What to do? please help

[PUMPED]

Ok lets me this as short as I can. How do you know its time to end your marage? I am at a lose guys I love my wife but I feel there is just nothing left between us anymore. We dont do anything together or even have sex. If I want sex I have to ask for it and its just fucking I tell her If I wanted to just fuck I would have a one night stand. What I want is someboyd to share my life with.

I want to end it but just cant seem to find the balls. My wife is fully Dependent on me and thats makes things hard as hell

 

[xcelbeyond]

#1 thing I gather from your post - you still love your wife!

After being together for a while you get to know each other's habits - good & bad. It's easy to just do the minimum in a relationship and not really know that you're doing it.

I say plan a romantic weekend away. It doesn't have to be to the Carribean, it can be a getaway to a place you both like. I live about 45 min from the ocean and 2 hours from the Cascade mountains. I'm sure there some spots around where you live. Just make it you goal to try and get her excited and you'll be happy you did.

 

[Crowler]

Go see your minister/pastor with your wife.

If you don't have one just contact the local church and ask if they give crisis councling. They do it for free or VERY cheap and only do say 3 or 4 sessions.

It can REALLY help you either stay to gether or make the decision to not stay together.

 

[ELIMINATOR]

Tell her what you want and how you feel. Seeing a paster is a good idea too.

 

[Snarf]

I was in a similar situation as you with my first wife. We had grown so far apart but she was very much dependent on me, and the guilt would not let me do anything about it. I felt like I owed it to her to stay with her and that she could not make it without me.

Luckily, when it was getting hopeless, she got a new job and started travelling and made some new friends. This gave her a lot of confidence and I realized she really didn't need me. We got seperated and eventually divorced and both realized it was for the best.

I am not saying give up your marriage, but don't let her dependence or your guilt prevent you from making the best decision for you.

Good luck.

 

[PUMPED]

Guys when I say I have tryed all this I mean "ALL OF THIS"

 

[Sigmund Roid]

Pumped, sorry you are going through such a bad situation.

I went through the members pictures the other day and was reading through some posts. It looks like you have a great physique and your wife is very attractive and a competitor! Is this correct? On the surface it would appear that you have what most of us want. I am sorry this doesn't seem to be the case. How long has this situation been going on? Does she seem to want out of the marriage as well? Are their arguments? Is there anything physically wrong, such as a hormonal imbalance brought about by supplements and or dieting? When did things begin to decline in your relationship? Do you have children? Many questions, I know. It's just a bummer that things aren't going better for the two of you.

If you get time, give us more details, Pumped.

 

[GerryT]

Hey, PUMPED. Really sorry, bro. Sent you an e mail. Feel free to e mail or call if you need to talk, vent, rant, whatever. Here for you.

 

[jerrywear]

i am sorry to hear that bro,you sound like a great guy,by trying to save what you had.

 

[PUMPED]

well yesterday was my 30th and she didnt even get me a card or say happy birthday. she did tell me happy birthday tuesday night about 1am but nothing yesterday and all she did was ask if I wanted to do anything.

I have told her befoe and beleave this myself I just think she has no idea what it means to be a wife. I think its the old story soon as you have that pice of paper the female think she dosent have to do anything.

I beleave no amount of love can keep two people together and both have to do every little thing to keep that spark or a marage will die.

Guys I take home over 100k a year she has nothing to worry about and I dont even ask her to work. all I ask is meet me half way and put up 50%. I tryed to tell her for years a man needs to feel needed just like a woman.

And dont even get me started about the sex. that is way to one sided

 

[knucklehed]

that stinks

No birthday love? what the phuk.
The wife and I had our difficulties way back when. We had to learn to have what we have. Sometimes you have to incent someone to make good decisions. It sounds to me like she gets what she wants and you get nothing. I felt like i was treated this way way back when. I simply got tired, and broke and irritable. I probably made her feel the same way too.If you want more out of your relationship, I say cut-her -off. Tell her your broke, tell her you are too tired and unmotivated to do the things she expects from you.

That piece of paper means jack shit! You don't owe her a phukin thing. What you have is not a mariage my friend, not even close. Sounds like you have a parasite sucking the life out of you.
There is nothing in it for you to just hang and wait for her to change bro. You will need to force the issue.
Best of luck with this
KH

 

[Sigmund Roid]

Pumped, it doesn't sound good to me either.

If you have really tried and she isn't willing to save the marriage, it doesn't look very hopeful. I don't feel you owe her, that's guilt and not a good reason to remain in an unloving marriage.

 

[MikeS]

Id like to see a happy ending and I like the suggestions-but unfortunately maybe its too far gone for that, you have said.
I went through a progressivly rough time (2-3yrs) with my wife and I filed seperation. But she still loves me and we still have some great sex. So there is a glimmer of hope; Im glad we live apart (only blocks away). Im not blind to the fact it may not work though-but so far (6mo) she has been completely unable to stay away-more so than me. One day at a time I take it.
All said-I had a hard time pulling the trigger. I got advice, knew I should get away before I did. But YOU will know when the time is right. You will reach that point, YOUR threshold. And it will be enough. Noone else can tell you when that will be, or tell you when to do it. Hopefully you will not let it go to far.
The internet is a great place for info as you know. Writings about marriage, divorce, making marriage work, when to give up, how to get through it...

Best of luck to you bro. Its not easy.

 

[PUMPED]

Guys understand I do love my wife but we just dont have that bond anymore. I mean we can both go out and not even hang together its like we come and leave together but thats it.

tuesday we speak with somebody about this and I told her I will give it 6 weeks and if nothing changes we need to move on

check this out we went 5 months without sex or even kissing I told her to her face that there will come a time I am out and some hot chick comes on to me and before I know what I was doing I would be sleeping with her Because I dont know if I could hold back the feeling of somebody making me feel wanted. Do you know after that she still didnt do anything.

I think its just the process of seperation I mean we have been together a good while now and have all the same friends and everything. me moving on would mean I would have to start over with a new life.

 

[D Animal]

hey pump old bud..I do'nt know if you remember me but I was on another site a while back..shit I forgot the name of it ..but you was a cool person and I hope everything goes well

 

[PUMPED]

Yea D bro I remember how you been?

Ok guys I have to tell you all of you have been a big help to this point. I have another part I need to get off my chest. There is another woman. well was another woman. Remember I was saying the wife didnt show my the attention? and somebody might come into my life that does? well that happened last AUG at the linda murry show.first I need to say I never sleep with her to date. I never lied to this girl about my wife or anything. we just would hang out and spend time together. well after 5 months of this we got so close something needed to happen. It started to wear on her lets call her TS she was hurting inside so we both talked and agreed to stop seeing each other because of bad timing.

Well I have never meet somebody like this before guys and not that I have gone a month without talking to her I have come to see she is the one for me. we can do just about anything and have a blast. the wife and me shit we cant even go to dinner and find something to talk about.

I told tracey I would come back soon as things were taking care of. I just cant get this girl out of my mind. lets let show both real quick.

I dont know guys leaving the wife would mean a life change because TS and my wife are from diffrent sides of the pond so to speak.

All I know is my wife isnt into working out much anymore. Has not hobbies, watches soaps everyday, just lives life day to day

now TS she works everyday to better herself. I mean there nothing this girl cant do on her own. Goals are though the roof. but I mean do I see us together for ever? I cant say that but all I know is everyday I think about TS and hurts inside when I make myself not call; I cant call her because with the way things are now it just hurts her inside to much and I cant stand to see that happen. she allways has a smile on her face and I like to keep it that way

I think the one thing keeping me here is I can full trust my wife and never have to worry about her running aorund on me and in these times that hard to find but I guess it really doesnt matter because I am alone now with just a roomate who I pay the bills for.

Guys theres not a day that goes by I dont force myself not to call TS we talked about a few weeks about and it was just like two guys shoting the shit about anything I cant even hold a conversation with my wife.

 

[PUMPED]

Guys why cant I just tell the wife how I feel and what I plan on doing? How did some of you take that first step?

 

[lynx]

Sorry to hear about your situation Pumped. What happened with your wife? I remember pictures of her competing and she looked great! And now you say that she really doesn't want to lift or really do anything anymore.
It sounds like you two don't have anything to talk about because she simply doesn't do anything. I mean like what is going to tell you how so-and-so ran off with so-and-so from One Life To Live? Just curious,if she's able-bodied then why doesn't she work?

 

[Got Juice]

man pumped sorry to hear about whats going on in your life. i have never been married, but i did have to end a 3 year relationship, which is KIND OF similar if you still care about the person.

you have to make yourself happy man. if you have exhausted all other resources to try and keep your marriage alive, then thats all you can do.

tell your wiffe EXACTLY how you feel, minus the othe girl,, lol. she might even feel the same way and things might be mutual. talking is definitely the first step to happiness.

good luck bro,

GJ

 

[knucklehed]

tough situation

Pumped,
I hope this all works out in the end. Things do eventually work out, but life is short. If you can have something good with TJ make it happen bro.
The right relationship makes all the difference
best of luck
KH