Why?

[chgolatin-one]

Can love kill you? I have often comtemplated on taking my own life because I am tired of the emotional pain, the thinking and everything else doesnt seem to matter anymore, strange but true. I have lost weight, cant stop thinking of the past and I cant let go of the present and now I find myself alone, not having shit and everyone around me has a happy life instead of me. No matter what life and people will keep on moving even if your not around anymore and everyone usually finds happiness at the end except me. How can their be a God in life when pain is so unbearable and so many things are wrong on earth with MILLIONS of problems and people. If you asked me God is just a figment of an imagination of want to believe I guess.

Silly of me I guess but true, whoever said that Love doesnt kill, it does they just havent been in love.

 

[engbulldog]

Hey most of us have been in love over the years, and at the age of 32yrs i look back and think of all the people i have said I LOVE YOU too and it makes me think do we just use those words to make someone like us or what??? Hey now the pain you feel will subside in a few and all the things you feel are going wrong are all a mind-set. ex. wake-up in a bad mood,stub your toe, need gas in your car on the way to work which will make you late. get my point.... As for god I cannot make you belive or go to church but for the past year I have been going to church,praying, reading the bible and things have turned around for me I hope this helps and if ya want PM me and I get into it alittle more if ya want god bless ya Engbulldog

 

[morepain]

I wish i could say why my friend, but many of us are living this exact same scenario. As far as realtionships i have been through too many to count it seems like the promises people make are nothing but bullshit. I am 35 still single and at this point so jaded by past mistakes that i don't even know if i have the capacity to trust anyone, it really sucks. No matter how badly i try to allow myself to accept that just maybe for once something might work out there is that little voice telling me that its just a matter of time. But truthfully when i talk to my friends that are married or have lived with the same person for years they seem more miserable than me. Hell i don't get it can't two people actually care for each other and just be good to each other. I guess its too much to ask. This is where belief ina higher power comes in..i have struggled with faith for many years, but i do know that when you turn away from your beliefs that is when you will hurt the most. My boss once told me that if you place your faith in people you will always be disappointed but place your faith in God first and you will never be disappointed. As i stated its still a struggle for me each day as well.

 

[muscledoc1]

Hi there,i know how you feel and looking at other problems or other peoples problems and at the bad parts of life WILL NOT MAKE THINGS BETTER!,its just like when you are planning on doing a show-you cant focus and control how others will look,you can only control yourself and how you look.my point is its ALWAYS easier to look at the empty side of a glass thats half filled with water,you need AND HAVE TO look at your self and at whats good and positive in you(and believe me when you are down its nearly impossible to see the good things)-BUT THEY ARE THERE!-and when you focus on good-good happens!(AND THATS A FACT!),so take a deep breath and rethink and realize that NOTHING in life is worth taking your own life.(but when you're down,very down-you might feel that way)-but i ASSURE you that you will look at this back and think to yourself how could you ever think like that
??-you are going through a bad time and the only thing that will make it go away is TIME!-so make that time easy on yourself-and do the things that you used to enjoy or do something out of your routine THAT WILL SNAP YOU OUT!!-TAKE CARE.

 

[muscledoc1]

OH, and let me add that whoever made you feel that way-IS NOT WORTH A SECOND OF YOUR THOUGHT/PAIN!!

 

[Amazon Doll]

Have you gone to therapy? If you are getting feelings of suicide, you really should! This stuff is serious and you can get help for the way you feel, but you can't do it alone.

 

[thebrick]

Bro, these feelings you have are real. If you are feeling so depressed you are having thoughts of taking your life, please, please do not try to get through this on your own. See a professional for help. You have so many good things ahead of you, but you are having trouble seeing that right now.

 

[chgolatin-one]

my pain is more than anyone could ever imagine! I have been in pain before but this is too much to accept, confusion, lost, they say time will heal the pain well its been more than 6 months and I dont feel any better but worst.

Do I have to go see a doctor to prescribe me meds that I took before and didnt help, I have no idea, will I ever, ever get up from this hell hole? I have no idea, I maybe blinded by this now but how can someone just stop loving you after all the plans and all that was said before. Why do people tell you that they "LOVE YOU" when actuality its not real love but maybe other feelings.

I am fed up! My good female friend told me that its not worth taking your life because of a relationship but I keep telling her that it is not about the relationship but life itself that has sucked for so many years and if you guys could only see my success you will ever wonder why the hell I should be depressed with a beautiful house, nice car, motorcycle and so many material things and a excellent career that I am so freaking miserable, like the saying goes you are what you think, who knows anymore because I cant and dont have the answers and I have cried enough and I have asked God for guidance and knowledge and possibly a divine intervention. But I havent received any!

If I take my life I want people to know that I tried to do my best but I just couldnt continue anymore regardless the world will keep on moving with or without me and my purpose in life was to just die young and successful. Fuck it!

 

[chgolatin-one]

Faith in God? How about faith in general? Faith in people? Wow, I have lost that in many and in the all mighty himself, if he does exist, make him come down and do a miracle in my life! When that does happen then I will believe however, after all my needless prayers and church visits what else is left. Me still here alone!

I wish i could say why my friend, but many of us are living this exact same scenario. As far as realtionships i have been through too many to count it seems like the promises people make are nothing but bullshit. I am 35 still single and at this point so jaded by past mistakes that i don't even know if i have the capacity to trust anyone, it really sucks. No matter how badly i try to allow myself to accept that just maybe for once something might work out there is that little voice telling me that its just a matter of time. But truthfully when i talk to my friends that are married or have lived with the same person for years they seem more miserable than me. Hell i don't get it can't two people actually care for each other and just be good to each other. I guess its too much to ask. This is where belief ina higher power comes in..i have struggled with faith for many years, but i do know that when you turn away from your beliefs that is when you will hurt the most. My boss once told me that if you place your faith in people you will always be disappointed but place your faith in God first and you will never be disappointed. As i stated its still a struggle for me each day as well.

 

[morepain]

Please don't misinterpret waht i am saying my friend. I suffer with severe depression, i used nearly every med out there, i was so low two years ago iwas considered catatonically depressed... i could not move. Much like you i am succesful, nice house, car, harley, have dated very attractive women all my life, but none of it mattered. I did not give up though and it finally paid off i work with a very good shrink now and i take Cymbalta at 60mg/daily and i will need it for the rest of my life but it works for me. I also have bouts with crazy anxiety and sometimes have to take klonipin to deal with it...you know what..so be it. Yes i am med dependant to treat a DISEASE known as depression, fight this shit with everything you have bro, feel free to PM me at any time i check them several times per day, my story is much like yours.

 

[oldfella]

You don't really do not want to end it all! You would not be on here if you did! Bro you have so much to look forward to. You have not even opped your cherry on life my friend. Love is a very powerful emotion. To some it is a word easily spoken and easily broken. To others it holds the power of happiness and hope, warmth and comfort and yes when broken it is the bringer of much pain! Most of us have had this pain you speak of, some worse than others but it is the same pain none the less. All you can do is move on. If that one true love is meant to be, then it will return! If it is not there is more love out there waiting for discovery. We are the masters of our destiny, do not wait for god to point you in the right direction, he does not work this way. He has given us choice, you can choose to follow him but you must take the first step. Showing up at church means nothing, empty prayer means nothing, tears mean nothing, prayer from deep down, from your heart and soul is the only prayer that will ever be answered. But you must choose which path to take. Go and tlak to someone, a professional, a priest, someone that will listen to you. Do not walk around with these thoughts of suicide in your mind! You have things to do, people to meet and places yet to be discovered, it is not your time yet!!!! Life awaits you, go and discover it!

 

[tom123]

I myself felt this way last year, I'm 22 have my own house, good career, beutiful daughter of 2, i split with my ex and im now living on my own. I never felt so alone with no purpose, just doing my daily chores, stayin alive, not looking forward to anything, not goin out much. Its a downward spiral of negativity, i was fat, felt ugly and boring and generally felt like you do now.
I sort of put a plan together and im still sticking to it, I though i need to lose weight, be more sociable, be happy and start up some new interests, meet new people etc. Nobody will help you, well not many, i find people sort of get a kick out of seeing people depressed, suffering and alone as it makes their life seem better.
I think as you are successful, have nice things like me people are envious and like that you are not happy and wont help you. This is human nature, you need to put a plan together and take it day by day, you need to climb out slowly of your rut, i am now in great shape, much happier, going out more etc. Good things are coming my way again. I find people like me and you are honest with ourselves, whereas you dont just stick with a partner to the bitter end just so you appear to be happy and living a lie, i am not ready for another relationship even now as i think i need to sort myself and own life out 1st before i can be happy with someone else.....
please dont give up on life, your a successful person, you know how to acheive academic/job prospects so now apply this planning and consistency to life..............

best of luck

 

[engbulldog]

Hey Bro after reading a few replys I started to think back to my ex, we were livin' together and the world was right, I enjoyed her 2 kids, her family and all that jazz then right before my eyes i lost my job, and she asked me to sell my first car a 1970 chevelle which i did took $$$ out of my 401k to pay off some bills and once the check was in the bank it all fell apart she wanted time to think and all that crap,so where was i to go mom and dads again as a failure???? well yes I moved back in to my parents house and found a job but the only way to get there was to drive past the house were the ex stayed!!! after a few mths of crying every time i past it I said to my self F-it ... I might be @ home again w/all my crap in storage a $8 an hr. job but I'm better off by my self!!! FF a few mths got the call to take a drug test for GM well pasted that got hired . Nov 3 03 , $18 per hr , Feb 04 bought my house did not have anyone and she was still in my mind, F-it bought a weight set started lifting again and after 2 yrs found my wife and got married june 30 06 , I thought death was the only option well going to church and lifting saved me and my family dude u got to find some thing new to keep your mind clear but PLEASE dont hurt yourself she or anyone else is not worth it. If you want to talk pm me and I'll give you my phone # cuz I'm off on workers comp till Dec 3 I have the time to talk and hate to see people in pain

 

[chgolatin-one]

My life has changed A LOT I constantly have headaches, feel dizzy and feel like crap. I cant seem to make up my mind on simple things and I don't get motivated to do much. The worst feeling in life is not to have any type of direction and confusion overtaking your life. I have suffered so much in life and then again I have made it through somehow. From abusive family, drug addicted parents, drugs, being alone in NY in the streets to becoming a somebody, Air Force, Army, College Degree, excellent career in public service as a Firefighter, have a home, a new bmw, a harley etc etc and the list goes on. I have been to war served my country and I return to nothing for a minute I just wanted to return to the hell hole that I was in because life here in the US was different or maybe it just changed. For the amount of BS that I've been through I should be the happiest man alive but deep inside I am the unhappiest. If I would kill myself people would say "WHY" he had it all! But what ppl cant understand is that when you have deep deep emotional pain nothing in life really matters and your pain lives with you daily even though you succeed, make it or whatever, your pain doesnt leave you alone. I once went to the altar before God and cried my deep emotional pain away somehow I felt my pain did leave me I did good for many years and then here I am again. I think that slowly but surely I've been on a collision course with life. I wonder if I suffer from a medical condition or if I am just going crazy, I am so overwhelmed with my head causing me all this pain. Where is the man that I was once? I sometimes wonder if that man died...

 

[Amazon Doll]

What have you done today to help your recovery?

There is help for your pain, are you doing anything to get help?

 

[chgolatin-one]

Nothing.. I feel like their is nothing that can be done to ease or end my pain. For the first time in my life after being a fighter I feel like I am done. I have talked to counselors, psychologist, priest, friends, family and NOTHING seems to work. Why I have no idea...

My doctor prescribed me Lexapro I took it for about 2 weeks and then I stopped cause I dont feel anything. Well just 2 days ago I re started to take it to see what will happen. If their is an answer or a solution I sure dont have it but lately my only solution to end the pain is and it feels like it is to end my sad stupid life...

What have you done today to help your recovery?

There is help for your pain, are you doing anything to get help?

 

[Sigmund Roid]

Chgolatin, I have a couple questions if you've got time.

My life has changed A LOT I constantly have headaches, feel dizzy and feel like crap. I cant seem to make up my mind on simple things and I don't get motivated to do much. The worst feeling in life is not to have any type of direction and confusion overtaking your life. I have suffered so much in life and then again I have made it through somehow. From abusive family, drug addicted parents, drugs, being alone in NY in the streets to becoming a somebody, Air Force, Army, College Degree, excellent career in public service as a Firefighter, have a home, a new bmw, a harley etc etc and the list goes on. I have been to war served my country and I return to nothing for a minute I just wanted to return to the hell hole that I was in because life here in the US was different or maybe it just changed. For the amount of BS that I've been through I should be the happiest man alive but deep inside I am the unhappiest. If I would kill myself people would say "WHY" he had it all! But what ppl cant understand is that when you have deep deep emotional pain nothing in life really matters and your pain lives with you daily even though you succeed, make it or whatever, your pain doesnt leave you alone. I once went to the altar before God and cried my deep emotional pain away somehow I felt my pain did leave me I did good for many years and then here I am again. I think that slowly but surely I've been on a collision course with life. I wonder if I suffer from a medical condition or if I am just going crazy, I am so overwhelmed with my head causing me all this pain. Where is the man that I was once? I sometimes wonder if that man died...

I am interested in your situation. I'd also like to make sure I understand everything you have written clearly.

When was the last time you felt content/happy with your life for any length of time?

What were you doing at that point in time? I am speaking of work, recreation, relationships. For example, I really enjoyed college for a variety of reasons and was extremely content. But, this is about you, so I'd be interested in the details.

Thanks.

 

[morepain]

while i am not a huge fan of lexapro it works well for many...i can tell you this 2 weeks is not enough time to judge any anti-depressant. 4 weeks is usually where they will want to see signs of minor improvement then it tends to get better over time. The meds just balance your chemistry so you are actually biologically capable of feeling joy again, from there its the little things that count. Stay on it this time for at least 6-8 weeks hell you have nothing to lose. FOr me it took almost a year of severe suffering before i found what worked for me, but it is a process that you have to go through. And don't let people make you feel bad about being on meds, people that say depression is not an illness have never waled in your shoes. I believe it was Hemingway that stated depression is like a black dog padding around just outside the door...if you leave the door open he will come in. It helped me to study the disease and hear others stories. A quick read that i recommend to peolple that can't understand these feelings is William Styron's Darkness Visible, it chronicles what he refers to as his decent into madness which is very much what it feels like.

Nothing.. I feel like their is nothing that can be done to ease or end my pain. For the first time in my life after being a fighter I feel like I am done. I have talked to counselors, psychologist, priest, friends, family and NOTHING seems to work. Why I have no idea...

My doctor prescribed me Lexapro I took it for about 2 weeks and then I stopped cause I dont feel anything. Well just 2 days ago I re started to take it to see what will happen. If their is an answer or a solution I sure dont have it but lately my only solution to end the pain is and it feels like it is to end my sad stupid life...

 

[OrDieTrying]

What's the point?

I have gone through some shit, so has everyone else on this board. Some people handle it one way, others in another. What will self-inflicted death solve? What if you get stuck in some 3rd dimension to wallow in your misery and think about every bad turn in life you've taken? You're going to feel worse about not fixing your life. Why not stick around, man up, tighten up those boots and get to living!

Relationships ain't shit if you're happy with yourself.

Talk to as many people as you can in a day, flirt with at least one woman you think you can't have, do shit that makes you happy even if there is a social stigma against it.

Quit making excuses. Actions speak louder than words.

I've been unhappily married for 8 going on 9 years. I'm 26 years old. I have two children. I'm actually happier these last 6 months than I was 2 years ago (and before that) and my marriage is still the pits. I would dwell on shit I promised myself YEARS ago..."I wont be in this situation when i'm 21" and then "I won't still be unhappily married when I'm 23".."I'm 24, no way I'm hitting 25 like this.." My attitude changed. I do what I want with my life, and make sure my priority is to be a role model and Shepard to my girls. I'm happy dude, marriage still sucks but it's so insignificant it's sad...but not to me. I got to do it for my kids, plain and simple.

Maybe I had some shit to get off my chest too, but the point: No relationship other than you with yourself should ever get in the way of your happiness and willingness to participate in the glory that is LIFE. Make the change, and do what it takes to get you back in gear.

It's a gift, god or not (i'm agnostic).. I'd rather be Human than a fucking lizard, or a vegetable.

Bad Religion has a song called Think Before You Die, check it.

 

[chgolatin-one]

I wish it was that easy my man, but you have something to live for, your kids and that within itself is a perfect solution for you to want to live, marriage relationships, bad upbringing, abusive family members, drugs in the family, you name it etc all can have a major impact in your life, so it has with me. Do you honestly think that I would want to live or feel this way HELL NO! I dont wish this on my worst enemy, however I do want a solution however, the solution has not arrived or I have not giving it a chance, I have tried to pray to God, read the bible and accept God into my life, I have talked to numerous counselors, psychologist, doctors etc and I still cant seem to shake this crap off. I have been a winner most of my life and I was always in control and now, well, I feel like a loser even though I may not be, I came from a very bad childhood upbringing but that doesnt mean that I live in my past but something in my mind, head, body has affected me BADLY!

So whats the answer, I sure dont know but I am trying to find out even though I dont have the spirit or the will to keep on fighting. 38 yrs old and I have achieved mostly everything except having a family, I've had all the toys, bmw, porsches, money, house, clothes, womans and all of that didnt mean shit so whats next????

They say or I have heard that if your not happy you will never be happy or make anyone happy... God only knows because I dont and I have lost my faith in religion and or possibly God and Jesus himself. Dont mean to sound negative but I have asked WHY

I have gone through some shit, so has everyone else on this board. Some people handle it one way, others in another. What will self-inflicted death solve? What if you get stuck in some 3rd dimension to wallow in your misery and think about every bad turn in life you've taken? You're going to feel worse about not fixing your life. Why not stick around, man up, tighten up those boots and get to living!

Relationships ain't shit if you're happy with yourself.

Talk to as many people as you can in a day, flirt with at least one woman you think you can't have, do shit that makes you happy even if there is a social stigma against it.

Quit making excuses. Actions speak louder than words.

I've been unhappily married for 8 going on 9 years. I'm 26 years old. I have two children. I'm actually happier these last 6 months than I was 2 years ago (and before that) and my marriage is still the pits. I would dwell on shit I promised myself YEARS ago..."I wont be in this situation when i'm 21" and then "I won't still be unhappily married when I'm 23".."I'm 24, no way I'm hitting 25 like this.." My attitude changed. I do what I want with my life, and make sure my priority is to be a role model and Shepard to my girls. I'm happy dude, marriage still sucks but it's so insignificant it's sad...but not to me. I got to do it for my kids, plain and simple.

Maybe I had some shit to get off my chest too, but the point: No relationship other than you with yourself should ever get in the way of your happiness and willingness to participate in the glory that is LIFE. Make the change, and do what it takes to get you back in gear.

It's a gift, god or not (i'm agnostic).. I'd rather be Human than a fucking lizard, or a vegetable.

Bad Religion has a song called Think Before You Die, check it.