Severe OCD After Coming Off Years Of AAS Use And More

[KillerStack]

What is it about working out that makes your OCD get better? Two of you now on this thread say that it helps a lot. Im curious if either of you have any kind of theory on how it works.

I have had life long anxiety problems as well and some relatively mild OCD too.
A hard workout that is really exhausting both physically and mentally has some very interesting effects on mood. It takes the edge off some anxiety symptoms but I've noticed some small curious effects such as that my speech flows better and even my handwriting changes for the better lol. I never really got to test it out much but if I had to say hold a speech or be interviewed for a job I think a hard workout beforehand would make these much smoother.
My anxiety has been so bad at times that I don't feel like even going to the gym, but I rarely regret it if I force myself to go. There are probably many mechanisms involved but it's like it just burns off excess nervous energy.
Cardio I'm sure is great for the mind too, but I was never a big cardio fan. Long walks, especially outside in nature, is something I should get into more. I caught a snippet of a video on IG where a neuroscientist talked about how moving forward in space and getting this type of visual stimuli where images were moving past you was very beneficial for the brain. Pretty interesting.

 

[maldorf]

I'm not sure if the exercise itself is what help the body and brain.maybe there is a connection there.but what I have noticed about my anxiety is.that as long as I'm occupied doing something my mind doesn't think about anxiety. But if I'm just laying in bed doing nothing or even watching TV. My mind starts thinking something is off I don't feel normal oh man I think I'm getting anxiety and from there out I'm screwed. And it has to be something physical that I'm doing. Playing ps4 doesn't work.

On my OCD if I'm walking pass let's say a picture frame and is a bit off to the side. I have to put it straight. If I don't and sit down watch tv or do something else. I can't get it off my mind that its crooked and have to get up and go fix it.

My ocd has made me be super multi task too.

I understand all of that. I think my OCD is mostly checking that things are secured. Checking 2 or 3 times that my upright freezer door is closed, the front door of the house, the garage door, the mailbox door, the car locked, etc. One of the big reasons I've got a good security system on the house.

I suppose that having OCD isn't anything to worry about as long as it doesn't interfere with normal life.

 

[LK3]

These drugs are thought to produce docile, harmless, unmotivated sheep. But if you think about it, they have also been linked to the opposite behaviors, like extreme aggression and disinhibition. Extreme aggression as in mass murder and disinhibition as in suicide. These behaviors are of course supremely negative but just to illustrate that they could push you in different directions, not just in the docile direction.

it because of the chemistry at play.
ssris and benzos fucking dirty creepy drugs.
they go like totally agains the idea of building a better, bigger, stronger, faster you.
mentally and physically.
we learn and grow when neurotransmittes are elevated.

 

[aphextwin]

Altair, There's a bunch of people who feel worried and depressed with the gym closing. I'm not depressed by any means, but not being able to be around others isn't good for me. I kind of feel on an island by myself, but I'm focusing on staying positive. Please don't feel like you are the only one not doing well bc I have friends who aren't doing so hot with everything that's going on with Covid-19. I think everyone is somewhat concerned about the unknown, and wondering if life will ever get back to normal. We obviously don't know when we can go on living our lives prior to the virus. Keep your head up! I can assure you, life will get better.

 

[Sides]

I understand all of that. I think my OCD is mostly checking that things are secured. Checking 2 or 3 times that my upright freezer door is closed, the front door of the house, the garage door, the mailbox door, the car locked, etc. One of the big reasons I've got a good security system on the house.

I suppose that having OCD isn't anything to worry about as long as it doesn't interfere with normal life.

I've had OCD all my life, but it gets much better when I am on higher doses of testosterone, and much worse when I am on lower doses of testosterone. Mostly as you said, checking things: checking to make sure my credit cards are back in my wallet when I use them at the store, checking to make sure the doors are locked, gym locker locked, car doors locked, all the mail out of the mailbox and the mailbox closed, over and over and over again. I've broken faucets making sure they weren't dripping, and broken several car door handles off checking to make sure my car is locked. Last summer, when I was on TRT levels of testosterone, I couldn't stop myself from kicking or kneeing doors to make sure they were closed and locked, waking my family up in the middle of the night, trying door handles constantly...crazy behaviour.

And exercise and lifting weights always makes things better, always. It is the best therapy I've ever found for killing the demons in my mind. But I overtrain, way too hard and too often, always chasing that high in my head, or making sure I've done enough by proving something to myself: can I do more reps than last time? More weight than last time? It's a never-ending obsession. And I can't take time off from the gym, after a couple days off I am edgy and full of bad energy and need to go kill the demons again. Even when I am travelling or on vacation, I need to go find a gym or use the hotel gym. I can't just sit around and do nothing. It quite literally drives me crazy.

 

[maldorf]

I've had OCD all my life, but it gets much better when I am on higher doses of testosterone, and much worse when I am on lower doses of testosterone. Mostly as you said, checking things: checking to make sure my credit cards are back in my wallet when I use them at the store, checking to make sure the doors are locked, gym locker locked, car doors locked, all the mail out of the mailbox and the mailbox closed, over and over and over again. I've broken faucets making sure they weren't dripping, and broken several car door handles off checking to make sure my car is locked. Last summer, when I was on TRT levels of testosterone, I couldn't stop myself from kicking or kneeing doors to make sure they were closed and locked, waking my family up in the middle of the night, trying door handles constantly...crazy behaviour.

And exercise and lifting weights always makes things better, always. It is the best therapy I've ever found for killing the demons in my mind. But I overtrain, way too hard and too often, always chasing that high in my head, or making sure I've done enough by proving something to myself: can I do more reps than last time? More weight than last time? It's a never-ending obsession. And I can't take time off from the gym, after a couple days off I am edgy and full of bad energy and need to go kill the demons again. Even when I am travelling or on vacation, I need to go find a gym or use the hotel gym. I can't just sit around and do nothing. It quite literally drives me crazy.

In some ways you sound like how I used to be with lifting. Not ever taking any time off. Heck, I joined a local gym when my wife and I went on a honeymoon because I just couldn't get myself to take off 1 week from the gym. When we went on vacation I would join gyms in the city we stayed in. I over trained badly too. Later on it was being a slave to injecting EOD or more during cycles. My heart attack brought all of that to an end. I hope that doesn't happen to you.

I too once broke a handle off my car checking to see that it was locked. That was back in the old days though, now I just push my key fob button about 3 or 4 times to hear the car horn beep to tell me its locked. That has probably saved me a lot of door handles!

 

[Sides]

In some ways you sound like how I used to be with lifting. Not ever taking any time off. Heck, I joined a local gym when my wife and I went on a honeymoon because I just couldn't get myself to take off 1 week from the gym. When we went on vacation I would join gyms in the city we stayed in. I over trained badly too. Later on it was being a slave to injecting EOD or more during cycles. My heart attack brought all of that to an end. I hope that doesn't happen to you.

I too once broke a handle off my car checking to see that it was locked. That was back in the old days though, now I just push my key fob button about 3 or 4 times to hear the car horn beep to tell me its locked. That has probably saved me a lot of door handles!

Yeah, I push the key fob button, but then I still have to try the door handles, just to MAKE SURE it's locked. When the OCD is bad, then I have to walk around the car checking all the doors and the trunk, making sure they're locked. Same thing with checking the doors at night to make sure they're locked before I go to bed, or leaving the house...it's like I just can't make that connection in my head. I have to check and make sure they're locked, even when I know they're locked.

 

[KillerStack]

it because of the chemistry at play.
ssris and benzos fucking dirty creepy drugs.
they go like totally agains the idea of building a better, bigger, stronger, faster you.
mentally and physically.
we learn and grow when neurotransmittes are elevated.

There have been a bunch of athletes who have used SSRIs like Prozac as performance enhancing drugs. Some credited them for taking them out of a performance slump they couldn't get out of. They said they weren't depressed per se but their performance had been declining for whatever reason and going on Prozac had immediate performance enhancing effects.
Why it seemed to work I don't know but some theorized it balanced an endocrine system that was shot due to overtraining. Depression and overtraining share symptoms.

Benzos are extremely bad in the long run but acutely they too can enhance performance in certain situations. Antidepressants aren't banned in sports but I'm pretty sure benzos are.

It would be interesting to see how many top athletes are on antidepressants. Since they aren't banned there is probably no official data but orgs such as WADA monitors drug trends, even on drugs that aren't banned. I would venture to guess that the use of legal psychotropics is very high in elite athletics.
That elevating neurotransmitters such as dopamine, norepinephrine and even serotonin, or modulating GABA, etc, could be performance enhancing is not a wild stretch at all imo.

 

[KillerStack]

Here's an example of what I remembered reading decades ago

Salazar, 35, started taking Prozac last August after consulting with Paul Raether, a sports medicine physician in Portland, Ore., and Jan Smulovitz, an endocrinologist in Eugene, Ore.

It wasn't that he was sad or depressed, Salazar told reporters. It was that the years of intense training, heat prostration and dehydration played havoc with his body's endocrine system and left him susceptible to fatigue, lethargy and illness - a chronic problem with today's elite runners, cyclists and triathletes.

Though no medical research exists, the theory is that overtraining can cause hormonal changes in the brain similar to certain forms of depression, causing a chemical imbalance.

SALAZAR’S

Road racing and Olympic officials think Alberto Salazar’s latest revelation may open a Pandora’s box in endurance sports. The former world-class runner gave much of the credit for his f…

www.sun-sentinel.com

My point is thatit's not necessarily true that SSRIs will automatically decrease performance and they might do the opposite in certain situations. The use of these drugs should be taken seriously though, and negative psychological effects should be monitored.

 

[maldorf]

Yeah, I push the key fob button, but then I still have to try the door handles, just to MAKE SURE it's locked. When the OCD is bad, then I have to walk around the car checking all the doors and the trunk, making sure they're locked. Same thing with checking the doors at night to make sure they're locked before I go to bed, or leaving the house...it's like I just can't make that connection in my head. I have to check and make sure they're locked, even when I know they're locked.

I do that sometimes too! It's not that common these days. I have a security camera in the house and once sat down to watch clips. Just about every day you can see me checking the front door to make sure its locked, even when I can see the latch is turned. Sometimes ill forget to check it when I leave and end up getting out of the car and running up to the front door to check it from the outside. Having the alarm set makes me feel more secure.

 

[Altair]

AAS use can have a direct influence on neurotransmitters, they even influence neurons in your brains at those dosages .
Accepting to continues at a lower dose is a process .Takes time Being on for 10 year will take a while to normalize, its like being fat all you life, sure you can lose the fat and get fit, but it will take time.
"Neuroplasticity" fortunately is The brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life."
Neuroplasticity allows the neurons (nerve cells) in the brain to compensate for injury and disease and to adjust their activities in response to new situations or to changes in their environment.
But it takes time and commitment, the longer you have been on the longer it will take to adapt.
The first thing I would consider is not being too concerned with traditional TRT prescribed doses. Not now-you need to start with the minimum dose that makes you feel well... "alright" and design yourself a protocol that you can stick to tapering down you dosage to where you want to be.
This will creat the correct chemical environment for your body/brain to keep all its functions as you taper your dose. the presence of the brain chemicals are part of speeding your recovery.
SSRI's can be part of the healing process, they have a role in the MECHANICAL process as well. You may consider NSRI's or tri-cyclics or other better suited chemicals (potential for abuse) that will speed up you healing process.
It will take time, and efforts but just like you took your time building your body, take you time getting it to function again.
At no time should you despair.
Make your plan, and stick to it. Its like a contest prep backwards under harder circumstances. The more committed you are to put this behind you- the quicker the process. Flinch, and you will stumble.
STICK TO THE PLAN and at no time second guess yourself .This is uncharted territory but you know enough to pull yourself through.
Good luck to you this is a challenge but you can do it.

Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it.

 

[Altair]

Altair, There's a bunch of people who feel worried and depressed with the gym closing. I'm not depressed by any means, but not being able to be around others isn't good for me. I kind of feel on an island by myself, but I'm focusing on staying positive. Please don't feel like you are the only one not doing well bc I have friends who aren't doing so hot with everything that's going on with Covid-19. I think everyone is somewhat concerned about the unknown, and wondering if life will ever get back to normal. We obviously don't know when we can go on living our lives prior to the virus. Keep your head up! I can assure you, life will get better.

Hey aphextwin thanks, my OCD has been like this before this pandemic. Sure the shutdown is make things worse in certain aspects with no training and all the uncertainty but on the other hand my triggers are mostly outside in public and also with false memory ocd.
That’s when your not sure if the thought you just was just a thought or if it actually just happened. That’s my biggest enemy, my brain.
And the worst part I know it was just a thought, but even a little doubt and boom have to do a ritual to calm my ocd.
I probably threw out thousands worth of stuff out, mostly clothes because of my ocd.
Would you believe my if I told you right now I’m down to 4 tshirts, 1 jogger, one short and one pair of socks? No underwear left.

 

[aphextwin]

Don’t be afraid to seek help from a doctor.

 

[pimpman]

I understand all of that. I think my OCD is mostly checking that things are secured. Checking 2 or 3 times that my upright freezer door is closed, the front door of the house, the garage door, the mailbox door, the car locked, etc. One of the big reasons I've got a good security system on the house.

I suppose that having OCD isn't anything to worry about as long as it doesn't interfere with normal life.

Yes I suffer from the same as you.the making sure everything is closed or locked. I do the freezer my closet door you name it lol. I guess your right. As long as it doesn't interfere with normal life it's not bad at all

 

[pimpman]

Hey aphextwin thanks, my OCD has been like this before this pandemic. Sure the shutdown is make things worse in certain aspects with no training and all the uncertainty but on the other hand my triggers are mostly outside in public and also with false memory ocd.
That’s when your not sure if the thought you just was just a thought or if it actually just happened. That’s my biggest enemy, my brain.
And the worst part I know it was just a thought, but even a little doubt and boom have to do a ritual to calm my ocd.
I probably threw out thousands worth of stuff out, mostly clothes because of my ocd.
Would you believe my if I told you right now I’m down to 4 tshirts, 1 jogger, one short and one pair of socks? No underwear left.

I'm curious why the clothes throwing away?

 

[pimpman]

I've had OCD all my life, but it gets much better when I am on higher doses of testosterone, and much worse when I am on lower doses of testosterone. Mostly as you said, checking things: checking to make sure my credit cards are back in my wallet when I use them at the store, checking to make sure the doors are locked, gym locker locked, car doors locked, all the mail out of the mailbox and the mailbox closed, over and over and over again. I've broken faucets making sure they weren't dripping, and broken several car door handles off checking to make sure my car is locked. Last summer, when I was on TRT levels of testosterone, I couldn't stop myself from kicking or kneeing doors to make sure they were closed and locked, waking my family up in the middle of the night, trying door handles constantly...crazy behaviour.

And exercise and lifting weights always makes things better, always. It is the best therapy I've ever found for killing the demons in my mind. But I overtrain, way too hard and too often, always chasing that high in my head, or making sure I've done enough by proving something to myself: can I do more reps than last time? More weight than last time? It's a never-ending obsession. And I can't take time off from the gym, after a couple days off I am edgy and full of bad energy and need to go kill the demons again. Even when I am travelling or on vacation, I need to go find a gym or use the hotel gym. I can't just sit around and do nothing. It quite literally drives me crazy.

Lmao at the breaking things I seem to want to make sure everything is good that I over do it and break it. Not kidding it's so bad they don't call me by my real name. Everyone calls me MR.Tork I tighten the lids on the soda bottles so tight that no one in the house can open it.they bring it to me and sarcastically say can you open this mr.tork lol. I got that name many years ago from a lifting friend that we worked together our own company. And I tighten the screws or nuts so tight I break the bolt.lol so he see me tightening something and he say easy mr.tork don't break that shitI'm really bad at that.

 

[maldorf]

Hey aphextwin thanks, my OCD has been like this before this pandemic. Sure the shutdown is make things worse in certain aspects with no training and all the uncertainty but on the other hand my triggers are mostly outside in public and also with false memory ocd.
That’s when your not sure if the thought you just was just a thought or if it actually just happened. That’s my biggest enemy, my brain.
And the worst part I know it was just a thought, but even a little doubt and boom have to do a ritual to calm my ocd.
I probably threw out thousands worth of stuff out, mostly clothes because of my ocd.
Would you believe my if I told you right now I’m down to 4 tshirts, 1 jogger, one short and one pair of socks? No underwear left.

Wow, that sounds severe. Can you explain why you throw out perfectly ok clothing? Is it because a piece might have a small stain that doesn't come out in the wash? Do you wash everything in hot water, no warm or cold?

It must be worse now than usual, I can't imagine living years like that. It would get quite expensive. I've got cmothes that are literally decades old, my wife is embarrassed by it!

 

[Cito33189]

i feel like every bodybuilder has ocd. how can you not. its all repetition everyday. When i was a teenager i would get it alot. fear of someone dying then i would have to touch things multiple times and count. when i write this it hits like dam i sound crazy.

at some point if you are aware of your actions you have to fight your brain. i told myself noone is gonna die if i dont touch this 8 times like go fuck yourself. i fight with my brain alot. even with addiction. i go to sex addict meetings and it helps so much just talking about any addiction.

its a fight. you go to battle everyday. you have to be a warrior and it depends how hard you fight your addictions, ocd, demons, whatever. if you are aware of them and mentally capable its your duty to fight them if you want to.

 

[maldorf]

Lmao at the breaking things i seem to want to make sure everything is good that I over do it and break it. Not kidding it's so bad they don't call me by my real name. Everyone calls me MR.Tork i tighten the lids on the soda bottles so tight that no one in the house can open it.they bring it to me and sarcastically say can you open this mr.tork lol. I got that name many years ago from a lifting friend that we worked together our own company. And I tighten the screws or nuts so tight I break the bolt.lol so he see me tightening something and he say easy mr.tork don't break that shit. I'm really bad at that.

Lol. Yeah, I've over tightened bolts too. Many times I'll realize it and end up losing it some afterwards, but then I'll worry its too lose and tighten it again!

A torque wrench is your friend!

 

[LK3]

There have been a bunch of athletes who have used SSRIs like Prozac as performance enhancing drugs. Some credited them for taking them out of a performance slump they couldn't get out of. They said they weren't depressed per se but their performance had been declining for whatever reason and going on Prozac had immediate performance enhancing effects.
Why it seemed to work I don't know but some theorized it balanced an endocrine system that was shot due to overtraining. Depression and overtraining share symptoms.

Benzos are extremely bad in the long run but acutely they too can enhance performance in certain situations. Antidepressants aren't banned in sports but I'm pretty sure benzos are.

It would be interesting to see how many top athletes are on antidepressants. Since they aren't banned there is probably no official data but orgs such as WADA monitors drug trends, even on drugs that aren't banned. I would venture to guess that the use of legal psychotropics is very high in elite athletics.
That elevating neurotransmitters such as dopamine, norepinephrine and even serotonin, or modulating GABA, etc, could be performance enhancing is not a wild stretch at all imo.

im not saying that they arent popular bro.
for me they are super bad news, and for many.
there is a lot too all this.
i know my head shit gets connected to my body shit and exercise of a certain level is important for mental reasons. but i also take it to extremes and the head stuff goes the other way.

i think a lot has to do with cortistol. when that gets elevated after a while it can fuck with your head.

dopamine is hugely important in all of this too.
i just tend to try and increase chems rather then limit them.
....
in all things! lol