I drank heavily for 40 years, alcoholic from first sip (age 13) to last (age 53). Sober five years now.
Luckily Im a rare one I guess, no cravings and the thought of it now makes me sick (Once the dry out period ended). So many years wasted.
I was also very functional, still trained each day (albeit many were while wasted) still worked (same) but I functioned.
Just did it 5-6 nights a week 'til hammered or blackout, for like, forever. A good liver, I lucked out. AST/ALT at 23 each.
If you are saying these things you need to get to rehab. You will end up in jail or dead.
My ex-band mate just killed someone in a DUI crash, he's going to jail, and another family is in turmoil over an innocent life lost.
This shite is no joke, its deadly...