To everyone that has taken an interest/shown care, compassion and thought I sincerely appreciate it. Bananas I greatly appreciate your wisdom, me posting that was foolish at best and removing it was the right call.
@cage99 This is still an uphill battle in all sincerity. There is no relationship what-so-ever with my biological mother and my "father" told me to never contact them again. I am now 36 years old, I left home at 17 and have had minimal contact with them since so there is no change to relationship status/pattern of life from this discovery. "Father" has two biological children and "has done enough for me". My biological father, I hate to say it, seems genuinely interested in beginning a relationship with me - I fear my level of interest/dedication to the relationship does not match his and I do not wish to hurt his feelings.
Over the past several years my friendships have essentially turned into my family, love and respect based off of shares struggles of a very small group of men. In conjunction with this I married into a Spanish/Mexican family, who has essentially adopted me. I swear at times I am more a part of my wife's family than she is. Respectfully, I simply do not have anything in common with my "biological" father outside of music tastes and a love of diving...
@bananas007 To respond to your post mate. I will be the first to admit it - my life is damn easy at this point. To the JK Rowling quote, I have no blame at this point. In all sincerity simply confusion and I will freely admit a level of pain. I have 17 deployments under my belt now; with as much humility as I can muster I have zero emotional/mental problems from this in the slightest. I have this incessant desire to prove myself worthy though to "father" that simply will not be abated. I look back on my childhood and just don't understand how a grown man who is respected in his community can have so much hatred for a child. Never got into trouble growing up, no run ins with the police, home every night by 8PM, full time work, straight A student for the most part. One of his favorite lines I mentioned above "Haven't I done enough for you". Actually had a dream/flash back last night. He would frequently drop me off in his vehicles (of the type PMd about) to essentially flirt with the other soccer moms. I remember one week I got into trouble for having a bite of a sandwhich in a classroom (legitimately that was it). Biological mother that the appropriate punishment was to with-hold lunch money for a week and not allow me to bring a lunch. I remember telling him I was starving and him just coldly looking at me "That isn't my problem, we do enough for you". Its' created this issue with me and the ability so to speak to "be loved", it sounds ridiculous to say out loud but how can someone feel worthy of love when in their most pure and innocent form growing up they weren't worth loving?
Does it sound ridiculous to say out loud? Absolutely. But does it haunt me worse than anything else? Unfortunately so.
I'm rambling now and I apologize...
Bananas it saddens me to hear you are also going through your own turmoil as it seems a large chunk of us are. If we can do anything at all for you in the slightest please don't hesitate to post up.
Stackdizzy I appreciate the kind words and wisdom sir.
If I missed anyone in my response I sincerely apologize. Posts were made. Posts were deleted. I'm
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