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  • 1 Post By Giants83
  • 1 Post By CaptainDominate
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Old 01-03-2015, 11:00 AM
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ok Heres a good Question

Ok guys first post here, heres a good question, so I'm in a very very good relationship etc spend tons of time together have a blast etc, we are getting over a hump from our issues- our issues come from a topic which leads to a fight which leads to a huge fight, we have learned how to avoid this and beat this before it arises. However she sees a therapist every week which to be honest i feel like now it might be causing problems. every time she comes home from the therapist she has a question for me and to be honest it feels like a fucking interrogation and if i don't say the right thing or answer it can escalate. I'm not really blaming the therapist but in a way i am. what can be done here guys? its only happened 2 maybe 3 times now and it always seems to involve a question of how her "therapist" is trying to figure me out without even meeting me which is bullshit. thoughts guys and gals?
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Old 01-03-2015, 11:08 AM
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what's the topic that leads to the huge fights?


and,



could you give an example of a question that she has asked you as a result of her interactions with her therapist?
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Old 01-03-2015, 11:15 AM
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good question- its been a couple of topics , the last thing was just bad choice of words on my part, she got frustrated, then upset and i told her "theres nothing to even be mad about" and that let off a time bomb... so it was all about me taking away her feelings that she felt if that makes sense...

today she asked me

" when we fight and i ignore you or remove myself from it, does it remind you of your mom?"

-she was stating this because she claims that i said sometimes my mom goes silent when there is conflict
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Old 01-03-2015, 11:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainDominate View Post
Ok guys first post here, heres a good question, so I'm in a very very good relationship etc spend tons of time together have a blast etc, we are getting over a hump from our issues- our issues come from a topic which leads to a fight which leads to a huge fight, we have learned how to avoid this and beat this before it arises. However she sees a therapist every week which to be honest i feel like now it might be causing problems. every time she comes home from the therapist she has a question for me and to be honest it feels like a fucking interrogation and if i don't say the right thing or answer it can escalate. I'm not really blaming the therapist but in a way i am. what can be done here guys? its only happened 2 maybe 3 times now and it always seems to involve a question of how her "therapist" is trying to figure me out without even meeting me which is bullshit. thoughts guys and gals?

Suggest couples counseling and meet the therapist. But go in with an open mind and not on the defensive.


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Old 01-03-2015, 11:25 AM
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Giant

yes were definitely gonna do counseling, just haven't set a date yet etc
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Old 01-03-2015, 11:30 AM
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Originally Posted by CaptainDominate View Post
Giant



yes were definitely gonna do counseling, just haven't set a date yet etc

That's good. I can understand your feelings but I don't really see any other way around it. Your relationship sounds like it is not that bad and just experiencing some bumps in the road. Therapy can help a lot. Good luck with everything man.


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Old 01-03-2015, 11:35 AM
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hey thanks man
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Old 01-12-2015, 03:17 PM
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yes captain, definitely go to defend yourself instead of have a counselor speculate...there are always three sides to every story! what she said, what you said, and what really happened. It will only help the relationship by going!
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Old 01-20-2015, 06:28 PM
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yes captain, definitely go to defend yourself instead of have a counselor speculate...there are always three sides to every story! what she said, what you said, and what really happened. It will only help the relationship by going!
About every counselor that has meetings with one ,in your case your wife ,They tend to tell your other what they want to hear.
My wife is bipolar and by the end of the session the counselor wanted my wife to go to a home for women who are abused!!!
Well all accusations that where made was ridiculous so i went to one of my own.
He tells me that i needed to do what was best for myself and get away from her??????
I then told my wife we should attend a few meetings together,well her counselor told my wife that she thought my wife was being delusional ???
My counselor was on his third marriage where i was married at the time for 22 years.Hell his longest marriage lasted 3 years! He was going to give me advice?/?
We went to the same one and some was my fault and some was hers.
The counselor told us when you go to a counselor by yourself,they will always tell you what you want to hear and side with the one who goes to them!
I HAVE NEVER HIT MY WIFE ,I HAVE NEVER FELT WORTHLESS and the marriage counselor told my wife she needed to get back on her med. She told me i should walk away when my wife has her episodes .
If we had went to separate counselors we would have more than likely would have separated.
a YEAR AND A HALF LATER WE BOTH HAVE ISSUES.Only thing now is we know certain ways to keep our temper in check.
Honestly when we get pissed with each other,8 out of 10 times we will slip off somewhere and get busy and it does work!
Especially she shows off the good crazy bitch
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Old 02-14-2015, 03:38 AM
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Originally Posted by GS View Post
About every counselor that has meetings with one ,in your case your wife ,They tend to tell your other what they want to hear.
My wife is bipolar and by the end of the session the counselor wanted my wife to go to a home for women who are abused!!!
Well all accusations that where made was ridiculous so i went to one of my own.
He tells me that i needed to do what was best for myself and get away from her??????
I then told my wife we should attend a few meetings together,well her counselor told my wife that she thought my wife was being delusional ???
My counselor was on his third marriage where i was married at the time for 22 years.Hell his longest marriage lasted 3 years! He was going to give me advice?/?
We went to the same one and some was my fault and some was hers.
The counselor told us when you go to a counselor by yourself,they will always tell you what you want to hear and side with the one who goes to them!
I HAVE NEVER HIT MY WIFE ,I HAVE NEVER FELT WORTHLESS and the marriage counselor told my wife she needed to get back on her med. She told me i should walk away when my wife has her episodes .
If we had went to separate counselors we would have more than likely would have separated.
a YEAR AND A HALF LATER WE BOTH HAVE ISSUES.Only thing now is we know certain ways to keep our temper in check.
Honestly when we get pissed with each other,8 out of 10 times we will slip off somewhere and get busy and it does work!
Especially she shows off the good crazy bitch
great post
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Old 03-21-2015, 05:54 AM
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I experience these sort of questions w/o my fiance seeing a therapist. i think sometimes she just fixates on something and over thinks it and then has a full argument formulated before I can even understand what the issue is. Often times I believe we may just be an outlet for the daily frustration or another issue bothering them and by all means we should be an outlet but in a constructive positive way. It may be beneficial to try and examine the other issues in her life and you may find the root of where things are coming from. I believe it is easy to focus on our wrong doings rather than the true issues and to project on to us what wrong we do. Its easy to find an issue and magnify it by rolling it around in their heads until it comes out full force. Try to calmy go through what may be bothering her and be there for her and you may find out more than you know now and it may become easier to deal with. I learned when an irrational question or problem arrises it often works to ask simply "what is really bothering you? Let's figure this out together. i really want to help make things the best they can be."
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