- Joined
- Feb 25, 2012
- Messages
- 771
My girl and I are constantly at odds with each other, we have a huge age gap in between us and her parents are extremely over protective and at times overbearing. We have 2 different cultures, she's middle eastern and my background is American Latino, she has a big family and I don't. I personally don't have any immediate family member to depend on support or go to in times of needs.
I'm also a combat veteran who served in various armed conflicts, on top of all that I serve in public safety, been diagnose w PTSD, TBI, amongst other personal things. I got injured while serving a combat tour in Afghanistan, I mean seriously injured to the point that I was discharged from my military service and given a pension. I don't want to go through a lot of details and I don't expect or want anybody to feel sorry for me, this is not about that. However, I want to be understood that I didn't have the best of upbringing, my life was tough, very hard on me but I still managed to become a success and be a productive member of society, both of my parents died from drug and alcohol abused, my mother eventually took her own life when she was diagnose with a deadly disease, my father died alone as well in a hospital from the same deadly disease, I was not raised by my parents, however I was raised by an abusive grandmother. At the age of 9 yrs if age I didn't know how to read, write, tell the month or time of the day, didn't even know how to tie my own shoes. I was kicked out of every school due to me being a very bad kid, I was seriously out of control, I broke a teachers arm with a chair, beat up a few principles, I was just a kid without love or guidance and for that I paid the price until I was sent to my father who lived in NYC and I met my stepmother who was married at that time w my father, she gave me the tools, guidance, some love and actually was my lifesaver when I was a young kid, eventually she divorced my father due to his bad habits, and placed me in a home and disappeared... Well anyway I don't want to get into a long discussion of my past but to make the story short, I made it from the streets of NYC, eventually got a GED, went to college, join the Military and I became a success. Like I said above that now I'm a productive member of society and I even risk my life as a firefighter for my city and community..
Well, that's a short history of my past, anyway back to the topic on hand. My fiancé is 21 yrs younger than me, she doesn't have a college degree, always been taken care of by her parents, she still lives w mom and dad, she has basically been spoiled and provided for for most of her existence, her parents from the old school Iraq where they overprotect their children and expect a man to take care of them, my fiancé is a smart girl, however, a tab bit immature at times because she truly hasn't lived on her own or knows what it is not to have anybody look out for you, she doesn't know what it is to maintain a home, work, pay bills, put food on your table and be fully 100% independent. Be 100% independent, she runs to her family for any problems, and I mean anything. She's a good girl don't get me wrong, however, we are constantly at odds, don't know if it's an age thing, maturity thing, spoil thing, me or her or just both. I guess it's hard to explain on a forum because you guys don't actually live it or experience it, but it's stressful. Very!
We have a lot of pressure from her parents, and they put a lot of pressure in her, not only her parents but she doesn't have the best of friends who truly want the best for her. I love the girl a lot and I want us to workout but it worries me a bit to think that actually things would get better after marriage, so do they? I am thinking that maybe after we get married and live together and her parents are not in the pics that things will improve but who the fuck knows, because I don't. I'm ready to settle down, maybe have a family of my own, the family that I didn't have, I'm ready to be committed, dedicated, and be a good provider but at the same time I need that support, that unconditional love and understanding and also that respect that we expect from our mate. She has nothing to lose, because after all she has her parents and family, me on the other hand don't have shit, if things don't workout I will be the one who will end up at the short end of the stick, I mean that literally too.. I am scared but I think that's a normal behavior for someone who has never been married, or in a long relationship. I've lived on my own for practically my whole life.
So for those who have been married or still are, as couples do things improve upon after marriage? Do they get worst? How did you overcome the obstacles of making a marriage work? Also, did you have a mother and a father in law who were overly protective and overbearing? I am totally new at all this, I didn't come her to get burned, just looking for some advice and or maybe guidance too..
Thanks!
I'm also a combat veteran who served in various armed conflicts, on top of all that I serve in public safety, been diagnose w PTSD, TBI, amongst other personal things. I got injured while serving a combat tour in Afghanistan, I mean seriously injured to the point that I was discharged from my military service and given a pension. I don't want to go through a lot of details and I don't expect or want anybody to feel sorry for me, this is not about that. However, I want to be understood that I didn't have the best of upbringing, my life was tough, very hard on me but I still managed to become a success and be a productive member of society, both of my parents died from drug and alcohol abused, my mother eventually took her own life when she was diagnose with a deadly disease, my father died alone as well in a hospital from the same deadly disease, I was not raised by my parents, however I was raised by an abusive grandmother. At the age of 9 yrs if age I didn't know how to read, write, tell the month or time of the day, didn't even know how to tie my own shoes. I was kicked out of every school due to me being a very bad kid, I was seriously out of control, I broke a teachers arm with a chair, beat up a few principles, I was just a kid without love or guidance and for that I paid the price until I was sent to my father who lived in NYC and I met my stepmother who was married at that time w my father, she gave me the tools, guidance, some love and actually was my lifesaver when I was a young kid, eventually she divorced my father due to his bad habits, and placed me in a home and disappeared... Well anyway I don't want to get into a long discussion of my past but to make the story short, I made it from the streets of NYC, eventually got a GED, went to college, join the Military and I became a success. Like I said above that now I'm a productive member of society and I even risk my life as a firefighter for my city and community..
Well, that's a short history of my past, anyway back to the topic on hand. My fiancé is 21 yrs younger than me, she doesn't have a college degree, always been taken care of by her parents, she still lives w mom and dad, she has basically been spoiled and provided for for most of her existence, her parents from the old school Iraq where they overprotect their children and expect a man to take care of them, my fiancé is a smart girl, however, a tab bit immature at times because she truly hasn't lived on her own or knows what it is not to have anybody look out for you, she doesn't know what it is to maintain a home, work, pay bills, put food on your table and be fully 100% independent. Be 100% independent, she runs to her family for any problems, and I mean anything. She's a good girl don't get me wrong, however, we are constantly at odds, don't know if it's an age thing, maturity thing, spoil thing, me or her or just both. I guess it's hard to explain on a forum because you guys don't actually live it or experience it, but it's stressful. Very!
We have a lot of pressure from her parents, and they put a lot of pressure in her, not only her parents but she doesn't have the best of friends who truly want the best for her. I love the girl a lot and I want us to workout but it worries me a bit to think that actually things would get better after marriage, so do they? I am thinking that maybe after we get married and live together and her parents are not in the pics that things will improve but who the fuck knows, because I don't. I'm ready to settle down, maybe have a family of my own, the family that I didn't have, I'm ready to be committed, dedicated, and be a good provider but at the same time I need that support, that unconditional love and understanding and also that respect that we expect from our mate. She has nothing to lose, because after all she has her parents and family, me on the other hand don't have shit, if things don't workout I will be the one who will end up at the short end of the stick, I mean that literally too.. I am scared but I think that's a normal behavior for someone who has never been married, or in a long relationship. I've lived on my own for practically my whole life.
So for those who have been married or still are, as couples do things improve upon after marriage? Do they get worst? How did you overcome the obstacles of making a marriage work? Also, did you have a mother and a father in law who were overly protective and overbearing? I am totally new at all this, I didn't come her to get burned, just looking for some advice and or maybe guidance too..
Thanks!