I haven't smoked weed in over 6 month, I have no health issues , been over weight until 18, went on a year diet and lost 57 pounds naturally. Stopped losing it because I wanna dodge loose skin. I have a slight natural gyno and had a fatty chest that I was highly self concious about. I have never taken my shirt of until 2 years ago . I experienced this world and always looked at huge guys as idols and I wanna be like that, honest to god, up until 2 years ago, I thought every IFBB was a natty , they just worked their ass off for years.
I have a friend in college by the name joe, when I was a freshmen he drove an M5 and he was fckin jacked as fuck, he would come into the lounge area and every girl would jump to hug him and kiss him, mind you I'm just 18 at the time. I say to my self, damn , he's got the car, he's got the body and got the girls.
Mind you I was working out before that and never came close. So one day we were socializing talking about class and he was sitting down, and he started sweating and breathing hard and fucking turned purple yo. I was like bro you alright? He goes yea he's just a little sick.time pass and he returned to normal, so were talking about body building and I told him how I had a fat chest that I can't loose etc, so he told me to look up aromasin.
That's when I knew he was a juice head. I didn't enter this world because of him, it took me 2 years of research and knowledge to learn every thing about test prop and winny for 10 weeks . THAT'S IT.
Don't mind me but I freaking doubt it there's someone currently just running prop at my does of 400mg a week , started with 200, then 300 then 400 every week 3 weeks in.
I'm on a cutting cycle my diet first week was shit because I got hit with test flu BAD, so bad I couldn't make it to school, work see my girl or nothing. Week 2 I beasted it OUT, deff felt better, stronger, aggressive , well being. I broke up at the end of week 2. First week was 200 winny and 200 prop, 2nd week was 300 each, and week 3 was 400 each, I was feeling amazing, fatigue every work out to death, I was mentally for the gym to let out my anger about the stress from my ex, school etc. Until this shit happened.
Started week 4 today I went with no gear for 3 days, I felt amazing. Didn't got work out got checked out, was supposed to get a heart moniter today but my doc closed at 2 I thought he would close regular time so I missed him, went to the gym, I fatigued back so bad, I can't sit down with out feeling to strech it.
I'm at work right now , my ex works 8 blocks away from me so when I'm bored id drive by her bakery and just look out her from far away then drive back, I did it yesterday, honest to god, when I saw her face I was mentally and physically relaxed SO well, I felt that I was on some kind of a drug. All I wanted to see was her face, that she's okay, and she's still around, because I sit and think "where is she" what is she doing, who she with, etc etc.
But when I saw her I felt relieved, went home, thought about her all night, slept late woke up, ate, went to the gym now I'm at work leaving soon , drove to spot her, she wasn't there and its Saturday night and that's when I started mind fucking my self, where she is, is she out, drinking? New guys etc etc, and let me tell you, she is drop dead gorgeous, she is so beautiful, I literally had 3 physical fights in the cityfrom people hitting on her while she's holding me, and the bad looks I have to give ALL the time for guys to stop checking her out. She looks just like kim kardash if not prettier, and natural beauty.
Anywho, just felt to share my little story of how I got the anexiety , and an update on my behalf, and how I'm mindfucking my self with where she is, how she's feeling eetc. Its been 3 years of my life, I've never dealt with a fcking break up before, I don't know how to take it. I'm not going to lie, jealousy is fcking me up, I know she's getting hit on every where and damn, she's single now, is she going to reply to those hit etc, FML is all I can say and I noticed everytime I swim deep in my thought about her and I feel so envious my blood pressure starts to rise, spitful ?
I can now say, its either a panic attack, or an allergic reaction to the gear that caused the blur, I'm using TK test. Painless and awesome, my eyes turned red after week 1 and stayed for a week and never went away as I kept continuing , when I stopped those 3 days, they went down SO much, and no feeling weird really.
Read. Somewhere that it could be an allergic reaction and it causes the exact symptoms I had.
Alfresco, I love your advice, but ill continue at a smaller dose like maldrof adviced, I'm not getting off, I I have my PCT organized for the full cycle HCG starts end of week 4 until week 10 then PCT weeks 11 and 12. And all .. I think the hormones are making my emotional problems worse I swear , maybe if I can't control my mind fuck then I have to get OFF .
Cheers.