Wife/girlfriend issues with lifting, bodybuilding

[Emery]

My wife has never really been the jealous type but alot of our marriage I have been fat and slightly depressed. Now that I have been working out, dieting and building a good physique back up, she has gotten weird on me. She checks text messages and almost looks disgusted when I talk about any gains I am making in the gym. She smokes, I don't. She doesn't diet, exercise, etc. She says "you've changed!" and I say yes I have. I have more self esteem, confidence and look better/younger.

She seems to really dislike me right now and I don't know what to do. I have always been totally loyal to her. I have never even had a single boy's night out in the last 8 years I've been with her. I work hard, am a dedicated father and earn a decent living. I have finally found something that brings me some peace and alleviates my depression, which is bodybuilding. She is saying shit now like "I have to be attracted to you emotionally before I can be attracted to you physically!" Thats a real nice thing to say to someone that has been fat for 15 years and finally has enough esteem to be a little pround of their accomplishments. Shit, she is thin and never had a weight issue. I just don't get it! Marriage kinda fuckin sucks sometimes. I am really fuckin pissed right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

[OUS-Rep]

Counseling bro. Before it gets out of hand and believe me it will. It's stemming from an insecurity on her part and she doesn't know what to do about it. If you value the relationship and want it to remain you need to have a counselor help the two of you through this.

 

[RESTLESS1]

it sounds like she may be jealous youre doing something you enjoy....to better yourself....stay the course....

 

[Michaelthomasj]

Counseling bro. Before it gets out of hand and believe me it will. It's stemming from an insecurity on her part and she doesn't know what to do about it. If you value the relationship and want it to remain you need to have a counselor help the two of you through this.

x2....first i would sit down w her and tell her how your past weight affected you, and that even though you look better now, you still love and adore her. Tell her what a positive affect its had on you, and that she should support your new look, and not be afraid of it

 

[aeliop]

She checks text messages and almost looks disgusted when I talk about any gains I am making in the gym. She smokes, I don't. She doesn't diet, exercise, etc. She says "you've changed!" and I say yes I have. I have more self esteem, confidence and look better/younger.

She seems to really dislike me right now and I don't know what to do.

Don't discuss bodybuilding with her. Though not intentional, you are bringing out her insecurities, displeasure, and unhappiness with herself. Misery loves company and right now you are not providing that. In some ways you are telling her that you are better and more productive and she is worthless and a loser and right or wrong she is resenting you for it.

My advice, keep training, doing what you are doing but keep it to yourself. Assimulate within your family. Make your healthy life transparent. Maybe she will come around to your way maybe she won't but if she does make sure it is on her terms...ie you didn't force her, that would equal even more resentment. Treat her nice and friendly, listen to her, tell her how beautiful she is make her feel good, address and put to rest her insecurities. Find that common ground and most important no matter how attractive and great your physique becomes make sure your head can still fit in the door and your feet still touch the ground.

 

[ericraven2003]

When I got my fat ass back in shape and lost a lot of weight, I rubbed alot of people the wrong way including my wife. The reason: I was so excited that all I ever talked about was loossing weight, lifting weights, and diet.

I didn't realize I was even doing it. Luckily, a friend told me I need to shut up.

People that are not happy with the way they look don't like seeing other people succeed with their body. In the long run, it totally got my wife into getting back in shape, and now she is at the gym 5 days a week. It would have been quicker if I not come on so strong during the loss.

 

[SOCOM]

Don't discuss bodybuilding with her. Though not intentional, you are bringing out her insecurities, displeasure, and unhappiness with herself. Misery loves company and right now you are not providing that. In some ways you are telling her that you are better and more productive and she is worthless and a loser and right or wrong she is resenting you for it.

My advice, keep training, doing what you are doing but keep it to yourself. Assimulate within your family. Make your healthy life transparent. Maybe she will come around to your way maybe she won't but if she does make sure it is on her terms...ie you didn't force her, that would equal even more resentment. Treat her nice and friendly, listen to her, tell her how beautiful she is make her feel good, address and put to rest her insecurities. Find that common ground and most important no matter how attractive and great your physique becomes make sure your head can still fit in the door and your feet still touch the ground.

I completely agree with this.

Must be nice to have someone to train with..

My girl doesnt mind me hitting the gym and constantly talking about diet.
What she CAN'T stand is me being on Pro Muscle.
"Ugh, you're probably flirting with all those BBing women..What do you do on there so much?? UGH!!"

You sound like a good guy Emery, maybe she just doesnt want to lose that.
If it were the other way around, how would you feel?

 

[Emery]

Thanks for the feedback fellas! It's kind of frustrating to say the least. I was around 240 with high BP and size 40 pants about 7 months ago. I am now at 218 and have a 34 inch waist. BP is perfect and physically, I feel better than ever. She doesn't notice those things and in fact, looks at me like she really dislikes me alot ot the time.

I will try the advice given. She is already going to counseling and who knows what they talk about. She still has many issues related to her severe anxiety and depression. Her issues seem to be worse now and she seems miserable all the time! I do love her dearly, but damn!

Thanks again fellas!

 

[mojo jojo]

Counseling bro. Before it gets out of hand and believe me it will. It's stemming from an insecurity on her part and she doesn't know what to do about it. If you value the relationship and want it to remain you need to have a counselor help the two of you through this.

x3. An unbiased third party can really help with your situation. You are doing something positive and you should be allowed to be happy about it. You can avoid talking about it in front of her but after a while you will probably resent her for it. Get help now before it gets to that point or one like it.

 

[MightyJohn]

I may best at relationship advice(I used to be am adult film actor/model, those who know Me can vouch)...I'm currently in an awesome relationship with an amazing woman & reason...?(b/c I'm honest & tell her how I feel & what I want/need/require not to get bored)...she is the POLAr OPPOSITE of what You'd expect Me to be with(100% LADY, Regional Director for a bank)

 

[SmallTownIron]

Here is a suggestion from a 22 year old about marriage..lol..going to give this shot, so:

I would suggest sitting and speaking with her about the concerns you are having about explain to her exactly what you are thinking. I was in a similar situation but a lot of my situation had to do with spending more time in the gym instead of her. This is what caused arguments a lot with us. But then I realized what was more important and I am still working on it.

It could be that she doesnt have the discipline that you may have for this hobby. A lot of people come off as angry, jealous and etc because they wish they had the discipline that others have.

 

[SmallTownIron]

Counseling bro. Before it gets out of hand and believe me it will. It's stemming from an insecurity on her part and she doesn't know what to do about it. If you value the relationship and want it to remain you need to have a counselor help the two of you through this.

Couseling? Are you kidding me?

You dont need it. Just sit with her and discuss what your thinkning and feeling. The first step in resolving a problem is confronting it. Not jumping straight into counseling.

x2....first i would sit down w her and tell her how your past weight affected you, and that even though you look better now, you still love and adore her. Tell her what a positive affect its had on you, and that she should support your new look, and not be afraid of it

Exactly how I feel.

Don't discuss bodybuilding with her. Though not intentional, you are bringing out her insecurities, displeasure, and unhappiness with herself. Misery loves company and right now you are not providing that. In some ways you are telling her that you are better and more productive and she is worthless and a loser and right or wrong she is resenting you for it.

My advice, keep training, doing what you are doing but keep it to yourself. Assimulate within your family. Make your healthy life transparent. Maybe she will come around to your way maybe she won't but if she does make sure it is on her terms...ie you didn't force her, that would equal even more resentment. Treat her nice and friendly, listen to her, tell her how beautiful she is make her feel good, address and put to rest her insecurities. Find that common ground and most important no matter how attractive and great your physique becomes make sure your head can still fit in the door and your feet still touch the ground.

Tony, I agree and somewhat disagree. I think a marriage is also a support system for one another. It is great to see a married couple who support one another whether they agree or disagree.

Thanks for the feedback fellas! It's kind of frustrating to say the least. I was around 240 with high BP and size 40 pants about 7 months ago. I am now at 218 and have a 34 inch waist. BP is perfect and physically, I feel better than ever. She doesn't notice those things and in fact, looks at me like she really dislikes me alot ot the time.

I will try the advice given. She is already going to counseling and who knows what they talk about. She still has many issues related to her severe anxiety and depression. Her issues seem to be worse now and she seems miserable all the time! I do love her dearly, but damn!

Thanks again fellas!

Hang in there and keep going.

 

[renewlyf]

There seems to be other issues

Thanks for the feedback fellas! It's kind of frustrating to say the least. I was around 240 with high BP and size 40 pants about 7 months ago. I am now at 218 and have a 34 inch waist. BP is perfect and physically, I feel better than ever. She doesn't notice those things and in fact, looks at me like she really dislikes me alot ot the time.

I will try the advice given. She is already going to counseling and who knows what they talk about. She still has many issues related to her severe anxiety and depression. Her issues seem to be worse now and she seems miserable all the time! I do love her dearly, but damn!

Thanks again fellas!

From what you describe there is some other major underlying issue(s). It may not be about the bodybuilding per say. It's more probably more that you are changing. For some people change is very scary. Counseling in my opinion is a great idea. A good counsler will help you guys open up positive communication. From what little I know about your situation if you just try to go and sit down and talk to her you might be faced with more resistance. Be open, loving and understanding with your approach. Don't be forceful. Maybe see a counsler first to get some solid advice.
My prayers are with you and your wife!
God Bless!

 

[norwegiann]

Since PF has become my #1 bathroom event, my trips to the loo have also become longer-lasting .. My girlfriend went on to check the log, and came across this forum.

The past three weeks, I've been asked, 'do you have any doubts about not using any steroids or pro-hormones again?' on NUMEROUS occassions .. I told her, honestly, 'Yes, some times I do! Because one part of me want to do them again ... yet she keeps asking, and keeps questioning ALL my intentions with our relationship.

It's a difficult issue, so although I can not directly relate, Emery, I feel your pain!

 

[norwegiann]

I completely agree with this.

Must be nice to have someone to train with..

My girl doesnt mind me hitting the gym and constantly talking about diet.
What she CAN'T stand is me being on Pro Muscle.
"Ugh, you're probably flirting with all those BBing women..What do you do on there so much?? UGH!!"

I'm in your shoes, brother! Chatting on forums eventually becomes an indirect form of cheating, SOME HOW. Ugh ...

 

[marilyn]

actually SOCOM,

I completely agree with this.

Must be nice to have someone to train with..

My girl doesnt mind me hitting the gym and constantly talking about diet.
What she CAN'T stand is me being on Pro Muscle.
"Ugh, you're probably flirting with all those BBing women..What do you do on there so much?? UGH!!"

You sound like a good guy Emery, maybe she just doesnt want to lose that.
If it were the other way around, how would you feel?

we don't really train together...we have in the past, but we are always on different times, and schedules....I go in very early, get in, get out..head phones on..and we go to different gyms now.....I've trained at his gym a few times..its actually a cool gym.

 

[Phidias]

Ok... from a guy that has lost way too much time making efforts and concessions for girls who eventually revealed themselves NOT WORTHY AT ALL, my advice would be the following:

Don't fucking waste your time with women/people not respecting you, hating what you are and doing all they can to belittle you... go find someone that not only accepts your lifestyle, but supports you and have the same interests... it will make for some great moments shared together.

Sure you had a child with her... but deep inside, do you STILL really love your wife?

There comes a time when you can't sacrifice yourself anymore and just need to stay STOP.

Much better for your kid too... living in a place where her parents never smile or talk nicely to each other is not the best way to grow up confidently.

In any case, good luck Emery.

 

[Avz]

Realize this.. If you change your lifstyle for anyone but urself.. U will lose self respect and ull lose the last bit of respect that person bugging u to change still had for u.

Also.. Maybe become a little suspicious of her.. Try going through her shit.. If she gets defensive and gives u the privacy speech u might have a bigger problem than u think.

 

[killbill]

Realize this.. If you change your lifstyle for anyone but urself.. U will lose self respect and ull lose the last bit of respect that person bugging u to change still had for u.

Also.. Maybe become a little suspicious of her.. Try going through her shit.. If she gets defensive and gives u the privacy speech u might have a bigger problem than u think.

Think I see where you're going with this. If I'm right then it is possible she could be cheating. For some reason when people cheat they accuse the other party of it. IDK why but it happens.

 

[bigz]

Counseling bro. Before it gets out of hand and believe me it will. It's stemming from an insecurity on her part and she doesn't know what to do about it. If you value the relationship and want it to remain you need to have a counselor help the two of you through this.

X3