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OuchThatHurts
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I posted this in another thread that was sort of buried so I thought I'd post it here so that everyone might have a chance to share their experiences. I get a lot of messages and emails regarding breakups and why, oh why, could this happen? How can she just turn off her feelings? I wrote the below in response to that exact question and someone has asked me to make this a thread.
It used to perplex me why many women can go from breakup to new relationship in such a short amount time (month, weeks, or even days) while men, on the other hand, will suffer terrible anguish for months, maybe years on end before they finally let it go. If you don't believe me, just read this forum!
First, let me say that I think women are awesome. I've found a great woman and we've been together for many years and this I'll do my best not to let this seem derogatory because it it really isn't in any way. And to be clear, while I'm saying that the following may be true for many women, it certainly doesn't apply to all women. All women are different the same way all men are different. I had to get my disclaimer in there because there are women on this board and I don't want them hunting me down like an animal.
I truly believe that women are much more sensitive and in tune of a man's feelings than men are to theirs. Probably largely in part that women are, for many reasons, much more able to express emotions openly and without judgment than a man may be or believes he may be. When I say many reasons, I mean upbringing, societal pressure, our fathers, things of that nature. Since they are able to indulge in the expression and cultivation of their emotions, the emotions they feel become a larger part of their overall human language.
Men, however, are under pressure to avoid getting emotional. To maintain control of themselves and behave in a way where he's less likely to embarrass himself. "Get a hold of yourself, man!" Not only do I believe this can be a good thing, I think sometimes the control of emotions is absolutely necessary to the man's health and the health of everyone and everything around him.
I'm trying very hard not to write a textbook here so let's just say that men, whatever the reason may be, will often behave in ways that are deeply hurtful to a women's feelings. Women accept these hurtful things and allow them to pile up inside. Sometime even for many years. Women will often go to ridiculous lengths to try to express to a man how hurt they are feeling and sometimes may not want to or be able to articulate the reason why. The cry for help will then just fall on deaf ears to the man because he says, "She's on the rag," or, "I have no idea what her problem is," or, "She's crying again and can't even tell me why."
And why? The reason may very well be because she is not upset about one single thing but a whole range of things. Probably things leftover from the last time you didn't take the time to listen to her. Maybe it's a month, a year, or 10 years of pain bottled up there. This is all a double-edged sword for us because while she'll put up with your dumb ass, the pain of being cheated on, the always late, never call, roll over and go to sleep, she will also not forget it. And that big well of shit will eventually start to chip away at her feelings for you.
Time goes by, and these feelings she once felt so strongly for you are slowly dying, day by day. And you go about your business as she doesn't seem to care any longer if you stay out all night, or go out with his friends on her birthday, or whatever. You're thinking, "I can't believe she's letting me get away with this!"
Further and further away she drifts until the feelings she once had for you are completely and utterly gone. Then *she* begins to go out, stay out later and later, txt messaging, staying up all night on her phone, her tablet, or computer. Then she eventually she meets a guy. A guy who's new, exciting, hangs on every word she (or at least acts like he is) and then guess what happens?
Her: "We need to talk."
WHAM!
She breaks up with you and what do you know? She's dating new interesting guy a week later. Is she a whore? NO, YOU DUMBASS! She was done with your ass months ago. She was already over you and cried and grieved and cried and grieved. She probably even mourned the death of your relationship long before she uttered the words, "We need to talk."
So the way things really are and the way it often appears, can be very different.
I'm sure this is full of grammatical errors and obviously it doesn't apply to every single case but many times, boys, she's over you long before you ever know about it. If she is a healthy woman and you hurt her feelings for long enough, she will leave. I give you my word on that.
So my word of wisdom here guys is simply this: listen to her, be a good and faithful man. Because if you start hurting her feelings, stop showing her appreciation, start screwing around, the only ass that will eventually be screwed is your own.
You heard it here.
It used to perplex me why many women can go from breakup to new relationship in such a short amount time (month, weeks, or even days) while men, on the other hand, will suffer terrible anguish for months, maybe years on end before they finally let it go. If you don't believe me, just read this forum!
First, let me say that I think women are awesome. I've found a great woman and we've been together for many years and this I'll do my best not to let this seem derogatory because it it really isn't in any way. And to be clear, while I'm saying that the following may be true for many women, it certainly doesn't apply to all women. All women are different the same way all men are different. I had to get my disclaimer in there because there are women on this board and I don't want them hunting me down like an animal.
I truly believe that women are much more sensitive and in tune of a man's feelings than men are to theirs. Probably largely in part that women are, for many reasons, much more able to express emotions openly and without judgment than a man may be or believes he may be. When I say many reasons, I mean upbringing, societal pressure, our fathers, things of that nature. Since they are able to indulge in the expression and cultivation of their emotions, the emotions they feel become a larger part of their overall human language.
Men, however, are under pressure to avoid getting emotional. To maintain control of themselves and behave in a way where he's less likely to embarrass himself. "Get a hold of yourself, man!" Not only do I believe this can be a good thing, I think sometimes the control of emotions is absolutely necessary to the man's health and the health of everyone and everything around him.
I'm trying very hard not to write a textbook here so let's just say that men, whatever the reason may be, will often behave in ways that are deeply hurtful to a women's feelings. Women accept these hurtful things and allow them to pile up inside. Sometime even for many years. Women will often go to ridiculous lengths to try to express to a man how hurt they are feeling and sometimes may not want to or be able to articulate the reason why. The cry for help will then just fall on deaf ears to the man because he says, "She's on the rag," or, "I have no idea what her problem is," or, "She's crying again and can't even tell me why."
And why? The reason may very well be because she is not upset about one single thing but a whole range of things. Probably things leftover from the last time you didn't take the time to listen to her. Maybe it's a month, a year, or 10 years of pain bottled up there. This is all a double-edged sword for us because while she'll put up with your dumb ass, the pain of being cheated on, the always late, never call, roll over and go to sleep, she will also not forget it. And that big well of shit will eventually start to chip away at her feelings for you.
Time goes by, and these feelings she once felt so strongly for you are slowly dying, day by day. And you go about your business as she doesn't seem to care any longer if you stay out all night, or go out with his friends on her birthday, or whatever. You're thinking, "I can't believe she's letting me get away with this!"
Further and further away she drifts until the feelings she once had for you are completely and utterly gone. Then *she* begins to go out, stay out later and later, txt messaging, staying up all night on her phone, her tablet, or computer. Then she eventually she meets a guy. A guy who's new, exciting, hangs on every word she (or at least acts like he is) and then guess what happens?
Her: "We need to talk."
WHAM!
She breaks up with you and what do you know? She's dating new interesting guy a week later. Is she a whore? NO, YOU DUMBASS! She was done with your ass months ago. She was already over you and cried and grieved and cried and grieved. She probably even mourned the death of your relationship long before she uttered the words, "We need to talk."
So the way things really are and the way it often appears, can be very different.
I'm sure this is full of grammatical errors and obviously it doesn't apply to every single case but many times, boys, she's over you long before you ever know about it. If she is a healthy woman and you hurt her feelings for long enough, she will leave. I give you my word on that.
So my word of wisdom here guys is simply this: listen to her, be a good and faithful man. Because if you start hurting her feelings, stop showing her appreciation, start screwing around, the only ass that will eventually be screwed is your own.
You heard it here.
