmind · Nov 3, 2006

I am so sorry to hear this.

I think you know in your heart it's over. And this is the part that sucks. Coming to terms with it. Gathering up your pride and hurt ego and broken heart and moving on. You have to.

You need to take care of YOU right now. And that means, do whatever it takes to heal your broken heart. Throw yourself into school, training, hanging out with friends, reconnecting with old friends, cry, rant to your PM buddies... WHATEVER.

But you have to let her go. Keep your dignity in tact and you WILL get over her. You WILL find someone else. You WILL feel better.

It's just gonna take some TIME.

Hang in there. We're here for you.

EndOfMyRope said:
Well, first off I am a longtime member here but this is too emabarrassing for me to talk about under my original handle. Basically it goes like this...my girlfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. I've always loved her so much, and tried to do so many nice things for her. But lately, in the last 2 months it doesnt seem like I am enough for her. We're both in school right now, and both pretty busy. But I try to do things with her all the time, like even just take her out to a movie or go somewhere fun, but she says no because she's got to study. So we just end up studying in her room for a few hours every night. We have not even made out in the last 2 months. I am seriously crying my eyes out right now. This hurts SO BAD. She doesnt have enough time to do anything other than study with me, but she can go out to a party tonight with her friends from a republican club shes in, and is going on a 4 day trip with them at the end of next week. I feel like a freaking chick right now complaining how we never do anything, but I can't help it. My heart literally hurts. It's felt like this for weeks, and when she asks whats wrong and i tell her i miss her she just justifies herself instead of trying to make some time. Even my buddy has said the last few months I havent seemed like myself lately, not happy anymore. And to be honest Im not, this hurts so bad. I dont know what to do. I dont even feel like i want to be here anymore, I just want this pain to go away. I hurt SO BAD! I would do anything to just feel like she loves me. Its just not going to happen though

Kahn · Nov 3, 2006

I was one of those guys that got divorced out of the blue. I never saw shit coming. She claimed to been fair but we had sex the night before and she left the next morning. I was looking at her like she spoke another language when she left. It felt like my heart was torn out through my throat. I loved her and her family. They never gave a shit and it killed me to see them. I can tell you there is better out there but male or female, there are people that only care about what they care about. Other people done't register as important. I'd say you found one. With her in your future you will endure more postponing of your stuff and not being included in her stuff. They are the kind of people that think they are better than you, look down on you and end up thinking they are more important then you. As hard as it is, I'd say she has been told and her time is up. IF you end up apart,don't whine or cry about the loss, think of what you avoided. The rest of your life could have been what it is now. When I see my ex wife now I am grateful as hell she burned me. I'd hate to have kids with an uncaring cunt like her and worthless people like her family that have no respect for anything. I wonder what the fuck was wrong with me for seeing her in the first place now. Must have been a self esteem issue I didn't know I had. Be very glad you'r not married. Find someone worth a shit, they are out there and closer than you think. If she doesn't have the brains to see how much you care and have respect for that one way or the other, she isn't worth keeping.

fearnofish · Nov 3, 2006

Hang in there Buddy!

You are feeling the symptoms of what is called codependency. Three words you will need to live by: Accept What Is.

I know what you are feeling after being traded in on another model myself after 7 years of marriage. You will get over this.

My dad said it best: There is alot of sand on the beach!

thebrick · Nov 3, 2006

If she has time for her friends but not for you then she has emotionally broke up with you already. It sucks because it sounds like you really care for her. Its OK to hurt because of what's happened. That's normal and healthy. But it takes two people to be in a relationship and you deserve someone that will care for you the way you care for them. I have been exactly where you are and I bet almost everyone here has too. As much as it hurts, its time to see the situation for what it is, be prepared to move on and be available for that right person who will truly care for you back. I feel bad for you bro, but down the road, you will be better off and you WILL find the right woman for you.

Kahn · Nov 3, 2006

fearnofish said:
.My dad said it best: There is alot of sand on the beach!

Yeah, my Dad said there was a lot of ass at the beach.

Kahn · Nov 3, 2006

Maybe it was look at the ass on that bitch.

HAZMAT · Nov 3, 2006

I have been through this a few times with my girlfriend and i'm sorry to hear this. there are a few flags here that i have to note as a third party looking in per say. If you are letting her know she is distant and she gives the cold shoulder then she has emotionaly changed for you this doesn't mean she doesn't love you anymore but the question to ask, ...is she IN love with you? after two years of her life she will always love you. The second i must note is if she has time to spend with others and not you then, you are no longer number 1 to her and that hurts like hell i know. If you are on right now than this will not help your emotional state. The best thing to do right now is to seperate yourself from her and her life even if you live together. get with a friend that is logical and supportive in you not her. the pain sucks i know i found my girl with another guy and two years later i still think about killing him and her. Get rid of the girl and focus on you and your interest. try to stay positive everyday you wake up. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS when the pain strikes at your heart. it took me along time but now i directed the rage into the gym and i'm happier than ever with my results friends (you guys)and self being. this shit is hard but you have to take care of number one and that my friend is you. the rage and pain will subside and in turn you will grow stronger emotionaly as a person.

lynx · Nov 3, 2006

Sorry to hear about this but I agree with some of the others, it sounds like she's distancing herself from you in order to eventually break up. I think that she may be wanting you to not like her so it will be easier for her to do.
E.G.: "We aren't intimate anymore, you're going to parties w/o me, you're taking off with your friends and not wanting to spend time with me, we just sit in your room and study...etc." You will grip and then she'll come up with:"Oh and just can't take this anymore, I need to study and you're always on my ass about a, b and c."

I think you need to start preparing yourself for it. Go and hang out with your buddies, they probably miss your company anyways. It just sounds like you've been putting her first but she's not doing the same. So you need to start putting yourself first.

maxsupplements · Nov 3, 2006

allbeef said:
Other than as the pointed out Demo2 tried to say " she doesn't love you " and who wants to acknowledge that!

The pain you are experiencing is proportional to the unmet expectation you have of her.

You can't make someone love you. You got bit, just don't become bitter. True love awaits you in life but you may not find it until you first understand what motivated you to put yourself in such a no-win situation. There's something in us that can compell us into relationships that looks more like a weakness than a strength. Some kind of dependency need, some kind of need to fill a void that we should have filled differently. I filled it with GOD.

You have the opportunity to really gain an understanding about you more so than her. Nobody should be given that much power by us. You have to grow up just like the rest of us do and did and it hurts really bad to do that. But if you are willing to honestly look at what motivates you and change just ever so slightly, you will look back someday from a position of strength and true love and laugh ( and still shed a tear ) at the position you once put yourself in.

Now I am willing to concede I could be way off and maybe she is just asexual or she has some other limiting pshychological problem, But you can't change that and if you are going to survive in the relationship you will still have to change You to have any chance of a healthy balance.

Unfortunately, no one can do what needs to be done for you. It is truely up to you. But be assured that most all can appreciate and accept where you are at because it really represents the development each of us have had to grow through.

Perfect love casts out all fear. We as imperfect human beings have a very hard time finding that. Like I said, I did find PERFECT LOVE! I remain as imperfect as ever!

Allbeef

man... couldnt have said it better myself... i highlighted a few things there that are very good, and very important...

also, someone above also mentioned "co dependency"....

that is something you also might be dealing with...

you really truly will know what love is until you give it, and DONT GET ANYTHING IN RETURN...

dont become bitter. you are at the PEAK of your life. take this in stride and learn from it. move forward, and drop HER butt. you dont want someone that cant make time for you, but will GO PARTY without you. seriously.. been there, done that.

get involved with some good wholesome women. get involved in a good christian, non denominational church. it would be very helpful for you, and you will find that there are some really good nice CLEAN, trustworthy women there. its a great place to meet people...