Wife Cheating?

[DIEZEL666]

OK guys, I'm looking for some positive advice here because I'm worried and confused. I'll start at the beginning.

Around the middle of April my wife started behaving more strangely than usual. She would act very erratic and have mood swings, outbursts, etc. In May I meet her at work one day after dropping our oldest daughter off at school and she tells me that she wants a divorce, straight out of the blue. No explanation, nothing. I was very suprised. We fight, and decide to go for counselling. She backs out of the marriage counselling, then decides to go see a therapist by herself, saying maybe she has some issues to work out. Goes maybe twice, gets upset at the therapist then doesn't go back. Things normalize a little bit, but I can still see somethings off, but I'm dieting for a contest during this time and I think maybe it's just me.

Fast forward to end of June, early July. She has no interest in sex, doesn't show affection and is constantly snapping at me. I handle this pretty well until she blows up on our oldest daughter one day for no reason. I take her aside and tell her she needs to resume therapy, do something because we can't live like this. More fights, things normalize for a little bit.

Then at 0245 one morning the phone rings. I have the ringers off so as not to wake my girls, so the machine picks up. Some guy starts saying that my wife is cheating on me and is nothing but a slut because she is cheating on him too. Then he hangs up. Number is blocked, no Star 69 etc. My wife swears nothing is going on. At this point I'm pretty pissed and confused, but holding it in.

Then about 3 weeks ago rumors start going around her store that she's fucking some guy there. As soon as I hear about it I go to her store to talk to her. When I get there she takes me outside and tells me she's being transferred to another store. Still swears she's not cheating.

Anyway, today I get a text message from her saying that she's really busy, and that she will call me later. A friend of ours calls and asks how she likes her transfer. I say she was a little upset at the move, but is adjusting. The friend asks why was she upset, she requested it. I'm stunned and decide to call her even though she's busy. I call her store and get told that she's out to lunch. So I text her back and say, what you're busy at lunch? About 5 minutes later she calls me saying she just told people that she was at lunch so she wouldn't be disturbed while she worked in the back.

I'm confused now and starting to piece things together. I think she may have been fucking some one else and requested a transfer to end things. The thing is when I confront her she swears she's not and never has. I'm starting to wonder whether I'm crazy or if there are other things to look for.

Sorry for rambling on, but this is really bothering me. Thanks.

 

[brandonjpowell]

feel you bro!

My wife cheated on me and was acting just like your wife
when she was involved with her boss.

I will say it up front.

She is lying to you about her affair and possibly about
the sex. If guys are calling you telling you that she is
with another man, and her friends are telling you that she
is the one who requested the transfer when she says she is
upset about it, their is something wrong.

My wife would tell me that she was going to be busy at work
and needed to be left alone for an hour or two. No calls
and I was NOT allowed to visit her without calling to let
her know.

These things are not at all natural in a loving marriage and
I think you need to investigate further. Don't take her
word for it, follow up on what she says. If she says that
she needs time to work cause she is busy, call the store,
if they tell you she is "out to lunch", go to the store and
wait for her to return. Then ask her what the fuck.

People in affairs will lie at all costs to protect the
affair. Remember that when you are talking to your wife
about the things that do not seem to be truthful.

Peace,
Brandon

 

[Sean.]

I went through the same thing with my ex GF (I had a child with her). I left her as soon as the shit started (just like the shit you're going through now). Guys where phoning the house (her friends she tells me), and I started hearing rumours ect.. I left without even blinking lol, I found out she was cheating on me with a few different guys about 3 months later . It sounds like she cheated on you and she's now trying to cover it up because it didn't workout IMHO. For what it's worth, I hope I'm wrong. Good luck..

 

[DIEZEL666]

Thanks for the responses guys. I talked to my daughters Godmother today to hear what she had to say, since she works with my wife. I trust this lady with my kids, so to me she is trustworthy. She is a old-school Catholic who doesn't take shit from anyone. She told me that she had heard the rumors but had never seen my wife do anything that would lead her to believe that she was unfaithful. She believes the rumors were started by people who were trying to get my wife in trouble with the union since she is in management. She also told me that she had talked to my wife about requesting a transfer because of the stress it was causing her and me, but as far as she knows this last transfer was completely involuntary and out of my wifes hands.

She also reminded me that my wifes mood swings were during the time she was going through post partum depression, and she might still be "normalizing".

I guess now its just a waiting game.

 

[Sigmund Roid]

Diesel, VERY suspicious behavior.

Where there is smoke, there is fire.

Many times we KNOW the truth but are unwilling to face it.
Why wouldn't she have told you, her lover, her friend, her closest confidant about the situation at work , etc?

I'd have the same questions you are having. Anyone would.

 

[brandonjpowell]

Where there is smoke, there is fire.

Many times we KNOW the truth but are unwilling to face it.
Why wouldn't she have told you, her lover, her friend, her closest confidant about the situation at work , etc?

I'd have the same questions you are having. Anyone would.

I agree.

I thought the same thing when my wife was running around on
me. People were telling me that they heard rumors, but they
did not actually see her doing anything wrong. I never did
catch her red handed either. I just one day decided that I
was going to get the truth, no matter what. I went looking
and found a note in her purse that had "Baby, I love you"
written on it. I did not write the letter, so I naturally
exploded. She told me that she "thinks" her boss wrote it
but she "was not sure."

Digging deeper I find out that she has been kissing the man
for a few days. Nothing happened other than kissing but her
attitude totally changed. SO my advice is, if your wife is
acting totally different, check into it. Do not take others
advice, you find out yourself. That's the only way you will
know for sure and then you can make a decision based off of
what you know and not what someone told you.

 

[DIEZEL666]

Thanks again for all the input. I started trying to corraborate things my wife has been telling me. First I got a buddy of mine to let me view the surveillance tapes from her store yesterday to see whether she left on lunch, or whether she stayed to work like she said. The tape showed her going into the cash office by herself and the tapes from the cash office showed her in there working. So, that checked out. Then when I got home I went through her purse and her cell phone. Nothing out of the ordinary there. I then went upstairs and woke her up to confront her about why she told people she was going to lunch and then stayed in the store. She explained that she was trying to get some time to finish paperwork before and audit and that by messaging me first I would know she was busy.

I then asked her why she didn't tell me about her problems before and she said she was trying to handle things on her own. She told me that I always give her shit for wanting someone to bail her out (I do) and that she was trying to avoid that this time. She also reminded me that the last time something happened to her at work I went ballistic and almost got arrested. (A guy she works with was talking shit about her to his friends and didn't know I was standing behind him. I through him through the aisle shelves and started kicking him while he was down)

Bottom line, so far she checks out. We are going to go see our priest together and work on our communication, but it does look like she has stayed faithful.

I'm going to choose to believe in my wife, the woman I love and trust, rather than rumors at this point. If something else happens I will re-evaluate then. I think if I keep reading something into everything I will be guilty of pushing her away.

Thanks again for all the input, and wish me luck.

 

[Got Juice]

definitely check her text messages.


however, i wish you the best of luck and that comes from the bottom of my heart. i just went through this same shit with my GF and its fuckin horrible man. i lost over 20lbs from not eating.

later,

 

[brandonjpowell]

Awesome!

Sounds like you have yourself an honest, faithful woman on
your hands. THAT'S AWESOME!

Learn from what she is telling you about your temper and
how she perceives your attitude towards things in her life.
It will help you open up to her and for her to open up to
you. That was one of the big problems between me and my
wife. I have a really bad temper, and every time she would
tell me about something stressful, my temper would get the
best of me and I would go nuts. Her boss on the other hand
would just site their and listen to her, and offer his
support. That's how she got into what she did, and how I
actually helped push her in that direction.

What saved us was honest communication and the book
His Needs, Her Needs. We went through the entire book and
applied what it said into our marriage. We are now happier
than we were when we got married.

Peace,
Brandon

 

[DIEZEL666]

Got Juice, I did go through the text messages. Nothing out of the ordinary. Plus, there haven't been any overage charges for them, so I know she's not sending more behind my back.

Brandon, I definitely hear what your saying. That is why I made the deciscion to trust my wife and give her the benefit of the doubt. If I keep looking at her like she's cheating, she may get pushed away and cheat. I think I'm nervous about being cheated on since it has happened to me before.(Not my wife. A girl I was dating while I was active duty. I came back on leave after getting dropped from BUD/S and actually walked in on her getting fucked by some black guy. Really fucked my shit up.)

I will check that book out. Thanks again for everyones help.

 

[brandonjpowell]

You were in BUD'S. That's awesome bro!

Was it as bad as everybody says it is?

 

[DIEZEL666]

You were in BUD'S. That's awesome bro!

Was it as bad as everybody says it is?

Dude, it was worse. I got medically dropped in my 21st week after I broke my shins.

 

[brandonjpowell]

Damn...

You made it all the way to third phase. Damn, that's
something to brag about. When did you start BUD'S?

 

[tdrose]

Hey Bro my wife had post partum depression and it lasted quite a while. I caught her talking to an ex Bf 3 times. She said that i didnt know how to be sensitive to her and i didnt get her help so she had an emotional relationship with her ex. They both swore up and down that it was only over the phone but who really knows. We are in a good place now lots of talking and telling her the crap she wanted to hear in the first place. But to clear this up she was acting very strange for about 1 year while this relationship was going on. So it sounds like something, who knows exactly what whether physical or just emotional is going on with her and someone else. hope that helps.

 

[Jarconis]

how can you ever build on this, or plan for the future with this kind of deception? Its unfortunate that theirs a child involved, that complicates things to a degree, otherwise, id say kick her to the curb.

 

[Got Juice]

how can you ever build on this, or plan for the future with this kind of deception? Its unfortunate that theirs a child involved, that complicates things to a degree, otherwise, id say kick her to the curb.

man you must have never loved someone so deeply that you almost cant be without them. if you really care about someone and love them, you CAN forgive. sure it will take time to heal the thing that have happened, cheating or not. however, what would you rather do?

LIVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE WITHOUT THE PERSON YOU LOVE THE MOST BECAUSE YOU ARE STUBBORN AND CANT FORGIVE SOMEONE THAT HAS MADE A MISTAKE.

or you could forgive that person and move on with the one you love.

im not saying every relationship is meant to be treated this way, but if you truly love/care about someone you sometimes have to swallow your pride for a minute.

later and good luck diezel,,,

 

[brandonjpowell]

I agree...

I agree.

My wife made a terrible mistake in kissing her boss, but if
I look at the circumstances surrounding her decision to do
that I can see why she made the decision she did. Right or
wrong I can understand.

She did what she did right after we lost everything we have
ever owned last Sept. 17 in the flash flooding in Houston,
PA from hurricane Ivan. We not only lost all of our worldly
possessions, but almost lost our youngest daughter Audrey.
Standing their on our porch, with water rushing past us,
she watched me hand Audrey to my brother-in-law and him
start through the water toward our neighbors house.

Well Rob slipped halfway to our neighbors and both of them
went under in fast moving water. He popped back up, but
then slipped again. We both thought that either they were
both gone, or he would let her go because of human nature
to save himself. HE DID NOT LET HER GO, and they both made
it to safety.

However, my wife and I were really messed up after that.

She went through a major depression just like I did, and it
was then that her boss was the only person she could talk
to and not have to deal with him dealing with the loss from
the flood. I was going through the same thing she was, so
she could not talk to me.

Anyway, because of that situation he became a safe haven
for her until she came out of her depression. That's why
she did what she did, and now that she is no longer
depressed, she is racked with guilt for what she did to me.

She is my love, she is my life, she is the mother of my two
angels and I could not imagine living without her. Unless
she does it again, I will not live without her.

Brando

 

[tattoojr]

My buddies wife went thru a phase like this after the birth of a son. She'd come home and tell him she wanted a divorce and hated him. He told her to go to the doc. She did and they found an imbalance of hormones or a chemical imbalance and now she medicated back to normal and everything is fine. Just a thought. J.R.

 

[JETHRO TULL]

MY SISTER WENT THROUGHT POST PARTUM DEPRESSION AND WAS CHEATING ON HER HUSBAND.

She denied it to all of the family because we liked her first husband who was working extra hours to put her through school. She was screwing around with one of her professors.

Depression can cause hormonal screwups. Her thyroid is all messed up. I don't think a person can blame the thyroid for all her b.s. though.

Maybe Diesel666's gals different....all I know is....I wouldn't want anyone to have to be married to my screwed up sister. My sister has now been married a total of 6 times and shes 33. I guess each one of those guys was a bad guy! lol...She seems to think it was someone elses' fault all the darn time!

 

[Steak Helmet]

DIZ,

I just read this, sorry to hear about that.

I have to agree with the others when they say that she is cheating and something happened with the guy and he called it quits and it ended bad...that is why he called and is calling her a slut...whether she slept with another or the guy found out she was married and was pissed, she is cheating.

I would confront her with allthe information you know...remember she was being manipulative to you, so think of some good way to get it out of her...like you spoke with the guy she was sleeping with...or one of her friends told you about it...think of something creative to find out all the information, nd how you handle the information is up to you...we can only give you our own advice on what we would do.

Best of luck on all this.