OT - Helping a Loved One with Depression

[Samson250]

I mean this without malice - I think you need to walk away. You’re not married and don’t have kids. You can’t waste your life trying to help someone who can’t or doesn’t want to be helped. I know it’s easy for me to say sitting over here but life is short my dude. At the end of the day you need to do what’s best for you. Because I guarantee if you stay and keep banging your head against the wall you will end resenting her anyways.

I cut from my ex wife because I knew she wouldn’t. You’re 100% on point with this.

Even if breaking up makes her “worse” afterwards it has to be done.

 

[Sully1234]

As much as I felt stupid starting I have been journaling in a fashion for about a month and it’s really helped. I was a bit stressed and pissed at things and overthinking. I basically did a huge brain dump day 1 and waffles rubbish about what was bugging me and I’ve don’t it everyday since. Helped a bit certainly first couple of weeks. Felt like something had lifted

Good for you. I think this would help her too like what Huberman talked about. She had a really traumatic experience this time 2 years ago and hasnt been the same since.

 

[Sully1234]

I mean this without malice - I think you need to walk away. You’re not married and don’t have kids. You can’t waste your life trying to help someone who can’t or doesn’t want to be helped. I know it’s easy for me to say sitting over here but life is short my dude. At the end of the day you need to do what’s best for you. Because I guarantee if you stay and keep banging your head against the wall you will end resenting her anyways.

I understand and sometimes I think about it but then we have a great day or weeks and I'm hopeful.

I agree... but admittedly I'm stubborn and a very far ways off from giving up.

 

[Samson250]

I understand and sometimes I think about it but then we have a great day or weeks and I'm hopeful.

I agree... but admittedly I'm stubborn and a very far ways off from giving up.

In that case stop trying to change HER behavior and focus 100% on being a partner who adapts to HER rather than expecting her to change into what YOU want.

There’s no cure man. This is your relationship now. Can’t fight that.

 

[goback2013]

In that case stop trying to change HER behavior and focus 100% on being a partner who adapts to HER rather than expecting her to change into what YOU want.

There’s no cure man. This is your relationship now. Can’t fight that.

Tons of guys on PM who posted break up stories with the psycho ex, are all just shaking their head at this thread.

 

[Samson250]

She’s not a psycho.

 

[LK3]

......... what the fuck?

what do you mean?
words form the mouth a real deal crazy person. lol

dont expect to turn a crazy person normal. thats like trying to turn a gay person straight.

you just learn better how to not let your personal shit fuck with other people. probably thats the best case scenario.

i think the real creepy thing is when meds turn a person who is kind of useless crazy into seemingly normal. thats a suspicious mentality.

 

[Gorilla_Waters]

It is a life long struggle and fight. Highs and lows are the normal. There are many things you have not shared about the progress of therapy, why therapy hasn't showed any benefit, what therapy has done, how long has she been in therapy, how often she does therapy, has she switched therapist, what doesn't she like about therapy, does she look forward to therapy sometimes, or does she always dread it, etc.

One method is to break your day into what time blocks are manageable. If she can't look forward to and manage the 24 hours in a day, then break it up to the time she is awake. If that is not possible then break it down to the hour. If that is not manageable then break to the minute. If that is not manageable then break it down to 30 seconds at time. The accomplishment of getting through the time that is manageable is positive reinforcement. Easier said then done for someone with clinical depression. Let alone someone who is suicidal and seems to be having consistent suicidal ideations.

If she is suicidal then keep control any medication she could take. One of woman's favorite choice for ending life is swallowing a bottle full of pills.

Next time she tries to commit suicide call the police to provide emergency mental health services and temporary detention for her because of their mental illness, and who are unable to determine their needs for treatment. She will probably be mad but it is a course of treatment for attempted suicide.

 

[goback2013]

what do you mean?
words form the mouth a real deal crazy person. lol

dont expect to turn a crazy person normal. thats like trying to turn a gay person straight.

you just learn better how to not let your personal shit fuck with other people. probably thats the best case scenario.

i think the real creepy thing is when meds turn a person who is kind of useless crazy into seemingly normal. thats a suspicious mentality.

As a great Seattle.poet once stated...

' no more rides for free...
What's in it for me????!!!! '

In other words stop letting people push you around. Just so they will stay around.
Too much pussy in this world to be crying and sitting in your own shit wondering when she is going to flash out on your ass.

 

[massd1213]

Hold tight to the good memories for reflection when the bad times come. Use those windows of opportunity , the good days and make it count. Unfortunately some times you have go through a ton of meds to find the right fit. It's hell at times and we get inpatient but stick to the plan never stop learning about being bipolar and you yourself are just as important to keep that bond and drive alive.

 

[LK3]

As a great Seattle.poet once stated...

' no more rides for free...
What's in it for me????!!!! '

In other words stop letting people push you around. Just so they will stay around.
Too much pussy in this world to be crying and sitting in your own shit wondering when she is going to flash out on your ass.

i dont know the song. im also not real up on the whats in it for me ideas.
but i do think its important to have strong relationships with strong people.
she sounds week and full of excuses. no time for that.
sounds like you dropped here anyways. prob the best idea.

 

[goback2013]

i dont know the song. im also not real up on the whats in it for me ideas.
but i do think its important to have strong relationships with strong people.
she sounds week and full of excuses. no time for that.
sounds like you dropped here anyways. prob the best idea.

It's basically saying sometimes we have to stop being another's footstool. Be selfish at times in order to preserve ones self and dignity.
Strong relationships are just that.. a strong relationship. Meaning there is two way respect. Not one sided.
But when things become too one sided and the other party begins to take advantage at that point you have to pull back and say.. no more rides for free.

 

[LK3]

Hold tight to the good memories for reflection when the bad times come. Use those windows of opportunity , the good days and make it count. Unfortunately some times you have go through a ton of meds to find the right fit. It's hell at times and we get inpatient but stick to the plan never stop learning about being bipolar and you yourself are just as important to keep that bond and drive alive.

i think thats all a terrible idea.
if a person cant keep there shit together with or without drugs they are not doing there part. plain and simple.
learning about bipolar???
how you do that?
these are totally made up ideas, forget the term sickness. we are human. humans are emotional animals that were not designed for the modern world we find ourselves in. the idea of being sick is largely bs propigated by people who make money from said sickness.

wana be healthy? eat good, exercise and do fun drugs ( when applicable )
living on meds to be cool is not the way to go.

 

[LK3]

It's basically saying sometimes we have to stop being another's footstool. Be selfish at times in order to preserve ones self and dignity.
Strong relationships are just that.. a strong relationship. Meaning there is two way respect. Not one sided.
But when things become too one sided and the other party begins to take advantage at that point you have to pull back and say.. no more rides for free.

i just dont like the sound of rides for free.
sometimes we have no money. sometimes we have no home. sometimes we have no job and or no one to talk to. or all that at the same time. as an adult i have gone to absolute zero 4x. going through hard stuff builds charectar. lack of hardship makes for soft people who take advantage of others.
i think better to not use people and yes best not to be used. but sometimes, giving someone a free ride or free lunch is exactly what might help. lol

 

[goback2013]

Right. It's just a figure of speech. But I get what you're saying.
Shit there are times, of no immediate danger, where I'll help someone push a car out of traffic. Especially if it's someone solo looking frustrated, yet blocking others. So with risk assessment, I'll get out yell some type of direction and we get the car out of the way. I don't need thanks or anything. Sometimes it's a pound or a nod. And we go out way.
Now I did get some ass out of it one time.. but that's another story.

 

[LK3]

Right. It's just a figure of speech. But I get what you're saying.
Shit there are times, of no immediate danger, where I'll help someone push a car out of traffic. Especially if it's someone solo looking frustrated, yet blocking others. So with risk assessment, I'll get out yell some type of direction and we get the car out of the way. I don't need thanks or anything. Sometimes it's a pound or a nod. And we go out way.
Now I did get some ass out of it one time.. but that's another story.

brotha, those are the things you dont even tell people.
,)
you do it to do it, not for ass, not tell someone later. really they only count when you dont tell anyone. just do it because its right and move on.

 

[goback2013]

brotha, those are the things you dont even tell people.
,)
you do it to do it, not for ass, not tell someone later. really they only count when you dont tell anyone. just do it because its right and move on.

Sigh. The ass came as a result of forming a relationship with the lady after the fact.
Wasn't looking for anything. Never look for anything. In all those situations, or whatever situation, I do things out of good intentions. I just used those situations as examples of genuinely lending a helping hand. Not the bad guy here. There's is no bad guy here. But it seems you're trying to turn it that way. Anyway. Let me manage my ibuprofen high in peace sir.

 

[LK3]

just simple advise brotha.
all i go by is what you type.
no bad intention.

but while were at it.
i have real problem with people using the word "high" to discus a change of conciouness. let alone from advil?
sometimes how we use words can have insight.

 

[goback2013]

just simple advise brotha.
all i go by is what you type.
no bad intention.

but while were at it.
i have real problem with people using the word "high" to discus a change of conciouness. let alone from advil?
sometimes how we use words can have insight.

Respect

 

[massd1213]

i think thats all a terrible idea.
if a person cant keep there shit together with or without drugs they are not doing there part. plain and simple.
learning about bipolar???
how you do that?
these are totally made up ideas, forget the term sickness. we are human. humans are emotional animals that were not designed for the modern world we find ourselves in. the idea of being sick is largely bs propigated by people who make money from said sickness.

wana be healthy? eat good, exercise and do fun drugs ( when applicable )
living on meds to be cool is not the way to go.

Well thanks for your opinion. We can agree do disagree . At day in the end your mind has looked past the reality of the matter. Learn....read and observe the triggers ect. You use the meds as a tool and the rest is up the individual so ill met ya have way. People that suffer from mental disorders is

i think thats all a terrible idea.
if a person cant keep there shit together with or without drugs they are not doing there part. plain and simple.
learning about bipolar???
how you do that?
these are totally made up ideas, forget the term sickness. we are human. humans are emotional animals that were not designed for the modern world we find ourselves in. the idea of being sick is largely bs propigated by people who make money from said sickness.

wana be healthy? eat good, exercise and do fun drugs ( when applicable )
living on meds to be cool is not the way to go.

Well thanks for your opinion. We can agree do disagree . At day in the end your mind has looked past the reality of the matter. Learn....read and observe the triggers ect. You use the meds as a tool and the rest is up the individual so ill met ya have way.