Why do people who can't be disciplined with their diet annoy me so much?

[OuchThatHurts]

agree with essentially everything here.. but I just wanted to say...


I don't think the bolded parts are as simple as they appear... sure, on the face of things, fat people are simply "enjoying" their lives, and their culinary delights.

however, (not to get political), but the government has essentially made their lifestyle choices our business, by loading the costs of their obesity-related conditions onto our shoulders... my insurance costs have skyrocketed because of the Ponzi scheme/transfer of wealth/transfer of cost that is the ACA.

the NHS in the UK is getting crushed (pun intended) by fatties...

(and smokers.. but that's a different topic).

fat people literally drive up the cost of EVERYTHING for everyone else.

and not to throw in an anecdote or anything...but in my personal experience, fatties have always been the most awful and cruel people. just absolutely toxic.. not jolly or jovial in the slightest. (not really sure how that's relevant to this thread, but I thought it was worth mentioning)



As for OP's girlfriend.. wouldn't you agree that she has an obligation to stay fit and attractive for him (assuming of course, that he does the same)?

IMO, it's just common decency and respect for your partner.

sadly, I hear this same old story FAR too many times from my married guy friends.. they, being far more cynical than I, have come to the conclusion that their wives know that they (the men) would be committing financial suicide through divorce, so they are essentially stuck.

a rather insidious plot... definitely not characteristic of a loving and committed union.

but I digress.

First bolded portion is a cop-out. It's not important to this man's relationship as to what unhealthy people have on the economy. I don't believe she's morbidly obese. If she is, I missed that. Obesity should not be treated as a weakness but rather a health problem, both physical and mental.

The second bolded portion is selfishness on the man's part to expect her to be perfect for him. I don't know to what degree she tries to be sexy, available, and uninhibited in their personal life. I don't know how much of the relationship she is carrying in other ways. What you're saying is kind a 50/50 rule, which is fine to some degree but what is his 50 and what is her 50? We don't know that.

From past posts I've noticed that you are bitter regarding divorces and believe that men always get the shaft. Perhaps that has happened to you. I got divorced and it was the best thing I ever did. In fact, in my divorce, I was entitled to compensation but I never demanded it as I got full custody. Men are not nearly as bound today in fact I believe statistics will show that men in general survive far better as single men than women do as far as quality of living is concerned.

You need to try to remain positive. The negativity in your posts is very apparent. Perhaps with good reason or perhaps not, I don't know. But being positive and giving advice from a position of neutrality is far more effective than trying to help someone from a position of bitterness, anger, or resentment.

 

[little slice]

The second bolded portion is selfishness on the man's part to expect her to be perfect for him.

I completely agree, however, that's not what I said.


I think any reasonable person would agree that a woman has an obligation to stay fit and attractive for her man, if her man stays fit and attractive for her.

if both are fat, then all bets are off. I mean... that's fair... right?


of course, im making the assumption here that OP is not fat himself... or else that would make him a hypocrite, which I hope he is not.


I guess I just don't understand the whole concept of "love them for who they are", when I view it through the context of a partner letting their physical appearance go to complete hell in spite of the other partner's desires.


maybe im just weird, or a bad person, but if my partner refused to make a conscious effort to be attractive for me, id be gone so fast, her head would spin.

and I would expect her to do the same if the positions were switched.



anyways, i'll defer to your wisdom and insight as I am only 26 (thus lacking perspective), and have very limited experience in exclusive relationships

 

[OuchThatHurts]

I completely agree, however, that's not what I said.


I think any reasonable person would agree that a woman has an obligation to stay fit and attractive for her man, if her man stays fit and attractive for her.

if both are fat, then all bets are off. I mean... that's fair... right?


of course, im making the assumption here that OP is not fat himself... or else that would make him a hypocrite, which I hope he is not.


I guess I just don't understand the whole concept of "love them for who they are", when I view it through the context of a partner letting their physical appearance go to complete hell in spite of the other partner's desires.


maybe im just weird, or a bad person, but if my partner refused to make a conscious effort to be attractive for me, id be gone so fast, her head would spin.

and I would expect her to do the same if the positions were switched.



anyways, i'll defer to your wisdom and insight as I am only 26 (thus lacking perspective), and have very limited experience in exclusive relationships

It's the "loving them for who they are" that you are missing entirely I believe. I understand your feelings and desires in a woman and hope that you find a woman that will strive to abide by your needs. But no matter what the case, whether it be fitness, behavior, idiosyncrasies, she farts in bed, she can't hold her drink, she likes gourmet or tasty foods, these are things that, throughout the long years people are together, learn to live and "love them for who they are". We live in a throw-away society. If the person you love isn't performing to spec, you trade her in on a newer model. This is not love. This is not a relationship. This is a convenience. People are not robots or machines that we make to our specifications. A man that truly loves a woman will do what he can to be what SHE wants. Not get angry because she isn't 100% what he wants. Relationships are about giving. What you are talking about are not true relationships. They are arrangements; temporary partnerships that never last because people fall on hard time.

People that love their significant others learn to deal with lost limbs, paralysis, deafness, blindness, etc.

My girl is almost totally deaf. She has nerve deafness and it worsens every year. When we met and fell in love, I knew this about her. Did it sway my feelings for her? Not in the least. It's inconvenient as hell but we learn to deal with it because it is reality. If it doesn't hurt, if it's not work, then it's unlikely that it's love at all.

 

[j4ever]

First bolded portion is a cop-out. It's not important to this man's relationship as to what unhealthy people have on the economy. I don't believe she's morbidly obese. If she is, I missed that. Obesity should not be treated as a weakness but rather a health problem, both physical and mental.

The second bolded portion is selfishness on the man's part to expect her to be perfect for him. I don't know to what degree she tries to be sexy, available, and uninhibited in their personal life. I don't know how much of the relationship she is carrying in other ways. What you're saying is kind a 50/50 rule, which is fine to some degree but what is his 50 and what is her 50? We don't know that.

From past posts I've noticed that you are bitter regarding divorces and believe that men always get the shaft. Perhaps that has happened to you. I got divorced and it was the best thing I ever did. In fact, in my divorce, I was entitled to compensation but I never demanded it as I got full custody. Men are not nearly as bound today in fact I believe statistics will show that men in general survive far better as single men than women do as far as quality of living is concerned.

You need to try to remain positive. The negativity in your posts is very apparent. Perhaps with good reason or perhaps not, I don't know. But being positive and giving advice from a position of neutrality is far more effective than trying to help someone from a position of bitterness, anger, or resentment.

i have wondered since I started reading this thread if she is really obese, I have known guys that thought there mates were fat cows because they slipped above 16/17% bf, lol, by the way were have you been climbing?

 

[joyfull]

Because it gives you a false sense of superiority. Something to gratify your ego. "Look at these lazy people, I'm so much better than them." It's like all these millennials that are triggered by everything. They get to feel morally superior and self-righteous.

At the end of the day this is just a hobby. You don't put the same work in to other people's random hobbies that they do, why would they put effort in to yours? And before anyone mentions health, that's really just a value judgment. My uncle quit smoking for 5 years, then started again because he realized he enjoyed it so much he'd rather smoke the rest of his life than give it up, even if that life was years shorter. Smokers pay more in taxes than they cost society so that argument doesn't work either.

And taking drugs and shit isn't exactly the healthiest thing (although I think we can all agree the risks are exaggerated and not nearly as bad as smoking), so we're doing this for our own reasons not just for health and fitness. And that's fine. Just don't expect everyone to have the same preferences. It's pretty clear we're the minority and most get more enjoyment out of glutting themselves like cattle and being fat. Sometimes I see a fat fuck stuffing their face with a look of pure bliss and I wish I enjoyed food that much. But only for a second until I see the rest of them lol.

I think the whole concept of "laziness" is flawed. A basic principle of economics is that people respond to incentives. Someone doesn't want to work, well why would they if they're rewarded for not? That's not laziness, it's just basic common sense. Someone half-asses it at work, well so many people are paid by the hour, not by the results they produce, so again why would they do extra work? I'm lucky I have a job I enjoy and take pride in, but most are there just for the paycheck so if the only incentive is money, then that's the only thing they'll respond to. That same "lazy" son of a bitch will work like a dog if they're compensated enough for it.

 

[j4ever]

Because it gives you a false sense of superiority. Something to gratify your ego. "Look at these lazy people, I'm so much better than them." It's like all these millennials that are triggered by everything. They get to feel morally superior and self-righteous.

At the end of the day this is just a hobby. You don't put the same work in to other people's random hobbies that they do, why would they put effort in to yours? And before anyone mentions health, that's really just a value judgment. My uncle quit smoking for 5 years, then started again because he realized he enjoyed it so much he'd rather smoke the rest of his life than give it up, even if that life was years shorter. Smokers pay more in taxes than they cost society so that argument doesn't work either.

And taking drugs and shit isn't exactly the healthiest thing (although I think we can all agree the risks are exaggerated and not nearly as bad as smoking), so we're doing this for our own reasons not just for health and fitness. And that's fine. Just don't expect everyone to have the same preferences. It's pretty clear we're the minority and most get more enjoyment out of glutting themselves like cattle and being fat. Sometimes I see a fat fuck stuffing their face with a look of pure bliss and I wish I enjoyed food that much. But only for a second until I see the rest of them lol.

I think the whole concept of "laziness" is flawed. A basic principle of economics is that people respond to incentives. Someone doesn't want to work, well why would they if they're rewarded for not? That's not laziness, it's just basic common sense. Someone half-asses it at work, well so many people are paid by the hour, not by the results they produce, so again why would they do extra work? I'm lucky I have a job I enjoy and take pride in, but most are there just for the paycheck so if the only incentive is money, then that's the only thing they'll respond to. That same "lazy" son of a bitch will work like a dog if they're compensated enough for it.

where did you get that from?

 

[SparkDogg]

OP, you're in a real pickle here. I can empathize, as I was once in a similar situation.

When I was young I married a beautiful 5'9" 115 pound girl. Almost immediately after getting married she started gaining weight. I think that within the first year she had ballooned up to ~185 or so. At her biggest (while pregnant with our son) she hit like 250 (well over doubled in weight).

I was devastated. Despite what people would like to believe, attraction is very much a physical thing. If someone is attracted to thin, fit women they simply aren't going to be happy or satisfied with a fat chick.

I tried everything, EVERYTHING to try to help her stay\get back in shape. Bought her high end bikes, encouraged her to ride with me. Bought her gym memberships, tried to get her to go with me. Offered to do all the cooking, her mom would bring over trash bags full of Hostess BS and other horrible food.

She just couldn't be motivated in any way shape or form to care in the least. She truly believed that "you should love me no matter what". Love and attraction are two very different things.

I ultimately did find one thing which motivated her to lose weight. Leaving her. She probably dropped close to 50 pounds then. Kept it off too, at least long enough to snag the next poor fool. Once they were married, it wasn't 6 months until she was back to being huge.

 

[joyfull]

A paper I researched for an economics class. Here's a couple of quick links but there are academic studies of this which get really detailed and convoluted.

For the UK:
https://fullfact.org/economy/does-smoking-cost-much-it-makes-treasury

For the USA:
What would a smoke-free America cost the government? | The Daily Caller

 

[dunamis99]

Obviously not her priority to look good, maybe she finds it boring? Obese and fat people dont want to commit to a diet/exercise program because they dont wanna stop eating like pigs, a really bad habit.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Marvin Martian]

OP - if you get a friend to come over and both of you wear bras on your heads - wire up an old dial up PC to a Barbie Doll or magazine -you can actually BUILD the woman of your dreams.

I saw this in a documentary about these two kids that did this. It was insane but it happened - I saw it with my own two eyes.

I am pretty sure she has to do anything you want and is totally devoted to you and only you - so it should work out well.

 

[Giants83]

OP - if you get a friend to come over and both of you wear bras on your heads - wire up an old dial up PC to a Barbie Doll or magazine -you can actually BUILD the woman of your dreams.



I saw this in a documentary about these two kids that did this. It was insane but it happened - I saw it with my own two eyes.



I am pretty sure she has to do anything you want and is totally devoted to you and only you - so it should work out well.

Hahahaha I saw the same one. Didn't work [emoji19]

 

[jlm25]

It's the "loving them for who they are" that you are missing entirely I believe. I understand your feelings and desires in a woman and hope that you find a woman that will strive to abide by your needs. But no matter what the case, whether it be fitness, behavior, idiosyncrasies, she farts in bed, she can't hold her drink, she likes gourmet or tasty foods, these are things that, throughout the long years people are together, learn to live and "love them for who they are". We live in a throw-away society. If the person you love isn't performing to spec, you trade her in on a newer model. This is not love. This is not a relationship. This is a convenience. People are not robots or machines that we make to our specifications. A man that truly loves a woman will do what he can to be what SHE wants. Not get angry because she isn't 100% what he wants. Relationships are about giving. What you are talking about are not true relationships. They are arrangements; temporary partnerships that never last because people fall on hard time.

People that love their significant others learn to deal with lost limbs, paralysis, deafness, blindness, etc.

My girl is almost totally deaf. She has nerve deafness and it worsens every year. When we met and fell in love, I knew this about her. Did it sway my feelings for her? Not in the least. It's inconvenient as hell but we learn to deal with it because it is reality. If it doesn't hurt, if it's not work, then it's unlikely that it's love at all.

You are talking about things that an individual cannot help versus something they can help. I love my wife, but if she becomes obese, I am not going to be sexually attracted to her. I find obese people unattractive. There are plenty of what if scenarios, but most of which could be helped by proper nutrition in not getting obese. Gaining weight and getting plump is different then obese.

I still would like to see a pic of the OP.

 

[nothuman]

The real question is was she fat when you married her or was she skinny and became fat AFTER you married her. My opinion will be entirely based upon that.

 

[little slice]

When I was young I married a beautiful 5'9" 115 pound girl. Almost immediately after getting married she started gaining weight. I think that within the first year she had ballooned up to ~185 or so. At her biggest (while pregnant with our son) she hit like 250 (well over doubled in weight).

She truly believed that "you should love me no matter what".

damn.. that's a big girl..


gotta love that mentality though. "yeah, I just pulled the biggest bait and switch on you, but you shouldn't be mad "

You are talking about things that an individual cannot help versus something they can help.

thank you. I didn't want to say it myself for fear of looking argumentative..

I too, do not see the similarity between having something bad happen to you, and purposefully and consciously (and repeatedly) cramming tens of thousands of excess calories down your gaping maw.


signing the marriage contract at 115lbs, then exploding into a 250lb butter golem???


at the end of the day, it's pure deception... 'bait and switch', as I mentioned earlier. it's disingenuous, and very, very unfair (assuming of course, that you do your darndest to stay fit for her in return).


that's really the skinny of it IMO (pun intended).

 

[JITB]

agree with essentially everything here.. but I just wanted to say...


I don't think the bolded parts are as simple as they appear... sure, on the face of things, fat people are simply "enjoying" their lives, and their culinary delights.

however, (not to get political), but the government has essentially made their lifestyle choices our business, by loading the costs of their obesity-related conditions onto our shoulders... my insurance costs have skyrocketed because of the Ponzi scheme/transfer of wealth/transfer of cost that is the ACA.

the NHS in the UK is getting crushed (pun intended) by fatties...

(and smokers.. but that's a different topic).

fat people literally drive up the cost of EVERYTHING for everyone else.

and not to throw in an anecdote or anything...but in my personal experience, fatties have always been the most awful and cruel people. just absolutely toxic.. not jolly or jovial in the slightest. (not really sure how that's relevant to this thread, but I thought it was worth mentioning)



As for OP's girlfriend.. wouldn't you agree that she has an obligation to stay fit and attractive for him (assuming of course, that he does the same)?

IMO, it's just common decency and respect for your partner.

sadly, I hear this same old story FAR too many times from my married guy friends.. they, being far more cynical than I, have come to the conclusion that their wives know that they (the men) would be committing financial suicide through divorce, so they are essentially stuck.

a rather insidious plot... definitely not characteristic of a loving and committed union.

but I digress.

You do realize that according to insurance companies bodybuilders are "fatties".

 

[joyfull]

i'm 30, and of the women i knew growing up who got married, 90% of them have gained at least 50 lbs. usually it's within the first year of marriage, but sometimes it's not until their first kid and they simply never get rid of it. "i'm eating for two!" is the excuse they use to eat anything and everything they want. if you call them on this, they get indignant "i gained this weight having YOUR child" like it's somehow the husband's fault or that she did him a favor getting fat.

i'm not religious so the tradition of marriage means nothing to me, and i have no interest in involving the government in my relationships. it no longer plays the useful role it once did in society and it doesn't even provide commitment anymore. personally i'm never getting married. why do you guys do it? seems like one if not both sides take marriage as a sign they can totally let themselves go in multiple ways. guys are guilty of this too. they stop socializing as much, stop taking her out as much and stop doing little things to make her feel special and loved.

i will say, the pressure society puts on you to get married is outrageous. i have to resist telling people to fuck off and midn their own business. seems like ever since my late 20s any girl i get involved with for a few months is expecting it to lead to marriage, and i get these little shame based inducements to marry from her friends, family and casual acquaintances. i've always been 100% upfront that i'm NEVER getting married, but that doesn't stop it.

btw, i live in the midwest so people are very fat here compared to the coasts and cities. the number of single moms blows my mind, and the entitlement they have really confuses me.

 

[little slice]

i'm 30, and of the women i knew growing up who got married, 90% of them have gained at least 50 lbs. usually it's within the first year of marriage, but sometimes it's not until their first kid and they simply never get rid of it. "i'm eating for two!" is the excuse they use to eat anything and everything they want. if you call them on this, they get indignant "i gained this weight having YOUR child" like it's somehow the husband's fault or that she did him a favor getting fat.

i'm not religious so the tradition of marriage means nothing to me, and i have no interest in involving the government in my relationships. it no longer plays the useful role it once did in society and it doesn't even provide commitment anymore. personally i'm never getting married. why do you guys do it? seems like one if not both sides take marriage as a sign they can totally let themselves go in multiple ways. guys are guilty of this too. they stop socializing as much, stop taking her out as much and stop doing little things to make her feel special and loved.

i will say, the pressure society puts on you to get married is outrageous. i have to resist telling people to fuck off and midn their own business. seems like ever since my late 20s any girl i get involved with for a few months is expecting it to lead to marriage, and i get these little shame based inducements to marry from her friends, family and casual acquaintances. i've always been 100% upfront that i'm NEVER getting married, but that doesn't stop it.

btw, i live in the midwest so people are very fat here compared to the coasts and cities. the number of single moms blows my mind, and the entitlement they have really confuses me.

r u me?

 

[G.I.Bro]

r u me?

Slicey, he is Joe Everyman.

 

[kinglewy]

i'm 30, and of the women i knew growing up who got married, 90% of them have gained at least 50 lbs. usually it's within the first year of marriage, but sometimes it's not until their first kid and they simply never get rid of it. "i'm eating for two!" is the excuse they use to eat anything and everything they want. if you call them on this, they get indignant "i gained this weight having YOUR child" like it's somehow the husband's fault or that she did him a favor getting fat.

i'm not religious so the tradition of marriage means nothing to me, and i have no interest in involving the government in my relationships. it no longer plays the useful role it once did in society and it doesn't even provide commitment anymore. personally i'm never getting married. why do you guys do it? seems like one if not both sides take marriage as a sign they can totally let themselves go in multiple ways. guys are guilty of this too. they stop socializing as much, stop taking her out as much and stop doing little things to make her feel special and loved.

i will say, the pressure society puts on you to get married is outrageous. i have to resist telling people to fuck off and midn their own business. seems like ever since my late 20s any girl i get involved with for a few months is expecting it to lead to marriage, and i get these little shame based inducements to marry from her friends, family and casual acquaintances. i've always been 100% upfront that i'm NEVER getting married, but that doesn't stop it.

btw, i live in the midwest so people are very fat here compared to the coasts and cities. the number of single moms blows my mind, and the entitlement they have really confuses me.

you must have deep pockets brother!

 

[Deansreturned]

Anyone can go online and find millions of different diets, training and cardio routines. Fitness websites receive traffic in the millions per day. Why aren't all of the people who frequent these websites ripped to shreds?

Any "coach" can go online and put together some random diet plan, advise clients to use a HR monitor during cardio, and tell people to not eat chocolate. Exactly what is that supposed to do? Do you really mean to tell me that overweight people don't understand the simple formula of decreasing intake and increasing output? Do you really think overweight people do not want to be in shape/healthy.....??

Their problem is not lack of knowledge but motivation​

Does providing that diet, HR monitor, or saying "don't eat chocolate," really provide motivation?

A successful coach can/will change the mindset of an individual so that they associate their diet/training with success. This is motivation. When they think of the gym, diet, cardio, vitamins, food prep...their body releases positive energy and they look forward to the journey ahead. There are a million philosophies on how to go about this. Without this transition in the client's mindset providing a diet is a complete waste of time.

People here don't think of this because we don't really have "coaches" here, but highly skilled nutritionists. Their job descriptions are to provide nutrition, training, diet, and cardio advise, not to motivate you. "Here is the diet, follow it...update in a week." They expect their clients to be self motivated. If you're not self motivated, hiring them will very likely be a complete waste of time. Just as your efforts to help your fiancé has been a complete waste of time.