Skeletons in the closet?? What to do...

[little slice]

I don't plan on settling down anytime soon anyway,and even if I do I still see my past as irrelevant. Its not really lying to not bring something up and some things just better left alone. I wouldn't really want to know about a woman's past as it's nothing to do with me what she did when we weren't together. And since we can't change the past any regrets are pointless.

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right, but it's not your view of your past that matters... have you read the original post?

 

[RONJON]

Honestly id say come clean. It's easier said than done, but IMO every time something has weighed on me in my relationship and I've let it out it works out better for me and my life. I WISH I had the guts to do it every time. It definitely takes a lot of courage. Maybe its not always a good thing..but for me it ALWAYS is

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Funny thing, my brother is older than me, actually 49...

I don't think I was directing anything to you but if I was, than you just insulted your brother in regards to the effect that he's 49 and no more mature than a dumb kid. If that's true, then that certainly is unfortunate. If it's not true than you better rephrase.

WTF... listen to yourselves! "coming clean"? You're mate is not your parole officer! Besides, she loves you for who she met today. Not ten years ago! You're all welcome to your opinions, but in MY opinion, I hear some of the most ridiculous shit on this board. No wonder so many of you are lonely. I'm going to drop this thread because I think many of you JUST CAN'T STAND to not know what your women was up do before she met you - yet at the same time, you'll complain she doesn't know how or like to have sex, you're frustrated maybe she can't give a good blowjob, isn't used to anal...

Why don't some of you go find the sluttiest girls in any graduating high school class and maybe eventually you'll find what you're looking for? Hell, I don't know... then you'd still be jealous.


Your insecurities are pathetic. I'm embarrassed... for you!

 

[sammy555]

right, but it's not your view of your past that matters... have you read the original post?

Yes I have and I see the woman's past as completely irrelevant. He wasn't with her when any of this happened. As for the fact it was a married man, well that's his responsibility to stay faithful to his wife, no one else's. Only mistake she really made was coming clean. Should have just focused on the future and forgot the past. The past can't be changed and is pointless bringing up if it can negatively affect the future


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[little slice]

Yes I have and I see the woman's past as completely irrelevant. He wasn't with her when any of this happened. As for the fact it was a married man, well that's his responsibility to stay faithful to his wife, no one else's. Only mistake she really made was coming clean. Should have just focused on the future and forgot the past. The past can't be changed and is pointless bringing up if it can negatively affect the future


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so you advocate living in denial, and lying by omission to your spouse if she inquires as to your past?

you see the past as completely irrelevant you say... would you marry a former prostitute?

 

[richiec]

Means "You Only Live Once" (YOLO)... but lemme tell ya. I know a lot of people that will tell you that a miserable life seems quite long and many even happy elderly people I know are quite happy to grow old and are quite content with the life they've lived and are ready to move on to whatever is next.

If this thread is an indication of anything, it's indicative of emotional immaturity. When you're headed towards 50, you begin to realize that you're entire life, wiser men were watching you talk, thinking, "What a dumbshit!"

I'm not calling anyone a dumbshit but used it more for effect.

The kid ain't ready to marry that girl and that bird ain't ready to get hitched. It's a heartache just waiting to happen. Could be hers, could be his, but it will be one, that I assure you.

OTH, great words right there brother!

 

[richiec]

While I don't agree with everything little slice has said, he is correct in that our past has a lot to do with who we are today. I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, that plays a major role in who I am as a man today. It by no means defines me, but those experiences helped me become who I am today. How we react to situations will define who we are and what we become as we will all face the same or very similar situations in this life.

 

[sammy555]

so you advocate living in denial, and lying by omission to your spouse if she inquires as to your past?

you see the past as completely irrelevant you say... would you marry a former prostitute?

I don't plan to marry any one full stop but that's besides the point. A former prostitute would not be an issue though if them days were behind her. I advocate not bringing up things that are of no relivense to the present. That's not lying. I used to be a big drinker and really into my recreational drugs and the life style that came with it. Haven't touched rec drugs in about 15 years or had a drink in about 3. Don't even smoke anymore so those things are irrelivent as there not who I am now. Not that I care about hiding them as i have no regrets.You could argue I'm a steroid junkie now and that's in the present so that is very relivent and something I wouldn't hide. If I lived in the us where I could go to jail for it I would Damn well hide it though, wife or not. No woman's worth risking jail time for.

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[triathloncoach]

Andrew Dice Clay to a smiling happy young couple in the front row

"So the first time you made love to your girlfriend was she good?"

And the guy gushes with love and pride and nods yes

"How do you think she got that way?"

The first time my wife gave me a blow job it was great. She must have natural talent because I can't imagine she would have ever done that to another guy(sssssssss).

She asked me how many women I have fucked and I was 100% honest. A lot more than I can remember.

 

[triathloncoach]

Why don't some of you go find the sluttiest girls in any graduating high school class and maybe eventually you'll find what you're looking for?

I will take the class of 2013 (>18 years of age) That would be awesome.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

I will take the class of 2013 (>18 years of age) That would be awesome.

I think you train in your basement and your mom still ties your shoes...

 

[raw33man]

While I don't agree with everything little slice has said, he is correct in that our past has a lot to do with who we are today. I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, that plays a major role in who I am as a man today. It by no means defines me, but those experiences helped me become who I am today. How we react to situations will define who we are and what we become as we will all face the same or very similar situations in this life.

But would that be fair game if a woman rejects you because you USED to be a drug junkie ??? Why even risk mentioning it even. YOU ARE CLEAN NOW...

 

[sammy555]

But would that be fair game if a woman rejects you because you USED to be a drug junkie ??? Why even risk mentioning it even. YOU ARE CLEAN NOW...

That's how u see it. As long as you're past the recovery phase obviously

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[richiec]

But would that be fair game if a woman rejects you because you USED to be a drug junkie ??? Why even risk mentioning it even. YOU ARE CLEAN NOW...

I'm married and was straight up with my wife when we were dating. If she would've left for that, then so be it. It's not that I told her every aspect of my life, how much of this and that I did, but I was upfront and told her that I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. If the person can't accept that, then that's not someone to be with for you life. I think something like being a recovering addict/alcoholic is important to share as it can and will help the relationship. It will give them a deeper look into you as a person. Telling someone you banged married chicks and had threesomes with hookers....not so much. That kind of stuff you should keep to yourself
You don't have to tell your gf or bf all the aspects of your past, but some things are good to share as it will help them to understand you more. Regardless of if you want it to or not, your past will be brought up. By running from it or lying about it, it will cause problems. If they pry and pry, hit the door running

 

[turbobusa]

Who cares what she did in the past? That is the past. Only exception here is recently lying then having a moment of clarity and belated honesty.
I'm gonna guess the only reason she "fessed" up is the high probability of being found out sooner or later
I don't need to know every last detail of what my wife did in a prior life. I do however require honesty. I Just hate when people lie . That is probably my number one button pusher. Someone looking me in the eye and lying---even though they know I know they are lying. Fucking disgusting.. T