When I am in good shape – mentally, physically and emotionally, I care. I care more
about everything. About the way I look, the way I act and the way I think. And I want
to look good as a consequence because I care. So in a roundabout way, you get it as
a function of a normal, balanced, healthy and active lifestyle.
Lifting to grow beyond that is another story. Do I want to look better than average?
Yes. Is part of who I am connected to how I look? Yes. Would I feel less comfortable,
less confident being smaller? To some degree, Yes. Do I ultimately let it determine and
define who I am? No. But it would be foolish of me to say it does not play some small
part. But it does not rule my life, define who I am and how I treat others. It never has
and it never will. Life is too short.
I think we all have an idealized image of ourselves, both physically, intellectually, and
emotionally and if we don't measure up (and I sometimes don't) I think we think it
makes a difference as to how we are perceived by others, if that makes any sense.
But it doesn’t. What I really think speaks loudest is actions; actions speak louder than
words, far louder than how you look.
I also think that a certain amount of that "identity," be it physical or otherwise, is healthy,
keeps us doing things we would not otherwise do without that bit of self-doubt or ego. It's
when that physical self-image takes a back seat to your other qualities, qualities that are
being ignored rather than nurtured, is when it can become a problem.
Sure I like to look good, be strong and muscular. Sure, if I'm down at the river swimming or
in the hot tub at the gym, I want to look good and feel I'm "in shape" when I wear a swim
suit. I think for me, much of that has to do with self-respect and pride in oneself. (And I
never walk around in tight shirts, tank top, or without a shirt.)
Maybe I'm the odd man out on this one, but I don't feel comfortable attracting attention
from others. Acknowledgement is one thing, and I will accept that, but attracting
attention is something entirely different in mind.
In "bodybuilding" I'm more interested in the process; making improvements, seeing
what I am capable of both mentally and physically. I like seeing positive changes
that are a result of discipline, hard work and self-control. What the end result turns out
to be I'm happy with it as long as I do not sacrifice my core values or my health.
A long time ago I came to terms with how I look; my size and proportions. For me, it is more
about shape, balance, and proportions. While the shape of a muscle I have no control over,
I can change, or at least attempt to do so on a regular basis, the size of a muscle (or at my
age, prevent atrophy . . . hahah) that's half the fun to me. But not at the expense of my
health and my lifestyle; being able to do what I want to do whenever I want to do it.
Like everybody, I could use a little more of this, a little less of that, lower this, higher that.
But hey, the bottom line is I'm stuck with what I was born with and I'm having fun trying
to do the best I can with what I got. There are no "magic numbers" in my book when it
comes to appearance; numbers are meaningless. It's how you look and feel.
I cracks me up when people always mention their weight; will not talk about themselves
without mentioning how much or how little they weigh as if a number will magically
define how they look. Unless you are making weight for a competition, how much you
weigh (or how much you lift for that matter) is irrelevant. If you are fat or lean, tall or
short, weak or strong, in bodybuilding how you look is the only thing that matters, numbers
are meaningless.