The Alcoholism/Rehab Thread

showstopper83 · Nov 28, 2021

Anyone who has suffered through alcoholism or addiction themselves or had a loved one is welcome to post here.

Myself, I am a recovered alcoholic/addict. A few years ago, my addiction took me to homelessness and i nearly lost my life and my freedom. I didnt have the luxury of a ritzy rehab facility to help me, no disrespect at all to those who do, but i had to do it the hard way- cold turkey, at homeless shelter and church rescue mission recovery program. 4 years later and I am self supportive, have a career and money in the bank and growing my business. Other than a couple minor relapses, i have no desire for dope any more, and have even gotten sick of smoking weed (makes me paranoid and anxious now).

I recently reconnected with my ex gf who i have known for 20 years- we were each other's first love, had an entire life planned together that went sideways. I have never met such a perfect girl for me, and she says the same. Will spare the details, but a friend of mine who years ago got into our business and took it on himself to cause problems with her family with our business ruined things at the time. It had been 6-7 years ago since we last spoke.

We got back in touch and long story short, she admitted me made a gigantic mistake and begged for my forgiveness. She was in a miserable marriage and said she thought about me all the time and knew she fucked up and hated herself for it.. after a couple weeks, she decided she was filing for divorce, leaving him and wanted to work things out with me.

She has become a complete alcoholic in her depression and misery- she tried to downplay her drinking at first, even though i could tell. She finally came clean after everything was filed and she walked away that she has been hiding drinks and getting a lot more fucked up than she was letting on. A lot of people had begged her to go to rehab for some time, but i was able to get through to her. I had her go to an AA meeting and asked her to speak with the lady heading it who put her in touch with another lady who had similar trauma's that she connected with well.... 3 days laters and she is in detox and committed to a 90 day program and will probably be on the other side of the country. She will be going to a female only facility.

We were supposed to be spending the holidays together, and i know if i had told her not to go she would have listened... but it was the right thing to do. She was very broken and absolutely needs it.

Has anyone in here had a significant other go off to rehab for a long period or had to go to rehab while in a relationship?

USMuscle9403 · Nov 28, 2021

here's part of my story and relapse.

https://www.professionalmuscle.com/forums/index.php?threads/things-are-getting-the-best-of-me-i-need-help.165394/

speaking of relapse, doing so doesn't mean you've failed, it's a mere bump in the road. it's not how many times you've fallen, it's how many times you get back up. the cop looked at me and said, "that's not how a sobriety test works, sir", but it sounded good at the time

I wouldn't say I'm fully 'recovered', I don't know if I'll ever be, but I've done really damn well, in my very unhumble opinion. it's always an uphill battle and some days are much worse than others. I went to a sober living facility after a failed attempt at engagement to be married (on top of working 78 hard hours a week). I did nothing but work and drink until I called out too often and used all my vacation and sick time. Lost my job, did nothing but drink and eat until I was kicked out of my house for nonpayment of taxes. It's not that I didn't have the money, it was that I didn't give a fuck. Fast forward three years and I'm on the mend and have come a long way. I just turned 37 today, I consider myself to have come a long way, but there's still a long way to go. I'm nowhere close to where I should be, not even to what I was before (monetarily speaking), but I'm still alive and life has sent me down a different path.

TrippplePPP · Nov 28, 2021

One of my best friends married a girl I knew since I was like 5. Both got hooked on heroine and met in rehab. Both are doing well and are still married.

I agree with above, relapse is not bad thing. It can be practice on getting back on track and when you find what works for you to get back on track then you repeat those steps.

By listening to your story I have a feeling you and this girls will do well. You sound like you have matured into addressing the issue very thoughtfully.

showstopper83 · Nov 29, 2021

USMuscle9403 said:
here's part of my story and relapse.

https://www.professionalmuscle.com/forums/index.php?threads/things-are-getting-the-best-of-me-i-need-help.165394/

speaking of relapse, doing so doesn't mean you've failed, it's a mere bump in the road. it's not how many times you've fallen, it's how many times you get back up. the cop looked at me and said, "that's not how a sobriety test works, sir", but it sounded good at the time

I wouldn't say I'm fully 'recovered', I don't know if I'll ever be, but I've done really damn well, in my very unhumble opinion. it's always an uphill battle and some days are much worse than others. I went to a sober living facility after a failed attempt at engagement to be married (on top of working 78 hard hours a week). I did nothing but work and drink until I called out too often and used all my vacation and sick time. Lost my job, did nothing but drink and eat until I was kicked out of my house for nonpayment of taxes. It's not that I didn't have the money, it was that I didn't give a fuck. Fast forward three years and I'm on the mend and have come a long way. I just turned 37 today, I consider myself to have come a long way, but there's still a long way to go. I'm nowhere close to where I should be, not even to what I was before (monetarily speaking), but I'm still alive and life has sent me down a different path.

Brother, meth was my vice, and i have had a couple minor relapses since i left my recovery program 4 years ago. Every time you relapse, its scarier than the last and those experiences, along with building a new career and getting back in shape, have pushed me further away from ever wanting to touch it again. I still have my days where my mind plays tricks on me and tries to tell me "Well it would be ok if you just did a little every here and there only when you have sex", but these are lies an addict tells himself.

Its been over a year and half since i last touched it at all and have no intention to. Lifes going in a good direction for me and its a recipe to once again fuck everything ive rebuilt.

USMuscle9403 · Nov 29, 2021

showstopper83 said:
Brother, meth was my vice, and i have had a couple minor relapses since i left my recovery program 4 years ago. Every time you relapse, its scarier than the last and those experiences, along with building a new career and getting back in shape, have pushed me further away from ever wanting to touch it again. I still have my days where my mind plays tricks on me and tries to tell me "Well it would be ok if you just did a little every here and there only when you have sex", but these are lies an addict tells himself.

Its been over a year and half since i last touched it at all and have no intention to. Lifes going in a good direction for me and its a recipe to once again fuck everything ive rebuilt.

every time you relapse, it only brings back memories of how low you've ever gotten. any time I've ever done it, I just picture myself once again penniless and hopeless, on the border of just ending it all for good. I've felt and tasted cold steel enough to know that it's not how I want to be found, not by my family or loved ones

fuckin meth? I watched a friend of mine completely forget his wife and kid for it. great job, great wife, great kid, great life. he's trying to rebuild his relationships, which can be next to impossible when they know you're an addict

caps83 · Dec 1, 2021

You probably know all of this since you are actively in recovery, she probably needs to focus on herself over the next 90 days. She is just getting out of a failed marriage, which details of that only she and her ex really know, so this will be a good time to for her to evaluate some things and reach out to women for support. Rehab is probably a good choice for her, it's really easy to try and fix ourselves with a new relationship and not really address what is going on. I don't care how long someone has in recovery, 1 year, 4,10, 15 plus, we are drawn to women in distress. In my experience the important things are:
both of your recoveries (over the relationship). All we can really control is our own actions towards recovery
the relationship may work out and be wonderful, or it may not but still be wonderful. I have been in a similar situation and thank god it didn't work out, I wouldn't be with who I am today. At the time it certainly didn't seem that way, but things tend to turn out the way they are supposed to if I get out of the way. My first sponsor once told me "love at it's least, is not inhibiting the spiritual growth of another human being"
I hope this is taken well, I'm speaking from experience and have been through the wringer with relationships in recovery. The good thing is I didn't go get them up over them ( I did act out at times and had to look at that shit ) and grew from them, ultimately my recovery had to come first and the rest worked itself out.

showstopper83 · Dec 1, 2021

caps83 said:
You probably know all of this since you are actively in recovery, she probably needs to focus on herself over the next 90 days. She is just getting out of a failed marriage, which details of that only she and her ex really know, so this will be a good time to for her to evaluate some things and reach out to women for support. Rehab is probably a good choice for her, it's really easy to try and fix ourselves with a new relationship and not really address what is going on. I don't care how long someone has in recovery, 1 year, 4,10, 15 plus, we are drawn to women in distress. In my experience the important things are:
both of your recoveries (over the relationship). All we can really control is our own actions towards recovery
the relationship may work out and be wonderful, or it may not but still be wonderful. I have been in a similar situation and thank god it didn't work out, I wouldn't be with who I am today. At the time it certainly didn't seem that way, but things tend to turn out the way they are supposed to if I get out of the way. My first sponsor once told me "love at it's least, is not inhibiting the spiritual growth of another human being"
I hope this is taken well, I'm speaking from experience and have been through the wringer with relationships in recovery. The good thing is I didn't go get them up over them ( I did act out at times and had to look at that shit ) and grew from them, ultimately my recovery had to come first and the rest worked itself out.

I hear what you are saying and it aligns with what everyone says... but this isnt a "new relationship", we have known each other intimately for 20 years and were in a very serious relationship with a life planned out together for many of those years.

Still, there is a lot of damage control to be done, and i know she had some major issues from a dysfunctional and toxic family situation growing up LONG before she had substance issues that need to be ironed out.

I am just going about my life and work as is, its out of my hands and i know this would be a train wreck if she doesnt get help with her alcoholism and issues before we become anything serious again.

I have dated and been with countless girls since her, some of them absolutely beautiful and its never been close to the same kind of connection on every level that ive had with her.

She admitted to me a day or two before she left that her acting irrational and fucking things up with me was the biggest regret of her life and is a big reason why she drinks so much.

I am okay with her taking time to focus on her issues and sobriety- being on the other side of the country during a weird pandemic with flight restrictions and getting stuck out there makes me uncomfortable.

MissKarynne · Jul 7, 2023

I wish there was an answer to addiction. Rehabs are a business. Most if not all don’t get sober, I’ve been to 20 rehabs and failed. Rehabs say come back but I say for what? You to make money. 12 meeting the mental hygiene is better in some bars. I had to grow up , set goals, ask for help from people that know about trams, my priest really helped and now I’m a different person, but that Desmond will always be waiting. I needed to be happy rid myself of shame and guilt. I had to get married that’s why there’s men and women we need mates. Lieing, cheating, other addictions, any divent behavior is not for me. I feel strongly about what I say from exp.
To tell you the truth my friends son needs rehab and I found a Scientology rehab they talk about getting better and living life there no scam and no I’m not a Scientologist just a person looking for real help. 12steps Don’t Work. Dealing with life and fixing your life does. People that own rehabs should be arrested. And yeah sober living houses? Scam 2 people 2 druggies new to sobriety should not hang out. Grow up adults should get a life not hang out period

juggy38 · Jul 8, 2023

I have so many thoughts….

I am 18 days sober. Last year, my fiancé left me because I was a functional alcoholic. I went to work. I was in graduate school, holding a 3.7 GPA….and drinking every night.

She left and I got worse. I pulled out of school, as I didn’t want to fuck up my gpa and also I didn’t care anymore. I still did my work Duties, and did well at work. Nobody knew I had a problem.

One night she texted me asking how I was doing and we started talking more and more. I had been going to AA, and I was sober maybe 1/2 of the days a week.

I wanted her back. I went to a rehab in Mexico and she went with me for support. She’s in my life, and she’s actually gonna try to be with me. (Pending sobriety)

So as someone who is a mental health specialist….the chances of rehab working and her staying sober is VERY slim and your going to be hurt by the addict more likely.

But as an addict who gets a second chance with their person……some people do fight that demon back into the closet. I hope she beats it, and your gonna have to just pray to whatever gods you believe in for clarity, and make that decision with your heart.

SAVAGEPMHNP · Jul 10, 2023

I celebrated 14 years clean in January. I do the recovery thing (meetings, steps, sponsor) as it has been the only thing that ever has worked for me. But there are obviously MANY ways to do it but that is what has worked for me. Lying, cheating, stealing, jails, institutions, high school drop out, detox, car accidents are all part of my story so I have definitely have been through a lot because of addiction! Started using all kinds of drugs at 12ish and didn't get clean until 24! I used anything and everything I could get my hands on but what brought me down the deepest were opiates.

Will be graduating from Psych NP school in a few more semesters and am really hoping to get my foot in the door working in addictions! I'll tell you one thing, if I can get and stay clean you guys can too, for sure! There is always hope if you are alive and breathing! And you're right, relapse can many times trigger you to be more motivated and diligent with recovery and staying clean! You guys can reach out to me if need be on here for any suggestions, advice, etc!

juggy38 · Jul 11, 2023

SAVAGEPMHNP said:
I celebrated 14 years clean in January. I do the recovery thing (meetings, steps, sponsor) as it has been the only thing that ever has worked for me. But there are obviously MANY ways to do it but that is what has worked for me. Lying, cheating, stealing, jails, institutions, high school drop out, detox, car accidents are all part of my story so I have definitely have been through a lot because of addiction! Started using all kinds of drugs at 12ish and didn't get clean until 24! I used anything and everything I could get my hands on but what brought me down the deepest were opiates.

Will be graduating from Psych NP school in a few more semesters and am really hoping to get my foot in the door working in addictions! I'll tell you one thing, if I can get and stay clean you guys can too, for sure! There is always hope if you are alive and breathing! And you're right, relapse can many times trigger you to be more motivated and diligent with recovery and staying clean! You guys can reach out to me if need be on here for any suggestions, advice, etc!

Bro psych NP right here

SAVAGEPMHNP · Jul 12, 2023

juggy38 said:
Bro psych NP right here

No way man!! I might PM you and pick your brain about some things if that’s ok!

MissKarynne · Jul 12, 2023

juggy38 said:
I have so many thoughts….

I am 18 days sober. Last year, my fiancé left me because I was a functional alcoholic. I went to work. I was in graduate school, holding a 3.7 GPA….and drinking every night.

She left and I got worse. I pulled out of school, as I didn’t want to fuck up my gpa and also I didn’t care anymore. I still did my work Duties, and did well at work. Nobody knew I had a problem.

One night she texted me asking how I was doing and we started talking more and more. I had been going to AA, and I was sober maybe 1/2 of the days a week.

I wanted her back. I went to a rehab in Mexico and she went with me for support. She’s in my life, and she’s actually gonna try to be with me. (Pending sobriety)

So as someone who is a mental health specialist….the chances of rehab working and her staying sober is VERY slim and your going to be hurt by the addict more likely.

But as an addict who gets a second chance with their person……some people do fight that demon back into the closet. I hope she beats it, and your gonna have to just pray to whatever gods you believe in for clarity, and make that decision with your heart.

Look into the book the addiction cure. The guy that owns passages of Malibu wrote it. And trams counseling. Deal with the underling thinking, and you will get sober. Also celebrate recovery is a great program. I’m telling you aa is no fix. I’m not saying 12 step process isn’t good it’s just not a fix. And you deal with disrespectful asshole there. That on the street would get knocked out for their behavior. Real talk

Hatchet · Jul 12, 2023

AUG will be 4 years w/ out booze for me, after 40 yrs of drinking heavily. (Age 13 to 53).
Just did it cold turkey, used AA (Al-Anon) for a year, but it wasn't for me, I dont need it.
Great program for those that do. The last 20 years I drank 5-6 days a week. (Hard stuff).

Great once one finally stops, feeling great...

btmayor · Sep 9, 2023

I had my big bout with alcoholism and also addiction priorly. It's not easy to put in the work when you feel like crap. I don't just mean the programs work, I mean being a good person to others and gaining emotional maturity.

I like A.A. and NA but hate when people say that white knuckling and toughing it out doesn't work. It's proven to be a massive massive part in building new neuropathways unrelated to addiction. Also picking up new hobbies you didn't do while using helps.

I felt absolutely miserable for two years every single day before I started to feel better. What got me through was escitalopram and SR Wellbutrin used to quit smoking because it works on the dopamine pathway unlike SSRIs.