Depressed and looking for help

[npcout]

**Off the bat, I made a thread about a week or two ago about buying a house with my new girl. I took everyones honest advice, really considered things. Had a huge talk with her, saw many red flags.. we got in a huge fight, we split up, and I moved out.

Long story short: In a relationship for 13 years, married for 4, got divorced for the better, im happy about that in, march 2018. April 2018, until recently, have been dating my best friend who has a 5 year old daughter; we lived together for 4 months.

I'll be completely honest, I've never been single. Im scared, im lost, I don't know what to do with myself; im currently at my parents. I live in a smaller town. Im 30. I come from a family that is very family oriented. All I ever wanted was a wife and kids. I feel like im to old to be single, and life has past me by. My mind is wandering all day.. i have no clue what to think or do. The days are extremely long, because I feel like I have nothing to do with myself. I have limited friends, they all moved away, or are married with kids. I work as a nurse, everyone I work with are girls.

***Please don't be hard on me, im depressed.. I actually need your words of help right now.

I have nobody where im at in a little town.. i work in healthcare, I can get a job ANYWHERE easy.. im tempted to make a life change for ME, and just move to a bigger city. Where there are more people, more activities, more going on, more opportunity.

I can stay here, in a little town, with no friends, or move to a big city, with no friends and have a much easier time meeting people using Meetup apps and all. I've looked into the meetup apps around here, but there is nothing, its empty.

Staying where I am, I am constantly reminded of my Ex Wife of 14 years, and my Ex best friend, of 5 years.. who I lost both.. moving, will get me out of that..

I can move to city with much bigger hospitals, and much more job opportunities..

 

[Vlad The Impaler]

You are not too old by a long shot. I'm 34 and have young 20s year old girls hitting on me at work all day. I'd def move to a bigger city and start over. Also want to add my good friend who's 35 just met the girl of his dreams and will probably marry her and she is 22. He also lives in a very very small town in the middle of nowhere

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

 

[XstarchildX]

Moving will not answer your problems. Wherever you go, your problems will follow. Dealing with your emotions and letting them play out is essential. Those who have not been single in a long time, I always encourage them to take the 1 year challenge. That means no dating, no intimacy, nothing. For an entire year. This will get you back in touch with who you really are independently of another person. Dependency is a real thing and can be destructive if left for too long.

I know it sounds difficult, but I truly think this would help immensely.

 

[gungalunga]

Moving will not answer your problems. Wherever you go, your problems will follow. Dealing with your emotions and letting them play out is essential. Those who have not been single in a long time, I always encourage them to take the 1 year challenge. That means no dating, no intimacy, nothing. For an entire year. This will get you back in touch with who you really are independently of another person. Dependency is a real thing and can be destructive if left for too long.

I know it sounds difficult, but I truly think this would help immensely.

Doing this could give him a really bad case of blue balls. Or a serious internet porn addiction.

To the OP....30 isn't old. You are very much in the prime of your life. Be thankful you have job skills that will let you move wherever you want. Do some research on where you might want To live, find a job, and move there. Live your life. Meet new people. Take some chances while you are still young. You have options...use them.

 

[D2]

I knw its easier said then done.

But keep yrself bz and if possible move out fm yr hse, avoid doing things or going to places which will remind u of the past. Best is move to a new country/ state if possible.

Stay Strong!:headbang:

 

[NGL34]

I'd move to a state that pays RNs well and also where the cost of living is still reasonable...Texas and Florida come to mind. And then find a decent city in that state to live in.

Change is good. A fresh start is even better.

 

[tjitsu]

As somebody who has battled depression all my life I want to say IT GETS BETTER. For now take care of yourself. I like 5htp before sleep, and lithium orotate am+mid day to help take the peak of and allow myself to start moving better. Prescription drugs have never helped.

Could you talk to a professional? Theres nothing wrong with that and it doesnt make you less of a person and it really can speed up healing.

Also eating a healthy diet helps with my mood.

Saying your old at 30 offends me haha(im32), you are in the prime now.

 

[tjitsu]

Also IMO change your location if you want once your healed, otherwise it will follow you and you wont have many if any friends/family around.

 

[XstarchildX]

Doing this could give him a really bad case of blue balls. Or a serious internet porn addiction.

LOL. That was awesome. Good point.

 

[maldorf]

I went through a similar situation when my first wife cheated on me. Right after I discovered the truth about her affair I moved away to another town about 3 hours away where I was going to attend graduate school. I moved out about 3 months early to get away. She wanted a divorce. She of course stayed where we lived.

Moving to the college town helped and I was busy with school. My depression though was still there and really interfered with my studies and I was still depressed. I was definitely better off there than back home but I still had big problems.

I don't think you moving to another city will take care of all your problems, but it certainly will help. I think it really is necessary for you. Its great you could line up a job and just go. I say do it! Just don't move too far away, be close enough so you can still see your family on weekends etc. 3 hours or so. Is there a big city about 3 hours drive?

When I was away at graduate school I met a lot of ladies and dated a lot, had lots of sex and it did help me move on. When I first went there I wanted to remain married to the ex, but after awhile I realized that I could replace her with someone else. I met a lot of really interesting, smart, and fun women. In fact, I met my current wife at grad school. We are still married, been about 21 years now.

I say do it, only if you have a nursing job lined up before you go. Then just date and have fun. Try not to get too serious with any one lady.

 

[MightyJohn]

Bro, perceived reality is REALITY...

Whatever mood you choose to be in...You'll then be there

Shake off the past, fake it till you make it and all will work out

 

[mr. miyagi]

Phoenix, the land of healthcare. Get happy first though.

 

[Kaladryn]

You will only ever be happy with another person if you know how to make yourself happy on your own, everyone has to learn to be happy on their own. I suggest CBT therapy, it is practical and highly effective.

 

[jxm0960]

Become a travel nurse and go travel have fun, be happy and when you feel like youre ready fuck some randoms while your at it! Sounds like you have lots of time on your hands which is prob why youre always thinking driving yourself crazy

 

[Matsuo Munefusa]

I feel like im to old to be single, and life has past me by. My mind is wandering all day.. i have no clue what to think or do. The days are extremely long, because I feel like I have nothing to do with myself.

I was single when I was 30 after a failed 5 year relationship. It became one of the best years of my life. I traveled the country and explored outdoor sports that became passions again that I had lost track of in my 20s. I settled back down after a year of travel and a year later met my now partner (when I was 32). I'm 36 now and have a 3 month old baby with her. Life didn't pass me by. It won't for you either as long as you stay pro-active and drive forward to what you want.

Allow yourself some recovery time and then blast forward with passion into the life YOU want.

 

[LK3]

i totally want to tease you about parts of your post but its only because im in a similar situation. lol

right now in no way am i speaking from experience, cus this is big fucking experiment, but! i have put some thought into it! lol

im 40. i have lived with one woman or another for a lil more then the last 20 years... in all honesty i really have not been single for more then a few months put together in that time. not intentionally form my perspective, i just meet someone and then by accident we end up together for some time, like they come over one night n never leave... lol

i wont go through the details of my past year but its been super fucked up, super super super fucked up.... lol

lost everything and had my life tuned upside down by a vengful x.
was accidentally living with another chick shortly after splitting with the first.

weird shit happend and that ended i finally find my self solo in a new place.

this is not a one time event. this has basically been repeated in some way for the last 20 fucking years... over literally 10,000+ miles of running in circles various states, various countries various states of conciousness. all fucking repeating different flavors of the same fucked up shit!!! :lightbulb::banghead:

its a mother fucker cus you trick yourself in the head but you cant run from you! and it can be kinda tricky to find you, in order to do it you need to get real honest and real critical, then real discaplined... :banghead:

so many fucking circles and so much insantiy has past, i cant keep it up, lol really i want things differnt, stable, calm happy. i have no idea what that shit is, and in reality its my fault.

ive been where youve been dude, and its fucking maddening, stuck on your parents or someones couch, nothing besides work and lonlyness...

you get desperate, then you end up repeating your same old behaviors. if you do this you will never escape the loop.

for me this doesnt just include women...
women are often an accident. lol
it isnt that i go searching for them, really most of my relationships they have persued me, badly. lol

i put myself in odd situations when i get paniced or crazy or whatever i end up doing something or putting myself in places to make wierd things happen.

one day i was buying some necesary things for my new place. like a plate, a fork, a glass... lol yes a.

random store, pretty girl, blinky blinky.
was in a bad mood and kind of head fucked over recent events so was turning away from this blinky blinky. but an older women working at the counter atacked me with questions...who/what/where/ why... why only one fork? lol dont you want company? no girl in your life... hhmmm :lightbulb:

by accident i had to go back there a few times... happened to be close to the house and needed things... going back more then once i realized how pretty and then some this lil blinky was and she seemed kind of interesting...

dear lord...

im board, im lonely, i have no distraction... i find some excuse for some other thing i "need" . its pretty clear things seem like a go, not garenteed but... ya know...:headbang:

now i was moving with intent, sort of driven, walking towards this store... and it hit me. i have not one normal thing to tell this girl, there is no way around the getting to know you stuff and and my getting to know you stuff is.... eh.. a big part of the reason im living ground hawg day for 20 fucking years.

this is what i do!
this and the whole situation really only provide the setting for fucked up insanty.

my options are lie about every fucking thing and be a person who im not or have to repeat the same process, explain who what where why, bring my shitty past into a new situation thus repeating the basic thing. there is no way for this to logically turn out different.

i went home!
i laughed and im still kinda laughing.
it is frustrating to be sort of isolated but necesary if i actually want change.
in order to not repeat the same shit, i need create it, i need to be different, i have to be honest, these things arent accidents, i create them, by putting myself in these situations with these sorts of people:lightbulb:

so dude, do you really want to change?
shit isnt happening by accident, it sounds like you need to get your shit together regardless of where you are.

if you been in relationship since 16 so mom, chick, chick, mom, is that what you want?

do you want the girl thats gona jump up and down n fall in love with a you that you dont even really know? with a you that is maybe scared to be alone and desperate for company, any company...

dont get me wrong i like living with a girl, thats the problem. lol
i like the fucked up things, i like the intensity, i like teasing and the intrege of it all.... but fuck i dont like the results, i relaly dont like starting from zero over and over and over again. im old! i thought i was past all this shit! :banghead:

i tried to be past it, i tried to be good! i tried to be differnent!

ummm no. lol
not really
i tricked myself to think i was doing it different.
change the setting, change the space, same old fucking me.

i could lie to myself and find little ways to support the idea of change but to me that seems like a person quitting "drugs" and turing to alcahol, ciggarettes and bad food, they changed!... yeah right. lol

different flavors of the same shit.
i cant answer your question.
only you can answer it, and you cant answer it now either. lol
this isnt a one time thing, its a process, you need to create a new you.

if not you will just keep repeating the same relation ship that landed you on moms couch. or end up with some sort of other repressed missery/fuckedupness. lol

30 is is young. i got ten years on you and i only really feel old when i realize the ppl im with at 10-15-more years younger... lol

get right with you brotha, its some hard shit. you will probably be better for it.

get on your feet, get your own place, dont be dependent on another person for anything.

ideally if you want a family you want your family dependent on you, father, husband, man, etc. cant do that for real until you are good/right/strong as you the individual..

:star-w:rs

 

[danieltx]

You obviously have some emotional issues to deal with given your breakups, being scared of being single, etc.

But you are totally right about moving to a big city. At 30 and in the medical field you should be pretty good financially, and with no kids your responsibilities are limited. That lets you take advantage of a big city. Taking advantage of it is how you make new friends, find new girls, etc. There's more opportunity to advance in your career, more opportunity to better yourself, more opportunity to live life in general.

Whether you're into art, music, sports, bars, whatever - a major city will have stuff going on every night. And getting out there and doing it will go a long way towards getting you over your past hardships, making you realize how much is out there, etc.

I'm 31, financially secure, no kids, in one of the biggest cities in the country. Just this month I've been to an NBA game, 2 concerts, a fashion show, art gallery opening, museum, 3 nights out partying until 4-5AM, and Saturday night I got a blowjob on the roof of a building in the skyline 18 stories up.

There's a world of experiences out there waiting for you, but you have to take action if you want the things in your head to become reality. Life hasn't passed you by, you're not too old. You can have an awesome life if you set yourself up for it - work hard, find the right place to be, and meet the right people.

It's ok to feel like shit right now, do it for a day or 2. Then take control and figure our where you're going.

Make the life you want happen, don't let life happen to you like everybody else does.

 

[NEMSZ]

To simplify what some people have said;

1) you’re definitely not too old, get that shit out of your head. I know guys in their 40’s in good shape who pull 25 year old hot ass all day.. My uncle is 54 and in really good shape and his girl is 24...

2) Of course because you’ve been codependent so long it’s going to suck for a bit, but embrace it and learn from it. IT WILL PASS

3) Take advantage of your situation to the fullest, I had a buddy of mine who’s successful but older tell me;

“Wait to have kids and settle down, if you’re successful and keep in good shape, your 30’s is like your 20’s but with way more money and more experience, therefore way more fun.”

Like I said in your other thread... TRAVEL...

 

[johnjuanb1]

Get a dog or a cat. They’re very good friends. All they want to do is love you and make you happy. 30 is young. Don’t feel you have to get in a marriage fast due to your age. A big city will give you lots of opportunity to meet women and have a social life but i would heal first. Lifting weights and cardio daily is great for mental sanity. I’ve been depressed my whole adult life. Try not to dwell on things. Take mini vacations to places you would consider moving to before committing. Hang in there! Take life one day at a time.

 

[maldorf]

Get a dog or a cat. They’re very good friends. All they want to do is love you and make you happy. 30 is young. Don’t feel you have to get in a marriage fast due to your age. A big city will give you lots of opportunity to meet women and have a social life but i would heal first. Lifting weights and cardio daily is great for mental sanity. I’ve been depressed my whole adult life. Try not to dwell on things. Take mini vacations to places you would consider moving to before committing. Hang in there! Take life one day at a time.

Yeah, I think a pet would be good as long as taking care of it isn't too much for you. I think a cat would be great. We have 3. With cats you can go away on a 3 day weekend and just leave them alone with plenty of food, water, and perhaps a second clean litter box. They take care of themselves very well. With a dog youll have to worry about someone letting the dog out etc.