Thinking about someone and getting over them

[massnup]

How do you quit thinking of someone that you know you don't need to be with and will you get over them and the thoughts of them when it seems like you never will?

 

[EVERLAST]

well.....................

I can answer you with some real life experience, my friend.
I have been through what you are going to...
but out of respect for the woman I love now (Sassy)

PM me and I'll tell you my story.
Long and the short is sometimes we get obssessed.

 

[7_Deadly_Sins]

Depends how long you been with them. if it was for a long time(good ammount of time spent with them), then it'll keep up and thigns will remind you of them.
Just dont worry, you're not crazy, they'll go away when you're with someone else and fade as the years go on.

 

[massnup]

Depends how long you been with them. if it was for a long time(good ammount of time spent with them), then it'll keep up and thigns will remind you of them.
Just dont worry, you're not crazy, they'll go away when you're with someone else and fade as the years go on.

2 years and 3 months.

 

[pesty4077]

How do you quit thinking of someone that you know you don't need to be with and will you get over them and the thoughts of them when it seems like you never will?

Sometimes you will never forget them. In 1986 I was madly in love with this beautiful girl. She dumped me, I was devastated. Every once in a great while you will here a certain song or event and remember that person. I can tell you with time, pain will lesson. The good news about her breaking up with me is a I have met the most wonderful woman in the world, who loves me with all her heart. The one you think is right for you sometimes isn't, only time will tell.

 

[EVERLAST]

pesty

that is sooooo very true.
sometimes the one you are sure is "the one"
is so wrong it is laughable.
But you dont see it at the time.

 

[Designbuilt]

It's tough bro, very tough

I broke up with the love of my life back in 1997. It was a crazy year. I was living in Miami and sometimes in Mexico, it was a fun time, I was in my early 20's,
but a bit too imature at the time and I broke it off with her.

I came back to Chicago a few years later met my wife and never really quite got over the first girl.

I've been with my wife for 10 years, married for
8 3/4 and I love her very much we have a beautiful baby boy who looks just like me and is going to be 2; I love him with everything that I have and that I am.

But I still think of the first girl, I had a dream about her a few days ago infact, and I get nostalgic when I think about her, but I remind myself that everything
happens for a reason and God only knows what's in store for the future.

 

[Sigmund Roid]

Massnup,

2 years and 3 months.

We all have a picture in our minds of who we want to be, and the people and material possessions we want in our lives.

Our happiness is a measure of how our real lives measure up to this ideal image in our minds.

This woman is evidently part of that picture for you. Either you have to make the choice to replace her with another or doom yourself to dissatisfaction with other relationships.

Look for another person with the qualities you admire in a woman and get rid of that picture you had in your mind that included this woman.

No one is perfect or that deserving of your undying admiration. Certainly there are a multitude of wonderful females in this world with whom you can share this focus and feeling.

Get moving, that's what dating is for. If you are unhappy now, make a change.

 

[hotttsauce]

We all have a picture in our minds of who we want to be, and the people and material possessions we want in our lives.

Our happiness is a measure of how our real lives measure up to this ideal image in our minds.

This woman is evidently part of that picture for you. Either you have to make the choice to replace her with another or doom yourself to dissatisfaction with other relationships.

Look for another person with the qualities you admire in a woman and get rid of that picture you had in your mind that included this woman.

No one is perfect or that deserving of your undying admiration. Certainly there are a multitude of wonderful females in this world with whom you can share this focus and feeling.

Get moving, that's what dating is for. If you are unhappy now, make a change.

Well put Siggie.

Not really knowing your specific situation but just recently going through this myself, you need to find something that ends it for you (if you are ready).

Do not make the mistake of letting your feelings stay with someone that doesn't deserve them and doesn't respect them. If your done, move on and don't look back, it isn't healthy in some circumstances. Yes, you can be friends with ex's but some you need to cut all ties.

Words of wisdom (in most cases) If you love something set it free, if it comes back ..... IT'S BROKEN SO TRASH IT!

It is tough and I hated hearing this myself but ...... down the road you will find out your better off. Don't miss out on someone better for you because you thought someone one else was what you needed and wanted.

 

[thebrick]

One mistake I made in the past…

Are you missing that person you envision in your mind or the person she really was?

 

[JuicedAthletics]

^^^ Very good point.

I was in a relationship with 6 years. I thought this was the girl I was suppose to spend the rest of my life with. I made her ought to be the most precious thing in the world but in fact she and I both had many flaws. In the back of my mind I know that it wasn't a healthy relationship and we both hurt eachother countless times in different ways but I still think of her every single day. And I haven't spoke with her for over a year. I am still hung up on "the person I made her out to be and the relationship we were suppose to have" rather than what she and I did to eachother and where our lives were going.

I have a wonderful woman now in my life but I can tell you that those feelings you are having and I still have do not go away very quickly. I don't know if its the remorse or guilt I have for not being the best man to her but either way I still miss her a year later.

Stay strong and focus on bettering yourself and making the most of your current relationships. Splitting up with my ex was and is still the hardest thing I have ever gone through, but it has molded me into a man that I know will never go back to his old ways. Stepping outside the box and looking back, I know that everything that has hurt me, has made me a better person. And I can honestly say, I hope she is finally happy.

 

[massnup]

Well,

She keeps coming back around when she starts missing me and doing things to get at me like showing up at places my friends work ie at a club where one works just so he will tell me shes there, saying that she went otu with someone or is dating someone when its not true, making up stuff to tell me she did ie about meeting a guy at a club and sying that she got his number and that they are going out on a date then telling me that she never did go anywhere or meet anyone and that she was just mad so she made it up, just anything to get me to run back to her or piss me off and when that doesn't work she will try other things like email, text, call more etc until she gets things back to how she wants them and then the whole cycle starts again when I believe she will change and she doesn't.

 

[thebrick]

She keeps coming back around when she starts missing me and doing things to get at me like showing up at places my friends work ie at a club where one works just so he will tell me shes there, saying that she went otu with someone or is dating someone when its not true, making up stuff to tell me she did ie about meeting a guy at a club and sying that she got his number and that they are going out on a date then telling me that she never did go anywhere or meet anyone and that she was just mad so she made it up, just anything to get me to run back to her or piss me off and when that doesn't work she will try other things like email, text, call more etc until she gets things back to how she wants them and then the whole cycle starts again when I believe she will change and she doesn't.

That sounds toxic… you deserve much better. If she thinks she can manipulate you, she'll keep coming around. Stand your ground and move on to a better life. She will eventually get the message you're not into her games anymore. You don't want to be mixed up with her when the RIGHT girl comes into your life.

 

[BigDM]

^^^ Very good point.

I was in a relationship with 6 years. I thought this was the girl I was suppose to spend the rest of my life with. I made her ought to be the most precious thing in the world but in fact she and I both had many flaws. In the back of my mind I know that it wasn't a healthy relationship and we both hurt eachother countless times in different ways but I still think of her every single day. And I haven't spoke with her for over a year. I am still hung up on "the person I made her out to be and the relationship we were suppose to have" rather than what she and I did to eachother and where our lives were going.

I have a wonderful woman now in my life but I can tell you that those feelings you are having and I still have do not go away very quickly. I don't know if its the remorse or guilt I have for not being the best man to her but either way I still miss her a year later.

Stay strong and focus on bettering yourself and making the most of your current relationships. Splitting up with my ex was and is still the hardest thing I have ever gone through, but it has molded me into a man that I know will never go back to his old ways. Stepping outside the box and looking back, I know that everything that has hurt me, has made me a better person. And I can honestly say, I hope she is finally happy.

I really needed to hear that bro. I was separated in January 2008 from my wife of 4 years (together 8 years). We have an amazing 3 y/o little girl and she is the love of my life. I made countless mistakes during our separation and it ended in divorce in November 2008. When she asked me to sign the divorce papers, I didn't take it very well to say the least and said many hurtful things to her over the phone. As a result of my poor judgement and bad temper, she ended up getting a restraining order against me. It was devasting, as I wasn't able to see my daughter or talk to my lovely wife for quite some time.

After some time had passed, I was able to see my daughter again and started talking to my ex on the phone. I still had it in my head that we could somehow work it out and that we would be able to reconcile. I am a jealous man by nature and it became worse as time went on. I had it my head that there was someone else, but also believe it was just me sabotaging myself. I became very depressed and obsessive. I was caught checking up on her in our backyard, caught following her going out to dinner with her cousin and husband and repeatedly hounded her on the phone. I was just a complete mess! My family and life with my wife was so important to me and I just couldn't bare thought of not having that anymore.

Last weekend, after taking my daughter out in the afternoon after work, I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. After dropping her off at home, I went to take some DVD's back to the store and decided to drive by my ex-wifes home afterwards. When I drove by I saw her standing on the porch with some guy I had never seen before smoking a cigarette. I completely lost my cool. I slammed on my brakes, backed up and started yelling at the guy at the top of my lungs and told him I was going to kill him! She told me he was just a friend and so did he, but I didn't care at that point. She had her cell in her hand and told me she was calling the police. It didn't matter to me. I pulled away and did a u-turn and parked in front of her house. I got out of my car and stared yelling at him again, cursing and pointing at him.

I finally got back into my car and drove away. I was completely devastated. How could this be happening to me?!?!? Was he only a friend??? What did I just do?!?!? I still had the restraining order against me and now was probably going to jail. A very, very bad situation. I drove to a friends house in tears and tried to calm down. Later that evening I was arrested at my house late at night. I stayed in jail until the next evening and finally got released on bail ($500). Now I have had to retain an attorney ($1,000) and go to court in 2 weeks for my arraignment. I haven't been able to see my little angel since that day and that has been painfully hard to deal with.

It's really sad that it had to come to this and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't love my ex anymore, but I know I have to move on and that it's going to take a long, long, very long time before this all gets worked out. I have faith that it will and that I will become a better man because of it, but it's still tough to deal with. I have so many great things to be thankful for in my life, yet I let my obsessiveness almost destroy me. I truly do want her to be happy and honesty don't think the man I caught her with is the "other" guy, But I am still struggling with the fact that he may be. If it isn't him, then eventually there will be I suppose and it's hard to think about.

I'm not a bad looking guy and have never had a problem getting the attention of attractive women, but I truly thought she was my soulmate for life. Anyways, I just want to thank this board for this section and think it's a good way for people to share their experiences and eventual victories. Hopefully, I will look back at this time as a learning experience and come out of it better than I had ever imagined. Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers. Hopefully, I will be able to share my success story with all of you in the future.

Thanks for listening. Any feed-back or helpful thoughts, insights would be greatly appeciated.