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What to do when he thinks you are cheating on him?

Dave_19 said:
Well unless you are a promiscuous women and he has reason to worry, then he is probably insecure. considering your posting hear its probably safe to assume your in good shape, possibly have implants. Things like that will make some guys worry. Does he have reasons to be insecure, out of shape, lost a job, realized hes getting old, ect?

Just because she posts here and is in good shape, doesn't automatically mean that she has implants (I don't know if she does or not), but implants are certainly not a reason for insecurity. And implants are one of the worst health risks that a woman can take, so don't assume that a healthy, in shape woman has implants, because most choose not to have them.
 
Big A said:
Most of that is hogwash. I never cheated on my girl, and I've said/did a lot of those things:

# Unreachable by phone - I'm very busy, but my personal assistant gets all the calls - It's when this is consistently the case
# Unexplained numbers on phone bill - I personally don't know 90% of the numbers on the bill as I speak to so many people - it's numbers that appear frequently
# If you call their cell phone and get the call waiting beep...they say they weren't using the phone. - my cell has broken a number of times - this is a coincidence, you know the chances of a broken cell are pretty slim on the average
# Never leaves the house without their cell phone/pager - I can't. I have to be reachable 24 hours a day. -
# Hang up calls or someone always saying they've got the wrong number when you answer - I always get wrong number calls on all my phones every day-I get maybe 2 a year.
# Acting different( short tempered, distant, defensive, etc.) - numerous other reasons for that. Certainly not cheating. - I agree
# Neglecting chores at home - busy, tired from work - again, when this behavior is continuous
# Picking fights over trivial things in order to get you to leave the house, or so they can leave the house - again, numerous other reasons for that and cheating is not one of them. - again, frequency
# Withdrawing from you/family/friends - stress - stress is one of the biggest reasons for infidelity - not lack of love for the spouse as many think
# Pointing out YOUR flaws - I'm honest. I point the flaws of everyone, but she knows that when I praise her or compliment her (most of the day every day) it's real and sincere. - This would be always pointing out flaws and not complimenting
# Telling you that you'll talk about your relationship concerns when it's more "convenient" - yes, if I am in the middle of an important meeting - If someone wants to talk to you about your relationship when you're in the middle of an important meeting, there IS a problem, but this tip is directed at when there isn't an important meeting.
# Telling you your concerns about the relationship are "all in your head" - of course, if there is nothing wrong, and I am just simply stressed regarding numerous matters, I could seem a bit distant sometimes as I am in my own thoughts. Doesn't meant that I am cheating. - Okay to be distant sometimes, just not healthy when you are consistently or constantly distant.
# The " I love you, but I’m not IN love with you " talk - I said that to a girl once. We just simply grew apart and we were together because it was convenient. I certainly wasn't cheating on her. - I've had this talk with plenty of people too. I wasnt cheating on them, just didn't want to be with them anymore.
# New interest in exercise/diet - maybe I am just concetrating on it more now since I am thinking about a comp, or maybe I have more interest in my cars since I am about to buy a new one, or maybe I have more interest in business since I am starting a new company, etc, etc - yes, these are very excusable. But if a spouse doesn't attend the gym and suddenly want to look like Adonis, and it is combined with more of these items. well....
# More time at the gym - I could just be gettin ready for another comp - absolutely good reason.
# Sleeping ALOT - I am tired! - Also a sign of stress and depression if it is consistent.
# New cologne/perfume - I wanted a change 'cause I got bored of the old one. - Yup.
# New wardrobe - again, I got bored of my clothes or I simply outgrew them. - Yup.
# Suddenly carrying breath fresheners( gum, mints, etc.) with them constantly - I am eating a lot of garlic lately - Yup.
# New password protection on computer - I change the passwords security on computers every few days as standard procedure - Good idea.
# Up on computer to all hours - yeah, it's called work - to earn a living! - Yup.
# Closing dialogue windows on the computer when you walk into the room - I am looking at porn, or looking to buy her another car, or buy her more jewelry or tickets to the opera as a surprise! - Yup.
# Erasing computer history after every use - I do that all the time as standard procedure for safety reasons - Yup.
# Unexplained purchases on credit card - I don't know holf of the purchases on the credit cards - I have over $80k limits and they get used monthly - You really should keep better track of your finances. You wouldn't notice if someone got your credit card and used it??? Not good.
# ATM withdrawals at unusual locations - I travel a lot
# Extra mileage on the car - I travel a lot - Yeah. We all do a lot of that for sure.
# Errands that should take 1/2 hour take much longer - If I am interupted by constant phone calls - Yeah that certainly happens.
# Claims to do things they've never done before ( shop, etc.) - I was trying new experiences - Always good to be open to new experiences.
# Buying expensive flowers or gifts for no reason ( if they've not done that before) - I always do that - If they've not done that before.....
# Leaves early for work or comes home late more - I have a lot of work to do - yup...that sure happens
# Claims to work overtime, yet no overtime on checks - I don't get paid by the hour - Not a problem then.
# Mentioning a "friend" but never introducing you - I have lots of those- they are are all work related and I don't like them on a personal level so Iw oudl certainly not lower my girl so much as to introduce her to these people - If you don't like them on a personal level, you won't mention them as a friend, right?
# Too many visits to "friends" - It's called work - smooching with people to get new contracts signed and deals set up - too many is the operative word here
# Lying about where they've been or whom they are with - maybe I'm organising her a surprise which obviously I don't want her to find out about - As long as there are not "frequent" surprises, this sounds cool.
# Coming home late saying they " just lost track of time" - happens all the time 'cause I am so busy - Do yo do this frequently without calling?
# Offers to go to the store when they usually wouldn't - I am being nice - Again....frequency.
# Sends you to the store when they could easily go themselves - I'm tired or really busy - understandable
# Passenger seat position changes - I always have lots of different people in my cars - I think this is a tip for someone who doesn't
# Changes in sexual behavior with you (may be more or less frequency) or different techniques - I/we like to experiment a lot so yes different stuff is the norm - Us too. It's the norm. Changes in sexual behavior means out of the norm.
# Hiding condoms - I don't want the cleaner to see them - why?

Like I said, most of that is just garbage which will get a lot of people paranoid and will start trouble in their fine relationships for no reason at all.

This is not garbage. If you aked a person who was taken by horror and shock of infidelity, they could look at this list and say "why the hell didn't i see that?"

It is great that you are a faithful husband, and for that reason you should absolutely not be offended by this post. This post is meant for a guide for someone who "suspects" their spouse is cheating.
I can name a few things on this list that I have done, and my spouse. It doesn't make me paranoid at all.....because I don't have anything to hide, and I don't suspect him.

If you suspect your spouse is cheating, this is a guide. It is not a guide intended for faithful people to start suspecting. If the relationship is good, it shouldn't be.

Peace.


:)
 
Hahahah

Dave_19 said:
Well unless you are a promiscuous women and he has reason to worry, then he is probably insecure. considering your posting hear its probably safe to assume your in good shape, possibly have implants. Things like that will make some guys worry. Does he have reasons to be insecure, out of shape, lost a job, realized hes getting old, ect?

Dave, your silly.
 
Di

Knowing Mike as much/little as I do, he loves you and his family very much. I really dont think he is cheating on you. It is just called insecurity. He has a few control issues, you have never worked outside of the house before. Please tell me he is not back to where he and I met?
 
AH man this ones simple ,, you ask how would you know if he was cheating on you?

Well does he still kiss you???

Kissing is the biggest sign of love and effection i honestly beleive its a major sign in cheating , cause i know in my past when i was cheating on a girl(whuch i regret deeply) id 1st stop the kissing then slowly everything else but kissing was definetly 1st sign,, my parents of 50+ years of age still kiss everytime my old man walks in the door , just a thought.
 
Vander_V said:
my parents of 50+ years of age still kiss everytime my old man walks in the door , just a thought.

That is the coolest thing I have read in a very long time. Thanks for that.
:cool:
 
AsylumBitch said:
This is not garbage. If you aked a person who was taken by horror and shock of infidelity, they could look at this list and say "why the hell didn't i see that?"

It is great that you are a faithful husband, and for that reason you should absolutely not be offended by this post. This post is meant for a guide for someone who "suspects" their spouse is cheating.
I can name a few things on this list that I have done, and my spouse. It doesn't make me paranoid at all.....because I don't have anything to hide, and I don't suspect him.

If you suspect your spouse is cheating, this is a guide. It is not a guide intended for faithful people to start suspecting. If the relationship is good, it shouldn't be.

Peace.


:)

I have been cheated on numerous times. By my ex-fiancee too. So I know all too well what's like.
But, your list can make someone paranoid, even if they are secure in their relationship.

# Unexplained purchases on credit card - I don't know holf of the purchases on the credit cards - I have over $80k limits and they get used monthly - You really should keep better track of your finances. You wouldn't notice if someone got your credit card and used it??? Not good. - correct. But the time that I would be spending checking all those transactions and statements each month, would cost me more in lost income (my time is very limited) than the money that someone would rip me off of my credit cards. Right now there are over $65k that people on the boards have ripped me off for. I will get to them in time, when I have the time, because chasing them for that kind of $ is not worth it for me right now.

# Coming home late saying they " just lost track of time" - happens all the time 'cause I am so busy - Do yo do this frequently without calling? - Yep. But she's secure.

# Hiding condoms - I don't want the cleaner to see them - why? - He's a pervert ;)
 
He has a few control issues??????

PHIL HERNON said:
Knowing Mike as much/little as I do, he loves you and his family very much. I really dont think he is cheating on you. It is just called insecurity. He has a few control issues, you have never worked outside of the house before. Please tell me he is not back to where he and I met?

Phil, I think you know him better than I thought you did.

Getting some training in college and being in the work force has helped me to gain more confidence about myself in certain areas. I work in a call center. I started out working in customer service having to speak with about 80-100 people a day--then specialist (supervisor assistant.) Now I work with plan sponsors full time and do research issues part time. I tell doctors and store owners what they are obligated to do according to their contract. But I still get nervous about interviews.

See, I used to be this quiet thing that would just take whatever he would dish out--Now I stand up to him. Sometimes he doesn't like that. Sometimes I have be careful not to overstep my boundry.

Phil, he's not back to where you and he met...do you know what brought him to that meeting ground? I am just looking for truth.

Anyhow, Vander, he still kisses me.

And Dave, I think you're silly, too. Maybe when I reach my bodybuilding goal, I'll post a picture . I'm still a little shy :eek:.
 
Well, that information helps!

Your growing independence has him worried that you might just not need him anymore. In that case, confront it head on. Let him know that you still need him even though you are growing and changing as a person. The same thing happend when my mother raised all the children and went back to college. My dad acted like a jerk for a while. She was meeting new people, learning, and voicing her opinion more often and it was a transition for all involved. If you love him just make it a priority to show it along with your newfound identity. A man likes to feel needed.

It would be a shame to lose a good relationship over misunderstandings, lack of communication and insecurities.


di8kids said:
Phil, I think you know him better than I thought you did.

Getting some training in college and being in the work force has helped me to gain more confidence about myself in certain areas. I work in a call center. I started out working in customer service having to speak with about 80-100 people a day--then specialist (supervisor assistant.) Now I work with plan sponsors full time and do research issues part time. I tell doctors and store owners what they are obligated to do according to their contract. But I still get nervous about interviews.

See, I used to be this quiet thing that would just take whatever he would dish out--Now I stand up to him. Sometimes he doesn't like that. Sometimes I have be careful not to overstep my boundry.

Phil, he's not back to where you and he met...do you know what brought him to that meeting ground? I am just looking for truth.

Anyhow, Vander, he still kisses me.

And Dave, I think you're silly, too. Maybe when I reach my bodybuilding goal, I'll post a picture . I'm still a little shy :eek:.
 
Honestly.........if you want me to tell you what he told me

di8kids said:
Phil, I think you know him better than I thought you did.

Getting some training in college and being in the work force has helped me to gain more confidence about myself in certain areas. I work in a call center. I started out working in customer service having to speak with about 80-100 people a day--then specialist (supervisor assistant.) Now I work with plan sponsors full time and do research issues part time. I tell doctors and store owners what they are obligated to do according to their contract. But I still get nervous about interviews.

See, I used to be this quiet thing that would just take whatever he would dish out--Now I stand up to him. Sometimes he doesn't like that. Sometimes I have be careful not to overstep my boundry.

Phil, he's not back to where you and he met...do you know what brought him to that meeting ground? I am just looking for truth.

Anyhow, Vander, he still kisses me.

And Dave, I think you're silly, too. Maybe when I reach my bodybuilding goal, I'll post a picture . I'm still a little shy :eek:.

He told me he got mad at you while he was grilling hot dogs and he stuck the metal fork through your neck.
 
Actually......It was pork chops.

PHIL HERNON said:
He told me he got mad at you while he was grilling hot dogs and he stuck the metal fork through your neck.

I appreciate you being honest with me. I just needed to know. Thank you.
 
di8kids said:
I love my husband, but he constantly states that he is afraid that I am cheating on him. Come on. After 22 years of marriage and 8 kids and 3 grandchildren later....I am not interested in anyone else. I have never cheated on him. I take my vows very seriously. My question to you guys is--what makes you think your woman is cheating? Maybe I can get some insight on how you guys think. Thanks.

:rolleyes: Maybe it is the website I'm on?

Well, I have dated women that wouldn't introduce me to their friends, the get cell phone calls and won't answer them while I am there...not to mention late night calls, they quickly close their email when I walk into the room. That sort of thing. Also, never really wanting to go out in public together. Sadly, I stuck it out each time while trying to assess what what going on. But in general, I think insecurity wreaks havoc. It may infact be the accuser that is unfaithful. One girl was always accusing me. I never knew why until I found out she was sleeping with about 5 other guys. :(
 
di8kids said:
I appreciate you being honest with me. I just needed to know. Thank you.

Maybe he just isn't feeling loved by you. His emotional love tank may be empty and he doesn't know how to express it. People feel loved in different ways. For me, it's words of affirmation. Nothing makes me feel more loved by wife than when she tells me so. However, for her to feel love she requires acts of service. I could tell her "I love you" until I'm blue in the face, but she'll never really feel loved. What does make her feel loved is when I do things for her to make her life a little easier, ie: empty the dishwasher, help with laundry, help with making and cleaning up of dinner, wash her car on a saturday, etc. Vice versa, she could do a million things for me, but if she never verbally told me she loved me or that she was attracted to me, I would not feel loved.

There is a great easy to read book on this subject. It's called "The 5 Languages of Love" by Dr. Gary Chapman.
 

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