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Wife/girlfriend issues with lifting, bodybuilding

16 years in a bad marriage, 6 now in a good one.

I am sorry to disagree with those suggesting counseling. First marriage we used several. Unless the person wants to change, nothing happens.

There are differences between men and women. You need to be strong and do what is right without apology or even explaining the obvious. It sounds like you have your priorities in order. There is nothing wrong with being in shape. It is a good thing.

True love is to want good things for another. Being in shape is a good thing. It IS that simple.
 
I appreciate all the responses...

I am still bodybuilding and working on being the best person I can be. My wife is still having her issues and I am trying to help and support her. She is constantly ill and I get pretty lonely, that's why I spend a lot of time on here. As sad as it is, sometimes it's the only adult conversation I have access to. This is also why my gym time is important. It's an outlet for pent up frustration and contact with other healthy adults.

I don't know what the future holds. I am a loyal person and love my family. My kids are my world. I would never betray any of that.

On a different note, I am up to 246lbs today and going to start dieting for my first show soon. I am very happy with how things are going physically. I feel better than ever. My B/P is 116/72, prior to bodybuilding, it was 160/100! I have improved my health and appearance so much I feel great! Maybe I will positively influence my wife to make some healthy changes...

I will stay hopeful!
 
Emery,

It's hard when you don't get what you need and at least you are doing something good for your soul rather than drinking or whore dogging around like so many people do. I use sports as an outlet for my frustrations and the internet is a great place to meet like minded people that can offer moral support when we can't get it from people around us.
 
Thanks Amazon Doll! I always enjoy reading your posts. Thanks for being supportive to everyone here!
 
I'm in a somewhat similar position to yours... although I'm not quite as far along in the process. I've been happily married for 11 years and been unhappily fat for that long as well. A few months ago I the light went on in my brain and I realized I didn't have to live and die that way. From 302 to 240ish and losing every day.

My wife loved the idea of me getting in shape... but as the months go on I hear complaints that we don't eat together anymore, I read BB mags and sites too much, I spend too much time doing cardio or exercising...etc. The bottom line is that her "support" for my new lifestyle is getting less enthusiastic.

When I cross the 220lb mark I am going to be able to move calories up to at least maintenance level, and with the new energy I really want to start a discliplined lifting program with a qualified trainer and grow some muscle... but I'm almost afraid of the scenario you are in. I'm already sneaking cardio and hiding suppliments from her. I can only imagine what the mood around my home will be when I start spending quality time in the gym.

Sorry if this is viewed as a hijack attempt... I'm pulling for you and hoping that some of the advice given here will help me as well.

I guess I have to ask the obvious question... can you think of anything you wish you would have done differently?
 
I have utilized some of the advice given on here...

I don't talk about bodybuilding around her. I don't discuss supplements or any of that, with her.

I keep that life separate and it seems to be working better. I find time to workout that doesn't affect her or our time. She is also in councilling and started some medication to help with her depression, etc.

Things are better and I am supportive of her in these times she has been having. Ups and downs... That's life.
 
Last edited:
Thanks Myosin,

I will check that book out!

I completely agree with you about the way men and women view the world of relationships.
 
Stop talking about your personal gains and try complimenting her more often. Tell her she`s the hottest wife on the planet and you can`t wait to get her in bed. Then, once there. Show her the best time she`s ever had and do this over and over til she finally starts to compliment you for all your efforts and dedication towards her ! She`ll come around . They all do when the sex is great ! Peace out and good luck 1
 
typical jealous gf. shes jealous that you look good and may be attracting other women now that youre in shape
 
Wife Issues

My wife and I have been married for almost 18 years. I have given everything I can to make her happy. She was a little overweight when we got married but continued to gain weight. I stuck by her side through all of that and even when she had gastric bypass and lost almost 100 lbs, I was right by her side. In 2010, I decided to start working out as I was always underweight and scrawny. She accepted my decision to workout but didn't want me to join a gym. Finally, I did join a gym and I got on a bb website. I got interested in fitness modeling competitions and began to train for one. She threatened divorce as she says she doesn't like muscle and said it looks gross on me. She said I was not attractive any longer with the muscle. First, I am not a big muscular person. I am toned and have cuts but I am not big. I did the competition and she now tells me if I ever do another one, she will file for divorce. I told her I want to do another one and that I didnt' think it was right for her to do that after I have been there for her through all her health and weight struggles, never judging or pushing her away because of it. I want her to give me what I gave her. I think that is fair. Our kids are 15 and 10. I put my time in trying to give her everything she wants, now, after 17 years I decided it was time to do one thing for me and she cannot accept it. I love my wife. I don't want a divorce. But I dont think its ok for her to divorce me because I do a competition one or two times per year. I don't look like a bodybuilder and I only spend about an hour in the gym per day. I skip lunch at work so I can leave an hour earlier and still be home at the normal time I would have been home. She expects me to skip lunch and just come home early. I am lost. Don't know what to do. I love my wife and don't want to see her go but I can't see giving this up either.
 
My wife and I have been married for almost 18 years. I have given everything I can to make her happy. She was a little overweight when we got married but continued to gain weight. I stuck by her side through all of that and even when she had gastric bypass and lost almost 100 lbs, I was right by her side. In 2010, I decided to start working out as I was always underweight and scrawny. She accepted my decision to workout but didn't want me to join a gym. Finally, I did join a gym and I got on a bb website. I got interested in fitness modeling competitions and began to train for one. She threatened divorce as she says she doesn't like muscle and said it looks gross on me. She said I was not attractive any longer with the muscle. First, I am not a big muscular person. I am toned and have cuts but I am not big. I did the competition and she now tells me if I ever do another one, she will file for divorce. I told her I want to do another one and that I didnt' think it was right for her to do that after I have been there for her through all her health and weight struggles, never judging or pushing her away because of it. I want her to give me what I gave her. I think that is fair. Our kids are 15 and 10. I put my time in trying to give her everything she wants, now, after 17 years I decided it was time to do one thing for me and she cannot accept it. I love my wife. I don't want a divorce. But I dont think its ok for her to divorce me because I do a competition one or two times per year. I don't look like a bodybuilder and I only spend about an hour in the gym per day. I skip lunch at work so I can leave an hour earlier and still be home at the normal time I would have been home. She expects me to skip lunch and just come home early. I am lost. Don't know what to do. I love my wife and don't want to see her go but I can't see giving this up either.

she didnt divorce you the first time and she wont...but sometimes you have to man up in your life and lay down the law...tell her that she is being a selfish bitch and you do not like the way she is acting and needs to stop right now...
 
ML, this is sad. I would say lovingly stand your ground. But if you do not want to live seperate from your children and visit them on the weekend if she starts to follow through, you may need to bend till the kids are 18.
 
16 years in a bad marriage, 6 now in a good one.

I am sorry to disagree with those suggesting counseling. First marriage we used several. Unless the person wants to change, nothing happens.

There are differences between men and women. You need to be strong and do what is right without apology or even explaining the obvious. It sounds like you have your priorities in order. There is nothing wrong with being in shape. It is a good thing.

True love is to want good things for another. Being in shape is a good thing. It IS that simple.

This is very true. In counseling now. It is just organized arguing.
 
I forgot to mention that prior to joining a gym and trying to become healthy and fit...I had surgery on my neck due to ruptured disks and also had a cancer scare where there was a malignant tumor removed from the back of my head. That is what really motivated me to become healthy and fit. I just can't believe that someone would not want another person to become fit and look fit. I don't feel like I should need to give that up. The competitions keep me on track with my fitness goals. They give me something to look forward to...a reason to continue to train hard and eat healthy. I know there are other reasons I could use as an excuse to continue but that is something that really motivates me. Getting on stage and for once in your life, being accepted by people known as "athletes" is really nice - for a change.
 
My wife and I have been married for almost 18 years. I have given everything I can to make her happy. She was a little overweight when we got married but continued to gain weight. I stuck by her side through all of that and even when she had gastric bypass and lost almost 100 lbs, I was right by her side. In 2010, I decided to start working out as I was always underweight and scrawny. She accepted my decision to workout but didn't want me to join a gym. Finally, I did join a gym and I got on a bb website. I got interested in fitness modeling competitions and began to train for one. She threatened divorce as she says she doesn't like muscle and said it looks gross on me. She said I was not attractive any longer with the muscle. First, I am not a big muscular person. I am toned and have cuts but I am not big. I did the competition and she now tells me if I ever do another one, she will file for divorce. I told her I want to do another one and that I didnt' think it was right for her to do that after I have been there for her through all her health and weight struggles, never judging or pushing her away because of it. I want her to give me what I gave her. I think that is fair. Our kids are 15 and 10. I put my time in trying to give her everything she wants, now, after 17 years I decided it was time to do one thing for me and she cannot accept it. I love my wife. I don't want a divorce. But I dont think its ok for her to divorce me because I do a competition one or two times per year. I don't look like a bodybuilder and I only spend about an hour in the gym per day. I skip lunch at work so I can leave an hour earlier and still be home at the normal time I would have been home. She expects me to skip lunch and just come home early. I am lost. Don't know what to do. I love my wife and don't want to see her go but I can't see giving this up either.

I forgot to mention that prior to joining a gym and trying to become healthy and fit...I had surgery on my neck due to ruptured disks and also had a cancer scare where there was a malignant tumor removed from the back of my head. That is what really motivated me to become healthy and fit. I just can't believe that someone would not want another person to become fit and look fit. I don't feel like I should need to give that up. The competitions keep me on track with my fitness goals. They give me something to look forward to...a reason to continue to train hard and eat healthy. I know there are other reasons I could use as an excuse to continue but that is something that really motivates me. Getting on stage and for once in your life, being accepted by people known as "athletes" is really nice - for a change.


May I ask a question?? Does your wife still have a weight problem??
 
May I ask a question?? Does your wife still have a weight problem??

I see where you are going missy!!!!! =-) LOL

I had that problem with my first marriage....i hate saying first marriage. But she was very self-conscious and was uncomfortable with the attention i got when we went out. I mean i am not a pretty guy so honestly the attention was clearly because i looked like some carnival exhibit but she didnt understand. I gave up lifting for her and becamse very bitter over it, and fat too honestly.
 

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