Being a step-parent is the most thankless, unrewarding, no-win situation I've ever been in. The kid will like you for what you bring to the table financially but will resent you for just about everything else. In their eyes, you're not their parent and the kid could give two shits if their mother is happy with you or not. They appear to be selfish beings that are incapable of empathy. Do I have all of the answers? No. It's been a lot of trial and error, most of which hasn't worked. But I do know this, you and your wife HAVE to be on the same page. If you're not, that kid will eat the two of you alive. Secondly, as a step-parent, you playing the "HEAVY" is never going to work. Your wife has to assume that role. You can be the voice of reason and enforce her rules but you can't be the primary disciplinarian. The kid will resent you and assume you're the problem. They don't think like us. They don't empathize like us. Their world is literally a few square miles...and that's it. So, don't think you can drill something into their head. You can't control another human being. I've tried, it doesn't work. If you have insurance, go to a therapist with your wife. Don't worry about being painted as the bad guy. A good therapist wouldn't do that to you. My wife agreed with the behavior problem of her son. She just didn't agree with the way I wanted to handle it. I hope you guys can at least agree there is an issue other than your anger. The anger is the result of a situation that you feel is out of your control and you probably don't agree with how your wife is handling it. Once again, I'm stabbing in the dark because I don't have all the details. I'm making assumptions. Feel free to expound on your situation or shoot me a PM and hopefully I can offer some advice (even if I have trouble following it myself). I feel for you. I thought I was reading something written by me.