What do you all think bout my girl problems?

[OuchThatHurts]

okay!

 

[grave digger]

I think what I hurt about isnt even her, I think it is that I am not happy with myself honestly. i have no desire to see or talk to her. A lot of my feelings for her may have been pitty. She had a rough upbringing and I was also like a parent to her. I was never REALLY happy. I never trusted her in the first place. I just need to work on myself and that is what I am trying to do and it would be a lot easier if she would stay out of my life and I never heard about her. Does that sound bad??? I see what all of you are saying and I really appreciate all the comments. This thread is helping me a lot. Thanks!! Keep the advice coming

 

[Stormbringer1]

Bro, once you move into to that parent / guardian role, it becomes very difficult to give that "hat" back and go back to being boyfriend again. That is a sort of dependency that gets set up and leads to a false sense of need from an individual instead of having a healthy sense of wanting between each other. This among the other things you mentioned before is probably the reason this one is hurting so bad. Listen to these other suggestions give it some time. Keep talking about it like you have been doing.

 

[Amazon Doll]

I think what I hurt about isnt even her, I think it is that I am not happy with myself honestly

That's what I am talking about. Don't blame here for what happend because that is something you can't change and when you think about it, all the thoughts & emotions go around and around in a never ending loop, because she is a constant that you can't change, so the thought process never expands. Look at yourself and the possibility to resolve issues will be there, because you can change you.

i have no desire to see or talk to her.

some things are best left alone & you will need the distance between you two so you can grow & change. Do whatever you need to to sever the tie.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

You are right, I have not gotten over her! I cant explain what it is because for most of the relationship I wasnt happy. I think most of it is the small change of life I am going through, I hate being single and the thoughts of her being with someone else. I know she is not mine and I would never go there again, I just wish I could stop thinking about all the negative shit she may be doing.

Negative shit? Like what kind of negative shit? Moving on? You know she has the right to do that. This has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you as you said earlier. You were keen enough to see that yourself. You just need to get back or start to rebuild your self-esteem. Since you know you're not fully over her, you need to do one of two things. Decide whether you want to continue to entertain the ideas of what she may be doing or make a conscious decision to close that chapter of your life.

There's not enough room in this forum to help you with low self-esteem. Building esteem is a process but it can be done. You should see a professional and talk about that.

 

[grave digger]

Negative shit? Like what kind of negative shit? Moving on? You know she has the right to do that. This has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you as you said earlier. You were keen enough to see that yourself. You just need to get back or start to rebuild your self-esteem. Since you know you're not fully over her, you need to do one of two things. Decide whether you want to continue to entertain the ideas of what she may be doing or make a conscious decision to close that chapter of your life.

There's not enough room in this forum to help you with low self-esteem. Building esteem is a process but it can be done. You should see a professional and talk about that.

The whole thing is that I am trying to move on everytime it starts to get a little beter she will send me some me some message saying how much she loves me and Im the best thing that ever happened to her. I dont wanna be with her and she knows that, she wants it to work. That is why I am so confused and not understanding why it hurts so bad. I guess time heals all wounds...

 

[OuchThatHurts]

The whole thing is that I am trying to move on everytime it starts to get a little beter she will send me some me some message saying how much she loves me and Im the best thing that ever happened to her. I dont wanna be with her and she knows that, she wants it to work. That is why I am so confused and not understanding why it hurts so bad. I guess time heals all wounds...

You can't stop thinking about her and you get all out of whack when she sends you message but you know you don't want to be with her and she knows that.

Something is not adding up here.

 

[grave digger]

You can't stop thinking about her and you get all out of whack when she sends you message but you know you don't want to be with her and she knows that.

Something is not adding up here.

Exactly, I cant explain it myself. I guess its like the saying "Sometimes the hardest thing you can do is the best thing you could do"

 

[nosmas]

all things pass. try your best to sever the tie and just not be there when she contacts you. she will become more interested in trying to contact you as a first reaction but will give up... so long as that is what you want to happen. im truly sorry you are in a confused and hurting phase right now. it will pass i promise. you seem like a young guy with the world ahead of him. find a passion and follow it with relentless vigor! if you get down and out, were always here for you. give it a try and good luck.

 

[grave digger]

all things pass. try your best to sever the tie and just not be there when she contacts you. she will become more interested in trying to contact you as a first reaction but will give up... so long as that is what you want to happen. im truly sorry you are in a confused and hurting phase right now. it will pass i promise. you seem like a young guy with the world ahead of him. find a passion and follow it with relentless vigor! if you get down and out, were always here for you. give it a try and good luck.

Thanks! This is the best site I have ever been a part of.

 

[grave digger]

ok this is exactly what I am talking about, I wake up today with messages from her saying that she loves me and would do anything in the world to make it work. She is so sorry for everything she did wrong and she realizes that I am the greatest thing that ever happened to her.
Ok I am trying to totally forget about her because I know that it would never work and everytime I get a little more spirit about myself this shit happens.
I replied that I was sorry but it would never work and I wish her the best of luck and I would always be her if she needed anything. It seems like it is going to be a never ending battle. I just dont know what to do. I hate hurting peeople but I know I wouldnt be happy.