What to do? please help

[alpha-longhorn]

bro why aren't you telling your wife that you are thinking about leaving her?

 

[PUMPED]

bro why aren't you telling your wife that you are thinking about leaving her?

I have

 

[GerryT]

Feel for you, bro. Sounds like she has changed a lot since you married her. Has she seen a doctor or gynecologist so a physical problem can be ruled out? Maybe she is suffering from clinical depression, chemical imbalance, etc?
Maybe it's insecurities that a therapist could help with.

After ruling that out, you have to decide if your life would be worse with her or without her. Sounds like you are suffering. And you shouldn't be. If she
can't or won't change, then you should try a trial separation. Maybe something concrete or drastic like that would move her to change.

If that doesn't work, then you have to end it and move on. I usually advise doing what you can to salvage a relationship. But having done that and nothing works, then you have to get on with your life for your own emotional
well being.

PUMPED, you're really like a bro to me. But you need to make the first step. No one can do it for you. If you can, get in touch by e mail or phone. Here
for you if you want.

 

[alpha-longhorn]

bro i was just about to type something rediculously long and well-thought-out.. and then i stopped myself and thought about it for a sec, and realized that no one is qualified to give you any advice because we would all be neck-deep in troubled-waters in your situation and there would not be a right or wrong way to handle this... EIther way it's gonna cut like a knife..


I sincerely hope you brave the storm and look for a better tomorrow..

 

[JETHRO TULL]

PUMPED! SELL ALL YOUR SHIT TO YOUR BEST FRIEND FOR A DOLLAR!

THAT WAY YOU CAN BUY IT ALL BACK FOR A DOLLAR AFTER THE DIVORCE! SINCE SHE'S NEVER WORKED SHE'LL END UP RIPPING YOU OFF. I HAD A FRIEND WHO PAYS 700$ A MONTH. NO KIDS OR ANYTHING....SHE JUST GETS THE 700$ A MONTH!

HOPE IT ENDS SMOOTHLY AND THINGS WORK BETTER WITH THE OTHER GAL.

 

[maxsupplements]

CYA

I do agree with jethro, if you do decide to make the cut, then make sure to cover your ass, or she will get you for it. she acts so "out of it" as in she has no emotion, but let me tell you, when you drop the hammer, it will hit her like a hammer. and then you better look out for her talking to her friends and fam. about this too, they want the best for her, not you. so make sure all your ducks are in a row before you go droppin her just yet. the dollar thing is a great idea, i would just hate to see you get fugged for not watchin out for these things. i know you may say, : oh she wouldnt do that to me" but man, shes a woman, and women, that are taken care of as well as you take care of her will watch out for their best interests no matter what she is showing you. for all you know she may be waiting for you to give her papers so she can say you initiated the whole divorce process. but if you can, get one of those fast divorces, you can do it in like 3-4 weeks and have it finalized. then you can keep all your "stuff" meaning your house, couches, cars, whatever. i am just saying C.Y.A (cover your ass) if you need anything- hit me up. i have seen this happen both ways with a few of my friends.

 

[PUMPED]

Guys yesterday I was talking to her telling her she needs to make plans on where to stay and how I would give her one of my cars that is payed for to use for a trade in so she has her own car. I even told her I would sell the house and give her all or half of whats made off the house. she told me I dont want any of that I am not like that. I told her can I have that in writing? she said yes so I had her sign! Its legal now she cant have anything.


Tomorrow is our second time talking with this lady. well last week she told us to take a night and just go to dinner and talk. Well its been a week that hasnt happend and today I told her we didnt do what the lady asked. she said I had to work! come the FU$$ on? she knows damn well she dosent need to work plus whats more importand? making $60 or working on your relationship? just one more thing she will just not do.

I gave her 6 visits to see if we could work things out. well tomorrow is #2 so 4 more and thats it.

 

[maxsupplements]

well, now that that is done, you could be covered..

I would see an attourney, or talk to one on the board here. god knows we have to have one BB/attourney around here! But on the opposite side, You are at least trying man. i give you serious credit for this, and i imagine everyone around you does also. I am having trouble with my NEW wife right now too. Its hard man. but remember one thing. an older frind of mine told me this as i was down about a girl i couldnt hook up with, SOME will, SOME WONT, SO WHAT, WHOS NEXT?!? Good luck on the rest of those visits, i know this hurts, it will only be temporary, so if you can, get into the gym and train your balls off. use this emotion as fuel for the fire and burn baby burn. i dont know if you are a christian, but stay close to god right now man, he will sheild you from harm and help with your recovery, as he will continue to bless you. SHOUT AT ME IF YOU WANT TO TALK. ILL GIVE YA MY #. i am no counselor, but sometimes it helps to have an ear to yell at.
max

 

[PHIL HERNON]

Pumped, let me say this

When you are thinking about another woman, there is nothing left for your wife. Get the other fantasy out of your mind IF you love your wife and you love yourself TOGETHER.

 

[PUMPED]

When you are thinking about another woman, there is nothing left for your wife. Get the other fantasy out of your mind IF you love your wife and you love yourself TOGETHER.

Yea I know bro and I am working really hard at doing that.

 

[di8kids]

Marriage is work, Pumped

After the first year of marriage, I had plenty of good reasons to divorce my husband. But I remembered my vows, and I still loved my husband.

We have now been married 22 years. Sometimes in a marriage we have hard times--but I remember that I love my husband and remember why we got married in the first place.

If you still love your wife, show her. She may be going through some things that you don't know about. Be there for her and let her know it. You may have to let her know many times. And if you really love your wife, let her know and keep letting her know. And it don't hurt to ask God for help.

I hope this helps from a woman's point of view.

Sincerely

 

[BigBoyJ]

Any updates, Pumped? I hope you're figuring things out. Your situation sounds a lot like things were with my ex. It came to a point where at about the last 6 months we were together, she slept on the couch and I slept on the bed. We didn't talk much at all. We didn't do anything together, we were just seperate people. Roommates, like you said. I too supported her and she didn't have to work. It took a long time for me to figure out what I needed to do. I still loved her...at least I thought I did. And like you, I knew that if we broke up, my life would be COMPLETELY different. I just had to really think about something. Did I want to spend who know how much time living unhappily? Did I really want to continue being in a relationship that gave me nothing? There was no sex, no affection, no conversation and no common interests. Then I had to ask myself if it was worth it to take the chance and face flipping my life around by breaking up with her. I decided it was worth the risk. I knew it would be a long period of readjustment, but I knew in the long run it would be the very best thing for me.

I finally just went and sat beside her and said, "I'm not happy". That was how the conversation started. I told her exactly everything that I had been thinking about and it turned out that she felt the same. Neither of us were sure how we were going to end it though. I think it was harder for her than me though, because she had to start a new job and learn to take care of herself. It didn't take her long though to find someone else and leach off of him. Now she's back in the same situation. I think her biggest problem was her self esteem. She was never able to take care of herself and it made her unhappy.

I said before that I thought I still loved her when I broke up with her. It's been a year and a half since then and now I know that I didn't really love her. I just loved what she used to be. I was always hoping that the woman that originally got my attention was going to come back. She never did though. The scariest thing about breaking up was wondering what would happen next. Well, I ended up moving to a new town hundreds of miles from where I was. I found a new woman, who I am married to now. I am happier than I have ever been now. It I know it would've never happened if I didn't take that chance.

If things are going better for you now, then that's great. But, don't spend time driving down a dead end road. If the feelings are gone and you think you'd be happier with another woman. You should leave. Life is short, man. Don't get old and wonder how happy you could've been if you'd followed your instincts and went with the woman you feel could've made you happy.

And don't worry about your wife. She'll be fine. After a while, I'd be willing to bet that she ends up much happier too. Whatever you do, don't spend years of your life trying to fix something that is broken beyond repair. Make yourself happ, my friend, you deserve it.

 

[Ironhorse]

The grass is not always greener on the other side. It may seem that way at first but it will fade fast. If you leave your wife do it for the right reasons. Do not leave her for another women!

 

[PUMPED]

well that was the hardest thing I have ever delt with. harder then my father dieing. she just left

 

[SouthernMuscle]

damn man, what happened?

 

[AsylumBitch]

I knew you were having an affair before I got to that part.

You just posted because you wanted everyone to tell you to leave your wife.

You are having an "exit affair".
Some individuals have an affair when they want to leave their marriage. Some get into these affairs to start therapy, so the therapist can make a difficult leave-taking easier by helping the betrayed spouse cope. Others use the affair to make the spouse angry enought to do the leaving that the unfaithgul partner is afraid of initiating. Some have exit affairs to have someone to lean on during the leave-taking.

You need to decide if you really do love your wife. If you do, you need to end the affair for good, establish no contact with this woman, and come clean to your wife. If your wife loves you, she will try to build a reconcilitation with you which I assure you is the most heart wrenching road you will ever take, but one which reaps more benefit than you could ever imagine.

If you don't love your wife, you need to tell her. You need to utilize your "exit affair" and let her start a recovery process.

Please just keep one thing in mind when you think about this soul mate that has changed your life so much. IF THEY'LL DO IT WITH YOU, THEY'LL DO IT TO YOU!

 

[AsylumBitch]

Well anyone that know me, knows I can't stop once I get started, so let me add this.

Do you think that your wife suspects your affair. Many spouses actually have admitted to knowing about affairs, and being in denial. We put on rose colored glasses when it comes to our spouses.
He couldn't do this to me.
He loves me, he wouldn't hurt me like this.
He made a vow to me, he knows how important it is.
He's a better man than that.


Her lack of birthday card tells me you have a very depressed wifey on your hands and although she is in denial, she will not be surprised to find out you are cheating.

 

[PUMPED]

I was but now I am not seeing or talking to anybody. I just need time for me and to train

 

[AsylumBitch]

I pray that in your heart you do what is best for you. Regardless to what it is. Best of luck to you.