Wife threatening to rat out stash. (married to a psycho older woman)

[jay_steel]

this happened to a buddy of mine and it landed him jail time.. I would clean house and get every thing out of there. Tell her your done with it, go get a script and do it legal. Then were ever you store your stuff friends house, work, ect dose up. The script will save you if she throws a fit and they find her stuff and she blames it on you. At least then you can request a drug test and when she pops she will look mentally insane for injecting male hormones into her.

That is really the only advice i can give is just clear your stuff out, i am sure you have talked about counceling and ect and heard it a million times but you two do need counceling. My father in law was in the same situation with the AAS, bi polar wife got him thrown in jail for domestic violence that he didnt do. She said he pushed her showed a bruise he was in jail, we witnessed it with the cops and told them she feel off a step ladder at our house and the bruise was 3 days old. They still arrested him.

We told him to leave for for years and now hes finally happy after being in hell for so many years.

 

[chinaboy]

I agree. Clean all your shit up and put it in a friends place for the time being and get out of there. You will be glad you did. Don't go to jail for some girl. Be smart now man.

 

[Drigerx]

Clean stash very well, and never tell another soul again. Sucks but its hard to trust people these days.

 

[mace123]

Im very limited on time guys. She in in the shower right now talking about how she is going to fuck other guys because I worked out with another girl 6 years ago.
I really dont know what to do. I want out really bad, but I feel trapped beyond belief. I knwo she wont follow through with her threats, but her hurtful words alone, are hurt enough for me.
She says the most hurtful things imaginable. Things I dont even want to re-type on here becuase no one would understand why I put up with it. I have to go now.

Step one, clean house.

Step two, remove phone from pocket.

Step three, tell her you fucked that girl in the ass six years ago and still think of her when you two have sex.

Step four, press "record" on cell phone.

Step five, get outta dodge.

 

[mace123]

Maybe slip in a "hunny you can pick the restaurant" right after you hit record to make it look like it's really from left field when she flips out.

 

[Drigerx]

Maybe slip in a "hunny you can pick the restaurant" right after you hit record to make it look like it's really from left field when she flips out.

Would you actually do this, honestly? Lol

 

[mace123]

Would you actually do this, honestly? Lol

The Somalia thing was a joke, but this I would actually do because this lady would go absolutely ape shit and it would be all you would need to prove in court that she is a psychotic, unfit mother.


Edit: not to mention that I would get joy in pissing her off like that, if she had put me through what she has put him through. Call me immature but I actually enjoy being a dick to people that deserve it. I guess I still have some growing up to do.

 

[Drigerx]

The Somalia thing was a joke, but this I would actually do because this lady would go absolutely ape shit and it would be all you would need to prove in court that she is a psychotic, unfit mother.


Edit: not to mention that I would get joy in pissing her off like that, if she had put me through what she has put him through. Call me immature but I actually enjoy being a dick to people that deserve it. I guess I still have some growing up to do.

I thought the person had to know they were being recorded for it to stand in court?

 

[mace123]

I thought the person had to know they were being recorded for it to stand in court?

In my state you can record whatever the hell you want to in your own house.

Outside of your house you have to inform/get consent, or you can only have audio or video, but not both. I think you can even get around that by just blurring the person out with some software though.

I do know some states have laws requiring both people to know if there is even an audio recording.

I also think that there would be a legal "reasonable expectation" that she knew she was being recorded when you pulled the phone out and held it in front of her like a camera.

 

[Drigerx]

Good to know, thanks

 

[mace123]

Good to know, thanks

Even if laws are different in your state, you could always let her get all fired up in her rant amd say "you DO know I'm recording this, right?", and I would bet the house that her response would be something like "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!!, blah blah blah", and there you go, you've got your consent.

 

[Bio]

My wife has always been hot tempered.

WHen she gets angry she makes all types of threats...

...same old thing for over 3 years..

Tonight though in one of her angry moments she called 911 and said "my husband is beating me" and hung up.

(She is the one who loves to hit and throw stuff at me)

AFter they left she went off like crazy yelling and screaming. Saying she;s leaving me finding other men to give her money etc..

I have a 11 year old autistic son who is used to this by now. She's been doing these screaming fits since he was born.

All the neighbors are used to it as well.

I cant stand living like this.

Im in college and am 60 credits into my degree.

I feel like a prisoner now.

I feel so helpless and powerless

Im 100% sure she will have me arrested for domestic battery...

I really want to drink now...

...I feel like an emotional wreck inside, and I feel trapped.

I know there is no one here that can help me, and I feel pathetic.[/B

I just want to solev this problem once and for all, but another part of me is not ready for that.

Read the above and tell me you don't know what you need to do for you and your son? My tone will be strong but I mean it respectfully...Hopefully you will motivated you to do the right thing!

You married a woman who was like this from the beginning...Your words...Why? What a catastrophic error staring you right in the face!

Then you bring a child into this world with this lunatic? How irresponsible was that?

At 11 years old your autistic child is used to this? This poor child should be removed from your home because your not strong enough to leave and give him the life that he needs and deserves.

Enough of this helpless, powerless nonsense! Think of your son!! If you decide to drink you will let your son down in a tragic and irreversible way!!

Get rid of the gear...A friend, the garbage, whatever it takes! Gather your friends and family at a relatives house. Tell them everything that she's done and still doing. With their support, put a restraining order on her and file for a divorce!! Make sure your lawyer does whatever he has to, to keep your son with you!! You can't keep living this way...It's one thing to allow yourself to be around physical and verbal abuse but that fact that you've allowed your son to be around this for 11 years is reprehensible!! Give you and your son the life you both deserve...This process will not be easy but you can't keep living this nightmare!!

 

[ripw44]

Let's just say I deal with this a lot in my line of work. Your best bet is to talk to a lawyer. A lawyer can give you some viable options. In many states, mine included, domestic violence is a must arrest crime. If there are signs that someone has been hit (even if they do it to themselves) by a partner then its an AUTOMATIC ticket to jail. Bro, do the right thing and get a lawyer QUICK. A DV charge will prevent you from carrying a gun, getting some jobs, and just generally fuck up your day.

 

[Crazytall]

just a quick post because as much as she says she hates me and cant stand me she wont leave me alone for 2 seconds.
I used to feel real bad for her when her hair fell out. She had the most beautiful thick jet black hair. And she had the smoothest softest skin. She lost that when she got laser hair removal on her face. Now her face looks manly as hell and its not reversible.
I still loved her with all my heart. My love ran way deeper than her physical appearance.
Now for the first time, I hear her in the bathroom complaining about her hair, and I actually feel good about it. Im glad her hair is falling out and she looks like a troll.
She is turning me into a rotton person. She keeps taking tren against my advice, (she has heart problems, and strokes that run in her family) and her vision went blurry earlier, and Im like plz just drop dead so I can move on with my life in peace.

Someone posted earlier that this is Gods way to lighting a fire under my ass to get rid of her, and its sure as hell working.

Tomorrow I am taking all the good DVD's and taking them somewhere safe. Ill keep some crap stuff and dilute it for her usage.
What usually happens is that shell start to worry that she pushed me too far and do a 180. Its amazing how fast she can to that. Ive grown used to it over the years, but its not normal.

I have a confession. I developed a case of social phobia, maybe even anti social behavior over the pat few years. I used to be a nice guy, very likable, but since some bad things happened to me a few years back, I kind of retreated into a shell. I turned to bodybuilding and dvd's obviously as a way to make myself stronger than everyone else.
But I only now realize that by doing that I inadvertantly gave my wife all the power in this relationship. By becoming an anti social jerk, who manifested into social anxiety she ended up being the voice of 'us'.
Its like I accidentally gave up my power.
I had that epiphamy in class tonight, and I realized that I need to go back to the way I used to be. I need to be friendly, social, and likable.
Im actually going to go to a Toastmasters meeting next week. I'm 100% sure that shaking this bad social behavior and outlook will solve my problems.
I was fat and goofy back then but at least I had a decent amount of friends, and even though my wife cheated on me, she never pushed me the way she does now. (not even close) The lack of respect for me is mindnumbing now.
I think with my current looks, and my old friendly personality, I will be a much happier person. Just a little thought to make myself feel better.

 

[Crazytall]

Read the above and tell me you don't know what you need to do for you and your son? My tone will be strong but I mean it respectfully...Hopefully you will motivated you to do the right thing!

You married a woman who was like this from the beginning...Your words...Why? What a catastrophic error staring you right in the face!

Then you bring a child into this world with this lunatic? How irresponsible was that?

At 11 years old your autistic child is used to this? This poor child should be removed from your home because your not strong enough to leave and give him the life that he needs and deserves.

Enough of this helpless, powerless nonsense! Think of your son!! If you decide to drink you will let your son down in a tragic and irreversible way!!

Get rid of the gear...A friend, the garbage, whatever it takes! Gather your friends and family at a relatives house. Tell them everything that she's done and still doing. With their support, put a restraining order on her and file for a divorce!! Make sure your lawyer does whatever he has to, to keep your son with you!! You can't keep living this way...It's one thing to allow yourself to be around physical and verbal abuse but that fact that you've allowed your son to be around this for 11 years is reprehensible!! Give you and your son the life you both deserve...This process will not be easy but you can't keep living this nightmare!!

I knwo I need to get out. This last episode did it for me. I now know what I have to do. I just want to make sure when I do this, I do it right. I have to think of everything. I dont want police showing up at wherever Im staying arresting me for God knows what she came up with. I need to do this in a calm cool state of mind, and I need to wait until her rage episode blows over so she will let her guard down.
If I tried to do anything now she'd be on it in a heartbeat.

 

[garcia]

This sounds too damn familiar!! Get out. Move out as a last resort, but begin tge process of ending tge relationship. She will never change. It will just get worse. Seriously.

Ive been out for 6 months. Im lonely, but at least im away from tgat insanity.

 

[mace123]

I wouldn't wait. I would get ALL gear out, yours or hers, I would try to document her crazyness by any means necessary, move out, and get in touch with an attorney.

She will try to convince you to stay, but you just need to leave while you have this fresh on your mind. Not next week, or the week after. Leave tomorrow.

 

[Bio]

I knwo I need to get out. This last episode did it for me. I now know what I have to do. I just want to make sure when I do this, I do it right. I have to think of everything. I dont want police showing up at wherever Im staying arresting me for God knows what she came up with. I need to do this in a calm cool state of mind, and I need to wait until her rage episode blows over so she will let her guard down.
If I tried to do anything now she'd be on it in a heartbeat.

I'm glad you weren't angered by my words. Believe it or not they come from the heart and I hope you find the strength to now do the right thing!

I have a suggestion and this is serious...Someone mentioned making an audible recording earlier...I have a better suggestion...Look online or find a physical store online that sell spy type equipment and get an inconspicuous button cam for your shirt! Whatever it costs will be worth its weight in gold if you're confronted by police or you need it for court!! If she starts hitting you, whatever you do don't tell her you have her on video...Never let her know you have the recording, unless the cops show up because she's claiming you hit her...Then show them the video!! This could be the difference in getting custody of your child as well. Hell, buy other video items for the house...Get the ones that look like smoke detectors...I'm sure there's a ton you could use that I don't even know about. Show the cops and the court video of her verbally and/or physically abusing you in front of your son!! You would be foolish not get evidence like this on video!! Do the right thing my friend!!

Also, hopefully you're not on Deca...Drop the gear for a while in case the courts drug test both of you!! It's time to clean up in a lot of ways!!

 

[Ehren]

Man, you're living in hell. Get free of it and you'll look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking, "back then".

Kudos on your endurance for bullshit! My chick gets pissy on her period for a few days and I start to wonder if I'm better off single. LOL

Seriously though, heed these words, please: DON'T by any means let her know what you're planning. Or she'll make counter plans. Make nice-nice. Be your usual accommodating self.

Meanwhile, contact a lawyer, remove all the gear, all of it. If there's any there, she'll say it's yours. Record a few things. Get everything set, cover all bases. Find a place to live and make a deposit on it. Look into renting a car if you need to. Everything, man.

Tell her you've got rid of the gear for the both of you, because it's time to let the esters clear and for you two to fix things. Even talk about counselling. It's a lie. But fuck her.

Then when all's set, set things in motion. And go.

With kids and a true psycho it's gonna be hard. So don't complicate it, man! Plan...then execute the plan. She doesn't deserve any consideration or any quarter. She passed that line way back.

You have endured way too much, man. Good luck.

 

[SecondAct]

Halfway through the op I knew you were involved with a BPD spouse, so I am glad others have nailed it. Those are incredibly rough relationships to get out of, full of co-dependance, without an 11-year old autistic son which just further complicates things. As everyone said, if you are going to try to extract yourself, get rid of the damn gear( do this either way), and be stealth about any plans until you are ready to actually go. You have to understand that her entire damaged self-image is ruled by fear of abandonment 24/7 even when things are completely stable, so if she gets wind that her biggest fear might become reality, I am not exaggerating to stay that anything imaginable out of her is on the table.

False accusations of violence towards her, false accusations of sexual abuse of your own child or other children, etc. is almost standard in these circumstances. The only true tears those afflicted with BPD ever shed are those shed on their own behalf. They are emotionally immature, and any affection she's ever shown to you or your son is simply mimicry. They have known for a long time how society expects people to feel, and act, and express emotion, and since in their case they don't truly feel it, they become expert manipulators and actresses, and they will be convincing in their victimization to some police officer or social worker who isn't aware of what they are dealing with. I'm sure she first drew you in with tales of bad things done to her, that's almost always the case. And I'm sure you bought it, because they are incredibly well-practiced in playing that role.

Think through how to extract yourself, and once gone, don't ever give her a crack to exploit, because whatever she is saying to you, trust me she's thinking of little else than how to destroy you. Watch your back in the future once gone, because she is certainly convincing the next guy that you are the worst person who has ever lived, and he's going to buy it, and she'll be manipulating him to create chaos with you without even having to outright tell him to bring harm to you. They are truly that twisted.

Good luck, you're going to need it.