That's not how that works in my experience. No one seems to want to tolerate or be around someone that is better than them at anything. People want to surround themselves with people they can convince themselves are less than them so they can feel better about their station. I also, if you recall, do not drink, and I hate even being around it at ALL. Over the years I've become pretty convinced that that in and of itself is a lot of the why I am where I am. People really seem to love poisoning themselves. I don't know what to do with that.
I was pretty effectively taught the lie that you should always be yourself and someone will love you for it, so no...I'm not good at relationships.
Of course I like her, I love her very much. And yes I laugh with her routinely, not so sure bout this 'play' business lol. I do enjoy doing things with her but I fear she has perhaps lied about or overstated her enjoyment of those things just bc she knew I wanted to do them in the past. At the end of the day, the truth is when you have a job and do bodybuilding in an attempt to do it well at all, there isn't a lot more time (especially on weekdays). So if she doesn't want to lift with me or can't, I feel less connected.
Am I supposed to train less so that I can not be alone? Training keeps me sane and I'd be long dead without it.
Well if I exist on the male side I'd think something similar would exist on the female side. I guess it is orders of magnitude easier for them to get laid though.
I don't understand letting oneself go. AT ALL. I have a responsibility to that partner to look good for them.
Understand, I'm not unsympathetic to your situation at all. But if I just use your own words, I see you in a catch 22. On one hand, you say people are searching for someone to feel superior to. On the other hand, you say you are usually the superior one, or just perhaps have the "upper hand" in the relationship.
Yet everything I've seen and been taught is the exact opposite. I find that even from an evolutionary perspective, both men and women try to date above their league. This ensures you not only carry on your genes or even improve on them by 'marrying up' or dating up and have a hottie by your side. I have never known people who want to date down because that ensures inferior offspring. And it's not as if we're cognizant of these factors but they're visible through our behavior.
I'll suggest a goal for anyone reading this. Work to have enough confidence to ALLOW your gal to win. To be her punching bag. Run her errands. Let her use you while you maintain your
unshakable confidence. Why? Because if you do that, she'll "owe" you. Even if she's not cognitively aware of it, she'll feel it. And there will be nothing she won't do for you. It may sound manipulative, but having unshakeable confidence and seeing those things for what they are is perfectly normal. In fact, "turning the other cheek" (so to speak) is the loving thing to do.
It's not a race, it's a marathon. And while it appears she beating up on you, you know deep down that it is you that is allowing it. This allows people to NEED you. It's not a war, or a competition, it's a relationship. Relationships will bring out the very best, and the worst, you can be. But armed with your self-esteem intact, and your unwavering confidence, you will have control. And so will she. And control is something we have to share in our relationships just like everything else.