Venting - am I going through depression? Is there more to life? WTF...

[InTransit]

I'll go ahead and start this out by say, I'm just venting. . . because I don't know what else to do.

Yeah, this is a BB site... wtf am I doing venting life issues here? lol...

Anyways, lately I don't know what's going on. I know I have so many things in my life to be thankful for.

I'm a good looking dude, fit, can talk to women no problem and have no problem pulling women. I probably talk to sometimes 6 or 7 new women a week, and then some weeks I just have no energy to do it.

I have had a lot of shit happen to me over the past few years but I bounce back. Maybe it's catching up? I pretty much don't dwell on the past, but I went from being being very well off to being dead fucking broke and still owing the IRS money. I have a shitty job now making less than 40 a year. But I should be thankful I guess.

I lost my wife during that time, but most of the times I don't think about it. I could have her back if I wanted, but I just know she isn't my soul mate... and it's not because I'm hooking up with new women every week, honestly I would rather be with 1 person than 3 or 4 new ones every week. Most of my guy friends think I'm fucking retarded and always say "Oh man, if I could do what you do! But I can't... I'm married..." lol wtf....

I would consider myself a pretty conscious person, I'm no guru or anything, but I do try to meditate, and even do Yoga. I stopped MMA training about 6 months ago though and that helped keep a little sanity.

********... guess I can be thankful for that too? I just don't know why the fuck I'm so depressed. I've read tons of self help books over the years, tons.

Sometimes just feel lost.

I haven't missed any workouts due to this though, I really do feel centered, gym time is like therapy for me, and sometimes I think about ramping it up to 7 days a week just for that normalcy I feel lol But I'm on MWF split.

Anyways ranting venting I don't know what else to do.

I have ramped up my alcohol intake over the past few weeks from 2x a week to now 5-7.... I don't believe I'm an alcoholic... I have a bottle of wine a night to unwind.

 

[frankdux]

Just curious, how old are you? I'm kind of in the same boat. More women is not really the answer, per se, more of a distraction. I spent the last 10 months wanting to get back with my ex gf after I broke it off with her. I spent all that time pining after her, thinking she was my soul mate, flowers, emails, blah blah blah. Then recently found out she got married on the rebound, 2 months after we stopped talking to some nerd getting deployed to Okinawa. It really took the wind out of my sail. I'm approaching mid 30's, no kids/family, sometimes sick of dating. Plenty of options, hot women, etc but it feels a bit empty. The answer is obviously that you have to push through patches of depression, go through the motions and focus on the things you can change and ignore the things you can't until it all gets back on the level. It probably doesn't help much hearing that, but them's the facts.

One side note, what is your cycle history? Have you had your T/E levels checked? Something to discuss with your doctor... could be you have low T, I've noticed post cycle I feel like a bitch until my T rebounds. Even after it rebounds, I don't feel as positive and happy as when I'm on 150mg testosterone per week. I've been considering TRT seriously.

 

[gogotren]

What is it you want from life? Narrow that down, write it down and go after it with pig headed discipline! You want w/e kind of ideal mate, are you doing what it would take to attract that person? Do you exhibit the qualities that person would be looking for? It doesn`t sound like you have a plan for life, instead letting your life be led by circumstance and events that you have not chosen. Is that the case? You seem unhappy but not about anything specific.

 

[wtw11171]

Time

Just from glancing over your thread one thing came to mind, you need some time alone with yourself. This means no women for a few months just some good ole soul searching. Take time to fish and enjoy life maybe a retreat. Go on a pilgrimage. The whole point is to find yourself and becoming whole spiritually mentally and physically. So during this time work on the spirit through meditation and building a strong solid relationship with the Divine, read/research something your interested in maybe even towards a hobby and last keep training. Just my thoughts but all I heard was you need to find yourself and your place here. Pax et bonum.

 

[cal]

You need to seek professional help. Clearly you're depressed. Talking it over with random anonymous people on the net certainly isnt ideal.

Sent from my SCH-I605 using Tapatalk 2

 

[Incognito1]

:yeahthat:

But as also stated above, if you are taking any drugs that will affect your hormone levels I suggest you also check that out too.

I wish you well buddy

 

[Little BamBam]

:yeahthat:

But as also stated above, if you are taking any drugs that will affect your hormone levels I suggest you also check that out too.

I wish you well buddy

Thats what i was gonna say "Clomid"? i remember my love hate relationship with clomid im up down all around

 

[Gators]

Depression is a treatable, medical condition, to start with go see your MD, and WTW gave some great advice, i did that after divorce #2, did not date or chase women for 8 mths, my life was so good and simple

 

[ldog40]

Honestly, based upon what you wrote and not knowing you, it seems as if you're concentrating on superficial and outward things as opposed to the man you should be inside. You start off talking about how good you look, how many women you get, how much money you make. To put it bluntly, none of that means shit. None of that should define who you are or your worth. As soon as it does, you lose direction and start losing yourself.

You need to step away and take a look at yourself, without ego and with honesty, and think about who you are, who you want to be and what value you can bring to others and the world. It's not easy and it can be very ugly at times, but it's something that everyone needs to do to grow and mature and become a better person.

 

[thehazzle]

I'm on tren and recently added clomid. Today I cried for 30 mins over pretty much nothing. I'd stay off gear until you feel good again. See someone about it too

 

[renewlyf]

I have ramped up my alcohol intake over the past few weeks from 2x a week to now 5-7.... I don't believe I'm an alcoholic... I have a bottle of wine a night to unwind.

Maybe ramp this down and see how you feel. Alcohol is a depressant!!! A bottle a night almost every night can take it's toll on your psyche. Seeking professional help would be a good idea also.

 

[InTransit]

Thank you guys for the comments and suggestions -

wtw11171 - I am going to follow your advice and try not to chase any women for a while.

ldog40 - you're absolutely right - I thought I dealt with losing everything pretty well, it has been very humbling and I need to refocus now.

Thanks again - any other suggestions or suggested readings are always welcome.

 

[InTransit]

Oh yeah - forgot to mention - right now not on any AAS or Clomid, and I know how Clomid can fuck with my emotions lol

 

[richiec]

renewlyf is spot on. Drinking a bottle of wine a night to "wind down" is indicative of you having a drinking problem. You may think it isn't, but it is. If you have to drink a bottle of wine to wind down, you do have a drinking problem. You need to seek professional help and figure out what's going on. I wish you the best! I want you to know that I only say these things as I myself am a recovering addict/alcoholic. I know how it is and don't want to see you go down the wrong path

 

[Designbuilt]

renewlyf is spot on. Drinking a bottle of wine a night to "wind down" is indicative of you having a drinking problem. You may think it isn't, but it is. If you have to drink a bottle of wine to wind down, you do have a drinking problem. You need to seek professional help and figure out what's going on. I wish you the best! I want you to know that I only say these things as I myself am a recovering addict/alcoholic. I know how it is and don't want to see you go down the wrong path

Fuck... I'm up to two bottles of wine a night...

This may sound dumb or a bit odd, but have you been taking a lot of tren and or Halotestin? I noticed that when I do those two drugs together, (and when I stop too for a few months after) it really screws up my head big time... I just get a deep depression at times, where nothing helps... I mean nothing at all... My ex-wife is one of my best friends, if not my best friend and she helps bring me back to reality and appreciate what I have...

She'll sense the depression in me and when she notices that I'm complaining too much or in a bad mood, she'll point out all of the good things and I have and say "Shame on you" I have an important job where people look up to me, I'm in great shape, I have a great kid, etc... Yet that's not enough... You have to look at the rest of the world and how unfortunate some are out there, how some people don't even eat...

That'll help a little bit, but as others have said above, you have to set some time aside and think, meditate and set goals, that's probably another problem, you're probably doing the same thing over and over with no real plans for the future... I'm not saying that it is that, but that's a possibility...

Other than that, the alcohol and women are a bit of a distraction... I've had problems with substance abuse in the past, including alcohol and I see women a lot the same way as I did the substances, it feels good to get that rush from both getting the girl you lust after and the sex itself, but it's just a temporary satisfaction, not really a long term goal of something greater... Set a goal and work toward that, that's likely why the gym helps keep you grounded, it's a long term project that is improving your body... Good luck man.

 

[InTransit]

Fuck... I'm up to two bottles of wine a night...

This may sound dumb or a bit odd, but have you been taking a lot of tren and or Halotestin? I noticed that when I do those two drugs together, (and when I stop too for a few months after) it really screws up my head big time... I just get a deep depression at times, where nothing helps... I mean nothing at all... My ex-wife is one of my best friends, if not my best friend and she helps bring me back to reality and appreciate what I have...

Nope, no Tren or Halo - been off for a little while and my levels are pretty normal.

She'll sense the depression in me and when she notices that I'm complaining too much or in a bad mood, she'll point out all of the good things and I have and say "Shame on you" I have an important job where people look up to me, I'm in great shape, I have a great kid, etc... Yet that's not enough... You have to look at the rest of the world and how unfortunate some are out there, how some people don't even eat...

That'll help a little bit, but as others have said above, you have to set some time aside and think, meditate and set goals, that's probably another problem, you're probably doing the same thing over and over with no real plans for the future... I'm not saying that it is that, but that's a possibility...
Very well could be it - it does feel like I'm coasting through life right now


Other than that, the alcohol and women are a bit of a distraction... I've had problems with substance abuse in the past, including alcohol and I see women a lot the same way as I did the substances, it feels good to get that rush from both getting the girl you lust after and the sex itself, but it's just a temporary satisfaction, not really a long term goal of something greater... Set a goal and work toward that, that's likely why the gym helps keep you grounded, it's a long term project that is improving your body... Good luck man.

I agree - it is definitely a nice rush, call it ego or whatever but I do use the women as a distraction, I see that now, and it's VERY hard to stop.

I didn't drink today, and stayed away from all the BBQ's and people inviting me over to watch the fight because I would have ended up drinking and just didn't feel like it - I'm very happy I did this!

I did call up a friend and went out with her instead. I know it's a distraction, but chose to go out with her anyways.

 

[BIG LA]

Of course getting help is a good idea. The alcohal doesnt help either. I do believe in god and not to get religous on anyone cause i am not a saint by no means. I just feel that you call to god maybe he is your answer. I know it makes me feel better to go to church and gives me a better feeling in my soul. I am a christian and try to talk to god every night. Hope you feel better in your life.

 

[SAGE74]

First stop the pity party, loose the booze that shit is not helping any. If ur unhappy with ur $40,000 a year job get a different one. If you would rather spend time with a nice girl instead of 3 or more questionable women, then go find one. U don't need professional advice, u don't need doctors what u need is u! You're the only person at this moment that can help you. So get off the computer go find a nice girl, start a new business that will make u lots of money, and stay away from the booze and AAS and u will b fine. Remember no one is going to help u but u!!! So go get what it is in life you want!!!

 

[Gators]

Puss is a better choice than alcohol, so there's that good decision

It took me till i got to 47 to "figure myself out", no amount of $ i made, or fishing trips around the world, or 5000ft house, or beautiful wife and 3 amazing daughters, ever made me feel good about myself, i had to hit a hard bottom and finally learn to get rid of all the baggage of the past, before i finally felt ok with just being myself. Unfortunately, for most of us it takes thoroughly getting humbled and beat down to begin to make the journey, it did for me. Learning to trust in God as i understand Him, and i mean really trusting to the point of just asking to do His will, is the difference maker, for me.

 

[Designbuilt]

I agree - it is definitely a nice rush, call it ego or whatever but I do use the women as a distraction, I see that now, and it's VERY hard to stop.

I didn't drink today, and stayed away from all the BBQ's and people inviting me over to watch the fight because I would have ended up drinking and just didn't feel like it - I'm very happy I did this!

I did call up a friend and went out with her instead. I know it's a distraction, but chose to go out with her anyways.

Same here! I was going to drink last night and was very close to doing it, but I decided not to, first time in about a week and I woke up feeling a lot better because of it... I'm going to lay off the booze again tonight and try to get back in the gym in the morning...