married for 6 years to stay or go

stephenj37826 · Sep 13, 2009

i have been with my wife for seven years married for six. everything was good the first three years but as time passes she her attitude has gotten worse. she has three boys 23 21 14 . the oldest moved in with this 60 year old man who i am pretty sure supplies his pill habbit. the 21 year old moved back in and brought his girlfriend and her 2 year old daughter with him. niether him or his girlfriend will work so now i am feeding 6 people and im the only one who works. if that was all i could live withit but its not. since my oldest step son moved in with the old man she stay up there ass. sometimes she wont come home until 11:30 12:00 at night. she has cooked for me 2 times in the last month. we get into arguments over me not working around the house after i get home. i am gone 12 hours a day 6 days a week. she bitches at me and the ones that do live with us dont get up til noon. if i say anything she says i hate her kids blah blah blah. i dont see anything changing and i am misserable. i just feel bad because i think she does love me but im like 10th in her life and i cant live like this.

FeverishFlux · Sep 13, 2009

To the curb with her, pronto! You have no children between you, forget her and her kids who have soaked up all her attention. Your wife has got to be your best friend(i swear i thought that's what it meant), you simply cannot be way down the ladder of importance with her messed up family.
She doesn't work, you work. Cut this off right now and end your suffering. She's let you know where you are on her list of important ppl, take that as a message. If you and her aren't talking to each other about the extended family situation, you aren't important enough to include in it. You're the guy she married, not part of the family.
Serve her with the D-papers. You have nothing to lose outside your 401k depending on how long you were married. Her and the adult children can live happily ever after someplace else.
If she were seriously yours, she would include and work with you about everything she was dealing with, the kids and all.
I would never let my wife's ADULT kids take away from my quality of life in my own house.

ericraven2003 · Sep 13, 2009

If she cared about your feelings, she would not let you be taken advantage of by her rotten kids. Get out.

stephenj37826 · Sep 13, 2009

i was thinking the same thing just wanted to make sure i am not over reacting. it just sucks because i didnt want to be one of those guys thats been married ten times you know.

EasyEJL · Sep 13, 2009

I'd come help you pack if you were close enough

if you need more than your partner is ready willing and able to give, the sooner you find someone who can the better

prime · Sep 13, 2009

Run!! Forest Run!!

MissyM · Sep 14, 2009

I'd give it one more shot, then leave.

stephenj37826 · Sep 14, 2009

ericraven2003 said:
If she cared about your feelings, she would not let you be taken advantage of by her rotten kids. Get out.

no shit. You would not believe how they acted when they had to pay there part of the cell phone bill once in three years. She will run to the oldest one if he needs a can of snuff. now the old man is getting tired of the oldest one and he will be moving back in soon as well. If i ask them to help on the bills that they create its like F U buddy. I mean if i listed all the bullshit it would take 2 pages to type out the last couple of months.

stephenj37826 · Sep 14, 2009

MissyM said:
I'd give it one more shot, then leave.

well i know she is faithful and that is hard to find. well i told her how i feel about her up at the old mans house all the time and she will come home early for one or two days then right back to the same ole same ole. If i do leave im not coming back so do i give it all to her and forget it or what. She had a house paid for which we sold to start the on we have now. The one i live in now is worth about 700k. hers was worth 185k.

j18extreme · Sep 14, 2009

Aside from your heart what are you thinking ? Happiness is not in this house ,you need to look outside the box and look at your life is it all worth it .. Its something you have to decide .God bless and stay strong and stand by what makes you happy even if its being alone ..

triathloncoach · Sep 14, 2009

Stay or Go

Make a list of what must change and show it to her. Ask her what she wants from you - change wise.

If you don't start seeing significant changes in the family dynamic you are in big trouble. IMO - intolerable trouble.

thebrick · Sep 14, 2009

stephenj37826 said:
i think she does love me but im like 10th in her life and i cant live like this.

If she really loved you, you would not be #10 in her life.

EVERLAST · Sep 14, 2009

ditto...

What Brick said...
She's got to change things or you got to go...

tenny · Sep 14, 2009

i feel bad man, but......you can only blame yourself

why on earth would you LET this happen!!!???!!!
put a fuckin foot down bro....come on

fix it or move on

respectively, of course

bigbencher · Sep 14, 2009

Get OUT NOW!!!!!! If she has access to your bank account drain it before you leave! If you have a lot of assets put them in someone else's name! She will get half of all your shit and you will still be supporting her because she doesn't work....I feel for you bro, but theres no other choice the way I see it...

stephenj37826 · Oct 9, 2009

well i might be able to put the house in my dads name because my name is the only one on it. if i do that before i file for divorce will she be able to get the house anyways? I am willing to give her enough to buy a 1800 square foot house and all the furniture plus her vehicles. is that not good enough? I mean if we auction the house in this economy niether of us will come out with anything.

EasyEJL · Oct 9, 2009

stephenj37826 said:
well i might be able to put the house in my dads name because my name is the only one on it. if i do that before i file for divorce will she be able to get the house anyways? I am willing to give her enough to buy a 1800 square foot house and all the furniture plus her vehicles. is that not good enough? I mean if we auction the house in this economy niether of us will come out with anything.

so long as she is reasonable yeah. Really putting it into your dad's name won't help much, the courts have the right/ability to reverse title changes done in the last year if I recall correctly. So its more about getting her to agree to it.

Diesel City · Oct 9, 2009

Well, I'll go against the grain here. I'd like to recommend a book. "The Love Dare".

Amazon.com: The Love Dare (9780805448856): Stephen Kendrick, Alex Kendrick: Books

There was a reason you fell in love in the first place. You can find it again. But you have to start somewhere and both be willing to work on it. JMO man. Life is tough, and I don't think anything worth having comes easy.

stephenj37826 · Oct 9, 2009

i watched the movie about the love dare. The thing is my wife still stays around this old dude and now he asked me and her to drive him to KY. The problem is i have to work and he probably knows that so my wife asked me if she could take him and stay three days!!!! I mean come on trust only goes so far and when i a say old hes 59 my wife is 40. Her son would be with her but what man could sleep at night knowing his wife was out of town with another man. My wife pretty much tells me shes going to do what she wants and if i dont like it so what.