- Joined
- Sep 5, 2012
- Messages
- 1,249
A brief history. Married my high school sweetheart. She was the only person I've been with. At 36 I we parted ways. After my divorce I had a one night stand with a girl and honestly it wasn't for me. Started dating an older woman 13 years older than me. She is nearly 50 years old but I was all in. She is financially stable so I don't have to spend money. Mature. She doesn't like to party she just wants me to come over and fuck her and hang out. She likes to have sex multiple times a day and I'm on a gram of testosterone. She is super freaky in bed. She loves to be fucked hard. And I mean hard like pulling hair and all sorts of shit. Loves to be dominated and controlled. Turns out she has a cum fetish. Its a little weird but she love the stuff. Like wants it on her face every night thinking it makes her look younger. She asks me to cum in a cup so she can drink it.
Anyways at first it was all fun and games but we get a long really well and I have feelings for her. Feelings I've never felt before. Our conversations never end. She makes me feel great. I care for her a lot.
So we had the inevitable always disastrous whats your number talk.
I was expecting a lot considering she is freaky. Turns out she is around 10 and I do believe her. She was very open and explained.
Well I didn't know this about myself but turns out Im super jealous. I'm not particularly jealous about men that hit on her presently. But very jealous of her past relationships.
I call it my downward spiral. Some conversation or event will trigger me into this OCD thinking where I cannot let a though go. I may be licking her pussy and suddenly think there was 10 dicks in her and then I get OCD into that. She might talk about something with an ex, a natural normal conversation that any couple has, and suddenly Im withdrawing or interrogating her asking for every little detail which sends me even more spiralling into jealousy.
I'm very thankful that she is accepting of all of it. She patiently answers my questions asking me if I can handle the answer. She says that she loves me and that my jealousy is okay it means that Im emotionally invested in her. Which I am.
But I hate it. It bothers me.
There are two sides of my jealously.
The first side is that I'm being judgemental. She is one of those older cougars that wear stilettos, tight skirts, and has since she was 14 years old looking for male attention. So I'm judgemental like I'm falling in love with a slut. Our sexual values are different. She is easy. All those thoughts that can hurt someone you love.
The second side is that I'm jealous she has experienced things and I haven't. Her number is 10 mine is 3. She has had one night stands, fuck friends, and been married. She has done the single thing etc. I haven't really. I think I'm also jealous that we are getting more serious and I'm not sure I'm ready.
Anyways I've read a few article on "retroactive jealousy" and its not really helpful. The "its none of your business" crap doesn't help. The "her numbers don't matter just that you love each other" doesnt' help.
I just bought a book on it and about 1/3 of the way through. Its helpful. The book identifies it as an OCD anxiety disorder which I have had in the past. I had to take medications for OCD anxiety. But I'm over that and now I can see its my thought patterns.
Anyone in the same boat?
Anyways at first it was all fun and games but we get a long really well and I have feelings for her. Feelings I've never felt before. Our conversations never end. She makes me feel great. I care for her a lot.
So we had the inevitable always disastrous whats your number talk.
I was expecting a lot considering she is freaky. Turns out she is around 10 and I do believe her. She was very open and explained.
Well I didn't know this about myself but turns out Im super jealous. I'm not particularly jealous about men that hit on her presently. But very jealous of her past relationships.
I call it my downward spiral. Some conversation or event will trigger me into this OCD thinking where I cannot let a though go. I may be licking her pussy and suddenly think there was 10 dicks in her and then I get OCD into that. She might talk about something with an ex, a natural normal conversation that any couple has, and suddenly Im withdrawing or interrogating her asking for every little detail which sends me even more spiralling into jealousy.
I'm very thankful that she is accepting of all of it. She patiently answers my questions asking me if I can handle the answer. She says that she loves me and that my jealousy is okay it means that Im emotionally invested in her. Which I am.
But I hate it. It bothers me.
There are two sides of my jealously.
The first side is that I'm being judgemental. She is one of those older cougars that wear stilettos, tight skirts, and has since she was 14 years old looking for male attention. So I'm judgemental like I'm falling in love with a slut. Our sexual values are different. She is easy. All those thoughts that can hurt someone you love.
The second side is that I'm jealous she has experienced things and I haven't. Her number is 10 mine is 3. She has had one night stands, fuck friends, and been married. She has done the single thing etc. I haven't really. I think I'm also jealous that we are getting more serious and I'm not sure I'm ready.
Anyways I've read a few article on "retroactive jealousy" and its not really helpful. The "its none of your business" crap doesn't help. The "her numbers don't matter just that you love each other" doesnt' help.
I just bought a book on it and about 1/3 of the way through. Its helpful. The book identifies it as an OCD anxiety disorder which I have had in the past. I had to take medications for OCD anxiety. But I'm over that and now I can see its my thought patterns.
Anyone in the same boat?
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