Damn Mike sorry to hear that. I really hope you get well, you are one of the most knowledgeable guys on the board and always willing to help. Hate to hear you go through this...
I have also had my problems with opiates. Being stuck on that much suboxone is tough bro, the withdrawls from that can be terrible and last much longer than regular opiate withdrawls. You are 100% correct, on that much suboxone you wont feel any dose of opiate. A couple 80mg Oxy's would do absolutely nothing for you. When you get well you should really try to taper down on the suboxone dose, if you dont mind me asking why are you taking such a high dose so many years after you got off the opiates?
I never attempted to taper down--just figured I would stay on for life. Prior to using buprenorphine, there was a period where I was clean for about 5 years without any chemical assistance--and I never went back to normal. Even 5 years later, my brain still craved opiates intensely and my sleep patterns were a mess. Basically, it was a constant fight against the addiction.
So, I figured I would rather just stay at a dose of buprenorphine that made me feel normal and deal with the physical side effects (which are non-life threatening), rather than spend the rest of my life fighting an addiction I don't want, but can't get rid of.
What was the alternative? Continue to wake up every 1-2 hours every night with chronic insomnia and fight my brain's now permanent requirement for opiates without ever attaining a full sense of inner peace? Research now shows that long-term opiate addiction re-wires the brain's hardware--changes the way it functions so that it requires opiates for proper functioning. It becomes a part of the individual's physiology...and it never goes away, even after long-term cessation of opiate use.
Personally, I would rather live my life on Buprenorphine and just deal with the sides. It's really no different than any other kind of medication. I don't get high, I don't feel anything, it just meets a need, so that I feel normal. It completely removes all cravings for any other opiates. I feel the way I used to feel before I got addicted to opiates.
To me, this is greatly preferable to a life-time of fighting against your own newly re-wired brain chemistry, requiring years of support groups and N.A meetings just to keep yourself from relapsing, all while fighting the ever-present temptation for opiates, for ever. Sure, after 5 years it is much easier to fight the addiction than during the first 30 days, but anyone who has been that heavily addicted, but is now clean, even 20 years later, will tell you that their battle never ends. Screw that.
I have known many, many addicts who, if they stay clean, end up having to do so much work just to maintain their sobriety (and often end up relapsing--usually multiple times), that their life is consumed by it. They are a slave to the fight for sobriety as much as they were a slave to the addiction.
So, I made a choice that I would I would rather put up with some moderate side effects than struggle all the days of my life against a battle that would never go away and from which I could never find true relief. Once your brain has been re-programmed for opiate addiction, you can never return to normalcy, so why fight a battle that can never really be won, when you can just contain it, end the fight, and live a productive, normal life?