STILL FCKIN DEPRESSED

[jerseystepup]

I recently had a thread that went a through pages deep about depression... ALOT of people gave great advice on here both through PM and on the boards.. Ive come to realize my depression seems to stem from me relying on someone else to be happy... Mainly in relationships.. I dont have many friends in life.. And recently was left by yet another gf, just because she wasnt "feeling it long term" Im 30 years old, have always wanted nothing more in life than to get married, and have a family... Now out of the only 3 friends that i have, im the only one not there....

I never go out unless its to one of their houses, and im always the 3rd, 5th, or 7th wheel... None of us drink and none of us are into going to clubs/bars whatever, so meeting a grl is virtually impossible... I know for someone else to love me, i have to love myself, and love myself alone... But no matter how hard i try i just cant do it... Im again teetering on the edge because i feel that im a complete worthless piece of shit because no one wants me..

My family pretty much wrote me off when i was 18 because growing up i was a pos scumbag that thought i knew everything... Ive tried to reconcile, but it wont happen... How do i get passed this feeling... my days are gym, work, sleep... i sleep between 14 and 16 hours a day... leaving the house is unbearable because when i go to places such as the beach, mall, bookstore, and i see happy couples it literally kills me.

Im sure ill get a bunch of answers like "man up" "dont be a pussy" "get out there and meet some grls and smash them" But in all honesty im being sincere here and need some help... I dont want to lose it, but i feel like im close.

 

[littlebill]

It sounds as if you may need dome professional help. Sleeping like that and the feelings you are expressing are certainly indicative of depression. Maybe some chemical enhancement- an SSRI? Or possible herbal investigation for the short term till you snap out of it? I can help you with the herbs and such. They can be quite effective.

 

[Miss Q]

Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? I think it might help you to sit down and talk to someone about this, a few times a week. I know because I have seen a therapist on and off for years and it's extremely therapeutic. I actually look forward to it

I hope you get some help...you sound like a really nice guy

 

[jerseystepup]

Im actually on effexor... its about the 6th or 7th med ive tried over the years... as well as one on one counseling with several therapists, group therapy, and reading difft self help books... honestly the same lines get old and only make me feel worse... you bros here have helped me through so much, so i turn to you all again.... people even tell me maybe i need to find "god" which i know can be a sensitive subject.. I am christian, just not practicing, but have a tough time believing in someone who gives people such raw deals...

Im well aware that i have it GREAT compared to most of the world... unfortunatly that logic doesnt help the way i feel when all is said and done

 

[sammy555]

I think you need to break the cycle of sleeping 14-16 hours first of all, i feel like shit if i sleep that long, i no its not easy but another hobby out side the gym mivht give you something to get up for. Mabey if you had a dog to get up and walk, it would give you something to do,so get you out of bed and may be a way to meet people in the park ect. Obviously it would be a commitment for the life time of the dog so dont do it lightly. Mabey some charity work might make you feel better about yousrlf amd let you meet people. The trouble is to be honest unless you've been through it(which i havnt) you'll never know how that person feels or thinks. You'll find a lot of well meaning people like myself trying to help with ideas but were not professionals and this is a difficult problem tp address. You know the answer is to Love your self but you gotta figure how to get there. I do wish you the best and hope you find happiness, wish i could be more help

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

 

[triathloncoach]

Electroconvulsive therapy? You said you have already tried multiple meds.

Or you could buy a rifle and take out the cast of Jersey Shore. That might get you laid. Ive got lots of bullets.

 

[jerseystepup]

Thanks

 

[triathloncoach]

Thanks

Look into my first suggestion. It does work for severe depression that is unresponsive to drugs.

 

[Nssca]

I recently had a thread that went a through pages deep about depression... ALOT of people gave great advice on here both through PM and on the boards.. Ive come to realize my depression seems to stem from me relying on someone else to be happy... Mainly in relationships.. I dont have many friends in life.. And recently was left by yet another gf, just because she wasnt "feeling it long term" Im 30 years old, have always wanted nothing more in life than to get married, and have a family... Now out of the only 3 friends that i have, im the only one not there....

I never go out unless its to one of their houses, and im always the 3rd, 5th, or 7th wheel... None of us drink and none of us are into going to clubs/bars whatever, so meeting a grl is virtually impossible... I know for someone else to love me, i have to love myself, and love myself alone... But no matter how hard i try i just cant do it... Im again teetering on the edge because i feel that im a complete worthless piece of shit because no one wants me..

My family pretty much wrote me off when i was 18 because growing up i was a pos scumbag that thought i knew everything... Ive tried to reconcile, but it wont happen... How do i get passed this feeling... my days are gym, work, sleep... i sleep between 14 and 16 hours a day... leaving the house is unbearable because when i go to places such as the beach, mall, bookstore, and i see happy couples it literally kills me.

Im sure ill get a bunch of answers like "man up" "dont be a pussy" "get out there and meet some grls and smash them" But in all honesty im being sincere here and need some help... I dont want to lose it, but i feel like im close.

This is going to sound a bit mundane..but find a volunteer activity. Help out at the local food bank or see about spending some time helping your local houses for humanities. I know this will sound just plane silly..but the best way to help yourself is to help someone else.

Best way to make yourself happy is to first make someone else feel happy. Any billionaire will tell you...they made their money by helping others make money...now if your doing this out of the motivation just to help yourself it wont help you...truly.... go out and try to help...start with what you got...doenst have to be heroic..just start where you are...right there where you are now.

Smile the next time you meet a stranger...every time...say hello when you'd normally just keep walking...you'll be surprised at how many friends you can make with just a smile an a how are you today....sounds silly...but try it.

A good example is at Christmas time...what the best part of Christmas...sure getting nice things is cool but there is nothing like seeing the face a friend or a child lighten up at what you just gave them...how did that make you feel?... You felt better than if some one gave you tons of money....

That's the key...your in need of giving love and that is what the problem is...you wont find any help in a pill or a hospital stay...your on this earth for a good reason....just need to go and make it happen...Just do it. Give some of yourself to someone how needs it.... !!!!

 

[bigsport]

This is going to sound a bit mundane..but find a volunteer activity. Help out at the local food bank or see about spending some time helping your local houses for humanities. I know this will sound just plane silly..but the best way to help yourself is to help someone else.

Best way to make yourself happy is to first make someone else feel happy. Any billionaire will tell you...they made their money by helping others make money...now if your doing this out of the motivation just to help yourself it wont help you...truly.... go out and try to help...start with what you got...doenst have to be heroic..just start where you are...right there where you are now.

Smile the next time you meet a stranger...every time...say hello when you'd normally just keep walking...you'll be surprised at how many friends you can make with just a smile an a how are you today....sounds silly...but try it.

A good example is at Christmas time...what the best part of Christmas...sure getting nice things is cool but there is nothing like seeing the face a friend or a child lighten up at what you just gave them...how did that make you feel?... You felt better than if some one gave you tons of money....

That's the key...your in need of giving love and that is what the problem is...you wont find any help in a pill or a hospital stay...your on this earth for a good reason....just need to go and make it happen...Just do it. Give some of yourself to someone how needs it.... !!!!

agree with this 100%. You need to get out and get yourself busy, whether it be thru helping others, getting a hobby, joining a flag football team, basketball, etc. It may feel awkward at first just like anything new in life, but give it a month and ill bet you fit in.

As for the women issue, join match.com or plentyoffish, you will surely find a girl on there if you are only 30. Just don't give up your hobbies or friends when you find a girl like many people do. Stay true to you.

 

[Aliendogstar]

First of all...man up and quit being a pussy. LOL! Hopefully that cracked a smile. Depression is a MOFO! I've suffered from it my entire life. My mom said that I was even a depressed baby. :cheeky-s; Anyway, it sounds like you've been exploring a little about yourself. Depression is anger turned inwards. For whatever reason, you don't like yourself or don't feel your worthy of being liked or loved. You probably seek a lot of outside validation and that's ok...because we all do to some degree. Perhaps you suffer from discontentment....never happy no matter where you at. Always thinking, if I achieve this....then I'll be happy. Outside of meds, a few things have "helped". Acceptance and Empathy are HUGE! Learn to ACCEPT who you are and realize you might be wired a little different than everyone else. Don't get caught up in coveting what others have. Don't curse GOD for making you this way. These are all things that will lead you back to feeling damned. Easier said than done, right? It's a process. Empathy also helped me a lot. I don't know your history but I came from a verbally abusive alcoholic home and felt unwanted and unloved. It wasn't until I forgave my parents and realized that they're not perfect people that I started experiencing some freedom from doom. They loved me but didn't know how to show it because they were never shown love growing up. It becomes multi-generational....if you let it. Perhaps you could share more about why you feel this way and where it all stems from. Families don't write people off for being arrogant. I'm sure there is more to this story.

 

[Rain]

I know exactly how you feel. It's like you are swimming in the middle of the ocean and you don't see land anywhere, like you are swimming forever.

Find a hobby, something you really like and when you go to sleep you can't wait to wake up and go do it again. It's not easy to find, but keep searching until you find it.

Good luck!

 

[Chipper Jones78]

This is going to sound a bit mundane..but find a volunteer activity. Help out at the local food bank or see about spending some time helping your local houses for humanities. I know this will sound just plane silly..but the best way to help yourself is to help someone else.

Best way to make yourself happy is to first make someone else feel happy. Any billionaire will tell you...they made their money by helping others make money...now if your doing this out of the motivation just to help yourself it wont help you...truly.... go out and try to help...start with what you got...doenst have to be heroic..just start where you are...right there where you are now.

Smile the next time you meet a stranger...every time...say hello when you'd normally just keep walking...you'll be surprised at how many friends you can make with just a smile an a how are you today....sounds silly...but try it.

A good example is at Christmas time...what the best part of Christmas...sure getting nice things is cool but there is nothing like seeing the face a friend or a child lighten up at what you just gave them...how did that make you feel?... You felt better than if some one gave you tons of money....
That's the key...your in need of giving love and that is what the problem is...you wont find any help in a pill or a hospital stay...your on this earth for a good reason....just need to go and make it happen...Just do it. Give some of yourself to someone how needs it.... !!!!

Great advice here.

To the OP:
Help others, this will help heal your soul. Sounds like it's hurting within.

When you make someone smile, you will see and feell what your searching for.

Also as a fellow Christian, don't give up hope, easy for me to say this, I know. I sometimes still question the Lord and ask "when is it suppose to get better"

God Bless

Chip

 

[jerseystepup]

I thank you all for your replies... I dont want you to think im being a dick, or being stupid by not writing back.. im reading everything everyone is saying and taking it in... I just dont know what to say.. i really dont.

I dont want pitty from people, the people that see me in the gym everyday would be shocked to hear i have even a little bit of depression... im great at putting on a fake smile and making people think its ok..

The main reason me and my parents dont speak anymore... i bought a house and was engaged at a VERY young age... i fell out of love unfortunatly, and the best thing for me to do was leave before we were marriage or there were kids involved.. Well that wasnt ok with my parents.. basicly my ex (who is now engaged again) is their new daughter... when i walked away from her, my parents and her were so close, and she was so hurt, that they comforted her and looked at me like the asshole..

I ran accross her recently in the grocery store and she actually told me she just got back from a cruise with my parents.. very disheartening

Now when i say parents i mean my mother and stepfather... my father left when my mother was pregnant and i never met him.. i was raised by my mother and my aunt (who is now passed). Perhaps thats why i feel the need to have a woman in my life.. Dont get me wrong, when im in a relationship, im not looking for the mother figure, ive always been independant, and the one to take care of my significant other, but im sure there is a connection.

As far as dating sites.. Im on them all, i really cant afford them anymore, so POF and okcupid (the free ones) are the only ones im on now.. The only thing in life i look forward to is the gym.. and when im in the gym all i can think about is getting home and getting in bed for the rest of the day... i hold back tears just when sitting on the couch alone. its terrible..

I honestly feel like such a pussy talking about all this... doesnt seem very macho or manly... but im only human, and im at my breaking point... its not as easy for me to push myself to get out as you guys think it is... i dont mean to come accross as rude, but idk what else to say.

 

[ectomorpheus]

Ive been in your shoes bro. Meds help. Get shredded and get out on the scene and youll find someone else.

 

[jerseystepup]

get shredded and get out on the scene? why didnt i think of that? thank you for solving all of my problems..

 

[ectomorpheus]

Look man. Im not trying to be a dick but more give you some tough love. I was once in your shoes. But youve got to realize you have a lot more to offer someone when YOU give YOURSELF the chance to. You first have to be happy and confident in yourself before you can give that to someone else. I dont care how many dates you go on. Woman can sense weakness and in this day in age it is NOT attractive at all. Youve got to face your demons head on. Make up with your parents if you can, get a few new hobbys, dont be afraid of meeting new people. Sitting alone in your bed is not gonna help you. YOU have to help YOU.

You will be amazed at how your entire life will change when you forget about the pussy and focus on yourself. New job/promotion/new physical changes ect. Dont give yourself a minute to sit and dwell. As you change so will your situation. Do it for yourself bro.

 

[TODouble2]

hey, you don't have to go out to bars and clubs to meet girls. i've found its harder to talk to them in situations like that. they're expecting it. and they're with their friends so they put on a front.

the more you get out of the house the more people you meet. i met plenty of girls by making them smile at work she was whether a store clerk or whatever. catch them offguard. and keep up with them dating sites. they work too.

i wish you the best man.

 

[warrior504th]

I will only chime on one part bro, meeting girls. Bars are where you get laid, not meet girls IMO. I've never met a girl worth dating at a bar. Ever.

 

[liftalot79]

Have been there!!!

When I have bouts like that something always walks into my life for example:
My 4yr cousin Tumors on Both Optic nerves, blind in one eye at 2yrs of age, cemo countless time and just had his 7th Blood transfusion. His mom said at the transfusion yesterday he was crackin jokes.

IF he's not depressed I'm not. It cure me oh yeah and about 20mins of cying until my Nose was plugged and my eyes were puffy. Find somebody that is less Fortunate or go to the YWCA, boys club you will feel better. I promised:headbang: