Wife had an affair

[OuchThatHurts]

relax yrself. that was one small part of my comment.

Look, Jello is a moderator and is just doing his job. Don't make things harder for him. For now, maybe just stay out of my forum for awhile and take a break from "counseling" other members. Sigmund would agree. The ice is getting a little thin on your side of the pond.

 

[rochabp]

Wow, i feel rreally bad for you man. You are going through life afraid of and running from true intimacy. We all get hurt but the benefits definitely outweigh the pain when it comes to love and it helps us to grow.

i tried that for a while and im not a fan of it. I grew up naturally super nice, i tried to please everyone around me. i was too nice. As a result Girls walked all over me and broke my heart several times, my heart grew cold and my need to be love shrank. As an added hatred towards women my mom never cared about me. I dont need anyone ive always been a lone wolf. Call it an empty life but all i can say is Only God can judge me, as my life as morphed me into who i am and i simply dont care about women and their dumbass games and emotions.

Dont get me wrong maybe, maybe some day i can (i think im gonna be sick just saying this) "fall in love", but trust me it wont be anytime soon.

(im not trying to turn this into a counseling session just trying to explain why im like this...)

 

[rocco-x]

when women get caught they ALL say the same thing...it just happened.it was an accident.whether you were there for her emotionally or not doesn't mean that jumping into bed with another guy's gonna solve the problem.i'm speaking from experience.once i can see.8 times?! that's cause she liked it,not cause she felt a need to do it.i'd dump her,Christian or not.i'll never let another woman play me like my ex-wife did.i hope that bitch gets what she and her new boytoy got coming to them and if and when it happens i'll be happy.
i hope he dumps her at the alter,cheats on her,gives her some std,i don't care.as long as she feels the pain i feel everyday for the rest of her life like i do every moment of every sleepless night...i give you credit for not goin after this douchebag.he'd be in 6 different counties by now...

 

[rochabp]

women will ditch any guy if they see another guy with more money, better looking, or simply just better than her current guy, only thing holding her back is the fact that she "invested" in you already.

 

[osiris]

women will ditch any guy if they see another guy with more money, better looking, or simply just better than her current guy, only thing holding her back is the fact that she "invested" in you already.

I hope you find an amazing woman and she can change your negative view of the world and women.

Everyone deserves to be happy and find someone amazing to share their life with.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

women will ditch any guy if they see another guy with more money, better looking, or simply just better than her current guy, only thing holding her back is the fact that she "invested" in you already.

You do realize by this comment that you have almost admitted to having either done or have been seriously tempted to do exactly the same thing yourself right?

 

[Tyrone]

You do realize by this comment that you have almost admitted to having either done or have been seriously tempted to do exactly the same thing yourself right?

Hahaha!

That and the fact that the post was said women(implying all women).

I can say I'm 100% sure mine would never do what he's suggesting unless I was a complete F'up. There are good women out there. It sounds like when some women say, "There aren't any good guys out there." Okay, maybe there aren't any real good guys out there. J/K

 

[Bullman77]

I hope you find an amazing woman and she can change your negative view of the world and women.

Everyone deserves to be happy and find someone amazing to share their life with.

I agree. A woman than appreciates having a good man will not let him go.

 

[280]

What’s with all the weak men today? Your wife cheats on you and you blame yourself? You said she cheated on you in part because of bodybuilding? WTF If you did not stay in shape and got fat then she cheated and said it was because you’re fat, would you blame yourself for that too?

She should be happy that her man stays in shape. Find a woman who will appreciate a well built man, there are plenty of good women out there. But you won't, you will stay weak willed and stay with this woman, cry in your pillow at night while she having sex with another man. You should have known this woman was bad when she blames all her problems on others. Now she’s talking bad about you to her new lover, some women just love to play the victim. You’re falling right into her little game like a sucker.

Trust me, women do not respect a weak man.

 

[SD1959]

i tried that for a while and im not a fan of it. I grew up naturally super nice, i tried to please everyone around me. i was too nice. As a result Girls walked all over me and broke my heart several times, my heart grew cold and my need to be love shrank. As an added hatred towards women my mom never cared about me. I dont need anyone ive always been a lone wolf. Call it an empty life but all i can say is Only God can judge me, as my life as morphed me into who i am and i simply dont care about women and their dumbass games and emotions.

Dont get me wrong maybe, maybe some day i can (i think im gonna be sick just saying this) "fall in love", but trust me it wont be anytime soon.

(im not trying to turn this into a counseling session just trying to explain why im like this...)

Bro, been through the wars. There are good women out there. Gotta keep your guard up. Still might get fooled but at this point I don't think you'll be fooled for long. Keep your mind open.

 

[SD1959]

What’s with all the weak men today? Your wife cheats on you and you blame yourself? You said she cheated on you in part because of bodybuilding? WTF If you did not stay in shape and got fat then she cheated and said it was because you’re fat, would you blame yourself for that too?

She should be happy that her man stays in shape. Find a woman who will appreciate a well built man, there are plenty of good women out there. But you won't, you will stay weak willed and stay with this woman, cry in your pillow at night while she having sex with another man. You should have known this woman was bad when she blames all her problems on others. Now she’s talking bad about you to her new lover, some women just love to play the victim. You’re falling right into her little game like a sucker.

Trust me, women do not respect a weak man.

So true. I've been there and done that. I look back and want to be sick at how pathetic I became.
Been with my current g/f for nearly nine years. She also lived the nightmare. We both think someday we should thank our ex's but always sy " Fuck that and fuck them". She's a great woman. Be it me, her kids, family, friends: She has ALWAYS got our backs!!

 

[triathloncoach]

Having some level of experience in this game, I haveva difficult time when I hear a man or woman act surprised that their spouse cheated. Most people should have saw it coming. Denial. I don't believe happily married people cheat on their spouses.

Cheating is inexcusable. But a little more paranoia and a strong reality check may head it off, or lessen the shock.

Unless the underlying issue is addressed the past is prologue. And the issue very often has nothing to do with the betrayed, it can be a unfixable character flaw in the adulterer. I believe once a cheater, more often than not you will continue to cheat on that person. Probably the next person as well, but certainly the first person. If my wife cheated on me I would never trust her again. Maybe she'd be faithful to the next guy (maybe), but not to me anymore. The first time is 100 times tougher than the second.

Also, based on my limited experience, women from broken homes are more likely to cheat. (I said my limited research)

Someone told me (on this board) when I lost my way, that divorce has generational impact. Seems very true.

 

[UPgrade]

i know i might take some flack for this - but i actually do have some experience with this situation because unfortunately i had an affair on my wife some years back. and while it is surely an inexcusable act - more often than not an affair is the result of some blame on all parties. and thats not "battered woman talk" it's real talk.

that said - i do not by ANY means blame my wife for the actions i chose, but it was our problems and inability to deal with those problems that created an environment where an affair was able/likely to happen. also a person's upbringing has a ton to do with their mental uh .... wiring. it did in my case anyway.

we've been to a lot of therapy and counseling and we have come SO very far from that place - and while i know the trust isn't 100% there - its close and we're doing great now. there's no way i could / would ever go outside my marriage again and the therapy has really helped us to recognize if shit seems to be heading the wrong way - and we we can act accordingly now. so nope - "once a cheater, always a cheater" is NOT true in every case. and it takes a lot of a person to admit where they've neglected or discounted their partners feelings and emotions or whatever - which contributed to an affair.

i know its an old post and i hope all is well for the guy who started this - there's my 2 cents.

 

[AlphaMaleDawg]

it makes me sick to my stomach that the op is so pathetic that he is willing to "work things out" with her. some men will always be beta males. smh

 

[ericraven2003]

it makes me sick to my stomach that the op is so pathetic that he is willing to "work things out" with her. some men will always be beta males. smh

Ouch. Dang.

 

[richiec]

What's the deal with all of the guys talking shit about women? I've been cheated on, yes. But I don't blame the entire sex because I dated a slut. I learned from that relationship and moved on and eventually met my wife. My wife is great! We have our arguments, but we have great communication in our marriage, which is key. My in-laws hide shit from each other and have been married for 30 yrs, they are fucking miserable, because they always hide shit, they are beyond in debt due to shopping and gambling addictions. Would I forgive my wife if she cheated on me, I don't know, it would be hard. Would I carry hatred for women, no.

I don't know why you consider this guy "weak" for forgiving his wife and trying to work their marriage out. Being weak would be to walk away and just let it go, at least he's fighting. When one spouse does something, the other spouse does play a pivitol role in the reasoning why. His bodybuilding may have been too self-centered for her, she felt she wasn't getting any love/attention from him. We don't know these things, so to call this guy a pussy and weak is very immature. I actually commend him. Why, because all the other "big tough" guys are the contributing factor to the degredation of the family. When times get tough or you have to face adversity, you just leave?! I guess that's why the divorce rate is above 50% nowadays. Fuck working on things, just bail, it's easier

 

[mace123]

What's the deal with all of the guys talking shit about women? I've been cheated on, yes. But I don't blame the entire sex because I dated a slut. I learned from that relationship and moved on and eventually met my wife. My wife is great! We have our arguments, but we have great communication in our marriage, which is key. My in-laws hide shit from each other and have been married for 30 yrs, they are fucking miserable, because they always hide shit, they are beyond in debt due to shopping and gambling addictions. Would I forgive my wife if she cheated on me, I don't know, it would be hard. Would I carry hatred for women, no.

I don't know why you consider this guy "weak" for forgiving his wife and trying to work their marriage out. Being weak would be to walk away and just let it go, at least he's fighting. When one spouse does something, the other spouse does play a pivitol role in the reasoning why. His bodybuilding may have been too self-centered for her, she felt she wasn't getting any love/attention from him. We don't know these things, so to call this guy a pussy and weak is very immature. I actually commend him. Why, because all the other "big tough" guys are the contributing factor to the degredation of the family. When times get tough or you have to face adversity, you just leave?! I guess that's why the divorce rate is above 50% nowadays. Fuck working on things, just bail, it's easier

You just saved me alot of time!:yeahthat:

Also, lets think about what the OP went through in the future before getting on to bash him and call him a weak little bitch. there are alot of variables that many of you gym rats do not take into account. Can I say I would take her back? Prob not but that does not mean i am going to judge someone and jump down their thoat if they do.

Have a little respect!

 

[warrior504th]

Personally, I don't think that most people ever change. If she can do it now, it'll be easier next time. And next time I piss her off, it'll be more of a chance that that's the solution. People like that get less guilty with every incident. I don't know many people who stuck around and didn't get it again. I also don't know anyone at all who cheated on their other, learned, and never cheated again. I have friends like this and guess what, they do it again. Except stronger justifications.

 

[warrior504th]

I also view this as weakness. Sorry and Im not attacking. But, you can call it strength to give another shot but I call it fear of moving on, fear of being alone, and lack of confidence in yourself. I'm not going to support someone's decision like this when they post it open to criticism just so they'll feel better as I lie to them and possibly rob them of several more years of their life.

Be confident enough to know that if you leave, it hurts but you'll be juuuuuuust fine. Be strong. Be strong enough to move on and not waste time. The only true waste of time is spending more time after you find out. The rest of it was just a learning experience to be held Im high value. Remember that you can move on and can find someone else. Someone who will return loyalty. Stop being afraid you won't, because that's called settling for unhappiness.

I feel like labeling this as strength is just supporting someone who is lying to themselves and setting themselves up for further heartbreak. Yeah they feel better now, but won't later. What is the real reason for not leaving? Almost always, fear.

 

[osiris]

it makes me sick to my stomach that the op is so pathetic that he is willing to "work things out" with her. some men will always be beta males. smh

i truly wonder if you would talk so flippant to him in person. I have been in his situation and i chose to forgive a person i loved. You do not know the whole story and i would have dared you to talk to me in such a manner in person. I gaurantee it would have been a mistake you would have made just once. Especially since th epoint at which i chose to do this was in the marine corps.

Your comments and those of others like you show how shallow your emotional depth is. When you truly love someone things change. If you are a selfish, self-centered, ass, then yes he might be considered weak. He has a life with this woman and her one indiscretion is something that can be worked out.

The more i read your posts on this board the more i 1) feel sad for you and your existence. I hope that you find more to your life than what you currently have and find true happiness 2) feel that you will truly end up a dateline NBC story about the evils of steroid abuse etc.

Anyway, i am done with this.