What do you all think bout my girl problems?

grave digger · Sep 25, 2007

Well I am new to this site and must say that this is the best I have been a part of. Well I have been dating this girl for almost a year, it was kind of a love hate relationship. I know that everything I am about to say I will be told that they are reasons I should be happy to get out. Well we split up about a month and a half ago and everytime I start feeling better about the situation she will call me crying about how bad she wants me back. I have been ignoring the calls because I want to move on. so she seen me friends at a party telling them how much she loves me and so on knowing they will tell me. Then on my birthday me and my friends go out and one of my best friends tell me that he was at my ex's apartment trying to hook up with her roomate, he and my ex ended up messing around, supposedly not getting to the sex point but he say says that she was trying and that alcohol ws to blame. I am just kinda crushed about the whole thing. It is kind of a messed up situation and I put it in a nut shell but for some reason it is tearing me apart. It probably dont help that she lived with me for 5 months, which was a mistake. For some damn reason from the time wake up till I go to bed all I see and think in my head is her with someone else. I have always had low self esteem and confidence and I dont think that helps and honestly I dont know why I have these issues. I am 25 and it seems like I am running out of time here to find a good one. I know I am young but I have always been in long relationships and figured I would be married by now.
OK I feel like a total sissy so I will stop killing you all with my sobe story that you probably dont care about...lol

nosmas · Sep 25, 2007

It is not a sob story. Nor do we "not care" about your situation.
If I read it correctly, it sounds to me like you have a choice to make. If you are separated she is free to get on who she wants to....however, you should consider the possibility that she knew it was your friend and thus, it would get back to you if she acted a fool, so it could have been to make you jealous! Just a possibility to consider given how much she is seemingly desparate to try anything to get you back.
The choice is yours my friend. Be with her or without. Ask yourself what YOU think is the right choice to make about it. At 25 its not likely you will dry up in the finding love department. In fact I would think your making a good decision to not get to involved in your early twentys. However, If she is the one, dont waist any more time thinking about it and make her yours.
IMO after five months, if it went bad and you broke up with good reason, you should stick with your instict and let this one go!
How is that for not caring about your sob story.

BOOMSHAKER · Sep 25, 2007

The only time you should ever go back and pick something out of the trash is when it is a life saving matter. Other then that, let it stay in the trash! Period!
Don't become a trash picker at 25years young brother! Move on!

oldfella · Sep 26, 2007

hey GD, I say you need to let it go! Move on and get out and enjoy life at the moment. Don't be in a rush to get tied to the bedpost just yet. If she really is the one you will know it. No one likes the thought of another being with your partner, but as nosmas said, she is not YOUR paertner anymore. I think the thing with your friend was a setup. Also my take is if he really is your friend he would have stopped it at the door!! I've been in the situation where my best friend and his gf had a big fight. They were both my friends and i would regularly do things with either one of them or both. Well after the fight and she said that was it, all over between them we went for a bite to eat to talk. She did try to make a little move but I stopped her in her tracks and said there was no way I was going to get involved with my best friends girl other than the freindship we had! So again I say to you, move on! It hurts bro, this is normal. It will pass and another will come into your life. Be patient and take things one step at a time! Good luck.

grave digger · Sep 26, 2007

I did not mean anything by saying ya'll dont care, I just never really told anyone any of my problems like that. I am glad that there are people out there that do care about others.
Our relationship was not that healthy. It started as a one night stand which I know never works... lol. I have always been the type of person that cant stop thinking about stuff like who she is sleeping with, dating, etc. I know that may be immature but I cant help it, its the way my brain works I guess. I am just going through a big stage of depression right now. I dont like being single and i just moved and dont know a whole lot of people here. I guess I have always heard that you have to be happy with yourself before you will be happy with someone. One of my biggest problems is I am a great counselor but cant take my own advice. I think this is just tough that most people my age are starting to settle down and I feel left out. I am a good guy and it seems like these days it is harder to find a good woman.
Thanks for the comments, I always love advice.

oldfella · Sep 26, 2007

grave digger said:
I did not mean anything by saying ya'll dont care, I just never really told anyone any of my problems like that. I am glad that there are people out there that do care about others.
Our relationship was not that healthy. It started as a one night stand which I know never works... lol. I have always been the type of person that cant stop thinking about stuff like who she is sleeping with, dating, etc. I know that may be immature but I cant help it, its the way my brain works I guess. I am just going through a big stage of depression right now. I dont like being single and i just moved and dont know a whole lot of people here. I guess I have always heard that you have to be happy with yourself before you will be happy with someone. One of my biggest problems is I am a great counselor but cant take my own advice. I think this is just tough that most people my age are starting to settle down and I feel left out. I am a good guy and it seems like these days it is harder to find a good woman.
Thanks for the comments, I always love advice.

Always remember this, Depression is a killer. Please do not let it get out of control. If you are really depressed get to your doctor and tell him about it! We are here to help you and will always give you OUR OPINIONS! But that is all they are, OPINIONS. Nothing replaces professional advice or help. So if you need help get some. Moving and relationships are always hard. You need to evaluate your situation and break it down. It may not be as bad as you think!

nosmas · Sep 26, 2007

grave digger said:
I did not mean anything by saying ya'll dont care, I just never really told anyone any of my problems like that. I am glad that there are people out there that do care about others.
Our relationship was not that healthy. It started as a one night stand which I know never works... lol. I have always been the type of person that cant stop thinking about stuff like who she is sleeping with, dating, etc. I know that may be immature but I cant help it, its the way my brain works I guess. I am just going through a big stage of depression right now. I dont like being single and i just moved and dont know a whole lot of people here. I guess I have always heard that you have to be happy with yourself before you will be happy with someone. One of my biggest problems is I am a great counselor but cant take my own advice. I think this is just tough that most people my age are starting to settle down and I feel left out. I am a good guy and it seems like these days it is harder to find a good woman.
Thanks for the comments, I always love advice.

Good post. I can relate to how you feel on many levels! I think most of us can.

grave digger · Sep 27, 2007

I know that my situation is not as bad as a lot peoples problems!!! I just wish that I could stop thinking about her all together, I know I dont wanna get back with her. Another thing is that she is pretty young... only 19! I know I know lol!!! I just bought into the whole thing about she had a rough up bringing and grew up fast bla bla B.S. I have been in many relationships and a lot of them were long term but for some reason this one hurts me the most, I guess it is just the stage of my life I am in! WERE ARE ALL THE GOOD GIRLS?????

nosmas · Sep 27, 2007

grave digger said:
WERE ARE ALL THE GOOD GIRLS?????

Sorry bro, I married the last one!

You know, Whether or not anyone thinks its important doesnt matter. What DOES matter is that it IS the most important and difficult situation in YOUR life right now. Most any of us can relate to how painful a situation you are going through having been through it ourselves at one point or another. I dont think your or her age has anything to do with it. This is painful for you and comes through in your writing. I promise you that you WILL feel better in time but it will take time. Maby even a lot of time. Get to the gym, keep your mind occupied and beware of dark thoughts entering your mind. You seem prone to depression and it takes all you have to fight it off (and most times it still cant be done alone).

hngrygrl · Sep 28, 2007

nosmas said:
Sorry bro, I married the last one!

.

AHHHHH!!!!! I love you!! I said I wasnt going to get on here anymore but I just thought that I should reply to that!! Geez~!

OuchThatHurts · Sep 28, 2007

Let me get this straight. You were together all that time and she tried to hook up with your friend? Possibly to get back at you? Hmm... Love may be blind and it certainly sounds like you have/had a lot more feeling for this girl than you originally thought but that's your fault. You could reconsider your options. But games like that? If you are asking where all the good girls are, well... How well do you think she fits that description? Not too good.

Maybe you need to be single and enjoy yourself. You have low self-confidence? Confidence will come to you with some self-improvement. Learn an instrument. Learn to sail. You don't like you? Well invent/create a better you!!! Yes, it's hard.

The last thing you need is a bunch of head games and anxiety over some girl. Eventually you'll find a hngrygrl. If she's able to put up with nosmas' shit, she has to be a catch but there are plenty of fish in the sea. Hell, even I caught a few myself over the years... and it's even harder for me because women are often intimidated by my obscene beauty.

grave digger · Sep 28, 2007

OuchThatHurts said:
Let me get this straight. You were together all that time and she tried to hook up with your friend? Possibly to get back at you? Hmm... Love may be blind and it certainly sounds like you have/had a lot more feeling for this girl than you originally thought but that's your fault. You could reconsider your options. But games like that? If you are asking where all the good girls are, well... How well do you think she fits that description? Not too good.

Maybe you need to be single and enjoy yourself. You have low self-confidence? Confidence will come to you with some self-improvement. Learn an instrument. Learn to sail. You don't like you? Well invent/create a better you!!! Yes, it's hard.

The last thing you need is a bunch of head games and anxiety over some girl. Eventually you'll find a hngrygrl. If she's able to put up with nosmas' shit, she has to be a catch but there are plenty of fish in the sea. Hell, even I caught a few myself over the years... and it's even harder for me because women are often intimidated by my obscene beauty.

I know she is not a good girl, that is why I am so confused about the whole thing and why I feel like this. I have had many relationships and this was the worst. I have lost my confidence, actually never had a whole lot. I am working on my self, I actually went to the Dr. today and got on some meds. Hopefully it will work. 8 years ago I would have never thought I would be going through this. I was Mr. Football voted most handsome in high school and dated the homecoming queen. Everything was great. Hopefully it will get back there!!!

OuchThatHurts · Sep 28, 2007

grave digger said:
I know she is not a good girl, that is why I am so confused about the whole thing and why I feel like this. I have had many relationships and this was the worst. I have lost my confidence, actually never had a whole lot. I am working on my self, I actually went to the Dr. today and got on some meds. Hopefully it will work. 8 years ago I would have never thought I would be going through this. I was Mr. Football voted most handsome in high school and dated the homecoming queen. Everything was great. Hopefully it will get back there!!!

I think you still consider her to be "yours". Now that she has been with someone else, it's screwing with your head. You seem to feel that she isn't right for you and you may very well be right but you haven't gotten over her, that much is clear. Wouldn't you agree?

nosmas · Sep 28, 2007

OuchThatHurts said:
If she's able to put up with nosmas' shit, she has to be a catch

Amen to that.

grave digger · Sep 29, 2007

OuchThatHurts said:
I think you still consider her to be "yours". Now that she has been with someone else, it's screwing with your head. You seem to feel that she isn't right for you and you may very well be right but you haven't gotten over her, that much is clear. Wouldn't you agree?

You are right, I have not gotten over her! I cant explain what it is because for most of the relationship I wasnt happy. I think most of it is the small change of life I am going through, I hate being single and the thoughts of her being with someone else. I know she is not mine and I would never go there again, I just wish I could stop thinking about all the negative shit she may be doing.

Amazon Doll · Sep 29, 2007

The reason you are dwelling on her is because it is your way of deflecting your responsibility for your actions & involvement in this relationship.

Start owning up to what your weaknesses of characters are within this relationship from start to finish, and you will be able to free your tormented mind.

OuchThatHurts · Sep 29, 2007

Amazon Doll said:
The reason you are dwelling on her is because it is your way of deflecting your responsibility for your actions & involvement in this relationship.

Start owning up to what your weaknesses of characters are within this relationship from start to finish, and you will be able to free your tormented mind.

This is a good point my girl AD is making here. Maybe what you need to do is go TALK TO HER. Resolve everything. That doesn't mean get back together but perhaps seeing her, close up, will help you realize that she's a person moving on with her life, just like you should be... but you're not. You're stuck thinking about all these coulda, shoulda, woulda's, and what she may be doing and with who. Maybe talking to her about it would help. You don't have to bear your soul to the girl but you need CLOSURE man! One way or another...

CLOSURE (like Amazon Doll just said)

Then do what I do - eat a big plate of spaghetti. Because let's be realistic here. Has spaghetti ever hurt a soul? Never.

Amazon Doll · Sep 29, 2007

OuchThatHurts said:
This is a good point my girl AD is making here. Maybe what you need to do is go TALK TO HER. Resolve everything. That doesn't mean get back together but perhaps seeing her, close up, will help you realize that she's a person moving on with her life, just like you should be... but you're not. You're stuck thinking about all these coulda, shoulda, woulda's, and what she may be doing and with who. Maybe talking to her about it would help. You don't have to bear your soul to the girl but you need CLOSURE man! One way or another...

CLOSURE (like Amazon Doll just said)

Then do what I do - eat a big plate of spaghetti. Because let's be realistic here. Has spaghetti ever hurt a soul? Never.

Actually Ouch, that is not what I ment at all.

but the plate of spaghetti sounds good