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Advice

jackjack

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Aug 16, 2014
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I'm bored at work and figure what the hell, why not get some people's opinions on my issue with my girl. I would talk with my friends about this one but my friend's women are friends with my woman so it might get back to her accidentally...

Anyway, my wife and I have been together since we were kids, like young highschool. We are still relatively young and I love her to death and I never want to hurt her feelings.

When we first got together, I had a type and boy was she it. Short, thick, brown hair and ass like a black girl but shes white. 12 out of 10 in my book. Anyway we have been together for 8 years now, I am into bodybuilding/powerlifting/just being a gym rat, always have been since before we got together. She played some sports in school, dance that sort of thing. She was always a chubby girl but as I said I dug it.

8 years later and I still love her more than life itself, but my physical attraction to her has diminished. No I'm not getting tired of the same old thing, she has gained alot of weight and not in all the right places.

Anyway, I offer to take her with me to the gym, she says "I don't want to go to the gym with you". I offer her advice on diet and nutrition she wants no part of it. Granted I don't expect her to listen to everything I have to say, but short of getting on my knees and begging her to hit the gym, eat better ect. I've tried everything.

Basically, I don't want to sound vain as I love her more than anything in my life and am very grateful to have her as my wife. But its getting to that point where I find myself going through the motions with her especially during sex, and its really hard for me to finish sometimes. But any advice on maybe something I can do or say that might push her in the right direction?

And I would really like to avoid being forth right with it as she has always seen herself as the average one in the relationship. and I'd rather live in misery for the rest of my life than hurt her feelings and make her cry.


Any advice, thoughts, comments please cuz I'm outta ideas.
 
Hey bro that is a TOUGH one. That's the problem with "thick" girls when they are young and tight it's great but eventually it all settles. I've always said I'm gonna marry a skinny girl that way after kids she's just right :) Anyway if it were me personally I would tell I'd be honest with her in the most gentle way possible. FIRST you gotta reinforce her and say that when u first got together it was her build that attracted u to her and that you will love her unconditionally no matter what. Then, don't even necessarily say that u want her to lose weight, just tell her how much you love fitness and that you think it would be good for your sex life if she "maintained" the body that you're so crazy about. By doing this you are telling her how hot you think she is and you're technically not asking her to lose weight. She'll probably get your undertone without u actually saying It and you may get what u want in the end. I don't think she'd get mad at u because any smart woman would realize that if attraction isn't there that u might cheat. Good luck it's a shitty situation.
 
Yeah you might be right. Its not even that I want her to lose weight, but you know the difference between a thick girl and a thick ACTIVE girl. I'd settle up for just her being active. Not to mention we are getting older and I'm concerned for her health, not right now necessarily but more just building the habits. Shit when we were 15 you could eat fast food daily and it would have no effect. I'm just afraid if her lifestyle goes on much longer without being checked when she does NEED to do something about it she will lack the skill set and willpower to do so.
 
Also man not everyone is into the gym. Maybe you could trick her into working out by taking up hobbies like an evening walk together or hiking.
 
women just get fat after they get married bro. it's just part of life. they know that they have you by the balls because of the insane feminist divorce court regulations so they just let loose and inflate into a weather balloon.



you think she's bad now...you can't imagine the horror after a couple kids
 
Discussed this at length with my wife.

This is what we came up with, and there's a heavy dose of female point of view in this answer.

We suggest you make a request for her to make some changes based on wanting to live a long, healthy life together.

Next, offer to get her a membership somewhere that SHE chooses. Wherever she wants.

It's very likely that she's intimidated by the idea of going with you, especially in light of her always having felt like the "average" one in the relationship.

Help her find good advice rather than trying to give her advice. It's likely that she would (or is) taking your well-intentioned attempts to help personally.

You could always do the cooking for a week, too...
 
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women just get fat after they get married bro. it's just part of life. they know that they have you by the balls because of the insane feminist divorce court regulations so they just let loose and inflate into a weather balloon.



you think she's bad now...you can't imagine the horror after a couple kids
I don't envy you, bro. You live in a different world than I do, and it sounds like hell.
 
I don't envy you, bro. You live in a different world than I do, and it sounds like hell.



oh im not married. im just going off of the married couples that I see around me.


the man basically looks exactly the same he did the day of the wedding, but the woman has gained anywhere from 40 to 100 pounds

it's both funny and sad
 
oh im not married. im just going off of the married couples that I see around me.


the man basically looks exactly the same he did the day of the wedding, but the woman has gained anywhere from 40 to 100 pounds

it's both funny and sad
Roger that. Glad it isn't you, bro.

Got to find the right one that you can both stay focused on making a great life together.

We saw the nightmare that our friends were experiencing with kids and opted out...
 
Discussed this at length with my wife.

This is what we came up with, and there's a heavy dose of female point of view in this answer.

We suggest you make a request for her to make some changes based on wanting to live a long, healthy life together.

Next, offer to get her a membership somewhere that SHE chooses. Wherever she wants.

It's very likely that she's intimidated by the idea of going with you, especially in light of her always having felt like the "average" one in the relationship.

Help her find good advice rather than trying to give her advice. It's likely that she would (or is) taking your well-intentioned attempts to help personally.

You could always do the cooking for a week, too...

I appreciate you and your wives' input, I think you guys may be onto something with the allowing her to find her own place and own information. I suppose it would be tiresome to hear someone you consider to be a "knowitall" ramble on about the GI of different carbs and nutrient timing.

And we generally always cook together, mainly dinner but its something we like to do. We really do have a great thing going, and Little Slice: I have no problem with her getting fat I expect it I really do, but we are young bro, Shes 22 years old. I have no problem with her getting fat but I figured I'd have at least until 30. :confused:

We have no kids, but if she got fat after that too at least she'd have the sexy "mother of my kids" thing going on....
 
I appreciate you and your wives' input, I think you guys may be onto something with the allowing her to find her own place and own information. I suppose it would be tiresome to hear someone you consider to be a "knowitall" ramble on about the GI of different carbs and nutrient timing.

And we generally always cook together, mainly dinner but its something we like to do. We really do have a great thing going, and Little Slice: I have no problem with her getting fat I expect it I really do, but we are young bro, Shes 22 years old. I have no problem with her getting fat but I figured I'd have at least until 30. :confused:

We have no kids, but if she got fat after that too at least she'd have the sexy "mother of my kids" thing going on....



so you are attracted* to fat women? I don't see what the problem is then..
 
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women just get fat after they get married bro. it's just part of life. they know that they have you by the balls because of the insane feminist divorce court regulations so they just let loose and inflate into a weather balloon.



you think she's bad now...you can't imagine the horror after a couple kids

so you are attracted* to fat women? I don't see what the problem is then..


LS, we all know the type you're talking about, but don't speak in absolutes. Also, try to show the OP some respect. He loves his wife and is looking for advice on how to communicate with her about a very touchy subject. If you don't have anything helpful to add, then move on to another thread.
 
...I love her more than anything in my life and am very grateful to have her as my wife.

...any advice on maybe something I can do or say that might push her in the right direction?

...I'd rather live in misery for the rest of my life than hurt her feelings and make her cry.


Any advice, thoughts, comments please cuz I'm outta ideas.


The most important way to approach her is what you said above about how much you love her. That's extremely important. I don't think there's any special wording other than be respectful and approach her in a loving manner and express to her that you're worried about her physical health. This may trigger some insecurities and cause a bit of a meltdown but you need to reassure her that all of this is coming from a good place...She may accuse you of not being attracted to her, but reassure her that isn't the case! Let her know it's because you love her and care about her. Even though honesty is usually the best way to approach things, this would only hurt her and most likely wouldn't motivate her.

The comment about living in misery because you don't want to hurt her feelings is admirable but you don't deserve to be miserable. It's obvious that you wouldn't say anything to her in a fashion that would be degrading. She may cry because she's self conscious and embarrassed about her weight, but that's exactly what you're trying to help her with.

Even though you mean well and could most likely guide her to her goals, it may serve you well to hire her a trainer at a more private studio if you have that in your area...At the very least, get her, her own trainer. Let it be her thing that she accomplishes on her own.
 
My wife got over weight for a few years...what worked for me was the health and longevity approach. She knew my love was unconditional, but not my concerns. I told her to find what she enjoys for exercise, and to eat better. She got involved in belly dance and yoga, so I'm not involved.

She's now in great shape.
 
That would be a hard conversation to have. Because what she is going to hear is that you are not physically attracted to her, when she has been thinking you still are all this time.

I would definately go the health and longevity approach. Maybe get her to walk with you at night, and just use the excuse that we need to communicate more and just be with each other without distractions. Talk about life, dreams, the day, etc... That way she is not focused on the walking/exercise part of it. Give that a couple of weeks, and then out of the blue say something like "babe you look like you have lost a few pounds." (even if she hasn't) Sometime white lies help. And flattery goes a long way.

Your in a tough spot brother.

My wife said, let her catch you watching porn. I don't know if I would go that route unless it was a last ditch effort.
 
That would be a hard conversation to have. Because what she is going to hear is that you are not physically attracted to her, when she has been thinking you still are all this time.

I would definately go the health and longevity approach. Maybe get her to walk with you at night, and just use the excuse that we need to communicate more and just be with each other without distractions. Talk about life, dreams, the day, etc... That way she is not focused on the walking/exercise part of it. Give that a couple of weeks, and then out of the blue say something like "babe you look like you have lost a few pounds." (even if she hasn't) Sometime white lies help. And flattery goes a long way.

Your in a tough spot brother.

My wife said, let her catch you watching porn. I don't know if I would go that route unless it was a last ditch effort.


holy shit DO NOT DO THIS

that will cause your wife to go into a sinking depression, and as we all know, women eat the ever-living fuck out of their feelings.

if she wasn't an amorphous blob before, she will be if you do this.
 
holy shit DO NOT DO THIS

that will cause your wife to go into a sinking depression, and as we all know, women eat the ever-living fuck out of their feelings.

if she wasn't an amorphous blob before, she will be if you do this.


She said it in a joking matter, but my wife is different. We were all over at a pool party with a bunch of friends and my buddy(drunk) tells my wife she does not have her abs and that she doesn't look as good as she did last year. Mind you my wife is 5' and 115lbs. What did she do...started going to the gym even more, started walking 3-5 miles a day. She lost 5 pounds in about a month just to show him. Needless to say the next time we were all at the pool together he was eating his words.

I would go the way of telling her she lost some weight even if you could not tell. Just say it every couple of weeks or so.
 
@Bio- Thank you for taking the time to respond, very sound advice. I think your right about letting her find her own path and knowledge on what shes seeking. She actually has began looking into things on her own telling me some of the things shes discovered, now I'm only trying to delicately steer her away from some of the more "fad" dieting approaches.

@Cerberus- Thanks for the input, as I replied to Bio, I think you guys are right about allowing her to find her own path. She seems to like researching on her own, shes talking about doing a "cleanse". While I don't know if thats the way to go, its a start so I'm letting her do her thing.

@Nosupermodel- Thank you, I would try the whole "you look like you've lost weight" thing but my wife god bless her would stop doing what she was doing and tell me straight "Why are you lying to me? what do you want?" lol and thats a big no on the porn thing. That would bite me very hard in ass. She found out I watched porn before and for like 6 months in bed I was like "Baby do (insert something here)" and shed rifle right back "Why? You see some slut in a porno do that?" lol

@ Little Slice- My wife was never "an amorphous blob", lol I just saw the path she was heading down and wanted to try to nip it in the bud. I realize now it was never my bud to nip.

@ everyone - Good news I have to ship out for 8 weeks for training for my department. To clarify my wife never lied to herself about it, shes known shes been putting on weight. So with little influence on my behalf shes basically talking about going all Rocky 4 when I ship out, going hardcore with the diet and training. As long as she gives it a shot, I'm a happy man. It was always more about her lack of trying more so than her actually losing weight or recomping.

Thank everyone so much for their responses to the thread, its really proved quite a resource for allowing me to blow off steam. So thank you all and thank you promuscle.com for providing the outlet.
 
She said it in a joking matter, but my wife is different. We were all over at a pool party with a bunch of friends and my buddy(drunk) tells my wife she does not have her abs and that she doesn't look as good as she did last year. Mind you my wife is 5' and 115lbs. What did she do...started going to the gym even more, started walking 3-5 miles a day. She lost 5 pounds in about a month just to show him. Needless to say the next time we were all at the pool together he was eating his words.

I would go the way of telling her she lost some weight even if you could not tell. Just say it every couple of weeks or so.



right well your wife doesn't suffer from fatty mentality.. I.E. - im depressed because im fat, so im going to eat more for comfort...which results in getting fatter therefore more depressed etc..

I feel like most women are like this
 
These are great suggestions. And I love the "longer life together" approach vs the vanity approach.

I'm going to throw another log on the fire and just say don't get TOO overly stressed about this. She's 22. Her thoughts and feelings and general ideas about life are going to change 20 times in the next 5-10 years.

Just keep positively reinforcing her all the time. And not because you want to get what you want but because you really mean it. For example, if she does do something healthy don't insult her with some, "have you lost weight" bs. Smack her on the ass when you walk by. Come up behind her and kiss her on the next just because. Then walk away. Send her sexy texts, emails, or just a napkin on the counter with a heart on it. You love her. Show her.

Don't kiss her ass, don't try try to run a con job on the poor girl, and just be an authentic lover. It may seem weird or forced for you at first but sometimes we just have to learn how to be affectionate. Not necessarily passionate and steamy, just day to day affection.

If you appreciate her, then she appreciates herself more = more self-esteem which means better relationships for everyone.
 

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