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- Joined
- Apr 3, 2008
- Messages
- 298
I know many of you enjoy “storytime with Lats” as I do, so I felt you may enjoy my adventures as well. They aren’t going to be lifting stories, probably not even gym stories. As many of you know already, or can visually see by my profile I live in Las Vegas. Sure I can put stories of working out with Carrot Top, Side by side with Andrew Dice Clay and his son Max. Hell I’ve superset and worked in on machines with Jay Cutler, Mr. Olympia himself. But, that’s not what this story is about. I thought today’s was extremely funny but i may have a warped sense of humber with all the midget posting going on here lately. I had to laugh literally out load at this guy as I circled him.
I’ve seen and been through amazing things in my young 32 years. I come from a very tiny farm town in southwest Ohio. The only thing to leave and be successful somewhere else,(besides me) as far as I know, are 1 guy in LA screen writing and staring in less than stellar D list straight to video movies, and Curtis Enis. Curtis was a spectacular running back for Penn State, then on to the Chicago Bears for a season or 2, but now selling cars somewhere in Illinois.
Now I hate long winded blowhard posts as much as the next guy and generally bore easy and skim through them, but I felt the introduction was necessary as this may be a regular thing. I really loved creative writing in school so I may over explain things to paint a clear picture.
I work downtown here in Las Vegas. I take it upon myself to get off my ass and take a walk at least once a day. As an IT manager, I have the freedom to do so. As some of my fellow colleagues here know, this profession gives a lot of down time to walk, play games, read forums, basically whatever you want. My walks are a bit different than the fat lady in the light blue business suit that wears yellow sneakers on her lunch break to power walk her big ass down to starbucks for a 2000 calorie meal with a “skinny nonfat latte). And thus, the story begins………….
I walk to downtown Las Vegas, Freemont Street as it’s known here to us locals. I see every type of weirdo you can imagine. Let’s face it, downtown is not exactly where the rich and classy hang out. It’s not the MGM or even the slums of the Imperial Palace, its way worse!!
So today I start my stroll with a skinny caramel latte + protein, you know cause starbucks wants you to be healthy and all with your doughnuts and shit. I dodge a few homeless guys, a guy in pigtales wanting to know "heyo, where the payphones is" and continue my speed walk. It’s a few blocks to my destination and I want to be able to spend as much time as possible down there to get a good whiff of what’s going on. I've seen nearly everything, even early in the morning like this. I’ve seen chicks walking around in nearly see through skirts, clearly leaving some fat Midwest guy’s hotel room to catch a cab. I see grandma in her reindeer sweater wearing beads and screaming at me because she likes my ass. I see old drunken idiots at 9:30am spilling their 6’ long margarita as they dance to their 80’s tunes blasting down the entire street. Today I see something different that caught me off guard.
I didn’t think to snap a picture so ill describe it as best as possible. I see a fairly clean balding old man, white hair white beard wearing a wal mart polo style shirt, typical tourist jeans and white new balance sneakers. He’s holding a beer and sipping it. He appears normal as he has his cell phone up to his ear. Then I see him bring the phone down and scream into it. I smirked at first and kept on walking towards him. Phone goes once again, up to ear, then down in front of his face and screams. Now I really start laughing at him. I pass him and see something weird. It appears as though he is putting the mic part (you know the part you talk in to) of the cheesy free flip phone up to his ear. I think to myself, no fucking way and walk past him. The street dead end’s and I circle around back towards 4th street to go back to work. I still see this dude screaming into his phone in front of his face and then again, put the mic up to his ear. Now I really got to see what’s up. I walk back over to him only to see my assumptions are correct. He has the mic up to his ear, he squinting like he’s taking a horrific shit because he can’t hear the guy on the other side. He then takes the phone, holds it out in front of his face and yells into the speaker side of the phone that he “can’t fucking hear you” I really start laughing and actually get a look from him at this point. So I start circling around him like a hawk on a mouse just to make sure I’m seeing what I’m seeing. He continues to listen to the mic squinting and squatting lower to the ground like its going to better his reception if the phone gets closer to his shoes and then hold the phone out in front of his face to yell into the speaker and go about his conversation like that’s how normal people talk on phones. I must have circled him laughing 10 or 15 times slowly, laughing aloud with every scream.
Anyway, I know that was long for not much of a punch line, but this kind of shit cracks me up. I see every type of person down here. I am now addicted to walking down there at least once most times twice a day to get a good look of the oblivious world of cooks that most people don’t get to see. I’m going to start taking pictures of these people as I write so I can share the madness. I hope you enjoyed it and at least let my windbag ass bring a smirk to your face.
-M00SHUE
I’ve seen and been through amazing things in my young 32 years. I come from a very tiny farm town in southwest Ohio. The only thing to leave and be successful somewhere else,(besides me) as far as I know, are 1 guy in LA screen writing and staring in less than stellar D list straight to video movies, and Curtis Enis. Curtis was a spectacular running back for Penn State, then on to the Chicago Bears for a season or 2, but now selling cars somewhere in Illinois.
Now I hate long winded blowhard posts as much as the next guy and generally bore easy and skim through them, but I felt the introduction was necessary as this may be a regular thing. I really loved creative writing in school so I may over explain things to paint a clear picture.
I work downtown here in Las Vegas. I take it upon myself to get off my ass and take a walk at least once a day. As an IT manager, I have the freedom to do so. As some of my fellow colleagues here know, this profession gives a lot of down time to walk, play games, read forums, basically whatever you want. My walks are a bit different than the fat lady in the light blue business suit that wears yellow sneakers on her lunch break to power walk her big ass down to starbucks for a 2000 calorie meal with a “skinny nonfat latte). And thus, the story begins………….
I walk to downtown Las Vegas, Freemont Street as it’s known here to us locals. I see every type of weirdo you can imagine. Let’s face it, downtown is not exactly where the rich and classy hang out. It’s not the MGM or even the slums of the Imperial Palace, its way worse!!
So today I start my stroll with a skinny caramel latte + protein, you know cause starbucks wants you to be healthy and all with your doughnuts and shit. I dodge a few homeless guys, a guy in pigtales wanting to know "heyo, where the payphones is" and continue my speed walk. It’s a few blocks to my destination and I want to be able to spend as much time as possible down there to get a good whiff of what’s going on. I've seen nearly everything, even early in the morning like this. I’ve seen chicks walking around in nearly see through skirts, clearly leaving some fat Midwest guy’s hotel room to catch a cab. I see grandma in her reindeer sweater wearing beads and screaming at me because she likes my ass. I see old drunken idiots at 9:30am spilling their 6’ long margarita as they dance to their 80’s tunes blasting down the entire street. Today I see something different that caught me off guard.
I didn’t think to snap a picture so ill describe it as best as possible. I see a fairly clean balding old man, white hair white beard wearing a wal mart polo style shirt, typical tourist jeans and white new balance sneakers. He’s holding a beer and sipping it. He appears normal as he has his cell phone up to his ear. Then I see him bring the phone down and scream into it. I smirked at first and kept on walking towards him. Phone goes once again, up to ear, then down in front of his face and screams. Now I really start laughing at him. I pass him and see something weird. It appears as though he is putting the mic part (you know the part you talk in to) of the cheesy free flip phone up to his ear. I think to myself, no fucking way and walk past him. The street dead end’s and I circle around back towards 4th street to go back to work. I still see this dude screaming into his phone in front of his face and then again, put the mic up to his ear. Now I really got to see what’s up. I walk back over to him only to see my assumptions are correct. He has the mic up to his ear, he squinting like he’s taking a horrific shit because he can’t hear the guy on the other side. He then takes the phone, holds it out in front of his face and yells into the speaker side of the phone that he “can’t fucking hear you” I really start laughing and actually get a look from him at this point. So I start circling around him like a hawk on a mouse just to make sure I’m seeing what I’m seeing. He continues to listen to the mic squinting and squatting lower to the ground like its going to better his reception if the phone gets closer to his shoes and then hold the phone out in front of his face to yell into the speaker and go about his conversation like that’s how normal people talk on phones. I must have circled him laughing 10 or 15 times slowly, laughing aloud with every scream.
Anyway, I know that was long for not much of a punch line, but this kind of shit cracks me up. I see every type of person down here. I am now addicted to walking down there at least once most times twice a day to get a good look of the oblivious world of cooks that most people don’t get to see. I’m going to start taking pictures of these people as I write so I can share the madness. I hope you enjoyed it and at least let my windbag ass bring a smirk to your face.
-M00SHUE
