For those who remember me, I had a tumor in my liver rupture in 2018 that almost killed me. I’m doing fine now all things considering, still have multiple adenomas on my liver but most have/are shrinking and stable.
I’ve been on doc prescribed test cyp for a year now after being off completely everything for 6 months.
Testosterone levels hover around 700-800ng/dL and estradiol around 20-29pg/mL
Now a little backstory about me. I’ve been dealing with OCD basically most of my life, it came around at about 11/12 years old and hit me really hard. Mostly contamination OCD.
It got under control as I entered puberty and after discovering the gym/bodybuilding the rest was history. I was basically in remission and under control from age 14 to 24 years old, which was when I was hospitalized for ruptured tumor
I was in the hospital for 3 weeks (had 2 surgery’s) being pumped with so much fentanyl, dilaudid, oxycodone, ativan, valium etc. and then they gave me more oxys and percs when I got home. Then was off testosterone for 6 months which made me crash at 62ng/dL.
I’ve never been the same since. My OCD has come back full force like never before.
Every moment of my existence haunts me with OCD, everything I do every second of my life revolves and consists of OCD.
I swear if I didn’t have the willpower and strength that I have inside me I would off myself a long time ago. It’s hard to find purpose when you can’t function as a normal person of society.
I’ve seen one the best psychiatrist in Manhattan (which I can’t afford anymore she charges $500 for a 50 minute session) and she recommended Prozac to start with or Luvox combined with ERP.
I’m really really not a fan off ssris and really feel it’s like putting a bandaid on something and not fixing the root issue. Plus you deal with the weight gain, erectile dysfunction etc.
I feel like after crashing from all those years of grams of test/tren and opioids/benzos in the hospital my serotonin/dopamine never recovered. I feel flat and that my brain is glitching.
Thank you for reading so far, I really appreciate it and any advice/experience you may have.
I’ve been on doc prescribed test cyp for a year now after being off completely everything for 6 months.
Testosterone levels hover around 700-800ng/dL and estradiol around 20-29pg/mL
Now a little backstory about me. I’ve been dealing with OCD basically most of my life, it came around at about 11/12 years old and hit me really hard. Mostly contamination OCD.
It got under control as I entered puberty and after discovering the gym/bodybuilding the rest was history. I was basically in remission and under control from age 14 to 24 years old, which was when I was hospitalized for ruptured tumor
I was in the hospital for 3 weeks (had 2 surgery’s) being pumped with so much fentanyl, dilaudid, oxycodone, ativan, valium etc. and then they gave me more oxys and percs when I got home. Then was off testosterone for 6 months which made me crash at 62ng/dL.
I’ve never been the same since. My OCD has come back full force like never before.
Every moment of my existence haunts me with OCD, everything I do every second of my life revolves and consists of OCD.
I swear if I didn’t have the willpower and strength that I have inside me I would off myself a long time ago. It’s hard to find purpose when you can’t function as a normal person of society.
I’ve seen one the best psychiatrist in Manhattan (which I can’t afford anymore she charges $500 for a 50 minute session) and she recommended Prozac to start with or Luvox combined with ERP.
I’m really really not a fan off ssris and really feel it’s like putting a bandaid on something and not fixing the root issue. Plus you deal with the weight gain, erectile dysfunction etc.
I feel like after crashing from all those years of grams of test/tren and opioids/benzos in the hospital my serotonin/dopamine never recovered. I feel flat and that my brain is glitching.
Thank you for reading so far, I really appreciate it and any advice/experience you may have.