Something Different, then a typical break up, help needed.

[Juice Freak]

Hey all, I was dumped two months ago by a awesome girl. Now being that I've been through a few relationships I know when it's a good idea to call it quits. Here's the problem, the reason we broke up wasn't because of any differences we had personality, belief, moral wise. The reason we broke up was circumstantial in that I was broken before we got together and wasn't able to grow inside the relationship and get on the path that we both wanted to be on. We got along phenominally but towards the end it was too many dissapointments for her and she made the smart move and ended it because I can be honest with myself and say that I would not or could not change inside the relationship I had been in that pattern for many years (we were together for one). So now the interesting part, ok so after we broke up (been two months) I've given her space, she's with someone new blah blah blah. I don't talk to her by my choice right now because I see no reason to until I deal with my demons for good. The question is what's the best way to approach it when I am there and ready because this girl is very special to me and I believe there was a lot more potential than we tapped into. Her friends told me she felt very let down in our relationship. The shitty part is I became one of those do what ever I was asked whipped guys because it was last ditch to keep her happy because I couldn't change in the way she and I wanted. What's a good gameplan to get her back once I'm ready, and do women really forget about there ex's if they wanted it to work out??? In the mean time I've switched careers into something that I love and make 4x more then I did previously, I solved a lot of my material problems (of course it doesn't matter) but it's nice, and I'm getting some awesome help dealing with the past, so in short my life in on the right path for myself and will stay that way no matter which way it turns out. I would just like to know the best way to approach another shot with a really special girl.

 

[oldfella]

Wellllllll, I would say when you feel the time is right send her some flowers with an apology!! Yes an apology and then call her or set up a time to meet and talk. You did not open up to her by the sounds of things and that is one area where you went wrong. If you had she may have been able to help you sort out your demons as you call them. When you do contact her be brutally honest and open about your misgivings!! There really is no other way to be in this or any situation. let her see who YOU really are and let her make up her mind where it goes from there. I'm no expert with women or relationships but one thing is for sure, first level communication is everything in a relationship. If you involve her in your personal feelings then she will become personally and emotionally attached and will be far more understanding towards your shortcomings. Just tell her straight no candy coating. You would be surprised at where this will go!

 

[buffbabeca]

Just be honest and approach her. just respect if she is with someone new... put yourself in the guys position.. if u were with a girl would u feel disrespected if an ex approach her?

 

[Juice Freak]

That's true Old fella, even though I was always open with her as to how I felt about her, I hid a lot of my past and put on a fascade as to how I was really doing because I hadn't healed and set myself up to be top level, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. When we broke up she actually told me that I wouldn't change and that I wouldn't achieve my dreams harsh yes but she had been let down for a long time, it serves a motivation even though these are issues that I must sort out for myself above all. As far as the other guy is concerned I agree with you buffbabe, I won't disrespect him but I do feel all is fair in love and war, and that if he is right for her then he should have nothing to worry about it, I don't feel bad ending a relationship if I am a better match. I don't think I would even talk or ever associate with him, that would be her thing to deal with however she wishes. I think he just kinda fit into the fairy tale life she wants because of his goals (7 years to go lol.) She did tell her friends after we broke up that I treated her best of all her boyfriends. It's that warn down and beaten dog way I was that I hope she will get past, personality can make people ugly and no one wants to be with someone who is totally whipped like I was, I think only time and healing myself will help this. It was very uncharacteristic of me to become like this. Apperently I also take care of business best as well (after the fact, lol, if that really counts for anything.)

 

[Juice Freak]

I just hope she heals in time, blurs her precepts of me, and can take a look at me for the man I am today and will be tommorow instead of the one I was yesterday. I really just want her to have time to heal and then to sweap her off her feet again. Although she has a habbit of cutting people out of her life, it's how she deals with things that aren't positive in her life.

 

[oldfella]

I just hope she heals in time, blurs her precepts of me, and can take a look at me for the man I am today and will be tommorow instead of the one I was yesterday. I really just want her to have time to heal and then to sweap her off her feet again. Although she has a habbit of cutting people out of her life, it's how she deals with things that aren't positive in her life.

I'll just say this, it is you that needs to heal! She had visions of something that never developed. It was you, by your own admission here that stood in the way. So all she has is this perception/image of you. It is now up to you to prove to her that this was not who you really are. You will need to work on this bro. If sweeping off her feet is to happen you have some work to do. Her image of you is one of disappointment and weakness. As for her cutting negatives out of her life..........do you really blame her? Honestly? I do the same thing my man, if it is that negative it goes!! I try to keep all things positive around me. I do not have time for all the negativity which can lead to hate. This is just not me! Sounds like it is not her either. Good luck and let us know what happens!

 

[Juice Freak]

You are definately right Old fella, the change has already started, I've started a new career (was a problem because I didn't have these ambitions) in a field that I like and the skies the limit as to potential income I've never been in a position to be this financially stable. My no car has turned into a nice new suv, my out of shape bod is being transformed back into a lean and built bod that she has never seen, my hopes for professional sports (was very close 2 pro try outs) is back on track now that I am training hard again and eating properly and not stressed about money, my looks and material outcome has already improved more then I would ever have expected and more than she has ever seen me at, but this is the superphysial. The real sucess I think will be when I have healed inside and when my confidence is unwaverable, but this I have detailed plans for success with, and that's the thing I've learned out of all of this is planning for success with get you there. It's very hard not to talk to her now because I know if I do I might break and reinforce her precepts of how I am. When I'm ready the plan is that she won't be able to argue with herself that I have changed and that I am successful and on top of my game.

 

[oldfella]

You are definately right Old fella, the change has already started, I've started a new career (was a problem because I didn't have these ambitions) in a field that I like and the skies the limit as to potential income I've never been in a position to be this financially stable. My no car has turned into a nice new suv, my out of shape bod is being transformed back into a lean and built bod that she has never seen, my hopes for professional sports (was very close 2 pro try outs) is back on track now that I am training hard again and eating properly and not stressed about money, my looks and material outcome has already improved more then I would ever have expected and more than she has ever seen me at, but this is the superphysial. The real sucess I think will be when I have healed inside and when my confidence is unwaverable, but this I have detailed plans for success with, and that's the thing I've learned out of all of this is planning for success with get you there. It's very hard not to talk to her now because I know if I do I might break and reinforce her precepts of how I am. When I'm ready the plan is that she won't be able to argue with herself that I have changed and that I am successful and on top of my game.

This all sounds very positive and I'm sure that when the time comes she will view it this way as well. But always remember this You do what you haveto/need to for you not for her! She will benefit along the way but the ultimate beneficiary should be SELF. Good luck.

 

[Juice Freak]

Thank you very much Old Fella for the pep talk and the wisdom, I really needed it. I do understand that this all has to be for myself first, because it I do it for myself there is no way it will be a failure no matter how things turn out. It's really hard to care so much for someone and know that it's a long hard road with only yourself to put yourself in the best position and even then there are no guarantees, I miss her a lot.

 

[maxsupplements]

juice...

you mention that you have changed for all these physical and material reasons.. such as new car, new bod, new outlook on life, etc...

but have you really changed INSIDE?

if you havent really FACED your demons, they are still there bro.. chillin out.. if you havent dealt with them they will surface again one day.. you wont knmow when, but they will surface..


i would face my demons. get them in the open, know them, and get over them. get past it. and move forward..

i dont agree with buffbabeca in the respect that if she is dating someone new. hell, go in there. bust it up. you had a longer relationship with her than he has. so, go in there. be poilte and respectful of him and her. and just be honest if you really feel you have what you think you have to offer her...

just think real deep before you really go about doing this.. think it out man..

 

[Juice Freak]

I totally agree, when I sort out the demons of my past, my confidence will be unshakeable until then all the material and superficial things in the world will fall apart like a deck of cards as she will be able to see right through it. Trust me bro, I will be sorted out 100% before I try again with her, or else there is no point. I think the toughest part will be winning her back and getting her to leave her new guy for someone that has already one strike against them.