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Why do people who can't be disciplined with their diet annoy me so much?

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My girlfriend is the main one, she's obese which I hate and has always enjoyed exercising, comes from a sporty background etc. On the one hand she's not lazy i.e. she'll happily walk 2-3 miles to the shop and back at the drop of a hat but she's extremely lazy on the other hand i.e. she'll sit or lay down for hours at a time and do nothing.

I try to help her constantly by writing her diets but the excuses start coming and I keep finding sweets/candy/chocolates etc in her pockets which I also hate. She can't seem to even stick to a diet for a day. Cant seem to be consistent with her cardio and when she does it, doesn't care about it i.e. doesnt ask me for my heart rate monitor so she can monitor that her heart rate is in the optimal fat burning zone etc.

It drives me insane and makes me have no respect for her. Its not just her but mostly is tbf, I try to help a friend as well, have put in so much time with him messaging on Facebook etc, passing on knowledge etc, writing him diets etc but again no discipline and it annoys me. Maybe its the fact that Ive put in so much time and effort with them, I don't think they see their excuses for what they are and I suppose I just can't relate to them, maybe thats what it is as well?

Do people with no discipline/lazy people/people who joke about trying to diet but eat junk instead etc annoy you like they do me?

You see them as weak minded and it pisses you off; no discipline, no self control, yet the say they want to change.
I know exactly how you feel. I think human weakness pisses us off because we hate to see it in ourselves, so we fight to overcome it through hard work, dedication, self deprivation, pain, everything it takes to achieve our goals.. Those who just talk about changing need to shut the f@$k up and just accept they're weak.
 
She doesn't sound weak-minded or physically lazy to me--it sounds to me like your problem is that she doesn't care about about what YOU care about. Did you notice that YOU are the one who is always designing her diets and trying to get her to follow them, that YOU always telling her to do cardio and monitor her heart rate, that YOU always telling her not to eat chocolate, etc?



You said she came from a sport's background, which tells me she does NOT have an aversion to physical movement...because physically lazy people avoid ALL physical exertion, especially sports. You also said she has no problem walking for several miles at a time when she's going somewhere she wants to go.



I don't see a lazy girl here. I see someone who just doesn't care about the physical activities you care about...someone who doesn't have the same physical goals that you do...and someone who isn't interested in mimicking your methods to attain health and fitness.



You say she doesn't want to follow a bodybuilding diet like the other 99.9% of people on this earth? Well that's not surprising because it FUCKING SUCKS! You say she doesn't want to live a bodybuilding lifestyle like the other 99.9% of people on this Earth? Well that's not surprising because it FUCKING SUCKS!



Very FEW people actually prefer the bodybuilding lifestyle compared to normal living, including bodybuilders...because it just isn't fun to cause physical pain to oneself every day, eat things you'd rather not, and run in place for 30 minutes while staring at the wall. If most bodybuilders, even pros, could build an equally good physique eating the foods they love, never doing cardio, and only training hard when they felt like it, the VAST majority would choose that lifestyle instead of their current one.



Why do think almost NO retired bodybuilders continue doing what they did when they were competing, drugs aside? Because they no longer want to eat or train like bodybuilders. Nearly all of them end up saying to themselves "fuck that", I don't wanna live this life anymore. They are no longer concerned with having a world-class physique, so they stop living the lifestyle. If they loved the lifestyle more than normal living, they would continue living it post-retirement, but they don't...because they don't! Even Dorian Yates, which was one of, if not the most dedicated bodybuilder of all-time, stopped living the lifestyle post-retirement. in fact, he went in the complete opposite direction and started getting high, drinking alcohol, and eating 2-3X a day when he felt like it.





Anyway, I am rambling, but the point is that by the way you made things sounds, it doesn't seem like she is a lazy person. Rather, the issue seems to be that you want her to be a bodybuilder (at heart) like you and she doesn't want to be. Anything bodybuilding related she does participate in is probably only being done to please you. You think she doesn't have the willpower to follow a diet for a single day? Not at all. What's going on here is that she doesn't WANT to follow your diets, so she isn't, but instead of coming right out and telling you that, she is being passive about it and expressing her disapproval by never actually doing it. This way she doesn't have to deal with confrontation and go through head-on war with you over why she doesn't want to live the bodybuilding lifestyle. I bet if she has a physical outlet she enjoyed--maybe with some lady friends--she would have no problem getting involved.



If you can't accept the fact that she is probably NEVER going to consistently follow a bodybuilding diet, train with a die-hard mentality, and get excited to do cardio...then you are probably with the wrong girl. Remember, it is YOU that are the oddity in this relationship--not her. That doesn't make you wrong, but it doesn't make her wrong either.





On another note, here's a little tip. NEVER design diet/training programs for friends/family members for free---because free diets have no value. If someone doesn't have to invest anything to get something, its perceived value is nothing. On the other hand, anyone who PAYS for diets/training programs is going to place a whole lot more value on it because it cost them something. If a friend/family member isn't willing to pay even $100 for your expertise, which could change their lives, then they definitely aren't going to follow a free diet. Stop wasting your time. The people who get free diet/training plans are ALWAYS the first people to flake out.



Anyone reading this, I support the NO FREE DIET advise. People are most likely won't follow a diet if they didn't invest in it. Do not waste your time. I have, and it's disappointing and just made me angry.

OP, id rather be lonely then date a fat girl. It's not worth it, you'll always look at fit girls and wonder why are you with a fat one. How did you end up with someone who doesn't want to change physically. No fat person is happy with how they look.. Most of them are in denial..
 
Anyone reading this, I support the NO FREE DIET advise. People are most likely won't follow a diet if they didn't invest in it. Do not waste your time. I have, and it's disappointing and just made me angry.

OP, id rather be lonely then date a fat girl. It's not worth it, you'll always look at fit girls and wonder why are you with a fat one. How did you end up with someone who doesn't want to change physically. No fat person is happy with how they look.. Most of them are in denial..

I don't think many bodybuilders are truly happy with how they look either. Let's be honest, women usually aren't either.

@op-That being said, how the hell did she get obese? You should try just being honest with her that she's fat and it's unattractive. I am curious how you look though.
 
Settle down. Enjoy life.

Rather than set strict diets set more realistic goals with foods people can actually enjoy. Life is meant to be enjoyable, not rice and chicken.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
I find it best to just worry about my needs in this area and not force my exercise / diet values upon anybody else.......my number one priority is to have as little conflict in my life as possible !

I agree, much easier
 
Settle down. Enjoy life.

Rather than set strict diets set more realistic goals with foods people can actually enjoy. Life is meant to be enjoyable, not rice and chicken.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




true, but nothing tastes as good as skinny feels
 
I think we have all gone through this before and learned the hard way people won't listen when they ask. It happens all the time. I just try to keep the answers brief. One of my annoying friends made me talk to him on the phone for 30 minutes once (his genetics are awful but I still helped) and two weeks later, he quit.
 
Starburst jelly beans, Reece's, snickers, and pecan rolls taste better :)



true.




it's just unfortunate how OP has really painted himself into a corner here... seems like a lot of guys are finding themselves in the same exact position these days.
 
Nothing gets a women motivated to drop weight like a divorce or getting dumped on that fat ass. Nothing. It's a shame that's what it takes for some women.

I stay lean and big year round (probably at a detriment to longterm health) because I just simply can't stand stepping out of the shower every morning and seeing anything less in the mirror. It's a personal pride thing and a bit obsessive. Many people are just not wired like us but we have to accept that. My wife is not a big fan of the gym or working out. But she's also not bad at all for having had a child 5 months ago. Not fat by regular people's perspective at all. She's a fantastic wife and mother. Don't even really deserve what I have. To me, longterm, that's much more important than a wife with abs. I'll be a broke down old man with an enlarged heart someday and she'll be by my side. You guys can have the superficial gym bunnies. All that glitters is not gold. I try to keep that in perspective.

Well Fucking Said!
 
my wife defiantly does not look like she did when we married however I've learned that true love is letting someone(how they look or personality) be themselves and still loving them. My wife stood by me though drug use and cheating so i will stand by her through her struggles. With a relationship with god, a program, and my wife I'm 2 years+ clean.
 
I see the positive side to people being "askholes" and failing at diet and training. For me, it increases the novelty factor when I get my top off because there's less muscular/lean people to.contend with.
 
my wife defiantly does not look like she did when we married however I've learned that true love is letting someone(how they look or personality) be themselves and still loving them. My wife stood by me though drug use and cheating so i will stand by her through her struggles. With a relationship with god, a program, and my wife I'm 2 years+ clean.

I 100% agree on all that.
and way to go being clean!!!!
-F2S
 
You need to come to the realization that people are who they are, especially after a certain age. There is a very small percentage people out there that can make important lifestyle changes especially if they're not exposed to some "significant emotional experience". For your wife/girlfriend that may be you leaving her. And I'm not saying that you should. I'm just trying to use it as an example...

I once told a good friend of ours that she looked really good back in the days after seeing her wedding pictures. It wasn't the nicest thing to say but knowing her character it was what she needed to hear. She lost over 50lbs in the next year and kept it off for the past 4 years. She looks really good. That was her trigger or significant emotional experience. Now, be aware that this sort of approach will backfire with some people and make things worse. With others, it will have no effect and they will stay the same. You need to now the person you're talking to.

As a final thought/advice. Do not hesitate to give advice regarding exercise or diet to someone that asks you for it. However, never put together a free workout plan or a diet plan for someone INCLUDING (and especially) family and friends. Even if they ask for you to. I'm not saying charge them hundreds of dollars. I'm just saying make sure they have to give you something back in return. Clients who I charged $100/hr never cancelled on me. Clients that I charged $45/hr cancelled on me from time to time. Clients I gave free sessions to for one reason or another cancelled on me MOST of the time (including friends and family).

Last year I asked a good friend of mine who is well known here for a customized diet plan WHEN I was ready. He said any time, I won't even charge you. I told him, absolutely not. You will charge me what you're worth because if I asked for you to do it for free, I'm not serious yet and you should tell me to take a hike...
 
It's all about what's important enough to people to make them wanna' act a certain way.


There are two reasons why I lift:

1. Hopefully it will help me live a long, fuller, and healthier life

2. I like getting laid. Having an aesthetically pleasing body sure does help me pick up hot ass.
 
It's all about what's important enough to people to make them wanna' act a certain way.


There are two reasons why I lift:

1. Hopefully it will help me live a long, fuller, and healthier life

2. I like getting laid. Having an aesthetically pleasing body sure does help me pick up hot ass.

Love the honesty haha
 
My girlfriend works out with a trainer and eats pretty healthy because it makes her feel and look good. When she does it for herself there are no motivation issues. Maybe all the motivation issues people are facing is because they are telling their wife or gf what to look like and what to do. I think if we don't throw ourselves into the equation it can work better.
 
Feel free to give out all the diet advice you want. It's good information for people to know even if they don't apply it on your timescale. Information is always portable and through the spreading of information, people become informed so that when they do get serious about it, they know what to do. This whole rant in this thread about free advice is ridiculous. If it wasn't for free advice, I would not have known half the things I do. This entire board is free advice if you look at it.

We like to think we are the disciplined ones. And some of us are. But often we are the insecure ones that have severe anxiety problems and body dysmorphia issues and that's the cold hard truth. So pat yourself on the back if you can say that you're comfortable in your own skin because you're a good person and know that for a fact. But maybe heap a little shame on yourself if you can't feel good about yourself unless you're 240lbs lean. As someone else said, that's quite far from the norm and people in that physical condition make up only perhaps 0.1% of the population.

Having disgust for others simply because they live life on their terms, enjoying the foods they like, and not being just like you is wrong thinking. I climb rocks and ice. Does my girl? Hell no! Do people look at what I do and think it's just stupid? Yes. Do I care? No. Because that's who I am and what I do. And if I want to eat an entire loaded pizza because I love the taste? That's my business.

I sort of think your girlfriend/wife should tell you to kiss her ass and love her of leave her. You're not her trainer/dietician/therapist. You're her lover.

Just be that.
 
Feel free to give out all the diet advice you want. It's good information for people to know even if they don't apply it on your timescale. Information is always portable and through the spreading of information, people become informed so that when they do get serious about it, they know what to do. This whole rant in this thread about free advice is ridiculous. If it wasn't for free advice, I would not have known half the things I do. This entire board is free advice if you look at it.

We like to think we are the disciplined ones. And some of us are. But often we are the insecure ones that have severe anxiety problems and body dysmorphia issues and that's the cold hard truth. So pat yourself on the back if you can say that you're comfortable in your own skin because you're a good person and know that for a fact. But maybe heap a little shame on yourself if you can't feel good about yourself unless you're 240lbs lean. As someone else said, that's quite far from the norm and people in that physical condition make up only perhaps 0.1% of the population.

Having disgust for others simply because they live life on their terms, enjoying the foods they like, and not being just like you is wrong thinking. I climb rocks and ice. Does my girl? Hell no! Do people look at what I do and think it's just stupid? Yes. Do I care? No. Because that's who I am and what I do. And if I want to eat an entire loaded pizza because I love the taste? That's my business.

I sort of think your girlfriend/wife should tell you to kiss her ass and love her of leave her. You're not her trainer/dietician/therapist. You're her lover.
Just be that.



agree with essentially everything here.. but I just wanted to say...


I don't think the bolded parts are as simple as they appear... sure, on the face of things, fat people are simply "enjoying" their lives, and their culinary delights.

however, (not to get political), but the government has essentially made their lifestyle choices our business, by loading the costs of their obesity-related conditions onto our shoulders... my insurance costs have skyrocketed because of the Ponzi scheme/transfer of wealth/transfer of cost that is the ACA.

the NHS in the UK is getting crushed (pun intended) by fatties...

(and smokers.. but that's a different topic).

fat people literally drive up the cost of EVERYTHING for everyone else.

and not to throw in an anecdote or anything...but in my personal experience, fatties have always been the most awful and cruel people. just absolutely toxic.. not jolly or jovial in the slightest. (not really sure how that's relevant to this thread, but I thought it was worth mentioning)



As for OP's girlfriend.. wouldn't you agree that she has an obligation to stay fit and attractive for him (assuming of course, that he does the same)?

IMO, it's just common decency and respect for your partner.

sadly, I hear this same old story FAR too many times from my married guy friends.. they, being far more cynical than I, have come to the conclusion that their wives know that they (the men) would be committing financial suicide through divorce, so they are essentially stuck.

a rather insidious plot... definitely not characteristic of a loving and committed union.

but I digress.
 
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