What do you guys think?

[muscledoc1]

My girlfriend and i have been together for 6.5 years now,she wants a ring by the end of this year-what should i do?

 

[pesty4077]

My girlfriend and i have been together for 6.5 years now,she wants a ring by the end of this year-what should i do?

One question, Are you ready to get married?

 

[muscledoc1]

One question, Are you ready to get married?

financialy no.

 

[finny]

financialy no.

You know what, you will never be ready. First, it's the marriage, then it's the kids...

You have to look at your life and prioritize. Who ever said you have to be well off to get married or have kids. As long as both of you are on the same page and understand the situation, you should be fine.

Also, getting a ring does not mean that you will get married right then. You get the ring and you can stay engaged for 1-2 years if you both agree to it and wait for the time to be right. If she wants a big wedding, she will have to understand that she might have to wait as you're not there yet financially.

It all boils down to what both of you want out of this relationship.

Just one advice - money does not mean a thing as long as you are aware of what you can and cannot afford and that things take time. Don't jump into things head first and live too large for your means as things will fall apart very quickly. Money creates tension in the relationship. But, as long as both of you understand the situation and can live within your means for now, then things should be ok...

 

[pesty4077]

financialy no.

If it was about finances, most of us wouldn't get married. You get married not for material things, but for love and commitment. Be honest with her about the finances, she might help with that. My wife and I both worked in the beginning of our marriage. Currently, I am the sole provider and that took years of commitment.

 

[muscledoc1]

Thanks for the reply's.there are other issues in the relationship that i need to consider,one of them(that bothers me the most)-is that we fight and break up at least once every other week(and then fix it and get back together the same day or the next).also,a little info/history on the relationship,we lived together for 3- years(up until october)-and we decided to move out(she bought a condo and i live in an apartment)-due to a few issues that i rather not get into right now.also,there are other problems(and i know that there are problems with every relationship and nothing is perfect)-but some of the problems that we have are pretty serious.(again,i rather not get into it right now)-i guess the reason i brought up this thread is because she keeps asking if we are going to move to the next step or move on,and i understand where she's coming from(she was married 11-years before we met and have a 15-year old son).again,we been together 6.5 years now and been through a lot.i on the other hand wouldnt want to take it to the next step and then after a week or two hear:"i want a divorce"-and then get back with eachother.i know it sounds childish,but i want to be honest here-she asked me this morning-why dont you ask your friends on one of the boards you are on(i picked this one because of the maturity level of this board compare to other ones). THANKS AGAIN FOR THE REPLIES.

 

[finny]

Looks like you have a lot to pounder...

I'll finish with: I'm not sure how old you both are, but if you ever plan on having children, then I would really think about it. Once kids enter the picture, so many things change and there is a whole new level of responsibility.

If future children don't enter the picture and you love the woman, then it is much easier to try and exit if need be...

 

[njpooldude]

I think if you have to ask us for our thoughts... u know there is something holding you back from just doing it. Fighting every week is a BAD sign. A ring will NOT fix it.

sounds to me id wait.. tell her when u can go 4 months without a STUPID fight ull think about it. ( we all fight.. and disagree) but when it happens every week or every other week, to me anyway look like its going downhill rather then up...

But, everyone is different.. a friend of mine has been with his lady for a little loner then u, piss broke.. and 3rd kid on the way. She bitches when he's not working, then bitches that he works too much. Personally id rather be single then deal with a women like that, but some guys dont mind the fighting.

Im dramma free kinda guy

 

[Gators]

If you're not sure, then NO, don't do it. If you're ready and it's 'right', you'll know without a shadow of a doubt.

 

[Amino_man]

I have to agree. I have been married for 11 years...? total = 15 yrs since dating. We were sitting around the house "bored" so we thought back then, and my wife (girlfriend back then) says, I do this, this and this around the house.

She said: I also help you with "your" son from another woman. I'm tired of you "getting the MILK for free, you need to buy the cow."

I felt bad because she did do ALOT for me and my (at the time 2 yr old son). So I said, that if she could lose a few pounds and not try and tell me how to raise my son, I'd marry her.

Now my advice to you is, if you have "serious" issues that have NOT been addressed, don't do it. Don't get married because I am now 15 years into this relationship and my wife still to this day, over rules what I tell me son and she treats him like a red headed step child, as the cliche goes.

If you feel that it is one of those things where you can reflect, and you feel that she seriously is "the one," if you see yourself with no one else but her in the future, seriously think about it with an open mind.

If you feel your relationship is regressing and she is trying to make things better (band aid effect) by getting married, don't do it. Marriage is a very though thing to deal with!!

Things are more complicated and expensive to deal with. Bankruptcy, lawyers, home loans, child support, exct. If you feel you need two more years then tell her, you can wait two more years to have me for the rest of my life.

If that's not good enough for her, to wait a mere two years in exchange for the rest of your life then don't let the door hit her on the way out!!

I got wrapped up in a marriage because I felt bad for all the things that she did for me and my son. Do I love my wife? YES! Do I wish I never married her, YES!!! I love her but not in love with her.

Food for thought.

 

[Pekkerwood]

My girlfriend and i have been together for 6.5 years now,she wants a ring by the end of this year-what should i do?

You should allow her to get a ring if she wants one and she can afford it.

Sorry, but I believe you have pretty much answered your own question with the info given in your posts. You singular, do not sound ready, and you, plural, do not sound ready. The "mini-breakups" point to the fact that you do not yet communicate with each other on what I feel, is a required level for marriage. While I do not think you have to be rich to be married, financial stressors are the number one source of marital discord in my opinion. Number two is the Lifetime Channel and Oxygen Channel.

I caved in once to pressure, knowing I was not ready. Guess what? I was not ready.

 

[muscledoc1]

I Apreciate the replies!!

 

[MDSGF]

Your story sounds a bit confusing to me. First of all, I don't know ANY GIRL who would wait 6 + years for any guy. She must have a lot of patience. And really, any guy who would make a girl wait for him that long is not doing right by her. And I know from my own experience that a woman does NOT move out from a man unless he cheated on her or betrayed her in some way. I don't know your background situation, but all the details that you don't want to get into sounds a bit like your issues that pertain to you. You are telling us HER issues (which is normal to vent), but to give you sound advice, we need to know YOUR issues. Relationships aren't one sided. Maybe you both need to have some time off to see if you really love each other and to work on yourselves. The only chance you take there is if she's a good woman, another guy will snatch her right up. How about counseling? Have you tried that? I know many men who think that counseling is not for them, but talking to an outside party can do anybody good. Good luck.

 

[muscledoc1]

Your story sounds a bit confusing to me. First of all, I don't know ANY GIRL who would wait 6 + years for any guy. She must have a lot of patience. And really, any guy who would make a girl wait for him that long is not doing right by her. And I know from my own experience that a woman does NOT move out from a man unless he cheated on her or betrayed her in some way. I don't know your background situation, but all the details that you don't want to get into sounds a bit like your issues that pertain to you. You are telling us HER issues (which is normal to vent), but to give you sound advice, we need to know YOUR issues. Relationships aren't one sided. Maybe you both need to have some time off to see if you really love each other and to work on yourselves. The only chance you take there is if she's a good woman, another guy will snatch her right up. How about counseling? Have you tried that? I know many men who think that counseling is not for them, but talking to an outside party can do anybody good. Good luck.

Thanks for the advice DUDE.