Can't get over Ex

[Ruhlfreak55]

So she broke up with me at the end of April....and I can't even pretend to "move on". I keep myself busy obviously with any number of things at this point (work, new house, selling old house, training, etc.)...but thoughts of her creep in in the points between, which are numerous. I'm at a point where I legitimately don't know what to do. She won't communicate with me (has me blocked on stuff, ignores texts) at this point, and I never really got any REAL closure. I don't honestly know if she convinced herself I raped her at once point (I didn't, if anyone ever says NO, STOP, at all I halt all activity and check in or just stop) or what. She acted like we weren't compatible in a lot of ways, and maybe that's true, but I also love her dearly and I don't throw the L word around.

To me honestly saying you Love someone is extremely serious, I pretty much swear fealty to that person on some level if I'm saying that.

I could just go to her house obviously, but I feel like that's being disrespectful....the on the other hand maybe her warped senses of love and caring WANT (or wanted at some point) me to do that? I just don't get it.

I've never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months (and maybe 2 of those), so having been with her for ~2.5 years it just feels like a whole chunk of you is missing and I don't really know how to get over it...or if I even should. A lot of me thinks that was my one chance at this point, to not be alone for the duration, and I NEVER wanted to be alone forever. Just me and her (and kids or whatever) against the world? Hell yea, but alone? Never thought I would be here.

I feel like it should have been made abundantly apparent my whole life that if you don't find someone in hs or college that you aren't finding anyone.

And while I'd like to think I could really whore it up, it just isn't even fun for me and I'm fairly certain I would just be thinking of her. Plus the fact that I will not drink or be around it limits the opportunity for that anyway.

I'm just kind of venting at this point, I don't really expect anyone to solve my problems for me.

 

[hevi-head]

Bro, If she’s blocked you on everything THAT’S your closure. Do NOT go to her house and risk a restraining order.
We’ve all been there before and it’s definitely a sick feeling but I promise you, this too shall come to pass.

 

[Ruhlfreak55]

Bro, If she’s blocked you on everything THAT’S your closure. Do NOT go to her house and risk a restraining order.
We’ve all been there before and it’s definitely a sick feeling but I promise you, this too shall come to pass.

No offense, but that's not closure to my brain in any way. Closure is knowing why, not just the facts of the situation.

Also I'm sure she wouldn't immediately go to a restraining order situation...I realize you guys have zero insight into her but she's just not that type of person. If I did it more than once, or was violent maybe, but not how I'd approach it. I've kept myself from even driving by her house so I'm fairly proud of that given how much I miss her.

 

[mexbeast]

I had my youngest brother die and that is THE Worst experience any one has to go through. Why do I mentioned it? Because sometimes you just have to accept the lose and do what you can to move on. It will get better if you do what you can to move on

 

[SDRaver]

"don't honestly know if she convinced herself I raped her at one point"

"No offense, but that's not closure to my brain"

"I've kept myself from even driving by her house so I'm fairly proud of that given how much I miss her."

Those are all your words.

At 51 I have been married, divorced, experienced a stillbirth, had a woman try to convince me a child she had with somebody else was mine, was a team sergeant of a team that got 4 purple hearts in two days with two of those teammates literally losing their heads and one of them losing their leg. Oh and one of those teammates that got killed took my spot because I was wounded two days prior. With that...... there's no going back

Closure is either acceptance and moving on or a crutch for those that can't.

I'm sure some Jaws dropped here to see someone talk about a relationship and the notion of rape in that relationship.

Going by a person's house that cuts off all forms of communication with you is stalking and has nothing to do with love.

You can either keep your distance from her or put yourself in a situation where the courts will give you a stern reminder to.

 

[Ruhlfreak55]

"don't honestly know if she convinced herself I raped her at one point"

"No offense, but that's not closure to my brain"

"I've kept myself from even driving by her house so I'm fairly proud of that given how much I miss her."

Those are all your words.

At 51 I have been married, divorced, experienced a stillbirth, had a woman try to convince me a child she had with somebody else was mine, was a team sergeant of a team that got 4 purple hearts in two days with two of those teammates literally losing their heads and one of them losing their leg. Oh and one of those teammates that got killed took my spot because I was wounded two days prior. With that...... there's no going back

Closure is either acceptance and moving on or a crutch for those that can't.

I'm sure some Jaws dropped here to see someone talk about a relationship and the notion of rape in that relationship.

Going by a person's house that cuts off all forms of communication with you is stalking and has nothing to do with love.

You can either keep your distance from her or put yourself in a situation where the courts will give you a stern reminder to.

The only thing that achieved was make me look up and question whether my definition of closure is wrong. Not helpful, and if you think I'm dumb enough to EVER put myself in a situation where a court gets to decide something you're confused.

 

[gains4000]

Once a woman thinks you NEED her she loses respect for you. Women hate desperation. You need to move on and start meeting new girls.
You win some you lose some but you live to fight another day.

 

[Bioactive]

Once a woman thinks you NEED her she loses respect for you. Women hate desperation. You need to move on and start meeting new girls.
You win some you lose some but you live to fight another day.

this....your going to look back a year or two from now and wonder why you were being such a pussy. I went through this before, we all have. Now she is trying come back around 6-7 years later and i'm asking myself what i ever saw in her in the first place. It's literally nauseating.

The more you dwell on this, the deeper the hole you are digging for yourself. Do yourself a favor and man up and appreciate what you have.

 

[MAD_SCIENTIST]

So she broke up with me at the end of April....and I can't even pretend to "move on". I keep myself busy obviously with any number of things at this point (work, new house, selling old house, training, etc.)...but thoughts of her creep in in the points between, which are numerous. I'm at a point where I legitimately don't know what to do. She won't communicate with me (has me blocked on stuff, ignores texts) at this point, and I never really got any REAL closure. I don't honestly know if she convinced herself I raped her at once point (I didn't, if anyone ever says NO, STOP, at all I halt all activity and check in or just stop) or what. She acted like we weren't compatible in a lot of ways, and maybe that's true, but I also love her dearly and I don't throw the L word around.

To me honestly saying you Love someone is extremely serious, I pretty much swear fealty to that person on some level if I'm saying that.

I could just go to her house obviously, but I feel like that's being disrespectful....the on the other hand maybe her warped senses of love and caring WANT (or wanted at some point) me to do that? I just don't get it.

I've never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months (and maybe 2 of those), so having been with her for ~2.5 years it just feels like a whole chunk of you is missing and I don't really know how to get over it...or if I even should. A lot of me thinks that was my one chance at this point, to not be alone for the duration, and I NEVER wanted to be alone forever. Just me and her (and kids or whatever) against the world? Hell yea, but alone? Never thought I would be here.

I feel like it should have been made abundantly apparent my whole life that if you don't find someone in hs or college that you aren't finding anyone.

And while I'd like to think I could really whore it up, it just isn't even fun for me and I'm fairly certain I would just be thinking of her. Plus the fact that I will not drink or be around it limits the opportunity for that anyway.

I'm just kind of venting at this point, I don't really expect anyone to solve my problems for me.

@Ruhlfreak55 ... the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone.

MS

 

[Ruhlfreak55]

Once a woman thinks you NEED her she loses respect for you. Women hate desperation. You need to move on and start meeting new girls.
You win some you lose some but you live to fight another day.

I guess I'm doomed then (in a relationship sense) because to me that's part of Love. I don't understand why no one seems to be able to be a rational, thinking person. You'd be hard pressed to find any kind of "well men are like X" statement that I fall into just because I'm male.

 

[Ruhlfreak55]

this....your going to look back a year or two from now and wonder why you were being such a pussy. I went through this before, we all have. Now she is trying come back around 6-7 years later and i'm asking myself what i ever saw in her in the first place. It's literally nauseating.

The more you dwell on this, the deeper the hole you are digging for yourself. Do yourself a favor and man up and appreciate what you have.

I do very much appreciate what I have, I would just like what I have to not include forever single-ness. At this point I'll never even be able to have a 50 year anniversary.....and many other things. And that's sad.

 

[hevi-head]

I do very much appreciate what I have, I would just like what I have to not include forever single-ness. At this point I'll never even be able to have a 50 year anniversary.....and many other things. And that's sad.

Just curious, how old are you?

 

[Brock456]

I do very much appreciate what I have, I would just like what I have to not include forever single-ness. At this point I'll never even be able to have a 50 year anniversary.....and many other things. And that's sad.

Women come and go. We’ve all been there before. Take the time to enjoy yourself (as hard as that may sound right now)
Go out, meet women, fuck everything that walks, have fun, laugh. Women love a man who’s having a good time, confident.

If it’s meant to be she will come back around. If not, who cares, there’s plenty others out there.

Most importantly stay in the gym.

 

[Ruhlfreak55]

Just curious, how old are you?

mid thirties

 

[mexbeast]

I guess I'm doomed then (in a relationship sense) because to me that's part of Love. I don't understand why no one seems to be able to be a rational, thinking person. You'd be hard pressed to find any kind of "well men are like X" statement that I fall into just because I'm male.

From this i gather you want someone to just feel sorry for you, and don't want to see accept reality. If 10 guys tell you the truth, why would you think they are wrong and you are right?

 

[Ruhlfreak55]

From this i gather you want someone to just feel sorry for you, and don't want to see accept reality. If 10 guys tell you the truth, why would you think they are wrong and you are right?

I didn't say he was wrong, it's still bullshit. I don't want to be alone, will I ever not want to not be alone bad enough to basically play these "mind" games with people that can't control their base instincts (or whatever we want to deem them)? No. I don't think I will.

 

[Hatchet]

How the F**k do rape accusations slide into it here, that seems very odd to even mention...

 

[Bioactive]

I do very much appreciate what I have, I would just like what I have to not include forever single-ness. At this point I'll never even be able to have a 50 year anniversary.....and many other things. And that's sad.

Why on earth would you ever want to get married in the first place? Marriage is nothing but an insurance policy for stay at home moms. I think your dealing with the harsh realities of life more so than the loss of your gf. Emotional growth is not easy, and that is what you are going through. You'll be fine.

 

[Ruhlfreak55]

How the F**k do rape accusations slide into it here, that seems very odd to even mention...

acted like she said no to anal one of the EXTREMELY few times we actually did it (as an anecdote WAY after the fact, so far I don't even know which of the few instances she was even referencing). I think she literally made it up in here head after the fact bc like I said if anyone says "NO" to me I stop immediately.

 

[Ruhlfreak55]

Why on earth would you ever want to get married in the first place? Marriage is nothing but an insurance policy for stay at home moms. I think your dealing with the harsh realities of life more so than the loss of your gf. Emotional growth is not easy, and that is what you are going through. You'll be fine.

I've always wanted to be married...or at least have a life partner. I have almost no ACTUAL desire to have sex outside of a relationship. I can talk all day like a giant whore but doing it? Not so much.