Animal Diaries

[Shelby]

DOG DIARY
7:00 AM - Outside! My favorite thing!
8:00 AM - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 AM - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 AM - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 AM - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
2:00 PM - Looked out the window and barked! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
4:00 PM - Chased a bird out of the tree! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 PM - Watched my people eat! My favorite thing!
6:20 PM - Table scraps! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat,while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only
thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they
merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
Bast-rds!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that
my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormenters by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog continues to receive special privileges. He is regularly released -
and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously freakin' retarded.

 

[tomuchgear]

thats funny cats are evil.

 

[oldfella]

DOG DIARY
7:00 AM - Outside! My favorite thing!
8:00 AM - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 AM - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 AM - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 AM - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
2:00 PM - Looked out the window and barked! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
4:00 PM - Chased a bird out of the tree! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 PM - Watched my people eat! My favorite thing!
6:20 PM - Table scraps! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat,while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only
thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they
merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
Bast-rds!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that
my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormenters by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog continues to receive special privileges. He is regularly released -
and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously freakin' retarded.

HAHAHAHAHHAA, too funny. You obviously have far too much time on your hands.......LOL!

 

[alecaf]

One of the funniest things ive read in a long time. LMFAOUENDSKYE!!!

 

[gridlock]

LMAO

so true about cats being scheming.

mine sit there and eyeball me when i'm watching tv.

blatantly plotting escape

 

[hotttsauce]

DOG DIARY
7:00 AM - Outside! My favorite thing!
8:00 AM - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 AM - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 AM - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 AM - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
2:00 PM - Looked out the window and barked! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
4:00 PM - Chased a bird out of the tree! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 PM - Watched my people eat! My favorite thing!
6:20 PM - Table scraps! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat,while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only
thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they
merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
Bast-rds!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that
my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormenters by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog continues to receive special privileges. He is regularly released -
and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously freakin' retarded.

FRICKIN HILARIOUS!

 

[b-boy]

damn that sounds like my cat dutches! too damn funny man, and yes i agree with dale shelby you have waaaaaaayyyyy to much time on your hands

 

[Shelby]

Glad you guys liked it
I can't take credit for it though - it was forwarded to me from a friend.

 

[Sassy]

Shelby, that's great! LOL

thats funny cats are evil.

I beg to differ... my kitty is a sweetheart! Everlast would agree with you.

Whenever he starts to pet her, she turns her head away from him... He says that she is saying, "Not the mama, FU!"

 

[mo chuisle]

My kitties look so innocent all the time, it's hard to imagine them thinking those evil thoughts ... but who really knows?!

 

[cslim]

Pretty much sums up my dog! lol! although right now he's too worn out from camping and hiking and river wading that he does NOT want to move! lol!

Great post!