I was an abused, bullied, nerdy, sickly little kid growing up in the '70's and '80's. My home life and school life were horrific; the cops were always being called to my house to stop my parents from killing each other or us, and I was constantly beaten up and bullied by other kids at school. I remember seriously contemplating suicide when I was in the 5th grade, as the only way out, and the thought and possibility has never left my mind.
But then...Sylvester Stallone showed me another way out, in the training montage of every Rocky movie ever filmed. The transformation gave me hope. Rocky Balboa, through sheer heart and determination and discipline, made something from himself, turned himself from a loser into a winner. And so I secretly started doing pushups and situps like a madman in my bedroom at night, and at first walking then running laps around the pond in the woods out back. And I started to change myself.
And then there was Hulk Hogan and the other WWF wrestlers. Hulkamania, the training, the prayers, and the vitamins. ;-) I bought a plastic sand-filled 110lb weight set at K-Mart after my junior year of high school, and started lifting weights, doing bench presses on my mother's cocktail table downstairs until I could afford a rickety bench. I wanted to get ready for the military, so I started knocking out 20-rep sets of pullups and running 8 miles a day. And one Saturday I walked by the black-and-white TV and saw Arnold Schwarzenegger on Muscle Beach in Pumping Iron, and I thought, wow, look at those guys, those guys actually lift weights for a living. And the possibility of that inspired me, although if I had taken a realistic look at my genetics I would have realized no way was that in my future. But I tried as hard as anybody has ever tried at anything.
I went from an 155lb high school senior to a 255lb college senior, all natural. Then at 24, I tried steroids for the first time, and that opened up a whole new realm of possibilities, good and bad. Competed in bodybuilding and powerlifting, trained with professional bodybuilders and wrestlers and world-record-holding powerlifters. Sold steroids, went to prison for selling steroids. Had a hell of a good run and a good journey.
But it all started with an abused, bullied little boy doing pushups and situps in his bedroom alone at night, because of Rocky Balboa, and believing he could change his own reality. And I am grateful to have found that path, instead of the other path.